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If you still have to see your ex regularly or have a habit of "bumping into" one another a lot, it's important to be able to demonstrate that you've moved on in positive ways and that seeing them again doesn't make you weaken your resolve or pine madly after them again. Keep your self-respect and tame that wish to bite off their head!
Steps
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Smile but act preoccupied. When you bump into your ex, you want to give the impression that you're happy but busy, even if that's not strictly true. If your ex sees you moping around in the mall, sad and depressed, they're definitely not going to believe that you've moved on. [1] X Research source
- When you see your ex, smile a few times at them, but not in a flirty or longing way. You want them to think that you're happy because your life is good, not because you saw them. Try not to let any of the unhappiness you experienced during and after the breakup ruin your mood.
- If your ex asks you about how you're doing, focus on only the good, not the bad. That competition you won last weekend? Tell them. That school you got accepted into? That too. Don't lie, but focus on your accomplishments rather than failures.
- Don't make time for them. This will make them think twice. Say something like, "Oh, I'm just about to meet a friend, good talking to you," and walk off without looking back. Do this relatively early on.
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Take time to respond to their messages, texts, or phone calls. Nothing says "I'm desperate" than when you immediately answer your ex's texts or phone calls. Take your time. Take a couple days to respond, pretending that it's really not a big deal. [2] X Research source
- You could also block them completely to show them that you don't want to have any contact with them at all. [3]
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Expert Source
Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
Advertisement - You could also block them completely to show them that you don't want to have any contact with them at all. [3]
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Expert Source
Michelle Jacoby
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Publicize all your fun new activities and interesting friends on social media. The internet is a great way to convince your ex that you've moved on. Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are all golden opportunities to publicize your newfound freedom.
- Take plenty of pictures when you're out with your friends, especially when you're having a blast. Going out to the beach? Take a picture and post a caption with something like "Tamed two beaches in two days with my two best friends. Beach bod, say hello to summer!"
- Stay a little mysterious. Have your ex and their friends wondering what you're actually up to. Post something a little mysterious to your social network that will get your ex thinking about all the cool things that you're doing without them.
- Master the humblebrag. Humblebragging is when you pretend to be humble but actually brag. It sounds a little something like this:
- "Ugh, my hair is sloppy, I have no makeup on, and I'm wearing sweats and Uggs, and still I get honked at walking down the street. SMH."
- "My date this Saturday is way too cute.... I'm already nervous/excited and I don't get nervous around guys."
- "Kinda wish I didn't have VIP tix to Coachella so I be with my besties the whole time. Music thrills but love kills."
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Don't show any signs you care. It's perfectly okay to still have feelings for your ex, but if you want to show them you've moved on, they can't know about those. The following signs are ones to be avoided:
- Go to their parties or special events. Make up an excuse if you have to.
- Pay them compliments.
- Call your ex "just to talk." If you need to talk, have something specific in mind you want to talk about. i.e.: children, family, finances.
- Late night talks. They will feel vulnerable and believe you are still interested if you are telling them “Good Night” or reflecting on the past. They may feel you are missing them; therefore, they will hold on to hope.
- Get caught staring or looking too long at your ex. Try pretending they're not there.
- Opening up with your secrets, dreams, and inner thoughts. Do not reveal your dreams. This falls under future plans and hopes, and your sleeping dreams. If they are to move on from you, they do not need to know you still dream of them! Not only will they know you've moved on, they'll probably find that closure in knowing your relationship is truly over!
- Be seen, but be classy. Letting other people — including your ex — know that you're seeing other people doesn't mean you have to be in their face about it. Be seen going to the movies, going to dances, and flirting, but don't be seen doing anything you'd be embarrassed doing around your parents (i.e. kissing, making out, etc.).
- If you are still in contact with your ex and they inquire about your dating, be honest and up front. Tell them. If they are asking, they need to know in order to have closure and to move on from the hurt. If you are still hiding the fact that you are dating, they will feel that you are still interested in them and you will never have peace.
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Act like you've been there before. Act like you know the program. The signs you show your ex directly are one thing; but the signs you show the rest of the world reinforce what you show your ex, and they help you actually move on, if that's what you want to do.
- If someone asks you how you're holding up, say something like: "You know, any breakup is hard. There were parts about [your ex] that were great. But after we broke up, I realized the parts about [your ex] that weren't so great, and now I'm focusing on finding someone who can change that."
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Go traveling or take a trip if you can. Nothing says "I'm not going to let this breakup keep me down" quite like a good trip will. Some people travel to far-flung places like India or Tahiti after a breakup, but all you really need to do is find a change of scenery, even if that scenery is only an hour away! [4] X Research source
- When you're out and about, hang out with the locals. There's no better way to forget your sorrows than learning from and partying with the locals.
- Remember to publicize your travels on social media! Never pass up the opportunity to brag about where you're going to the rest of the world, especially if it's a darn cool place.
- Try different things. Be adventurous. Be curious. Put yourself out there. Very few people regret doing this once they've summoned up the courage to try it. It'll help soothe your soul.
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Don't lead your ex on and give them false hope if they are still begging you to come back. If you're constantly talking to your ex about past memories or saying each special occasion is bittersweet now that you are no longer an item, chances are, they'll never stop guilting you for leaving them, and that could cause both of you more extensive pain than you have experienced when you first made the decision to move on. When you are able to show them that their words of pleads and guilt no longer affect you (even if it does, don't reveal this to your ex) then and only then will they know you have moved on. If one person still feels hope, and they are entertained by their ex's attention to their feelings, they will never let go. They will never feel peace. You will never feel peace. You will never have enough peace within you to love again. You are doing a disservice to your ex if you do not permit them to move on and see a life without you if you shield them from pain. They need closure. And the only way to have closure is to feel the final blow of pain that there is no hope of the relationship reigniting. You cannot protect your ex and expect to move on and protect your next love. You may very well miss out on the love of your life if you are too busy protecting your ex. Allow yourself and your ex to move on and start new. Do not lead people on with the idea that you are easing their pain. You only further the pain and hurt for them, yourself and others involved. Be free. Let them be free. [5] X Research source
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Pick up a new hobby, sport, or pastime. To help keep you preoccupied, and to help keep your mind from wandering, consider taking up a new hobby or really getting back into an old one you gave up.
- Sports have the added benefit of giving you a great workout while you have fun. Going to the gym and hitting the treadmill every day can get boring, but playing 3 on 3 half-court is about as fun as it gets.
- Try something that will push your limits. Breakups are opportunities to get to know yourself better. Why not learn about yourself by trying something you never would have thought you liked? Glass-blowing, rock climbing, wildlife conservation — whatever it is, keep it fresh!
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Find the real you. In order to move on, you need time to yourself to think like, “Who am I? Is this really me?" Spending time on yourself will allow you to truly move on and feel detached from your ex. The more confident you feel, the easier dealing with confrontations or meetings with your ex will become. [6] X Research source
- Find the things that make you feel happy, healthy, and engaged in your life. [7]
X
Expert Source
Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
- Find the things that make you feel happy, healthy, and engaged in your life. [7]
X
Expert Source
Michelle Jacoby
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionIs it OK to be friends with an ex?Michelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.Possibly, but it's really important to set boundaries. Let your ex know what your intentions are and stick with those strong boundaries in the future. Don't let them convince you otherwise!
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QuestionShould I advertise my new boyfriend on social media to hurt my ex?Community AnswerAbsolutely not. For one, flaunting your new boyfriend (especially if it's to your ex) doesn't indicate you've moved on and will likely make you look bad; two, that's going to make your new boyfriend feel used and like you dated him solely to upset your ex. Even if your ex did terrible things to you, do you really want to spend your time devising ways to hurt this person, being unhappy about what happened, and never moving on? Focus on getting over your ex and moving forward with your life so that you can be happy with the friendships and relationships you have, and don't react to your ex in a way that you can't look back on and be proud of.
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Tips
- Don't be bitter towards your ex for hurting and upsetting you. Keep smiling, happiness and independence are the best revenge.Thanks
- Keep your mind open and show him that he's not the only guy in your life.Thanks
- Show your ex you don't need a guy or girl by your side to be whole.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't date someone else just to show your ex that you have moved on. If you do this someone (including you) could possibly get hurt.Thanks
- If he tells everyone that he doesn't care anymore, maybe it's because he doesn't. Or maybe he does but he doesn't want to show it. Be careful and don't make a fool out of yourself.Thanks
- If you’re busy spending a lot of time trying to send signals to your ex about moving on, that’s going to distract you from actually moving on . If you have to put on a show to stop people from gossiping, then go ahead, but understand that you’re taking a risk. It may seem desperate, like you’re trying to get his attention. Consider just staying out of the spotlight and taking a little time to heal.Thanks
- If your ex is an immature pain, act like you didn't hear the words of jealousy.Thanks
- Don't brag to your ex (if he/she still likes you) that you have a new bf/gf...that will make him/her think that you might be trying to make them jealous.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-when-you-still-love-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.thisisinsider.com/what-to-do-when-an-ex-reaches-out-to-you-2018-11#if-youre-currently-dating-someone-you-should-consider-their-feelings-2
- ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.letsmend.com/posts/10-reasons-to-travel-after-a-breakup
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-one-thing-you-should-never-do-after-a-breakup_b_9916154
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201301/the-break-cure-7-ways-heal-and-find-happiness-again
- ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to show your ex that you've moved on, give them the impression that you're happy and busy. For example, if your ex asks you how you're doing, share the positives with them briefly, but don't let them take up too much of your time. Instead of lingering, end the conversation when you're ready by saying something like, "I'm about to meet a friend. Good talking to you!" Take your time when responding to their messages or phone calls too, since responding too quickly could appear desperate. You can also show your ex you're doing fine by publicizing your newfound freedom on social media and sharing photos of you having fun with friends. For more tips, including how to show the rest of the world that you've moved on, keep reading!
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- "Several things in this article helped me realize what I am doing wrong, first of all letting my ex be my roommate I should have borne the financial burden and made him stay with the woman he left for. It is too hard to move on with him constantly here." ..." more
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"Several things in this article helped me realize what I am doing wrong, first of all letting my ex be my roommate I should have borne the financial burden and made him stay with the woman he left for. It is too hard to move on with him constantly here."
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"It helped me, who was left by my wife, see that there is still hope for our marriage. She has demonstrated some of the things the article says she should avoid If she truly wants to move on. I know she still loves me and wants to stay married."
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"Never, ever, bad mouth your ex. It's infantile and says a lot about you and nothing about them, and brings you no closer to your goal of moving on. Committed non communication (ghosting) is the only mechanism that works without fail."
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"I love how it states so many things that I've done, like beg him to get back with me. Reading these steps has made me move on and be better with my life, and now he wants to get back with me because I'm happy and not hurt."
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"This article helped me because I couldn't move on after my breakup. And now I know what to do. Thanks everyone."
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