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You’ve finally ended a relationship with your girlfriend and you’re ready to move on. The only problem is, she isn’t ready to let go. You'll need to be super clear that the relationship is over so she doesn't think there's a chance that you'll get back together. For more detailed steps, check out our suggestions below.

1

Be kind but blunt when you break it off.

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  1. You don't have to explain or give your reasoning—the critical thing is that you tell her it's over. Be very direct and don't send mixed signals so she thinks there could be a chance. [1]
    • For example, instead of saying, "I'll always love you," or, "I need a break," say something like, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore," or, "This didn't work out and I want us to go our separate ways."
    • Keep this conversation short. The longer you stay and talk, the more she'll try to convince you to change your mind.
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2

Stop all communication with your ex.

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  1. If you keep a line of communication open, she'll probably think there's a chance she can get you back. By not answering her calls or responding to her messages, she'll start to figure out that you're truly done. If she's still not getting the idea, go ahead and block her so you don't get her calls or texts. [2]
    • She might cry or sound distraught, but don't give in and communicate or she'll continue to bother you.
    • If she tries to send you gifts after your breakup, it’s best to ignore them rather than open up communication to try to send them back.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 529 wikiHow readers who've had an ex send them gifts, and 66% of them agreed that the best way to handle the situation is by ignoring them. [Take Poll]
6

Lean on your support system.

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  1. It can be hard to open up when you're going through a tough breakup, but if you're being harassed or stalked afterward, it's really important to talk about it. Your friends and family can give you advice on how to deal with the situation, and if your ex reaches out to them, they'll already know what's going on. [6]
    • Don't bad-mouth your ex, but do be honest about the things that are bothering you. For instance, you might say something like, "I'm not sure Aisha can accept that things are really over. She's still calling and messaging me pretty frequently, and I'm concerned things will escalate."
    • If you think your ex is getting information about you from a mutual friend—like someone is telling her what you're posting on social media or where you're hanging out—don't share anything private with that person.
7

Tell your mutual friends what's happening between you two.

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  1. For instance, they can make sure you're not hanging out as a group when she accidentally stops by. You can also tell them that you don't want them to talk with her about you. Make it clear that she's having a hard time with the relationship ending and that you don't want open lines of communication. [7]
    • If you've got mutual friends that keep trying to put you in touch with your ex, you may need to cut off contact with them, too, especially if they don't support you.
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8

Let her know when she crosses the line.

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  1. If your ex does something that you find abusive, like harassing you on social media or popping up where you work, tell her to stop. Also, if you're thinking about getting a restraining order, let her know that you'll take further steps if she doesn't leave you alone . [8]
    • Try saying something like, "Janelle, this is going too far. Calling my phone 80 times a day is stalking behavior and it's not okay. I've printed out a copy of the call logs, and if you keep doing this, I'm going to the police to take legal action."
    • Once you say this, don't respond to anything else she says.
9

Take screenshots of harassing texts or posts.

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  1. Maybe your ex is constantly messaging you online, sending you threatening emails, or making fake profiles to try to communicate with you after you blocked her. Luckily, you don't have to rely on your word against hers—screen shots are any easy way to prove what's going on. [9]
    • Even if you don't think the situation will escalate, it's a good idea to start taking screenshots as soon as it becomes clear she's not taking the breakup well. That way, if things do get worse, you'll have every incident documented.
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10

Take care of your own mental health.

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  1. You might feel guilty if your ex is taking the breakup badly. She might say really hurtful things to you or threaten to harm herself in an effort to get you talking to her again. As hard as it may be, don't give in to her. Instead, talk things through with a trusted friend or mental health professional who can support you during this tricky time. [10]
    • You can also do activities that help you feel calm and balanced. Make more time for your favorite hobbies or focus your energies on learning something new. Challenging yourself to try something new can be a welcome distraction.
11

Advise your ex-girlfriend to get counseling.

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  1. If you're concerned she might hurt herself, put her in touch with a suicide crisis helpline by calling or texting 988 in the United States and Canada and call a family member to be with her. [11] [12]
    • Remind her that you can't get back together with her just because she's upset. You want to move on with your life and with the right mental health services, she can too.
    • If your ex is threatening to hurt herself, get in touch with her family immediately so they can find resources to help her.
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12

Get a restraining order if nothing else works.

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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you deal with an obsessive ex-girlfriend?
    Cristina Morara
    Dating Coach
    Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Stop all contact immediately. Do not talk on the phone, text, email or engage on social media. It may also be best to stop seeing your mutual friends for a while in case new information about you gets back to them and provokes more obsessive behavior. Make sure your friends and family know about it. Delicate situations like these can easily escalate so don’t hesitate to get a restraining order if you feel the least bit unsafe.
  • Question
    My son's ex girlfriend is a pathological liar. I'm afraid she might be dangerous. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    You should encourage him to document everything she does to harass him so that he can have evidence to show to the police if he ever needs to get a restraining order.
  • Question
    What do you do if your boyfriend's ex girlfriend will not let you talk to him?
    Community Answer
    You should let him know what she's been saying so he can discuss it with her. In the meantime, don't let her dictate when you can talk to your boyfriend.
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      Tips

      • Completely detach yourself from your ex-girlfriend as a way to counteract her obsessiveness.
      • Your ex may have co-dependency issues that she needs to work through in order to be in a healthy relationship.
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      Warnings

      • Call 911 if your ex has harmed herself in an attempt to get you back. Let her family know what's happened so they can put her in touch with recovery and mental health resources. [14]
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      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re trying to get an obsessive ex out of your life, start by clearly telling them you want to move on. Next, be sure to let your friends know what has happened, so they don’t invite you to the same party or other event. To reduce contact, you could also consider changing your daily routine. If you see your ex often or if they try to reach out to you on social media, make some changes, including blocking them on social media. For tips on what to do if you’re being stalked, including getting a restraining order, read on!

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      Reader Success Stories

      • James Rightman

        Sep 6, 2018

        "Thanks for the advice. You made me discover that I have been giving my ex so much of my time by replying back to ..." more
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