How to Stop Lusting After My Girlfriend

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

When you’re in a relationship, especially in the early days, lust can consume your thoughts. If you’re finding yourself constantly distracted by sexual fantasies with your girlfriend, you might be wondering how you can get your emotions back on stable ground. Some lust is healthy, but if you’re looking to limit some of the downsides of infatuation and keep you from getting too caught up in unwanted sexual thoughts, we’ve got you covered. Here's a guide on how to stop lusting after your girlfriend.

1

Accept that some feelings of lust are normal.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b2\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b2\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-1.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Lust, also known as limerance, is an overwhelming feeling of sexual desire for someone else. Being close to someone you’re attracted to (or even thinking about them!) creates a flood of feel-good chemicals in your brain, like dopamine and norepinephrine. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you if you’re feeling lust—this is just how your brain has evolved to function. [1]
    • If you’re feeling guilty over your feelings of lust, it’s important to make peace with these feelings. Remember that lust doesn’t have to control your behavior, but it is totally normal to experience.
    2. Advertisement
2

Center your relationship on non-sexual activities.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f6\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f6\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-2.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Find what hobbies you have in common and explore them together: visiting museums, taking long walks, or cooking meals together are great ways to grow closer. By spending time with your girlfriend out of the bedroom, you’ll build a sturdier foundation for your relationship than just sex—look for balance in your relationship. [2]
    • If you’re at home with your girlfriend and finding yourself way too distracted by thoughts of sex, ask her to take a walk with you. Say something like, “Hey, it’s a nice day out—want to head to the park?”
3

Learn to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c5\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c5\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-3.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Lust can lead us into thinking about intricate and drawn-out sexual fantasies that are totally divorced from our real lives. Instead of fantasizing about your girlfriend, think about the real moments you’ve shared with her. By grounding your thoughts about your girlfriend in reality and not fantasy, you can keep your expectations and relationship healthy. [3]
    • Don’t beat yourself up if you occasionally get carried away by your sexual fantasies. There’s really nothing wrong with this. But if you find it impacting your behavior and the way you treat your girlfriend, it may be a problem that you want to address.
    2. Advertisement
4

Talk about your feelings with your girlfriend.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/20\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/20\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-4.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It can feel a little awkward to bring up this conversation with your girlfriend, but letting her know that you’ve found yourself distracted by thoughts of sex can help you work through these issues together. Try having a conversation with her to sort out your feelings. [4]
    • For example, you might say something like, “Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something that has been bothering me. I really feel so attracted to you, and it’s started to become distracting for me. I’m wondering if we can work out a way to guide our relationship in the direction of love, not lust.”
    • Everyone is different, and your girlfriend might react to this news by feeling flattered or by feeling a bit worried, especially if she doesn’t feel the same about this issue. But remember: part of being in a relationship is learning how to talk through tricky issues.
5

Find healthy distractions.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-5.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    When you feel yourself thinking a bit too much about sex, turn your attention to something else. This could be a hobby, your work, or even just watching a movie. Giving your brain something else to think about can keep you from spending all your time caught up in feelings of lust. [5] [6]
    2. Advertisement
6

Exercise regularly.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/2b\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2b\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-6.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Studies have shown that while exercise is very good for your health, intense exercise decreases your libido. By working out more and with greater intensity, you can reduce the amount of unwanted sexual thoughts you experience. Go for a run, hit the weights, or play a sport—it’s good for your body and your mentality. [7]
7

Take some space from each other.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/45\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/45\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-7.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you’re in constant contact with your girlfriend, it’s okay to reduce the frequency of your interactions to help you each develop your own, independent lives. [8] By doing this, you can find sources of joy and meaning in your life that aren’t about your girlfriend. [9]
    • Bringing this up with your girlfriend can make for a really tough conversation. Remind her of your feelings for her and say something like, “I really care about you a lot, and I want this relationship to work. But I find myself having a hard time thinking about anything other than you. Do you think we could check in with each other a couple times a day instead of all day long?”
    2. Advertisement
8

Spend time with your friends and family.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/54\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/54\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-8.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Make sure you’re still talking to and spending time with your friends and family regularly. [10] It’s important not to get so caught up in the rush of emotions that you get from your relationship that you forget how fulfilling your other, non-sexual relationships can be. Keeping close to people other than your girlfriend can give you a break from the rush of emotions you feel around her. [11]
9

Practice mindfulness and meditation.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/0a\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-9.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Mindfulness exercises can keep you from intrusive sexual thoughts. When you feel overwhelmed by thoughts of sex, take a deep breath. Observe that you’re having this thought, and then let it go. By practicing mindfulness and meditation on a regular basis, you can better control of your thoughts. [12]
    • There are also plenty of apps and other tools to help you practice mindfulness. Explore some of these tools to see if there are any that appeal to you.
    2. Advertisement
10

Tap into your religion.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b9\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b9\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-10.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Luckily, being someone with faith gives you plenty of tools to ward off these feelings. Praying, spending time with fellow members of your faith, or even reaching out to a religious mentor to talk about what you’re dealing with can give you the strength to manage your lust. [13]
    • If you’re Christian, remember this verse from Corinthians: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” (Corinthians 10:13)
    • For Muslims, the Quran also provides guidance against temptation: “But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure desires and evil lusts, verily, Paradise will be his abode.” (An-Nazi’at 79:40-41)
11

Wait for infatuation to turn into a deeper love.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg\/aid12978975-v4-728px-Stop-Lusting-After-My-Girlfriend-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Give yourself time—if you simply wait long enough, eventually your feelings of constant lust toward your girlfriend will subside. This can be the start of a deeper, more meaningful love, where your partnership deepens beyond uncontrolled sexual attraction. A year or 2 into your relationship, you’ll settle into a more comfortable rhythm with your girlfriend. [14]
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      11 Subtle Signs Your Girlfriend Slept with Someone Else
      How to
      Tell When a Guy is No Longer Interested in You
      Make a Narcissist Come Crawling Back
      Why Your Husband Looks at Other Women Online
      What Causes Mommy Issues in Guys, and How Do You Overcome It?
      Why Your Boyfriend Isn’t Interested in Sex & What to Do About It
      How to
      React when a Cancer Man Pulls Away
      15 Reasons Your Girlfriend Is Antagonizing You (& 5 Ways to Handle It)
      12 Reasons Guys Get Distant After Sex
      17 Reasons Why Your Ex May Have Blocked You (and What You Should Do About It)
      How to
      Find Out If a Guy is Playing You: 21 Signs He’s a Player
      Here's How to Respond When Your Girlfriend Ignores You
      How to
      Apologise to Your Boyfriend Through Text
      How to
      Tell if Your Girlfriend Likes Someone Else
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/
      2. ↑ https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/02/how-much-sex-is-too-much-advice.html
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202001/healthy-lust-vs-unhealthy-lust
      4. ↑ https://www.chicagotribune.com/redeye/ct-redeye-ask-anna-up-sex-drive-20171106-story.html
      5. ↑ https://digitalcommons.usu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1096&context=honors
      6. ↑ [v161898_b01]. 10 August 2021.
      7. ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-truth-behind-runners-high-and-other-mental-benefits-of-running
      8. ↑ [v161898_b01]. 10 August 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201711/how-much-should-new-couples-see-each-other
      1. ↑ [v161898_b01]. 10 August 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-much-time-should-couples-spend-together
      3. ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12671-017-0854-3
      4. ↑ https://www2.cbn.com/article/sin/how-can-people-overcome-lust
      5. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-honeymoon-phase

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 54,657 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement