How to Talk to a Guy Who Doesn't Like You Anymore

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Unfortunately, sometimes a guy’s feelings for you may change for the worse. To make matters even more uncomfortable, you may still need to talk to him afterward. There’s no real way to make this fun, but there are pointers you can follow in order to make that conversation feel less awkward. Spending some time to figure out why he quit liking you can also give you more perspective so you can handle future conversations better, as well as future relationships. Perhaps most important, though, is coming to terms with the situation and moving on so talking with him won’t feel so weird.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Navigating Conversations

PDF download Download Article
  1. If he doesn’t like you anymore, accept the fact that he probably doesn’t want to shoot the breeze. Save yourself from any pain or embarrassment. Take a step back and think about whatever it is you want to talk to him about. [1]
    • If it’s something that you really need to discuss, go ahead and do so. But if you’re just using this an excuse to have one more talk with him, bite your tongue and let it go.
  2. Regardless of what you need to talk about, ensure that your conversation will be productive by acting civil. Keep a calm, neutral tone. Address him the same way that you would, say, ask for help from a clerk at a store, like: [2]
    • “Hey, do you have a second? I just need to ask you something real quick.”
    • “Hi there. Do you mind if I ask you something if you’re not busy?”
    • “Sorry to interrupt, but could I steal you away for a few seconds?”
    Advertisement
  3. Anticipate the likelihood that he probably doesn’t want to get involved in a meandering conversation. Don’t beat around the bush trying to get to whatever it is you need to discuss. Bring it up first thing in a matter-of-fact way so he doesn’t feel like you’re wasting his time or acting clingy. For instance, just say: [3]
    • “I just remembered that I left my sweater at your place. Do you mind bringing it in tomorrow?”
    • “Doug called me last night to say he’s going to be in town next week, and he wants to see you. Just letting you know.”
    • “I just wanted to return that book you lent me. Here you go.”
  4. If what you need to talk about is way more serious than a lost sweater, don’t go on and on about it. Say your piece as clearly and simply as you can, and leave it at that. Avoid repeating or paraphrasing yourself so you don’t lose his attention or make him feel defensive, since this will only make him act less responsive. [4]
    • For example, if you need to find out why he stopped talking to you all of a sudden, address the issue briefly and directly, like: "I'm just confused about why you've stopped talking to me. I'm not sure if it's because it's something I said or did. I'd like to know why."
    • Of course, what you have to say may be a little complex. If so, write it down and rehearse it beforehand. Aim to say everything you need to say in five minutes or less.
  5. Shelve whatever issue you’re talking about if you both find yourselves arguing over it. Redirect the conversation to another topic to get it moving in a positive direction again. For example: [5]
    • Let’s say the two of you were in a relationship and adopted a dog together, which is a pretty big deal. Now you’re arguing about whether only one of you will keep it or if you’ll both share custody, and you’ve reached a stalemate.
    • Just say, “We can deal with this later,” and bring up a new topic that you need to discuss. Ideally, pick one that he’s likely to agree with you about, like, say, cancelling reservations for that Vegas vacation you booked before breaking up.
    • The more that the two of you come to agreements about easy subjects, the more receptive he’ll be when you need to return to the more difficult ones. This isn’t a guarantee that he’ll change his mind, but it should at least reset the tone so it’s more civil.
  6. Write him a line if talking in person is too awkward, painful, or counterproductive. Give yourself the chance to put yourself in his shoes while reading it over and rephrase your message if needed. Give him the chance to process what you have to say without feeling put on the spot. This way he can really think things over before responding.
    • Similarly, use the post office if you need to send or return something, like that book he lent you. Stick in a simple note like “Didn’t want you to think I stole it,” put it in the mailbox, and be done with it. [6]
    7. Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Figuring Out What Went Wrong

PDF download Download Article
  1. It might sound counter-intuitive, but going over what went wrong is an important step in healing, and yet it can also also prolong hurt feelings and confusion if you overdo it. How much time you need depends entirely on you, but aim to find the right balance. Go over your relationship to find the answers you need, and then put it behind you. [7]
    • For example, if he's grown distant because he's started hanging out with a much different crowd, acknowledging this is necessary for you to come to terms with what happened, but dwelling on it won't really accomplish anything.
  2. Identify what went wrong, but avoid the temptation of using your answers as a means to correcting mistakes and winning him back. Instead, aim to learn from your experience so you can apply those lessons to future relationships. Keep the future in mind, not the past. [8]
    • For instance, let's say that he broke things off because you betrayed a secret that he told you in confidence. Whether he can trust you again is up to him. All you can do is learn from this so you can avoid repeating the same mistake with someone else.
  3. Whether your relationship was romantic or platonic, perhaps the easiest explanation of why things went wrong is that the two of you weren’t well suited for each other. Evaluate your own wants, needs, hopes, and interests. Compare them with his. If they’re wildly different, also look back on other guys in your life. Ask yourself if they fall into a pattern so you know what to avoid in the future. [9]
  4. Emotions are a fact of life, so don’t feel guilty about feeling whatever feelings come to you. However, keep in mind that a successful, mature relationship often requires you to have some (if not total) control over those feelings. Evaluate how often you allowed yourself to be swept away by them, especially the negative ones, like anger. [10]
  5. Things may have been great between you two as long as everything else was fine, but his feelings may have changed after the two of you found yourself at odds. Think back about how you handled yourself in those moments. Ask yourself if there was a more positive way you could have approached them in order to resolve conflicts. [11]
    6. Advertisement
Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Dealing with Your Loss

PDF download Download Article
  1. It’s okay to wish that things didn’t turn out this way, but don’t deny your new reality. Remember that it’s much tougher to get over something if you don’t accept that it happened in the first place. You may not like it, but embrace the fact that he doesn’t like you anymore so you can deal with it. [12]
  2. Chances are that you feel out of sorts and a little less than enthusiastic about life in general. Don’t treat this is a failure on your part. Allow yourself some time to grieve. Keep in mind that this will help you heal far faster than pretending nothing’s wrong will. [13]
  3. Don’t beat yourself for being “crazy” just because you feel depressed one minute, ticked off the next, and uncertain after that. View this as a perfectly normal reaction to losing his favor. It isn’t fun, but take comfort in the fact that it won’t last forever. For now, just ride it out as best as you can. [14]
  4. Avoid bottling everything up. Share what you’re feeling with your friends and family if you have a strong support network. If not (or if you’re just uncomfortable with sharing at this stage), start a journal and articulate your feelings in there. Use either method or both to air yourself out and put your feelings into perspective. [15]
  5. Avoid unnecessary contact with him. Stop dwelling on what he might be up to or how he’s feeling. Concentrate instead on what you’re up to and how you’re feeling. Recognize the fact that the longer you keep him front and center in your mind, the longer it will take for you to get over him. [16]
  6. Obviously, your emotions at times might swing toward hating this guy or wishing him ill, and that’s okay, as long as it’s temporary. However, don’t hold onto those feelings. Even if he acted like a jerk, resist the temptation to bear any grudges. Remember that the longer you harbor mean thoughts, the meaner you’ll feel in general. [17]
  7. If the two of you used to spend lots of time together, you probably have a lot of free time on your hands now, so make use of it. Start a new hobby, join a class, and/or just make more plans with old friends. Occupy both your time and your brain so you don’t spend it all dwelling on his absence. [18]
    8. Advertisement


Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    What do you do when a guy doesn't like you back?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    It is time to move on. One-sided relationships are never worth it. You can only get hurt. You can work toward being friends or just stop further contact.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 0 Helpful 4
  • Question
    How do you get over a guy who will never like you?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Accept it—don't keep trying to get him to like you. Have some self-respect and don't hang on. Try spending some time with your friends or family. Plan some fun activities. Remove him from your contacts and don't follow him on social media.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 2 Helpful 2
  • Question
    What do you do when your crush doesn't like you?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Remind yourself that you won't like everyone and everyone won't always like you. It is easier to let go early on and not hang on. The longer you hang on, the more difficult it will be to let go.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 2
See more answers
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Talk to a Guy over the Phone: An Expert-Approved Guide
      How to
      Be Close Friends With the Guy You Like
      How to
      Show a Guy That You Like Him
      How to
      Hint for a Kiss from a Guy
      How to
      Know if Your Friend Is Jealous of You
      What to Do If a Friend Won’t Talk to You
      How to
      Know if Your Friend No Longer Likes You
      How to
      Cope With Having No Friends
      What Are the Signs That Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend?
      How to
      Politely Ask Someone for the Money They Owe You
      How to
      End a Toxic Friendship over Text
      An Expert Guide to Staying Friends with a Girl After Rejection
      How to
      Know if You Like Your Friend Romantically
      What to Do When Your Close Friends Are Upset with You
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ http://doinglifewithfaydra.com/10-ways-to-talk-to-your-ex-when-they-wont-talk-to-you
      2. ↑ http://doinglifewithfaydra.com/10-ways-to-talk-to-your-ex-when-they-wont-talk-to-you
      3. ↑ http://doinglifewithfaydra.com/10-ways-to-talk-to-your-ex-when-they-wont-talk-to-you
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/splitopia/201506/how-talk-ex
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/splitopia/201506/how-talk-ex
      6. ↑ http://doinglifewithfaydra.com/10-ways-to-talk-to-your-ex-when-they-wont-talk-to-you
      7. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/dealing-with-a-break-up-and-learning-from-the-experience/
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      3. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/dealing-with-a-break-up-and-learning-from-the-experience/
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      7. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/dealing-with-a-break-up-and-learning-from-the-experience/
      8. ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/dealing-with-a-break-up-and-learning-from-the-experience/
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/coping-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Talking to a guy who doesn’t like you anymore can feel bad, but you can make it less awkward by being polite and avoiding uncomfortable topics. Regardless of how you really feel, do your best to be polite whenever you have to talk to him. Maintain a calm, even tone, and treat him as you would a clerk at a store or a co-worker. Additionally, don't keep the conversation going on for longer than it needs to. For example, if you need something back from him, say, "I just wanted to return that book you lent me. Here you go." To make the conversation less stressful, avoid bringing up serious topics, like how you felt during your relationship, as this can easily turn into a fight. For more help from our co-author, like how to reflect on how your relationship turned out like this, read on.

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 585,998 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Abby Park

        Jan 2, 2017

        "Just giving him time worked! The unstoppable tennis teammates are back and better than ever! Watch out world ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement