Download Article
Download Article
If you’ve been friends with a guy for a while, you might start to feel those little butterflies of romantic love when you’re around him. Telling a close friend that you love him can be a scary experience, since it’s possible that he doesn’t feel the same way. However, you never know until you put yourself out there, so telling him calmly, respectfully, and privately is the best way to share how you really feel.
Quick Steps
- Plan what you want to say in advance and find time to meet privately.
- Test the waters with lighthearted conversation or some slight flirting first.
- Make eye contact and tell him how you honestly feel.
- Let him know you value his friendship and don’t want to lose that either way.
- Take things slowly to build a relationship if he feels the same way.
- Don’t take it personally if he doesn’t feel the same and continue your friendship.
Steps
-
Plan out what you’re going to say. It’s better to go in prepared with what you want to tell him than to try to improvise on the spot, since you might say something that you don’t mean. It can also help to practice what you’re going to say in front of a mirror a couple times. Some options for phrasing include:
- “I want to be more than friends. How would you feel about giving it a shot?”
- “I’ve had strong feelings for you for a long time. It feels good to get that off my chest.”
- Before speaking to him, try flirting with or looking at your guy friend differently. He might sense you're trying to shift things and react accordingly. Oftentimes, if a guy feels something romantic for you, you'll know. [1]
X
Expert Source
Cristina Morara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
-
Try not to be too nervous. It is possible that he’ll say no, but don’t think about that right now. Breathe deeply and do a calming activity before you go over to him.
- Think carefully about the consequences of telling him you're in love with him. Doing so can't help but change the dynamics of your friendship, so if you're sure you want to go ahead, do it carefully and slowly. [2]
X
Expert Source
Cristina Morara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
Advertisement - Think carefully about the consequences of telling him you're in love with him. Doing so can't help but change the dynamics of your friendship, so if you're sure you want to go ahead, do it carefully and slowly. [2]
X
Expert Source
Cristina Morara
-
Ask to speak with him in private. Go to a place where you won’t be overheard or interrupted. Having other people around can sometimes make people feel pressured into giving a response they don’t want to give, so respect him and your friendship by making it a private conversation.
- Don’t make a big, dramatic spectacle of it by offering lavish gifts, yelling it out in public, or making a big sign with “I love you” written on it. Simplicity is best, so just tell him as calmly and directly as possible.
-
Make light-hearted conversation. Ask him about his day or briefly tell him about yours to lighten the mood. It will also help you gauge what mood he’s in. If he’s had a bad day, it might be best to wait to have the conversation about changing your friendship. [3] X Research source
-
Test the waters by flirting a little first. Compliment him on his hair or clothes, tell him you think he’s cute, or make eye contact and smile. If he responds with “Thanks!” or “Hey, you too,” that’s a good sign that it’s okay to talk about your feelings. If he responds with “Okay, weirdo” or “Thanks?” in a skeptical tone, it’s best to back off.
- If he's oblivious to your flirting or just super shy, try playfully asking "Have you ever imagined us together as more than just friends...?" How he reacts will tell you everything. [4]
X
Expert Source
Cristina Morara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- If he's oblivious to your flirting or just super shy, try playfully asking "Have you ever imagined us together as more than just friends...?" How he reacts will tell you everything. [4]
X
Expert Source
Cristina Morara
-
Avoid saying the word “love” until you’ve been dating for a while. It can push the relationship forward too fast, which might freak him out. [5] X Research source The right time to say it is different for every couple, but try to wait until at least a month or two after you start dating.
-
Look him in the eyes, and calmly tell him how you feel. Take a couple deep breaths. Remember what you planned to say, and try not to improvise since it can make you feel more nervous. Take your time with getting the words out; you don't have to rush it.
-
Tell him that you value him as a friend and don’t want to lose that. It can sometimes be a shock to someone if their friend tells them they have feelings for them. [6] X Research source It’s important that he knows that you’re not only interested in being around him if he’s your boyfriend. If he seems confused or surprised, you can say:
- “Take some time to think about it. We’ve already been friends for a long time, so there’s no rush!”
- “I will understand if you don’t want to be in a relationship right now. I want you to do what’s best for you, and if that means staying your friend, then I’m fine with that.”
- “I won’t be angry at you if you don’t feel the same way. I value your friendship, and that is more important to me than being your romantic partner.”
Advertisement
-
Move forward slowly if he feels the same way. Taking it to the next level too quickly can cause stress for both of you. Ease into calling each other cute nicknames or saying “I love you,” increasing the amount that you talk during the day, and adding romantic touching like holding hands and kissing. Have fun on your first date!
- It might be uncomfortable talking about difficult topics with your new partner if you haven’t talked about that stuff before. For example, you might not want to tell him that he hurt your feelings with something he said.
- However, successful relationships rely on good communication. [7] X Research source Be open and honest about your wants, needs, and problems, and ask that he does the same.
-
Try not to take it personally if he doesn’t want to date you. It doesn’t mean that you’re worthless, unlovable, or not good enough for him. A person can have a lot of reasons for not wanting to date their friend, including not wanting to change their friendship. You can ask him for a reason why, but remember that “I just don’t want to” is a good enough reason for a person to choose not to do something.
- Even if you are hurt that he said “no,” try not to blow up at him and tell him what he’s missing.
- Don’t try to change his mind by attempting to persuade him to feel differently. This will make it harder to get back to your normal friendship, since he might feel like you don’t respect his feelings.
-
Give him a little space. Back off for at least a couple weeks to give him some time to process how he feels about your friendship now. If he doesn’t think you can be friends anymore because it’ll be too weird, don’t fight with him. Accept that he has the right to make that decision.
-
Take some time for yourself. This is important whether or not you start to date your friend. [8] X Research source It’s okay to take a break from your busy life to grieve if he turns you down, but try to keep yourself busy in other ways. Go hang out with your friends, take a nice bath or a long walk, and indulge in your favorite dessert. Stay true to yourself no matter the outcome, and don’t allow your other relationships and schoolwork to slip.
- If you’re really having a hard time, talk to someone. Your parents, friends, teachers, and school counselors can all help you through this hard time.
-
Do the same things you used to do together to get your friendship back on track. If he turns you down but wants to remain friends, give him some space for a week or two. Then, invite him to do something that you used to do together. Try to make your interactions as normal as possible by staying calm and being yourself.
- This will look different for every friendship, so only you know what activities you like to do together. Some options include playing video games at your house, walking around the mall, or grabbing lunch or dessert.
- Remember that you don’t have to stay friends with him if it’s too painful for you. Focus on your other friends, family, goals, and interests while you distance yourself from him.
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Search
-
QuestionHow do you tell your guy friend you love him?Cristina Morara is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, Relationship Expert, and the Founder of Stellar Hitch Private Matchmaking, a luxury matchmaking service based in Los Angeles that serves clients nationwide and internationally. As a former casting director, Cristina specializes in finding the perfect partner through her exclusive global network and detailed, warm approach. Cristina holds a BA in Communications and Psychology from Villanova University. Stellar Hitch has been featured in the Huffington Post, Chelsea Handler’s Netflix documentary, ABC News, the Tonight Show, Voyage LA, and the Celebrity Perspective.Very carefully and slowly, because it will likely change the dynamics of your friendship. Be sure you're willing to risk that. When you flirt with your guy friend and look at him differently, he should get a sense that you’re trying to shift things and will react accordingly. If he’s oblivious to your new advances or super shy, you could playfully pose the question: ‘Have you ever imagined us together as more than just friends….?’What he says and how he says it will give you an idea on how he might react to a declaration of love.
-
QuestionI feel that me and my male best friend have mutual feelings, but I think we're both afraid to discuss it. How can I tell him how I feel?Community AnswerIf you think the feeling is mutual, the stakes for telling him are already a lot lower. Just go for it! If he's your friend, he will understand and appreciate your honesty.
-
QuestionI told a guy I like him, and a year later we're still friends but I still have feelings for him. I had asked him if he liked me as more than a friend, and he said no, but I feel like he may be lying. What do I do?Community AnswerIt's hard, but you'll have to take him at his word and move on. Focusing on your friends, family, and favorite activities will make that easier for you. Don't take it personally, think of it as "it just didn't work out." It will be okay, and rely on the other people in your life for support.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Tips
- Be direct. Don’t make it a game of “he said, she said” by asking your friend to tell him for you. Definitely don’t make his friends find out how he feels and report back to you. It will make the situation more stressful if you involve more people.Thanks
- You can write him a letter if telling him in person is too nerve-wracking, but talk about it in person after you give him the letter.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
References
- ↑ Cristina Morara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- ↑ Cristina Morara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201406/5-tips-tough-conversations-your-partner
- ↑ Cristina Morara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201412/when-should-you-say-i-love-you
- ↑ http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/how-to-let-your-guy-friend-know-you-like-him-should-you-tell-your-crush-you-like-him
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201210/7-keys-long-term-relationship-success
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201202/why-you-shouldnt-feel-guilty-about-stealing-little-time-yourself
About This Article
Article Summary
X
It can be scary to tell your guy friend you’re in love with him, but communicating your feelings calmly and openly is the best way to let him know how you really feel. Choose a private time to talk to him about your feelings. Be direct and honest as you calmly tell him how you feel. For example, you could say, "I’ve had strong feelings for you for a long time. It feels good to get this off my chest." After telling him how you feel, express that you value him as a friend and you don’t want to lose that. It’s important that he knows that you’re still interested in being friends even if he doesn’t want a relationship. For example, you could say, “Take some time to think about it. We’ve already been friends for a long time, so there’s no rush!” For more advice on telling your guy friend you’re in love with him, like how to accept the outcome, read on!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 304,288 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "Both the steps and questions that people asked that are similar to what I'm going through, and the responses are helpful." ..." more
Advertisement
88%
of readers found this article helpful
.
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
"Both the steps and questions that people asked that are similar to what I'm going through, and the responses are helpful."
..."
more
