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Developing feelings for a female best friend can feel like you’ve just stepped off a plane into a foreign country: everything is confusing and alien. Acting on your feelings takes courage, so good for you! But before you have the conversation, think things through and get a second opinion. Then, plan to sit down and talk face-to-face. After you share your feelings, the ball is in her court. Follow a few strategies to help yourself move forward— no matter the outcome.
Telling Your Girl Best Friend You Like Her
Once you're certain you want to reveal your feelings, be open and honest! Tell her how you feel, but make it clear that you don't want things between you to feel strange. Say, "I've known you for a while, and love spending time with you, but I think I have feelings..."
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Considering Your Options
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Wait it out to see if your feelings are real . Cool your heels for a bit first. Feelings aren’t facts, and sometimes they come and go. Before you take an irreversible step, be sure that your feelings for your best friend are actually of a romantic nature. [1] X Research source- First, consider whether or not you strongly care for or love your friend simply because she’s a great person or is always there for you.
- Next, determine if your feelings are arising out of loneliness because you’re not seeing anyone, jealousy because she’s in a relationship, or fear because you think the dynamic of your friendship is changing.
- Reader Poll: We asked 966 wikiHow readers, and 69% agreed the surest sign that you're developing deeper feelings for someone is when you constantly think about them and fantasize about being together . [Take Poll]
- If your female best friend is constantly on your mind, it may be a sign that your romantic feelings for her are real.
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Consider her availability. Before you tell your friend how you feel, think about whether or not she will or can be receptive to your romantic feelings. Is she currently in a happy relationship in which she’ll feel blindsided by your news?- If she's in a relationship, you might try to figure out if she's happy in that relationship. If so, back off and wait until she's single again.
- Even if she's in an unhappy relationship, giving her some time could ensure that the two of you have a healthy start rather than you being a rebound.
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Question if she might be interested . Reflect on your interactions with your best friend. Has she ever sent any signals that she might be interested in you, too? For instance, maybe she once said she'd date you if you weren't friends. If you’re a female, too, has she shown any indication that she’s interested in same-gender relationships? -
Get advice from a third party. Seek out additional opinions from people who care about you. Tell people who know the two of you how you’re feeling and see if they think she feels the same way or if it's worth jeopardizing your friendship.- Only get input from solid, trustworthy people and be sure you think can look at the situation objectively.
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Know the possible consequences. Exploring a romantic relationship with a friend can be the absolute best thing ever, or the worst thing. If she’s into you as well, this may open up a brand new door that makes your existing relationship even more satisfying. If she’s not into you, this could change the dynamic of your friendship moving forward. [2] X Research source- But, if you really like her, these possible consequences shouldn't change anything. If it doesn't work out, you might need time apart for awhile, but at least you will have taken a bold step towards something you wanted!
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Putting Your Feelings Out There
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Hint around first to gauge her reaction. Introduce the idea of you and her as a couple by casually dropping a hint. You might say something like, “If you and I were a couple, I bet we’d spend so much time fighting about restaurants, huh?” or “Do you believe two people can be friends without ever catching feelings for each other?"- Pay attention to her facial expression and body language in addition to her verbal response. If she seems to shut down or dismiss the idea, this may indicate she’s not interested.
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Think about what you will say in advance. If you’re still thinking about sharing your feelings with your best friend, go over exactly what you’ll say. Aim for a brief disclosure that tells her how you feel and maybe how long you’ve felt that way. [3] X Research source- For example, you might say something like, "I really like you and I've felt this way for months now."
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Arrange for a good time for both of you to meet. Call or text your friend and ask her to meet you in person. Let her know that you have something important to talk to her about. [4] X Research source- You might say, “Hey, I have something I need to tell you. Are you free to talk this evening at 5?"
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Be direct during the conversation. Sharing your romantic intentions for a friend can feel messy enough as it is, so try not to beat around the bush. Explain why you asked to meet with her and exactly how you’re feeling. Be as specific as possible.- For example, if you’re simply physically attracted to your best friend and would like to bring sex to the table, say that.
- If you are “in love” with her and would like to be in a romantic relationship, be clear about that .
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Don’t apply undue pressure. Once you’ve said your part, back off. Having a friend share their feelings can be overwhelming. She probably will need time to process everything and decide how she wants to move forward. [5] X Research source- Say something like, “I know this is a lot to take in. Take your time thinking about what I’ve said. I don’t want to make you feel pressured.”
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Moving Forward
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Set clear boundaries. Whether your best friend embraced your romantic feelings or rejected your advances, the two of you need to figure out where your friendship stands. Set boundaries with one another moving forward, so that you’re on the same page. [6] X Research source- For instance, if she didn’t feel the same way, you might set a boundary that you no longer hang out with her alone. You might also choose to take a break from the friendship before deciding how to move forward.
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Balance your time with others. Spread your love and friendship around among your social circle instead of reserving it all for your best friend. Start spending time with others, too. Plan a fun game night, attend a friend’s sporting event, or join a new club. [7] X Research source- This is important to do whether you decided to pursue the relationship or not. It’s healthy to have close relationships with a range of people.
- If you decide to start dating your friend , make sure that you still make time for your other friends. It is healthy to keep your friends when you start a new relationship.
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Work on your confidence . If your best friend rejected you, it could temporarily tank your self-esteem . Focus on improving your confidence by acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments. Make a long list of all the reasons you’re great. [8] X Research source- To really feel empowered, start your list with “I am...” and recite every item on the list several times each day.
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Recognize her good qualities in those around you. Although it may be hard to see, your best friend doesn’t have a monopoly on attractiveness, humor, compassion, or intelligence. There are plenty of others in your life that possess those positive traits, too. [9] X Research source- Make an effort to notice the good qualities in others. Bonus points: tell them about the good you see in them— it’ll make both of you happier.
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Conversation Help
Join the Discussion...
How do I handle having a crush on my best friend? I think she’s amazing, and we do everything together. But I don’t know if she feels the sam... Read More
This is a tough situation to be in. The best thing to do when you have a crush on your best friend is find out if they feel the same way. Sometim... Read More
Hey man, I went through the same thing, and it’s rough. My advice is to just talk to her. Tell her how you feel, and be clear that you both val... Read More
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you know when you're ready to take the step from just being friends to being something more?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Just sit with your feelings for a while and see if they are consistent. Pay attention to your friend, and try to assess if she would be open to such a step. Remember that this is a 2-person process, so it is a matter that both of you are ready and willing. Good luck!
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201202/attraction-just-between-friends
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-ask-someone-out/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-ask-someone-out/
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-ask-someone-out/
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/staying-friends-when-a-relationship-doesnt-work/
- ↑ https://www.sweetyhigh.com/read/friends-unrequited-feelings-love-doctor-advice-022117
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-improve-your-self-esteem
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/staying-friends-when-a-relationship-doesnt-work/
About This Article
Article Summary
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Telling a female friend that you have feelings for her can be nerve-wracking, but you can summon up the courage by planning what you’re going to say and finding the right time and place to talk to her. To tell her the truth without overwhelming her, keep it simple with something like “I really like you and I’ve felt this way for a long time.” Once you know what you want to say, call or text your friend and tell her you have something important you want to tell her in person. When you tell her, be prepared for her to be confused or unsure about her feelings. While you may be tempted to keep talking, back off and give her some time to process what you’ve just told her. For more advice from our co-author, including how to move forward if your friend doesn’t feel the same way, keep reading.
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Reader Success Stories
- "My girl best friend whom I love more than anything went away for a week. She mentioned another male friend. I am a massive over thinker too. I think of what might happen and it keeps me up at night. What if she changes when she comes back?" ..." more
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"My girl best friend whom I love more than anything went away for a week. She mentioned another male friend. I am a massive over thinker too. I think of what might happen and it keeps me up at night. What if she changes when she comes back?"
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"My best friend went away and mentioned another male friend. I keep thinking of what might happen and it keeps me up at night."
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"This was very useful, I really got what I wanted. Thank you very much, and I hope I will learn more things from this page."
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"My girl best friend shut me down and got with my best friend."
"This helped so much. I'm so in love :)."
