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What is reverse psychology, and why does it work? Your questions, answered
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Reverse psychology refers to getting another person to do or say something by telling them the opposite of what is desired. It’s a common tactic commonly found in advertising and even parenting, and can be a great skill when used carefully and responsibly. We’ll show you how to use reverse psychology, and show you when it’s appropriate versus when it’s manipulative. We’ll also tell you why it works, how to spot it, and how to respond when someone else uses it.
Things You Should Know
- Start by presenting the other person with their options, but don’t tell them which one you prefer.
- Argue against the option you actually want. Act uncertain, or tell the person you don’t think they’d want it, or are capable of doing it.
- Tell the other person that whatever they do, it’s their choice, to give them the autonomy to make a decision and dodge suspicion.
Steps
Section 1 of 6:
Using Reverse Psychology
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Start by presenting an option that you want. This is probably the thing the person would normally resist and may initially scoff at, like a kid who doesn’t want to eat their asparagus. [1] X Research source Make sure the person is aware of the option at hand, without pushing them that direction just yet.
- For example, say you're deciding between 2 parties to attend. Your friend is a film fanatic, and their group of friends are having a movie night. You're more of a board game person, and another group of friends is having a game night.
- Make your friend aware of the option you want. Say something like, "Did you hear Madison and Emily are doing that board game night? Kind of boring, if you ask me."
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Drop subtle hints that make the option you want more enticing. You might tell them that you’re not convinced yourself, and need help choosing. [2] X Research source Then, plant in the person’s head some positive outcomes of what might happen if they choose your option. Again, it’s important not to seem too enthusiastic.
- For example, casually mention some fun board games that will be played at the event, or bring up who else is going, or other things, like, "Madison always has the best selection of wine at her place."
- Or, use nonverbal cues, like playing a game of cards with your friend a few days before the event, letting them see for themself how much fun games can be.
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Discourage or argue against the option you want. Once the person is hooked, become slightly argumentative. [3] X Research source This makes your friend naturally push for the option you want. One common strategy is to suggest that they’re not ready for it, like, “These games might be a little too hard for you, though…” [4] X Research source
- Or, say something like, "Well, we can go to Madison and Emily's, or that movie night. What do you think? I think Madison and Emily's thing may be a tad boring."
- If they’re still ambivalent, be more overt. Say something like, "We can always go to Madison and Emily's another time."
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Push the person to make a decision. To close the negotiating process, push the person to make a decision. This makes them think they're making their own choice, without your influence. Ask them politely what they want to do, and wait for a response. Hopefully, the person will go for the option you were vying for. [5] X Research source
- Say something like, "So, we can go to Madison and Emily's, or the movie night. What do you think? It's your decision."
- This also pressures the person to make a more urgent decision, and they might yield to your choice under that pressure.
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Section 6 of 6:
Responding to Reverse Psychology
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Ask them to explain why they want what they say they want. If they’re using reverse psychology and arguing for something they don’t actually want in the hopes you’ll go the other way, it can be easy to make them falter. [18] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
- Ask them to explain their position, and listen for any inconsistencies. Their argument might not make much sense when you really think about it.
- For example, if they’re arguing in favor of chocolate ice cream when you know they prefer vanilla, say that! They might start to backpedal.
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Pick the choice you originally wanted anyway. When in doubt, rewind to the start of the conversation and tell them you’re doing what you originally set out to do. They may learn that reverse psychology doesn’t work on you, and give it up in the future. [19] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
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Let them know that you know what they’re doing. If you’re certain they’re trying to use reverse psychology on you, reveal that you know. If they know that you know how it works, they’re less likely to try it on you moving forward. [20] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source
- That said, watch out for reverse-reverse psychology, which is when someone uses your own knowledge of the strategy to pretend they’re not doing it.
- With reverse-reverse psychology, someone wants you to think they’re doing reverse psychology to make you pick the option you think they don’t want you to do. Tricky!
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionShould you use reverse psychology?Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.If someone is refusing to do something, it can be used as a way to gently guide an individual towards that intended outcome. The intentions of this strategy are to encourage someone to make healthier or preferred choices over possibly negative or oppositional choices — for instance, it's not uncommon for parents to use reverse psychology to encourage their children to eat healthier foods, complete schoolwork or housework, etc. It shouldn't be used as a form of manipulation or control, however.
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Tips
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Use reverse psychology to get a date. Act uninterested or like you want someone else. They may react with passionate flirtation and woo you into their arms.
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Warnings
- This isn't the healthiest way to communicate, since you're essentially taking advantage of (and spurring) someone's misguided rebelliousness. [21] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source In the case of children, they usually grow out of it, but most adults will realize how silly they're being and respond to nonviolent communication instead.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201109/the-true-spirit-reverse-psychology
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201302/when-all-else-failstry-reverse-psychology
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233021679_Do_people_use_reverse_psychology_An_exploration_of_strategic_self-anticonformity
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201302/when-all-else-failstry-reverse-psychology
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-influence/201104/do-you-use-reverse-psychology-stop-right-now
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233021679_Do_people_use_reverse_psychology_An_exploration_of_strategic_self-anticonformity
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/233021679_Do_people_use_reverse_psychology_An_exploration_of_strategic_self-anticonformity
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/reverse-psychology-what-is-it-and-does-it-work.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-influence/201104/do-you-use-reverse-psychology-stop-right-now
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/reverse-psychology-what-is-it-and-does-it-work.html
- ↑ https://www.wonderopolis.org/wonder/how-does-reverse-psychology-work
- ↑ https://www.livescience.com/55272-how-reverse-psychology-works.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-influence/201104/do-you-use-reverse-psychology-stop-right-now
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-influence/201104/do-you-use-reverse-psychology-stop-right-now
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201109/the-true-spirit-reverse-psychology
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/reverse-psychology-what-is-it-and-does-it-work.html
- ↑ https://www.livescience.com/55272-how-reverse-psychology-works.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/reverse-psychology-what-is-it-and-does-it-work.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/reverse-psychology-what-is-it-and-does-it-work.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/reverse-psychology-what-is-it-and-does-it-work.html
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/reverse-psychology-what-is-it-and-does-it-work.html
About This Article
Article Summary
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Using reverse psychology doesn’t work with everyone, so reserve it for someone who is headstrong and naturally argumentative. To use it correctly, present the outcome you want as something the person wouldn't want. For example, if you want to go to a board game night instead of a party, say something like, “Did you hear Madison and Emily are doing that board game night? Sounds kind of boring to me.” Follow up with subtle hints to suggest that it's actually a good idea, like, "Madison always has a good selection of wine at her place.” Once you think the person is hooked, present the idea again as slightly negative to encourage them to push back. Say something like, “I think Madison and Emily's thing may be a tad boring, but it’s your choice.” For more tips, including how to use reverse psychology with children, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "It helped me realize what my ex-boyfriend was up to after trying out reverse psychology in a very negative way on quite a few occasions." ..." more
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"It helped me realize what my ex-boyfriend was up to after trying out reverse psychology in a very negative way on quite a few occasions."
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