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Break through the negative patterns holding you back from greatness
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Being “mentally weak” doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you’re actually weak, it just might mean that you’re used to using unproductive strategies you had to learn to survive. You might have had to act tougher or more in control to cope with a certain situation or persevere through a difficult time in your life. However, these strategies can negatively affect your mental health in the long term. With that in mind, read on to learn how you can increase your mental strength and embrace vulnerability, compassion, and intimacy.
Steps
Section 2 of 2:
Signs of Mental Weakness and Fixes
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Feeling envious of other people’s achievements It’s one thing to feel motivated by another’s success, but it’s another to constantly feel weighed down by other people’s achievements or inadequate because of them. When gone unchecked, this habit can lead to stress, anger, and low self-worth. [3] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source
- The fix: Try to focus on your own unique skills, abilities, experiences, and dreams. [4] X Research source Write a list of your achievements and refer to it every time you feel envious of someone else.
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Quickly reacting with anger Someone who gets angry quickly might find it difficult to take things in stride. Anger is a completely natural emotion, but when it gets out of control or turns destructive, it can lead to problems at work, in your relationships, and in your overall quality of life. [5] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- People with mental strength get angry, too, but they may have learned how to step back from the situation and use logic to gain a more balanced perspective.
- The fix:
When you feel the anger start to rise, breathe deeply
from your diaphragm and try to replace exaggerated thoughts with more rational ones.
- For example, if you think “This is terrible, everything is ruined,” tell yourself, “This is frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world, and getting angry won’t fix it.”
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Hesitating to reach outside of their comfort zone Some people might avoid opportunities because they come with a certain amount of risk, like moving to a new country or starting a new business. However, taking chances can be a crucial way to gain experience, advance your skills, and grow.
- The fix:
Set a small, specific, achievable goal
, make a plan to achieve it, and adjust as you go to simplify each task as much as possible. [6]
X
Research source
- If you want to run a 10k, pick a specific event or date. Start by running on the treadmill for 10 minutes and plan to increase that time by 30 seconds each day.
- If you’re hesitant to take a risk and do something out of the blue, ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that could happen if I do this? What’s the best thing that could happen?” [7] X Research source
- The fix:
Set a small, specific, achievable goal
, make a plan to achieve it, and adjust as you go to simplify each task as much as possible. [6]
X
Research source
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Pointing out the weaknesses of others It’s natural for someone to take pride in their talents, but when they put other people down to focus on their own strengths, it can be hurtful. Even if they’re trying to be helpful, not put others down, most people are aware of their flaws, and pointing them out might just add salt to the wound. [8] X Research source
- The fix:
Before you say something, try to think about how it will sound to or affect the person you’re talking to. [9]
X
Research source
- Describing how great your weekend was without asking the other person about their plans might make the other person feel bad.
- If you’re trying to help others out, try saying something like “I’ve noticed that you’ve changed in this way, and I’m here for you if you ever want to talk” instead. Then, let them come to you.
- The fix:
Before you say something, try to think about how it will sound to or affect the person you’re talking to. [9]
X
Research source
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Covering up weaknesses Some people might have an attitude or persona that says, “I’m the best” or “Look at how great I am,” which may just be a way to hide their self-doubt. People with mental strength invest more energy into working on their weaknesses, rather than covering them up. [10] X Research source
- The fix: Seek out a therapist who can give you outside support, help you identify your insecurities, and heal any past trauma that may have caused this behavior. [11] X Research source
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Preventing themselves from failing Some people might have unrealistically high expectations that add to their stress, making them anxious to take on new challenges and leading them to criticize themselves instead. People with healthy high standards, however, accept that they will make mistakes and get satisfaction from just trying hard to achieve them. [12] X Research source
- The fix:
Try an activity you’ve never done before to learn to have fun with failure. You might join an art class and learn to laugh it off when a bunny you painted looks more like a shoe.
- Try to remember that you will make mistakes, but that those mistakes often lead you to learn something new.
- The fix:
Try an activity you’ve never done before to learn to have fun with failure. You might join an art class and learn to laugh it off when a bunny you painted looks more like a shoe.
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Being overly concerned with how others see them While self-awareness can help people understand themselves better, self-consciousness can take it to the extreme and lead to low self-esteem. People with mental toughness tend to have a positive mindset and assume that people aren’t talking or thinking about them negatively on a frequent basis. [13] X Research source
- The fix:
Try to stop comparing yourself to others by challenging the way you think about yourself and reminding yourself that you have many good qualities that others might not have.
- If you have trouble acknowledging your strengths , create a list of the things you’re good at and the obstacles you’ve overcome. Occasionally glance at them to remind you who you are.
- The fix:
Try to stop comparing yourself to others by challenging the way you think about yourself and reminding yourself that you have many good qualities that others might not have.
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Making promises and not following through on them It can be easy to take on too many responsibilities at once, especially to avoid letting others down. However, when someone promises their time to everyone, they risk forgetting about a previous commitment they made. [14] X Research source
- People with high mental strength, however, know how to prioritize tasks and give themselves plenty of time to evaluate their schedules before taking on new ones.
- The fix:
Practice saying “no”
to small commitments to feel more comfortable setting limits.
- If someone asks you to go get coffee when you know you need to call your mom, say “I can’t right now, but text me later and we can plan another time to go out.”
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Letting their emotions control them Their emotions might distort what’s actually happening, which can cause them to misunderstand situations or lash out at others. People with mental strength, however, recognize the difference between their internal feelings and the outside world. [15] X Research source
- The fix:
When you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, try this breathing exercise
: inhale while counting to 4, hold it while counting to 4, exhale while counting to 4, then hold it for another count of 4. [16]
X
Research source
- Repeat this exercise until you feel calm, label the emotion you experienced (like “anxiety” or “frustration”), then think about what actually happened when you felt that emotion. [17] X Research source
- The fix:
When you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, try this breathing exercise
: inhale while counting to 4, hold it while counting to 4, exhale while counting to 4, then hold it for another count of 4. [16]
X
Research source
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Depending on others for validation They might have trouble setting boundaries, overachieve to get praise, jump from relationship to relationship, or compare themselves to others constantly. [18] X Research source A person with high mental toughness may enjoy validation from others, but are just fine making decisions and doing things on their own.
- This behavior might have come from receiving too much or too little external validation in childhood, affecting this person’s emotions, personality, and attachment style.
- The fix: Try replacing validation-seeking behaviors with a self-care method that works for you, like engaging in meditation or repeating positive affirmations each morning.
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Avoiding responsibility for their mistakes While tough-minded people accept the consequence of their choices and apologize when they’ve caused problems for others, someone who lacks self-control might dismiss any mistakes they made by ignoring the problem entirely or blaming other people for doing the same thing. [19] X Research source
- The fix:
When you make a mistake, acknowledge what you did and confirm that your behavior was not acceptable. Then, offer to make amends. [20]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source
- If you broke someone’s window, offer to have it repaired or replaced. If you hurt someone’s feelings, acknowledge the pain you caused and promise to be more sensitive in the future. [21] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- If you feel ashamed or humiliated, say so when you apologize—that’s all part of expressing sincere remorse for your actions. [22] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- The fix:
When you make a mistake, acknowledge what you did and confirm that your behavior was not acceptable. Then, offer to make amends. [20]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source
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Refusing to ask for assistance from others Sometimes, people might be afraid that asking for help makes them look incompetent or weak, or that they might be rejected, which can be embarrassing and painful. The good news is that those fears are often exaggerated and mistaken—many people are happy to help, and strong-minded people understand this. [23] X Research source
- Study after study has also shown that acts of service can be beneficial to our health. [24] X Research source People also tend to view others who ask for help as competent, not inferior. [25] X Research source
- The fix:
Start by asking for help with small tasks. Over time, you may feel more confident asking for help with bigger things, like when you’re overwhelmed by a work task or struggling with a mental health issue. [26]
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Research source
- Maybe you ask a stranger to open the door while you’re carrying a large item or ask a neighbor to pick up your mail while you’re away on vacation.
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Not expressing gratitude for what they have They might focus on the “bad” things that happen each day or worry that bad things are going to happen in the future, leading to lower self-esteem. [27] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source People with mental strength, however, may constantly look for the “bright side” of every situation.
- The fix:
Start a gratitude journal
—try to list 5 to 10 things that you’re grateful for each day, or begin a longer list that you add 7 things to every week. [28]
X
Research source
- Learning how to express gratitude can strengthen your relationships and improve your well-being. [29] X Research source
- The fix:
Start a gratitude journal
—try to list 5 to 10 things that you’re grateful for each day, or begin a longer list that you add 7 things to every week. [28]
X
Research source
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about improving your psychological health, check out our in-depth interview with Alicia Oglesby .
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pulse-mental-health/202209/7-signs-mentally-strong-people
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/depression/hidden-signs-of-depression
- ↑ https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?contenttypeid=1&contentid=1848
- ↑ https://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/how-to-stop-being-jealous
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control
- ↑ https://summer.harvard.edu/blog/leaving-your-comfort-zone/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbescoachescouncil/2023/04/17/18-actionable-tips-for-stepping-out-of-your-comfort-zone/?sh=52dfe7dce491
- ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/toxic-relationships-are-you-toxic-person-in-your-life
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/202112/how-do-i-stop-being-a-narcissist
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201502/are-you-mentally-strong-or-just-acting-tough
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/signs-insecurity-coping-tips
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/202104/how-overcome-perfectionism
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-be-less-self-conscious
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-wise-brain/201612/are-you-doing-too-much
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pulse-mental-health/202209/7-signs-mentally-strong-people
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-manage-your-emotions
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-manage-your-emotions
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/steps-to-stop-seeking-approval-from-others
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pulse-mental-health/202209/7-signs-mentally-strong-people
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-art-of-a-heartfelt-apology-2021041322366
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-art-of-a-heartfelt-apology-2021041322366
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-art-of-a-heartfelt-apology-2021041322366
- ↑ https://news.stanford.edu/2022/09/08/asking-help-hard-people-want-help-realize/
- ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.775032/full
- ↑ https://www.self.com/story/how-to-ask-for-help
- ↑ https://www.self.com/story/how-to-ask-for-help
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/turn-around-negative-thinking
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-express-gratitude
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/what-to-do-if-you-dont-feel-grateful
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