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The secret to reading people’s body language to find out their true feelings
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This article was co-authored by Cher Gopman
and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.
. Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
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This article has been viewed 59,387 times.
Aside from them just coming right out and saying it, how do you know if someone’s attracted to you? As it turns out, there are plenty of non-verbal cues people give when they’re interested in someone—you just need to know what signs to look for. We’ll help you by giving you a list of behavioral and physical signs to watch for. Next time you see your crush or someone you find attractive, you’ll know exactly how to read their body language to know if your feelings are reciprocated.
Things You Should Know
- A person who’s attracted to you is likely to maintain eye contact, smile, and lean in towards you to show that they’re interested.
- They might try to subconsciously draw attention to themselves by licking their lips, swaying their hips, or crossing and uncrossing their legs.
- Someone who’s attracted to you might also act nervous and blush a lot when they’re around you.
Steps
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Maintaining eye contact shows a person’s interest in you. One of the biggest signs that someone is attracted to you is their tendency to hold eye contact. It means that they’re paying attention as you talk to them and that they only have eyes for you They might also look you up and down if they find you attractive to take in your entire appearance.
- To show your own interest, make an effort to maintain eye contact with them. However, make sure you’re not outright staring at them.
- Hold eye contact for a couple of seconds, then look away and repeat. Have a pleasant and relaxed facial expression to help them feel at ease.
- Keep in mind that eye contact in some cultures may be disrespectful and not necessarily interpreted as a sign of attraction or flirting.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1359 wikiHow readers to tell us what the clearest indicator was that someone liked them, and 50% said prolonged eye contact. [Take Poll] Every person is different (and you shouldn’t assume unless they tell you), but this could be a strong sign of interest!
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People’s pupils dilate when they find someone attractive. While there are other reasons people’s pupils dilate, research has shown that feeling physical attraction or arousal toward someone can cause this reaction as well. So next time you talk to someone you like, look to see if their pupils get bigger. [1] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- The pupils of women who are ovulating often more readily dilate when they’re talking with people they find attractive. [2] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Other causes of pupil dilation include being in a room that has little light, feeling anxious, excited, or angry, or focusing with a lot of concentration on a task.
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Someone who’s attracted to you may point their torso and feet your way. This shows that they’re paying special attention to you. If they’re sitting, they might square their shoulders and turn their body so their torso is directly facing you. If they’re standing, they might stand so that their feet are pointed toward you. [3] X Research source
- On the other hand, if someone turns so that their body is facing away from you while you speak with them, it might be their way of indicating that they’re not interested at the moment.
- Another way to show a person that you find them attractive is to actively listen to them as they speak.
- Nod your head and give verbal cues that you’re following along, such as humming or saying something like, “Yeah” or “That makes sense.” Also get rid of any distractions, like your phone, and give them your undivided attention .
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People lean forward when they feel engaged in the conversation. As you and the other person become more comfortable around one another, you might notice them starting to lean a little more into your space. This might be their subconscious way of expressing their interest in what you’re saying or an attempt to get closer to you physically. If you’re standing, they might shift slightly so that they’re standing closer to you.
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Smiling usually means a person enjoys being around you. A genuine, warm, and bright smile is something to look out for if you want to know if someone’s attracted to you. Smiling may be their unconscious way of trying to make you feel comfortable and relaxed. It’s also just a natural reaction that happens when a person is with someone they like.
- Smile back at them to make yourself appear friendly and approachable.
- Making someone you like laugh is also a good way to try and get closer to them. Tell a joke, recall a funny anecdote, or just act silly around them if you feel comfortable.
EXPERT TIPDr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical PsychologistBody language speaks volumes about attraction. Watch for signs from them like dilated pupils, smiling, facing towards you, and small gestures like holding a door. Attraction stirs up complicated feelings, especially for younger folks. Awkwardness happens. But pay attention to body cues and changes in voice — these give away their inner thoughts and interest in you.
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They might unconsciously copy your movements to form a connection. When you cross your arms, they might do the same. When you take a sip from your drink, they’ll take a sip from theirs as well. People usually mirror the actions of people they feel attracted to, and they often do it without even realizing it.
- If you want to flirt using your body language , mirror the other person’s actions in a subtle way. Tuck your hair behind your ear when they do, touch your face if they do, and mimic their posture and stance.
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Casual touches might mean someone is attracted to you. A person who’s interested in you might take their flirting a bit further by throwing in some light, casual touches here and there. In an attempt to get closer to you, they might “accidentally” brush up against you while walking or gently touch your arm while talking to you.
- To show your attraction to someone, don’t be shy about flirting using physical touch if they’re comfortable with it. Sit closer to them, hold their hand when you’re going somewhere, or even give them a hug if you’re both comfortable with that.
- If you ever feel uncomfortable with someone’s touches, let them know right away and put some distance between the two of you.
- Along the same lines, avoid touching anyone if you think it’ll make them uncomfortable. This kind of flirting is also something to avoid in professional settings, such as your workplace.
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They make an effort to look good for you. Preening is an action someone does to make themselves more physically attractive to others. You might catch someone who’s attracted to you fixing their hair often when they’re around you, applying makeup, or checking their reflection. You may also notice that they always try to dress their best for you. [4] X Research source
- For women, flipping their hair over their shoulders is one method of preening as a means to draw the other person’s attention to their physical features.
- There’s nothing wrong with taking a little extra time to make sure you look good for your crush . Style your hair, wear clothes that make you feel good, or apply makeup to make yourself feel your best.
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An open and inviting stance makes people feel more relaxed. If someone is attracted to you and interested in getting closer to you, they might subconsciously adjust their posture to appear more open and friendly. They might stand or sit with their shoulders relaxed, keep their arms uncrossed, and use hand gestures when talking to appear more animated and enthusiastic.
- In general, men often try to appear a bit more dominating and in control. This includes spreading their legs or arms out to take up more space and standing up straight with their chest forward. [5] X Research source
- On the other hand, women generally try to appear smaller when flirting, such as by tucking their legs close to their bodies when they sit and clasping their hands together on their laps.
- Women might also position themselves so that their wrists or open palms are exposed. This is often interpreted as a subconscious move to appear more submissive in front of other people.
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Blushing happens when you feel attraction for someone. If you notice someone’s cheeks turning pink when they’re with you, it might be because they like you. This flush might appear on other parts of their body, such as their neck or their ears. It could also be a sign that they’re a bit nervous to be around you because of their feelings. [6] X Research source
- Make someone blush by giving them an unexpected compliment , making eye contact, or teasing them gently.
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Fidgeting and stuttering might actually mean someone likes you. It’s more than natural for a person to feel a bit jittery when they’re around their crush or someone they find attractive. If you notice someone’s constantly fidgeting with their clothes or other objects around them, having a hard time maintaining eye contact, or sweating a bit, they might be feeling a bit nervous. [7] X Research source
- If you feel nervous around your crush, you might also notice that your heart rate picks up and your body feels a bit hotter than normal.
- To be more comfortable around someone you find attractive , treat them like how you’d treat a friend and be yourself around them.
- You might be able to tell if a person is nervous by the speed of their actions. Moving slowly and purposefully gives off a confident vibe, but moving quickly and in jerky motions may hint that someone is feeling nervous.
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A person might lick their lips to draw your attention to them. A person might subconsciously try to get you to notice their lips by licking them or parting them slightly. They might also do this on purpose to get you to start thinking about kissing them or notice how attractive they look. [8] X Research source
- If you want to accentuate your lips to make them look more appealing to someone you like, apply some lip gloss or wear lipstick to really make them stand out.
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Someone might try to catch your attention by raising their eyebrows. If someone from across the room is trying to signal to you and get you to come and talk to them, they might raise their eyebrows as a means of saying, “Come here.” A common flirting technique is for someone to raise their eyebrows and widen their eyes, then drop their eyelids and look away coyly. [9] X Research source
- People might also raise their eyebrows in an attempt to make their eyes look bigger . Research has shown that larger eyes are seen as more attractive by some. [10] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
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A person may change the pitch of their voice to sound more appealing. Overall, women often find men who speak in a lower pitch to be more attractive. On the other hand, some men are more attracted to women who speak at a higher pitch. Of course, personal preference might affect what you find attractive. Just keep in mind that a person who’s interested in you might unconsciously change the pitch of their voice when they’re around you. [11] X Research source
- They might also try to speak louder when they’re around you to make sure that they have your attention and appear more confident.
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Head tilting is a sign that someone is being attentive. If someone tilts their head slightly to the side, it’s usually a sign that they’re listening to you. In general, women are more likely than men to unconsciously tilt their heads to show their interest in someone. [12] X Research source
- A slow head nod is also a sign that the other person is deeply interested in you and what you’re saying.
- On the other hand, nodding their head quickly might mean that they want to say something.
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Someone might touch parts of their body to draw attention to them. This is usually a subconscious way of telling you to look at them and notice their physical attractiveness. For example, someone might rub their hand on their knee or thigh to get you to focus your attention on their legs. Other people might play with their hair or touch their lips. [13] X Research source
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Swaying their hips means a person is comfortable. If you go to a bar, club, or another place where there’s music playing, look out for someone who’s casually swaying their hips to the beat and letting themselves relax in your presence. This might be a sign that they feel comfortable around you and are interested in getting closer to you. Women are also more likely to sway their hips while walking to draw the attention of people they find attractive. [14] X Research source
- Touching someone’s hips is also usually a sign of attraction.
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Someone may cross and uncross their legs to make you notice them. If a person is crossing and uncrossing their legs, it might be an unconscious way of drawing your attention there. It can also be a sign that they feel comfortable and relaxed around you. [15] X Research source
- While crossing your legs might make you appear more at ease, crossing your arms can make you look closed off and uncomfortable.
- If you want to look approachable , avoid folding your arms over your chest or stomach and maintain a relaxed posture.
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Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about nonverbal cues, check out our in-depth interview with Cher Gopman .
References
- ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/22238-dilated-pupils
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17870074/
- ↑ http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199304/the-biology-attraction
- ↑ http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202109/signs-someone-is-nervous-around-you-because-they-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202109/signs-someone-is-nervous-around-you-because-they-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199304/the-biology-attraction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199304/the-biology-attraction
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6614668/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/202107/the-9-primary-signals-flirtation
- ↑ http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/202107/the-9-primary-signals-flirtation
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199304/the-biology-attraction
- ↑ https://www.mensxp.com/relationships/impress-women/46132-6-most-obvious-body-language-signs-that-women-give-out-if-they-are-interested-in-someone.html
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Cher Gopman
and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.
. Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post. This article has been viewed 59,387 times.
9 votes - 89%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: June 3, 2024
Views: 59,387
Categories: Body Language
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 59,387 times.
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