Every relationship has its fair share of ups and downs, but loving someone with a mental illness can provide an especially difficult challenge, whether they're your partner, friend, or family member. How do you know when it's time to walk away from the relationship for your own sake? In this article, we've outlined the top signs it's time to move on from someone with mental illness to protect your own health and safety. Remember—you deserve to be treated with love and respect, and it’s perfectly okay to walk away from someone who doesn’t show you the care and consideration that you deserve.
Things You Should Know
- It could be time to give up on the relationship if the other person refuses to seek any type of treatment for their mental health condition.
- It might be time to end the relationship if you’re only sticking around out of pity.
- Leave any type of relationship where you’re experiencing physical or emotional abuse, whether it’s from a partner or a loved one.
Steps
How to End Things
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Create a safety plan for yourself if you need one. If you're breaking things off with an abusive partner, take a moment to think about the aspects of your life you’ll need to adjust. Will you need to move into a new home, or travel to a new area? Creating a safety plan can help you iron out the logistics of your breakup so you can safely deal with the aftermath . [7] X Research source It can help to:
- Find a safe place to go in your home if your partner gets violent
- Create a code word to signify when you’re in trouble
- Pack ahead of time and prepare to leave quickly [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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Touch base with the members of your support system. Tell your close friends and loved ones about the current status of your relationship and how you’ve decided to end things. Let them know when you’re planning to cut ties, as well as how you’re going to break the news to your partner or loved one. [9] X Research source
- Ending a relationship can be especially challenging if you’re leaving an abusive partner. Keeping your support system in the loop about your break-up plans is a great way to stay safe, so they can keep tabs on you and your wellbeing.
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Plan what to say ahead of time. Write down your thoughts to help get them out in the open. It can also be really helpful to practice what you’d like to say out loud, so you feel a little more comfortable and prepared when the time comes. [10] X Research source
- You can also practice with a friend and see what they think about your break-up speech.
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Ask to meet with them in person. As awkward and painful as it may be at the time, meeting in person is the most considerate and respectful way to make a clean break. Sending a message over text or social media isn’t a very respectful way to end things, so it’s always best to meet in person. [11] X Research source
- Warning: Only meet with the individual in person if you feel safe doing so. If you’re worried about the person reacting violently, it’s perfectly fine to end your relationship digitally. [12] X Research source
- Reader Poll:
We asked 257 wikiHow readers how they planned to inform their wife about their decision to leave, and only 5%
of them said Use a mediator or therapist to facilitate the conversation.
[Take Poll]
- However, having a third party involved might be the safest choice if you do choose to meet in person.
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Break off your relationship clearly and respectfully. Tactfully tell the person that you’re looking to break up with them . Explain what the future boundaries of the relationship need to look like; if you don’t want to see them anymore, make that as clear as possible.
- “I don’t feel happy or fulfilled in this relationship, and it’s starting to take a toll on my mental health. I think we need to take an indefinite break, and I would like some space in the meantime.”
- “Our relationship doesn’t feel healthy, and I think we should break up. I’m open to being friends in the future, but I need a lot of space to think and reflect before that point.” [13] X Research source
- “Mom, I don’t think our relationship is healthy—in fact, I don’t think it’s ever been healthy. I think we need some space from each other.” [14] X Research source
Expert Q&A
Tips
- Talk to a mental health professional to see if hosting a small mental health intervention could be an effective way to help your partner or loved one.Thanks
- Don’t have time to see a therapist in person? Check out services like BetterHelp , Talkspace , and Cerebral to get in touch with a licensed mental health provider from the comfort of your home.Thanks
Warnings
- If your partner or loved one is an active danger to themselves or others, you may be able to get them committed to a mental hospital involuntarily.Thanks
- Always call emergency services if you fear for your own safety or the safety of someone else. If someone you know is suicidal, encourage them to call 988 or the suicide hotline in your country .Thanks
Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about human behavior, check out our in-depth interview with Jeffrey Fermin .
References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/emotional_abuse/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2022/12/27/ask-amy-boyfriend-anxious-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2003-09-24-0309180395-story.html
- ↑ https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-safely-end-unhealthy-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm
- ↑ https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-safely-end-unhealthy-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up.html
- ↑ https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-safely-end-unhealthy-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2019/10/its-okay-to-cut-ties-with-toxic-family-members#Deciding-to-cut-ties
- ↑ https://www.mass.gov/info-details/how-do-i-talk-to-a-friend-or-family-member-about-mental-health#what-should-i-look-out-for?-
- ↑ https://www.nami.org/FAQ/Family-Members-Caregivers-FAQ/My-friend-family-member-doesn-t-want-medication-or
- ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
- ↑ https://adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/spouse-or-partner
- ↑ https://adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/spouse-or-partner
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201805/overcoming-the-aftermath-leaving-toxic-relationship
- ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2022/12/27/ask-amy-boyfriend-anxious-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/healthy-relationships/