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Has your relationship taken a turn for the worse? If you have the sinking feeling that your boyfriend hates you, we’re here to help. Read on to learn signs that really hates you, why we might be feeling that way, and what to do about it. Remember, no one deserves to be treated badly, including you! Even if this guy turns out to be Mr. Wrong, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy, fulfilling relationship with someone who actually deserves your time and attention.
Steps
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He threatens to dump you on a regular basis. If your boyfriend threatens to call it quits constantly, or says he'll break up with you to scare or control you, it's not a good sign. You should feel secure in your relationship, not afraid that he’s going to bail every time there’s an issue. [1] X Research source
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He criticizes you, even in front of other people. Your partner should support and uplift you, not put you down. If he has a lot of bad things to say about you and doesn’t mind saying them in front of other people, it shows that he doesn’t respect or care for you. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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He blames you even when things aren’t your fault. Both people in a relationship should take responsibility for their own words and behavior. If your boyfriend always acts like everything is your fault, especially when it’s not, he’s probably just looking for a scapegoat. [3] X Research source
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He doesn’t talk about the future with you. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to make plans for weeks or months down the road, he probably doesn’t plan on being around then. Similarly, if he clams up any time you bring up commitments, whether they’re holiday plans or your desire to have kids, it’s a sign that he’s not interested in being together long-term. [4] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
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He doesn’t spend time with you or show that he cares. If you have a healthy relationship, you're probably friends with your boyfriend. You do things together and demonstrate your love and affection for each other. However, if each of you does your own thing and you rarely hang out and enjoy each other’s company, he probably isn't feeling you as much as he once was. [5] X Research source
- If he forgets your birthday or anniversary, it's a sign he might not be that invested in the relationship.
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He doesn’t want to be affectionate or intimate. When was the last time you held hands or cuddled? If it’s been a while since you two were affectionate or intimate, that’s a sign that your relationship is in trouble. [6] X Research source
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He cheats on you. If your boyfriend has emotional or physical affairs with other people, unfortunately, you aren’t the one he wants to be with. [7] X Research source You don’t deserve to be treated like this, and the best thing you can do is to dump the jerk!
- One instance of infidelity doesn’t necessarily mean you have to call it quits. But, it’s going to take some serious work to rebuild trust in him and repair your relationship.
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He is violent or abusive. It’s never okay for your boyfriend to put his hands on you! If he is physically aggressive or restrains or hurts you (shoves, hits, slaps, kicks, or chokes you, for example), you need to get out of the relationship now. We know this is a really scary situation, but the best thing you can do is leave. [8] X Research source
- Emotional abuse isn't acceptable, either. If your boyfriend is controlling, tries to manipulate you, frequently gives you the silent treatment or stonewalls you, or gaslights you, it's time to get out of the relationship. [9] X Research source
- To find resources to help you get out of an abusive relationship, visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship .
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wikiHow Quiz: Should We Break Up?
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He’s dealing with issues of his own and taking them out on you. If your man is under a lot of stress at school or work or is dealing with family issues, he might not be treating you badly on purpose. [10] X Research source You still need to talk to him and address what’s going on, but your relationship is probably saveable.
- Try approaching him when he’s in a decent mood. You might say something like, “I know you’ve been really stressed out about his merger and it’s really important to you. I feel like that stress is interfering with our relationship, though, and I want to talk about how we can make things better.” Hopefully, he’ll realize the error of his ways!
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He feels smothered by the relationship. It takes two to tango, and things might not be all your boyfriend’s fault. Take a minute to think about how you’ve been treating him lately. [11] X Research source Are you controlling? Do you constantly need attention? If he never has a chance to do things he wants his way, on his own time, he might start to resent you.
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He doesn't think you make him a priority. Are you super busy with your own stuff and hardly ever around? If you forget plans you made together or don't return his calls or texts, he probably doesn't feel like he's important in your life. If you want things to get better, make him a priority and show how much you really care. [12] X Research source
- You could bring this up by saying something like, “I know I’ve been really busy with work lately and haven’t had a lot of time for you. I’m sorry. What do you think about setting up a weekly date night so we can have some quality time together on a regular basis?”
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He feels like you're playing games. Do you flirt with other guys or talk about your ex? Do you test him or try to make him jealous? If you haven’t been treating your man well, he might be retaliating. Sit down and hash things out so you can move forward. [13] X Research source
- Open, honest communication is really important in a relationship. Instead of playing games, talk to him and try and get to the root of your relationship issues.
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He doesn’t have the courage to dump you. If your man has started distancing himself from you and treating you like dirt, he probably wants out of the relationship but is too scared to say it to your face. You deserve better! [14] X Research source
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He’s treating you badly because he’s abusive. In some cases, your boyfriend’s behavior actually has nothing to do with you as a person. It might stem from his past relationships or childhood, but that still isn’t an excuse. If he’s verbally, physically, or sexually abusive to you, it’s never your fault, even if he claims that it is. [15] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
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Work on the relationship if you think it can be saved. Sit down and have an honest, mature conversation with your boyfriend. If you can each air your grievances in a respectful way and decide to recommit to the relationship, you can get past this! It’s going to take some work, but if you love each other, you can rebuild a healthy relationship. [16] X Research source
- Use “I” statements to share your feelings and avoid insulting your partner or putting them down.
- Figure out what you each need to work on so both of you feel valued, supported, and respected.
- Don’t be afraid to give couples counseling a try! A therapist can give you tools to rebuild your relationship so it’s better than ever.
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Dump him if he has no reason to treat you badly. Unfortunately, your boyfriend might just be a jerk. If you’re putting effort into the relationship and treating him well, and he still acts like he hates you, it’s time to move on. [17] X Research source Just sit him down and tell him it’s over!
- Take some time to process the relationship and breakup. Then, get back out there and find a guy who will treat you right!
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Boost your own self-esteem and don’t settle. Dealing with a boyfriend who hates you or treats you badly can really take a toll on your mental state and your self-esteem. [18] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Spend some time reminding yourself why you’re an awesome person who deserves the best! [19] X Expert Source Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 19 October 2021. Take care of yourself and spend time with people who appreciate you just the way you are.- Repeat positive mantras, like “I am worthy of love.” It might sound cheesy, but it actually works!
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References
- ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/news/every-time-we-get-fight-my-boyfriend-threatens-break-me
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/when_are_you_sacrificing_too_much_in_your_relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201804/9-warning-signs-relationship-just-cant-be-saved
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201804/9-warning-signs-relationship-just-cant-be-saved
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101/cheating-and-breakups
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/signs-of-emotional-abuse#signs
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201408/why-we-hurt-the-ones-we-love-and-let-them-hurt-us
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/signs-of-toxic-relationships
- ↑ https://families.ces.ncsu.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/04.b-FACILITATOR-10-KEYS-TO-A-HEALTHY-RELATIONSHIP.pdf?fwd=no
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-a-toxic-person-how-do-you-deal-with-one
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201805/overcoming-the-aftermath-leaving-toxic-relationship
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4768593/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201907/can-you-save-dying-relationship
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-going-back-to-an-abusive-relationship
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2019/09/relationships-self-esteem
- ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
About This Article
Article Summary
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If your boyfriend acts hostile, threatens to dump you, or criticizes you in front of others, you might wonder if he hates you—and why. It’s possible that he’s dealing with issues of his own and dealing with them in an unhealthy way. Or, he could be feeling smothered or insecure about the relationship. It’s also possible that he’s abusive, and his hostile behavior is his way of trying to control you and the relationship. Remember, whatever his reasons might be, it’s not your fault if your boyfriend mistreats you. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with kindness and respect.
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