How to Cuddle with Someone You Love

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Learn how to build stronger connections through cuddling
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Cuddling is one of the best ways to show physical affection to someone you care about. Not only does it make you feel closer, but it can also help you both feel happier. If you've strayed away from cuddling or aren't sure what the best moves to use when you want to cuddle, you’ve come to the right place! This article covers the best cuddle positions, how to take cuddling to the next level, and the benefits you get from a regular snuggle schedule. Plus, we spoke with relationship experts to get their best tips for strengthening your romantic bond.

Best Cuddle Positions

  1. Spooning – Cuddle with the smaller person’s back tucked into the larger’s front.
  2. Half-spoon – Lie on your back with your partner facing you with their head on your chest.
  3. Face to face – Both lie on their sides facing each other with arms/legs entwined.
  4. Leg hug – With your upper bodies separate, entwine your legs together.
  5. Back to back – Face away from each other with your backs pressed together.
Section 1 of 4:

Cuddling Positions

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  1. The classic spoon is a great way to build intimacy and decrease conflict between romantic partners. [1] Spooning consists of a “big” and “little” spoon, where you both lie on your sides tucked into each other. The big spoon is the one in the back and often drapes their arm over the torso of the little spoon. [2]
    • Because your heads are nearly even with each other, you might bump the big spoon’s nose on accident. Try to stagger the positions of your heads so one is a little lower than the other.
    • The big spoon can rest their head on the shoulder of the little spoon or prop it up on one arm.
  2. The half-spoon is almost as popular as the spoon because it allows you to hear the other person’s heartbeat. It can be extremely intimate and soothing because it reminds you of when you were a baby falling asleep on your mother’s chest or shoulder. [3] To half-spoon, lie on your back and have your partner face you, lying on their side. The person on their side rests their head on the other’s chest or in the nook of their arm.
    • Over time, your heart rate tends to line up with your partner’s, which is a symbol of how close you are…or want to be. [4]
    • Another option is for both of you to be on your backs, with one resting your head on the other’s chest.
    • Try intertwining your legs for an even more intimate cuddling session.
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  3. Lie on your sides facing each other for one of the most romantic cuddling positions. This position allows you to hold each other, make eye contact, and kiss—or all three!—when you cuddle. [5] More eye contact also helps to boost your mutual attraction. [6]
    • Gazing into your sweetheart’s eyes is also a powerful way to show them you’re attracted to them and invested in the relationship.
    • Alternatively, try lying on your stomachs and turning your heads to the side.
    • Increase the romance swirling around the room by holding hands in the space between your bodies or pulling each other into a tight embrace.
  4. Wrap your legs together to give each other more space and freedom of movement when you cuddle. If you like to have a little elbow room when you sleep, try a leg hug to maintain your connection. Lie in bed or sit on opposite ends of a couch. Keep your upper bodies separate while entwining your legs together. This position lets you read, eat, or scroll on your phone while still maintaining intimacy with your sweetie. [7]
    • If you’re feeling playful, try playing footsie to add a little fun to your cuddling.
    • A leg hug is also a great option when you want to cuddle, but it’s a little warm out.
  5. The back-to-back cuddle position is an ideal way to maintain physical contact during the dog days of summer. Both partners lie on their sides, facing away from each other. Then, back up to each other until your backs are pressed together. This lets you stay connected while giving you a little breathing room.
    • If you get hot easily or get a little claustrophobic during an extended cuddle, use the back-to-back cuddle with only your butts touching to allow for more air circulation.
    • This position shows you want your partner to be comfortable while staying close to them.
  6. This position is one of the best for cuddling in tight spaces. Have the larger person lie face up. The smaller person then lies facing down on top of the larger person. The smaller person turns their head to the side and rests their cheek on the other’s chest or shoulder.
    • Holistic love coach Kate Dreyfus says that physical affection can help you create an emotional investment in each other and reignite passion on a sexual and emotional level. [8]
    • The layer-up cuddle position gives you all of the benefits of the face-to-face position, with even more contact for added intimacy.
  7. Lie side by side on your backs and wrap your legs together to try out the star-gazer. This cuddle position gets its name because it’s the perfect way to cuddle when you’re camping or watching a meteor shower. Lay on your backs next to each other and wrap your legs together. Hold hands over your torsos or in the space between your bodies.
    • Alternatively, one of you can slip your arm under the neck of the other person in a half-embrace.
    • However, this might cause your arm to fall asleep, so you may need to shift your position after a while.
    • Even though it’s called the star-gazer, you can do it under any circumstance.
  8. This cuddling move is great for when you want to talk because it makes maintaining eye contact easier. Dreyfus says that touch is powerful, but everyone needs a little verbal reassurance from time to time! [9] It also allows the person sitting up to offer comfort and protection to their loved one. Get into position by sitting up on a couch or bed while your partner lies perpendicularly with their head resting in your lap.
    • This position is more suitable for watching TV or chatting about your day than sleeping.
    • It also gives the person sitting up the perfect opportunity to play with your partner's hair or sweetly stroke their face.
    • For a more playful option, lay your head on your sweetie’s rump as they’re lying on their stomach.
  9. Another seated position, the lounge chair is ideal for binge-watching your favorite TV show together. As the two of you sit next to each other, angle your body slightly away from your sweetie. Then, lean back into their body until they put their arm around you and hold you tight.
    • Snuggling in this position can help you feel calm, secure, and very connected.
    • Alternatively, slide sideways into your partner’s lap and put your head on their shoulder.
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Section 2 of 4:

Enhancing Your Cuddling

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  1. Taking things slowly is a good idea whether your partner has been clear that they want to cuddle or you’re taking the initiative. [10] Place a hand on their shoulder, back, or on their waist to show your intent. Rest it there for a few minutes, or give them a light rub.
    • Ask your partner if it’s okay to cuddle, what type of cuddling they like, and how they like to cuddle. Then, discuss how far you both want your cuddling to go.
    • Dating coach Imad Jbara says, “If you want something, just be honest, be upfront, and make that the standard in the household.” [11]
    • Remember that cuddling doesn’t necessarily translate into foreplay. [12] Start slow until you're both comfortable, not with the intention of progressing things past the cuddling stage.
    • Carefully consider cuddling in public. Too much cuddling can make your friends or family members uncomfortable if you’re hanging out with them.
  2. You’re about to be held down in a hug for quite some time, so make sure that you’re comfortable first. If it’s too hot, you might have to limit the amount of physical contact to avoid turning into a swamp monster. Are you on a couch or a bed? Or something else entirely? The amount of space you have to sprawl will change the cuddling positions you can perform. [13]
    • If you plan on doing some long-term cuddling during a movie or before bed, change into comfortable clothes or grab a cozy blanket.
    • Although you might be resting on the other person, having a pillow present might be a good idea, too.
    • Spooning is one of the greatest heat-generating cuddling positions because there is so much physical contact. The big spoon may have to hold off wrapping their arm around the little spoon or move their legs back a bit to avoid creating a sweat pool. [14]
  3. Lightly stroke their skin with your fingertips or run your hands down their torso or along their arms and legs. Or, show your partner some love as you help them to relax by giving them a gentle massage . [15]
    • The goal is to make the other person comfortable and interested in further cuddling with you.
    • When you transition into true “cuddling,” continue the light rubbing to prolong the positive feelings you both get from it.
  4. Have you ever wondered why it feels so sweet and nice when someone plays with your hair? It turns out there are special nerve endings that wrap around your hair follicles to tell you what way your hair is pointing. [16] Stroking these follicles feels nice, so run your hands through your partner’s hair while you cuddle. Plus, playing with your partner’s hair can help them feel comfortable and relaxed.
    • Gender doesn’t matter when it comes to playing with hair. Both men and women enjoy it.
    • Try gently rubbing their scalp as you stroke their hair to give them a light massage.
    • If you want your partner to play with your hair, make sure you keep it clean and free of tangles.
  5. Kissing while cuddling is a great way to deepen your emotional bond, reduce stress, or initiate sex. [17] Kiss your partner passionately or keep your smooches light, depending on whether you’re planning on making things more intimate or just enjoying a sweet moment.
    • Plant little kisses on their forehead, arms, or hands to show that you love and care for them.
  6. Gently tickling your partner will have them squirming and giggling closer to you in no time. Some people don’t enjoy tickling, so only tickle them only long enough to show you’re flirting and you to be closer to them. [18]
    • Be careful not to take the tickling too far, even if your partner is laughing. Tickling can be a form of torture for some, and laughter may be an automatic reflex, not a sign of enjoyment. [19]
    • If you’re planning to start a tickle fight, make sure your partner is okay with it. Don't risk the romantic atmosphere of cuddling for a tickle fight without your partner's consent.
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Section 3 of 4:

Benefits of Cuddling

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  1. When you touch someone—or they touch you—your brain releases the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is called the “cuddle chemical” because it has an important role in trust, attachment, and bonding. [20] It helps people feel more satisfied with their relationships.
    • Cuddling is also a great way to keep your focus on your partner, which can help you be vulnerable and communicate your emotions more clearly.
    • There’s some thought that cuddling can help you feel more satisfied with your sex life. [21]
  2. Much like touch and hugging, cuddling helps you relax, which can improve your ability to handle stress. Lower stress levels have been shown to have a variety of benefits, including improved mental and physical health. [22] Some of the health benefits of cuddling and hugging are:
    • A stronger immune system
    • Lower blood pressure
    • Reduced inflammation [23]
    • Better sleep [24]
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Section 4 of 4:

Cuddling FAQs

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  1. Cuddling is holding someone close for comfort or affection. It’s a form of intimacy that people share with family members, friends, or romantic partners to express affection. It often means putting your arms around someone to hold them in a loving way. [25]
    • While platonic cuddling isn’t as popular in the U.S., it’s also a great way to help strengthen your relationships with friends.
  2. There’s no set amount of time you should cuddle to feel the maximum benefits. The amount of cuddling someone needs to feel comforted and bonded varies from person to person. Some people may not need much cuddling at all, while others need more cuddling to feel relaxed and comfortable. [26]
    • Some studies have found that the average amount of cuddled time enjoyed by people in committed relationships is about 30-40 minutes, 3 times a week.
    • Couples often cuddle in bed. It usually takes place before or after sex or in the morning. [27]
  3. Some men enjoy cuddling, while others do not. One study found that men with long-term partners are more satisfied with their relationships when they get more physical contact, including hugs and cuddling. This goes against the common assumption that women are more interested in cuddling and men are more interested in sex. [28]
    • Not all men like to cuddle, though. Some find it physically uncomfortable because they overheat, or one of their limbs might go numb.
    • Other men may find it emotionally uncomfortable because it makes them feel vulnerable. However, this is also true of some women. [29]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I choose an appropriate location for a date?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Think of a public space where you can be at your best. Then suggest it to your partner and ask her if it is suitable for her.
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  • Question
    Can I kiss a girl on my first date?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Stefanie Safran
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    You should wait for at least three dates before kissing a girl. You need to have more information about each other before kissing.
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  • Question
    Will it work out well if I take the girl home on the first date?
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
    Stefanie Safran
    Dating Coach & Matchmaker
    Expert Answer
    Your date may not last for a year if you take the girl home on the first date. Statistics show that less than ten percent of the partners who have sex within three dates continue dating for a year.
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      Tips

      • Some people are more receptive to affection than others. If the person doesn't cuddle back, either they don't want to cuddle with you, or they're just not very comfortable with physical affection. [30]
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      • If you're not in a relationship, but you like the person, you can cuddle with them as long as you have their consent.
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      • Remember to relax. Keep your body loose and avoid tensing up when you cuddle.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • If your partner is crying, cuddle face-to-face and let them cry in your arms — rub their back and reassure them.
      • Practice cuddling techniques with a pillow first if you're unsure what to do.
      • Some people dislike having their hair played with, so check before doing it.
      • Putting your arm around your partner's back makes them feel safe and secure.
      • Don't overdo tickling — even if they laugh, they may not want too much.
      • When stroking or rubbing your partner, go slowly rather than too fast.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6169869/
      2. ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleeping-positions/couples
      3. ↑ https://www.childresearch.net/aboutCS/mediscience/24.html
      4. ↑ https://www.ucdavis.edu/news/lovers-hearts-beat-sync-uc-davis-study-says
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/the-psychology-of-love
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202110/the-romantic-power-of-eye-contact
      7. ↑ https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a23652662/cuddling-positions/
      8. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.
      9. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.
      1. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/the-power-and-science-of-cuddling/
      2. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
      3. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23070529/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-of-desire/201708/the-sexual-science-of-cuddling
      5. ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleeping-positions/couples
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-baby-scientist/201709/the-importance-cuddling
      7. ↑ https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/02/03/383426166/fingertips-to-hair-follicles-why-touch-causes-pleasure-and-pain
      8. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/kissing-and-your-health
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-self/202104/the-meaning-tickling
      10. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/why-are-people-ticklish
      11. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22618-oxytocin
      12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-communication/202204/4-reasons-couples-should-cuddle-more
      13. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone
      14. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-communication/202205/4-significant-physical-benefits-of-hugging
      15. ↑ https://time.com/7011782/how-cuddling-affects-your-sleep/
      16. ↑ https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/cuddle
      17. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/cuddling-and-romance#how-often-should-couples-cuddle
      18. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-communication/202204/4-reasons-couples-should-cuddle-more
      19. ↑ https://kinseyinstitute.org/news-events/newsletters/pdf/Summer_2011_newsletter.pdf
      20. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/cuddling-and-romance#how-often-should-couples-cuddle
      21. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201808/not-everyone-wants-hug

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To cuddle, start by placing a hand on your partner's shoulder, back, or waist. Rest it there for a few minutes to make sure the other person is comfortable and interested in cuddling more with you. If you're sure they are, you can try different cuddling positions, like "the half spoon", "the star gazer", or "the spoon". To "spoon", the most common cuddling position, both partners should lay on their sides, tucked into each other. The "big spoon," or the person in the back, can rest their head near the shoulder of the "little spoon". If you're cuddling in a tight space, however, try having the larger person lay face up and the second person lay face down on top of them. Choose whatever is most comfortable for both of you. No matter how you prefer to cuddle, relax and be playful. Cuddling is a sweet way to show physical affection. You can play with your partner's hair, plant little kisses on their forehead and arms, tickle them, and even give them a massage. Have fun and enjoy your time with your partner. For tips on how to enhance your cuddling with playful or romantic gestures, keep reading!

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