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We’ve all experienced the heartache of trying to get over a crush. It’s hard enough when you only have to see them occasionally, but it can feel nearly impossible when you run into them every day in class or at work. Here's the good news—it’s definitely possible to get them off your mind with some self-compassion, a strong support network, and a little patience. Keep reading for a list of tactics to change your perception of your crush, put some space between you, and cope with your feelings in a healthy way so you can let them go.

4

Limit contact with your crush as much as you can.

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  1. [4] Sit in a different desk or office space to put them at a physical distance. Skip any parties or office happy hours where you know they’ll be, and find new bars, coffee shops, or hangout spots if you know they’re a regular at your old haunts. [5]
    • If you’ve been physically intimate with your crush before, keep your relationship completely platonic going forward. More sensual encounters will only make it harder to get over your feelings and move on. [6]
    • Make your home a safe space and get rid of any gifts, photos, or other objects that remind you too much of the person. [7]
6

Talk about your crush with friends or family.

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  1. Tell your best friend or a trusted family member what you like about the person, how sad or angry you feel, or all the future dates and milestones you pictured. Get it all out of your system so you can move on. [9]
    • Talking about your problems with friends and family is a way to let them know what’s happening in your life and that you might need some extra support while you work through this. It’s OK to use your support system and ask for help!
    • Talking about your crush will help normalize your feelings. If you keep it all inside, you might grow embarrassed or ashamed of how you feel and it will take longer to heal.
9

Substitute a new thought when your crush is on your mind.

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  1. Just change the course of your thinking to stop fantasizing about what could have been or dwelling on a relationship that isn’t going to happen. This helps you heal and move on faster. [12] Here are some examples of how to shift your train of thought:
    • Instead of letting yourself imagine a romantic wine night with them, start thinking about a trip to a vineyard with your closest friends.
    • If you can’t stop focusing on the way they did their hair today, try picturing yourself in a salon chair and playing with different styles and colors.
    • Did they say your name recently and you can’t stop re-hearing it? Imagine your favorite musician screaming your name from the stage instead.
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10

Look at yourself from their point of view.

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12

Set limits on how much you talk about your crush.

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  1. If you feel yourself obsessing, try distracting yourself with your favorite activities or take a trip with friends or family. It can be very healing to do something you enjoy with the people who do care about you. [15]
    • Shift your energy toward accepting the situation for what it really is and acknowledge, “what I am looking for is not going to happen with this person.” You will probably still feel sad for a time, but this acceptance will let you grieve the lost possibility and then move on. [16]
15

Focus on substance-free coping mechanisms.

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  1. If you find yourself binge drinking or doing recreational drugs frequently, you may need to reevaluate how you process your feelings. Reach out to friends, family, or a substance use professional if you feel your coping mechanisms have gotten out of control. [19]
    • A drunk text or DM to your crush can be embarrassing and make it even harder to move on, especially if you have to see them everyday. Ditch the booze while you’re thinking about them to avoid making a mistake you’ll regret later.
    • Prolonged drug or alcohol use while you’re depressed might lead to self-harm or suicidal thoughts in extreme cases.
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16

See a therapist if your feelings are unmanageable.

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  1. It’s normal to feel low for days or weeks, but it’s time to speak to a professional if you can’t work through it on your own and your usual support systems are not helping. [20] Signs it might be time to see a therapist or a counselor might be:
    • You feel depressed or sad for all or most of the day, most days of the week.
    • Your feelings are preventing you from enjoying your favorite things and activities.
    • Your feelings are affecting your ability to work, succeed in school, socialize with your friends or family, or get along with people.

Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series

Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.

Community Q&A

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  • Question
    There's a boy in my class, and I have had a crush on him for over two years. I really want to get over him, but I just can’t.
    ItzTheEvEv
    Community Answer
    List things you DON’T like about him. It may slowly help you realize he might be better as a friend or just a classmate.
  • Question
    Can a 5th grader date a 6th grader?
    Community Answer
    Yes, if they like each other and all the parents are OK with it.
  • Question
    I have a crush on my neighbor, but I'm in a relationship with the Love of My Life. I'm not making it obvious that I like the neighbor, and I'm actually avoiding him. However, I'm still attracted to him. What should I do?
    TheGenZArtist
    Community Answer
    If you let your partner know about your crush, they should help you feel validated by acknowledging your feelings and not pressuring you to get over your crush fast. Having his support can help you get over your feelings for your neighbor.
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