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It is normal to feel happier at certain times than others, but that doesn't mean that you can't find a consistent pattern of contentment, satisfaction, and gratitude in your life. You must first learn to become happy with yourself.
Practice positivity and gratitude in your daily life. To keep up these joyful practices, introduce habits that can help you maintain a good and confident mood. [1]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
Steps
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Learn to love yourself. Learning to love yourself is important for happiness because it means that you have accepted yourself for who you truly are. This satisfaction can help increase your contentment and confidence. [2] X Research source
- Write down a list of things that you love about yourself. These could be physical attributes, skills, personality traits, or relationships. Read over this list when your self-esteem is low.
- Stand in front of a mirror and express your love for yourself. For example, you can say, “I love who I am, and nothing can change that.”
- In difficult moments, treat yourself as you would your best friend. Whatever you would say to your friend, tell yourself.
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Tell yourself that you can overcome anything. People often become what they believe themselves to be. If you believe you cannot do something, it makes you incapable of doing it. Instead, remind yourself that you can handle anything. [3] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source
- If you're faced with a problem or obstacle, instead of giving up, tell yourself, “I can do this” and treat it as an opportunity to learn something new.
- Don't be afraid of failure. If you make a mistake, pick yourself back up and try again. Remember that each failure is simply a new learning opportunity.
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Avoid comparing yourself to other people. Everyone lives life differently, so it is useless to compare yourself to other people. Remind yourself of your own successes, talents, and opportunities. Base your happiness on what you have achieved, not on what others have done.
- Social media can cause people to compare themselves to others. If this is a problem for you, consider deleting your social media accounts or reducing how much time you spend on social media.
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Forgive yourself when you make mistakes. When you do something wrong, treat yourself the way you would treat a friend in the situation. Don't dwell on the mistake, but make a commitment to do better in the future. [4] X Research source
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Establish balance in your work, relationships, and hobbies. Balance is important in all aspects of your life. Give yourself enough time to devote to your work, social life, family activities, personal interests, exercise, and relaxation time. [5] X Research source
- If you struggle with creating a work-life balance, try making a daily schedule. Block off time for relaxation and social activities, and don't let work run into that time. [6]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. - Try implementing daily self-care practices in your routine. Give yourself a bubble bath, go for a run, or paint a picture. Do something that helps you relax.
- If you struggle with creating a work-life balance, try making a daily schedule. Block off time for relaxation and social activities, and don't let work run into that time. [6]
X
Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
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Practice positive thinking . Whenever you find yourself thinking something negative like “I can't do this” or “what an awful day,” stop yourself. Change your thought to something positive, such as “I can do this if I put my mind to it” or “ This day is only going to get better .” [7] X Research source
- To help remind yourself to think positively, stick motivational messages on your phone, computer, mirror, or wallet. These might say something like “you're awesome” or “you can achieve your dreams.”
- If you struggle with negative thinking often, try making a list of the potential reasons you may be feeling this way. Think of ways you can change or improve your life to start feeling more optimistic. [8]
X
Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
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Give compliments to yourself. Praise yourself for your efforts and your achievement, even for small successes. Remind yourself how strong, talented, or hard-working you are. [9] X Research source
- For example, you can tell yourself, "You did so well getting everything done today! Great job!"
- It can help to write compliments things down, either in a journal or on the computer.
- Give yourself rewards when you've accomplished something big. Take yourself out to dinner, buy yourself something special, or do something fun with loved ones.
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Surround yourself with positive people. Your social groups play a big role in how you feel. If you're surrounded by negative or cynical people, their behavior may rub off on you. Instead, seek out positive relationships with happy, optimistic, and cheerful people. [11] X Research source
- If you're struggling with your relationships, try to meet new people. Volunteer at a local charity, join a club or society, or take a class to learn a new skill.
- If certain people complain on social media too much, consider unfriending them or blocking their posts from your view.
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Express gratitude for the good things and people in your life. Every day, identify a few things that you are thankful for. Think of your relationships, opportunities, favorite memories, and other wonderful things that have happened in your life. [12] X Research source
- Write these thoughts down in a journal every day. If you're feeling negative or upset, read over your gratitude journal to cheer yourself up.
- Make sure to tell the people you love how much you appreciate them. This will make both of you feel happier.
EXPERT TIPLicensed Psychologist & TEDx SpeakerDr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.Gratitude helps us become less depressed, less anxious, happier, and more attractive to be around. This is actually supported by neuroscience. We've seen in MRIs the effects of gratitude. We have hard evidence that certain parts of the brain are bolstered when we engage in daily gratitude practices.
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Write your life as a positive story. Every day, write what happened to you in a journal, but frame it as a happy story. Focus on the good things. When writing about your struggles, emphasize what you learned or how you grew from the experience. [13] X Research source
- Remember that everyone has struggles in life. These struggles can't prevent you from achieving happiness.
- You can also try to focus on 1 positive thing that stands out to you, no matter how small it may seem.
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Adjust your expectations as you go along. Your life will change as you grow older. Instead of sticking to the same expectations, goals, and dreams, feel free to make changes as you go along. [14] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. Adjusting your expectations can help you stay realistic and avoid disappointment. [15] X Research source- You may need to lower your expectations in some cases. Expecting too much of yourself or others can lead to disappointment and frustration.
- For example, what you expect out of a partner might change as you get older. You may even want to cut down your list of requirements to help you find someone who will make you happy.
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Build strong relationships with your family, friends, and loved ones. Relationships are a key component of long-term happiness. You don't need a ton of friends to be happy. Instead, devote time to building strong relationships with people who are close to you. [16] X Research source
- Plan outings each week with friends or family. You can go on a picnic, see a movie together, or hang out at home.
- For those who live far away, make sure to call regularly on the phone, talk over video chat, or send letters.
- Remember important dates, like birthdays, anniversaries, and weddings. Give a nice card or a present for these events.
- Tell your family and friends how you love and appreciate them often.
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Get between 7-9 hours of sleep every night. If you don't get enough sleep, you may find yourself feeling more moody, pessimistic, or stressed. A good sleep schedule will ensure that you can feel your best every day. [17] X Research source
- Avoid using bright screens and electronics 1 hour before going to bed. These screens can make it harder for you to fall asleep.
- Make sure your bedroom is an inviting place to sleep. Close the curtains at night. Use a white noise machine or ear plugs to block out any noise.
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Increase your activity levels. Exercise and movement are great mood boosters. Incorporate more activity into your daily life to keep yourself feeling cheerful and happy. Some easy ways to include more activity include: [18] X Research source
- Taking a walk after dinner.
- Going to the gym 2-3 times a week.
- Taking the stairs instead of the escalator or elevator.
- Playing with children or pets.
- Going on a hike or kayaking on the weekend.
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Meditate when you feel anxious, stressed, or overwhelmed. Meditation helps calm your brain and restore you to a sense of peace. Daily meditation can help you cope with difficult or stressful situations. [19] X Research source
- Go somewhere quiet and peaceful. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Don't think about anything else. If your mind wanders during this time, gently redirect it back to your breathing.
- Start by doing 5 minute meditation sessions. As you get better, work your way up to 10 or 15 minute sessions.
- There are many videos and apps that offer guided meditation. These include Headspace, Calm, and Insight Timer.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I start enjoying life more?Michelle Shahbazyan is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.Be honest with yourself and ask yourself if you are happy with who you are and how you are. If you are, great. Move forward. If you're not, find those little things along the way and make changes. Some times you may be stuck in a situation that you don't have control over. Even within those situations, when you're internally satisfied with who you are, you can always find ways to get more motivated and excited in your life so that you can then make your goals happen.
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QuestionHow can I think more positively?Michelle Shahbazyan is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.Try shifting your mindset and removing those negative thoughts so that you can make an empty space to replace them with positive thoughts. Take a look at all the thoughts in your mind and see if they coincide with who you want to be and how you want to think of yourself versus what you've been told from the outside world or someone else's judgment of you.
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QuestionHow do you change your life for the better?Michelle Shahbazyan is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.Start small. It may seem like a daunting task, but usually as people start to explore it, they'll see they have five things, 10 things, or 100 things they want to change. If you make tangible, implementable changes one by one, each part of your life that is bringing you down can change. When you do that and you can get through half your list or 90% of your list or sometimes 100% of your list, all of a sudden, you see that there is hope and that something can be done.
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Tips
- It is normal to feel happier at some times than others.Thanks
- Being happy doesn't mean that you don't feel sad, upset, or angry at certain points. It just means that you are able to cope with these feelings and return to a sense of happiness instead of dwelling on them.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Doggedly pursuing happiness can lead to disappointment, so try to just be open to whatever life brings. Fully enjoy the good times, and see challenges as opportunities for growth.
- Always keep smiling, because a smile spreads happiness to others. When you project a happy demeanor, it lifts the moods of your family and friends, too.
- Focus on self-care practices like exercising, reading, or spending time in nature. Keeping your mind and body healthy helps maintain an upbeat mood.
- If you are feeling sad, try meditating. I've experienced the benefits of meditation myself. It can provide a sense of calm and inner peace.
- Make a point to regularly express gratitude. Appreciating what you have, both big and small, cultivates positive emotions.
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Warnings
- Being surrounded by negative people can be harmful to your happiness. Put space between yourself and negative people in your life.Thanks
- If you're feeling excessively sad, emotionless, or agitated or if you have lost interest in hobbies, work, and relationships, see a mental health professional for advice.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-be-happy.html
- ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/feel-better-and-happy/
- ↑ https://consciouslivingtv.com/spirit/how-to-forgive-yourself.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201801/how-be-happy-23-ways-be-happier
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-be-happy.html
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201801/how-be-happy-23-ways-be-happier
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-happier-in-life-10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/201409/6-ways-become-more-positive-today
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-happier-in-life-10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy.html
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-be-happy.html
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ http://bigthink.com/artful-choice/want-to-be-happier-recalibrating-your-expectations-might-help
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-happier-in-life-10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy.html
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-happier-in-life-10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy.html
- ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-be-happy.html
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-to-be-happier-in-life-10-scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-incredibly-happy.html
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If you want to be happy always, avoid comparing yourself to other people and learn to love what makes you unique. Write down a list of things that you love yourself, and read the list whenever your self-esteem is low, and forgive yourself when you make mistakes. In addition, you will be happier if you surround yourself with happy, optimistic, and cheerful people, and avoid people who are always unhappy themselves. Keep reading for tips from our reviewer on how expressing daily gratitude can make you happier!
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