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Apologies are complicated conversations to have because they involve one person admitting that they're wrong, and it can be hard to do that. However, when you want to salvage your friendship with a guy, apologizing to him is important. Boys and men are still people with thoughts and feelings and appreciate apologies when they are required.
Steps
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Identify what happened to upset your guy friend. As soon as you become aware that your friend is mad at you, you need to figure out what you said or did that caused him to get upset. [1] X Research source
- You may already know, but if you do not, take time to reflect on your recent actions around and words to him. What did you say or do that might have upset him?
- If you cannot determine what made him angry with you, you will have to ask him. You cannot sincerely apologize for something that you did not know was wrong or upsetting.
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Recognize that you made a mistake. You could have done any number of things to upset your guy friend. An important step in giving a sincere apology is admitting to yourself that you made a mistake. [2] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.- It can be a challenge to do this because many people do not like admitting that they are wrong or that they did something wrong. However, this is a key component to giving a genuine apology and repairing your friendship.
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Understand why your mistake upset your friend. Presumably, you know your guy friend pretty well. Another key aspect of apologizing to him involves knowing why this particular issue upset him.
- Did you offend his values or beliefs?
- Did you hurt his feelings?
- Did you lie to him?
- Did you offend his family or another close friend?
- Did you physically hurt him?
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Decide how you will apologize to him. Generally speaking, in-person apologies are much preferred. However, if an in-person apology is not possible, the next best options are writing a personal letter or giving him a phone call.
- Most people strongly recommend against sending an apology in a text message, because it seems insincere. You are sending the message to your friend that you do not have or do not want to take the time to apologize in person and that you do not value his friendship.
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Make plans to apologize to your friend after he has had time to cool off. If you chose to apologize in-person, ask your guy friend if he will meet up with you to talk the next day. Otherwise, plan to write him a letter or wait a day before calling him.
- It is best to give both of you time to calm down and take a step back from the situation. In some cases, apologizing immediately comes off as insincere and selfish. However, you want to avoid waiting too long, because that will cause resentment to build. [3] X Research source
- In the meantime, prepare your apology to your guy friend.
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Plan out what you will say to him. It is important to go into the apology prepared with what you will say. Typically, boys and men do not appreciate a lot “fluff;” rather, it is better to get right to the point.
- “I need to apologize for what I did.”
- “I'm sorry for what I said the other day.”
- “I owe you an apology for the way I acted.”
- “I want to apologize to you about how I treated you.”
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Avoid giving reasons for why you did the action that upset your friend. Often, these simply come across as excuses for your behavior. [4] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- If you feel the need to give a reason for your actions, it is best to stick to reasons that put the blame on you. For example, “I said those mean things about you because I felt pressured to fit in with that crowd.” Avoid saying statements like, “Well, I know I shouldn't have said those things, but you brought it on yourself.”
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Take full responsibility for your actions. In some cases, you and your friend might both be to blame for the disagreement. However, when you are apologizing, it is best to accept responsibility for your actions. [5] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.- “I recognize that I was in the wrong.”
- “I know that what I did was rude, and you didn't deserve to be treated like that.”
- “I'm aware that I made a mistake.”
- “I made a mistake, and I fully accept that truth.”
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Explain how you will make it up to him. When you hurt a friend's feelings or somehow upset him, sometimes he loses trust in you. One way to rebuild that trust is to show him that you value the friendship and want to repair it.
- “I'll buy you a replacement since I ruined yours.”
- “I don't like that they tried to make me bully someone to be friends with them, so I'm going to stay away from them. I already have great friends, like you.”
- “I'll apologize to your family, as well. That was a horrible thing of me to say.”
- “I will always be honest with you from now on. Your friendship means a lot to me.”
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Apologize to your guy friend. Once you have drafted everything you want to say to him in your apology, carry it out.
- Follow through with meeting him in person to apologize or be sure to give him a call. If you chose to write him a letter, then leave it somewhere he will find it or mail it to him.
- Remember to not make excuses while you talk with him. [6]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. - Remain calm while giving your apology. Crying will likely make him feel guilty, when you are the one at fault, and getting angry will turn the conversation into an argument.
- Allow him to interrupt if he becomes upset or wants to say something, and do not react negatively if you do not like what he says. This shows him that you are serious and respect his friendship. [7] X Research source
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Accept it if your guy friend rejects your apology. In some cases, he might not be willing to accept your apology. It is important to accept this yourself.
- Do not get mad at him and do not yell at him. It is his right to accept or reject your apology, and if you really offended or hurt him, he might want to do that. [8]
X
Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. - If your mistake has cost you your friendship, you need to take responsibility for that.
- Avoid begging for his forgiveness or asking him what you can do to make it up to him. Rather, take the initiative to regain his trust by doing those things on your own.
- Do not get mad at him and do not yell at him. It is his right to accept or reject your apology, and if you really offended or hurt him, he might want to do that. [8]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
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Show your guy friend that you mean your apology. In your apology, you likely told him a way that you will make it up to him. Show him you were serious by following through with those promises.
- Do whatever it takes to make it up to him without complaint. Complaining about it will only negate your apology and possibly put the guilt or blame on him.
- It is, quite possibly, even more important to follow through if he rejected your apology because this is a big way that you will try to regain his trust.
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Let the situation become history. Once the apology and the disagreement are over, it is best to let the whole situation fall into the past.
- Do not bring it up over and over again, regardless of whether he accepted or rejected your apology. If he accepted it, then bringing it up will likely become annoying and cause a new issue. If he rejected it, then bothering him about it frequently will likely only push him further away.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionIs it bad to get into an argument with your friend?Michelle Shahbazyan is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.We're human beings. Any two people you put in a room together long enough is going to experience some kind of conflict. It's more a matter of using the experience of conflict as an opportunity to create a stronger, more positive relationship.
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QuestionWhat if my friend won't talk to me anymore?Community AnswerJust let your friend cool down. They probably just need time.
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QuestionWhat if I am too shy to apologize?Community AnswerWrite a letter of apology and give it to him, it's better than texting because it shows that you actually took time to hand write it or to print it, and it helps because you don't have to say it out loud.
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Tips
- View the situation from his point of view to help you better understand why he is upset with you.Thanks
- Keep the apology short. It does not need to be a long conversation or a long letter. Say what you need to say and move on.Thanks
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Warnings
- Do not get other friends involved. The more people that get involved, the more likely it is that rumors will spread and that the situation will get messier than it needs to be.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.perfectapology.com/how-to-apologize.html
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/08/23/how-to-apologize-like-a-man/
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/06/the-most-effective-ways-to-mak/
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201308/read-you-apologize-her-or-him
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
About This Article
Article Summary
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Having an argument with your guy friend can be stressful, but if you apologize sincerely, it'll make it easier to fix things. Wait a while after your argument before apologizing so you both have the chance to cool off. Then, ask him to meet up so you can apologize in person. Admit to your mistake, let him know you’re aware of how it affected him, and say sorry. Say something like, “I’m sorry for telling people your secret. I know I hurt you and that wasn’t cool.” Then, tell your friend how you’ll make it up to him. This might involve paying for something you lost, explaining the situation to other people, or just promising not to do it again. For more advice, including how to cope if your friend rejects your apology, read on.
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- "I accidentally snitched on my best friend and it turned out to be a disaster. It got him mad at me for 4 months now, and I have apologized to him 4 times already and he rejected all of them. I have given him space for 2 months now, and I am planning to talk to him tomorrow for my fifth apology, all because of this article." ..." more
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"I accidentally snitched on my best friend and it turned out to be a disaster. It got him mad at me for 4 months now, and I have apologized to him 4 times already and he rejected all of them. I have given him space for 2 months now, and I am planning to talk to him tomorrow for my fifth apology, all because of this article."
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