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Feeling capable of handling your own life can be very empowering. As a woman, you might feel like you have to work a little bit harder to be truly independent. Real independence means being able to take care of yourself, both emotionally and physically. There are several steps you can take to become an independent woman. And remember – being independent doesn't mean you can't lean on others when you need to. It just means that it's your choice.
Steps
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Get to know yourself. Being independent means being in charge of your own life and making your own decisions. In order to do that successfully, you need to understand who you really are. Knowing and loving yourself is the first step towards being capable of independence.
- Pay attention to your moods. Your emotions are important factors in how you make decisions, so monitor them. Be aware of what makes you happy and what is unsatisfying. [1] X Research source
- Know how your environment affects you. Notice how you react in different settings or situations. [2] X Research source
- Practices like meditation, breathing exercises, and gratitude journaling can help you learn more about yourself while becoming a more positive person. [3]
X
Expert Source
Dawn Smith-Camacho
Career & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
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Make your own choices. Making important decisions on your own is a key component of being an independent woman. In order to feel confident doing this, use careful consideration when making big choices. Remember, the best way to make a big decision is to balance what your heart wants with what your mind thinks is best. [4] X Research source
- Make a list of the risks and rewards involved. [5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source When examining the list of all potential rewards against the risks, decide if the odds are in your favor or against you.
- Don't be afraid to ask for advice. You're still the one making the decision, even if you listen to input from someone you trust.
- Consider how you would feel if your decision were broadcast on the nightly news. Is this a decision you would be proud of? [6] X Research source
- Does the decision compromise your values, character, or integrity? You may have to make an unpopular decision, but do what you feel is right an in line with these things. [7] X Research source
- Understand what you can and can't control. Once you accept this, you can help focus on the things you can change in any situation. [8]
X
Expert Source
Rahti Gorfien, PCC
Life Coach Expert Interview. 17 December 2019. Focusing on things you can't control can make you feel anxious and overwhelmed. [9] X Expert Source Dawn Smith-Camacho
Career & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
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Learn to self-soothe. Being an independent woman means being able to care for yourself emotionally. Learn to acknowledge your emotions. Be kind to yourself during times of stress or unhappiness. You deserve your own patience.
- This will be different for everyone, so find something small that you can do to calm yourself if you need to. If you're at work, try stepping back and taking a minute for yourself. Go to the restroom and splash some cool water on your face. Or log out of your e-mail for a minute and text a friend.
- Pets are great for helping you soothe yourself. If you have a cat, pet him. This will help you deal with your stress.
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Be comfortable by yourself. Learning to enjoy your own company is a big part of being independent. You don't always have to depend on others in order to enjoy an activity. To get used to your own company, practice spending time by yourself – on purpose. [10] X Research source
- Go to a movie by yourself. You won't have to worry about anyone talking during the previews or hogging the popcorn.
- Dine alone. Going to a restaurant by yourself can be intimidating. But you might find that it is very enjoyable. You get to choose the time and place, without having to worry about another person's appetite. If you fear you might be bored, take a book or magazine with you.
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Create positive relationships. Being in a codependent relationship can greatly detract from your ability to be independent. Evaluate all of your relationships (personal, romantic, professional) and make sure that there is a give and take in each relationship. Make sure your needs are being met in each of your relationships.
- Try being more assertive in your relationships. Speak up if you feel that you are not being valued.
- Try to make more time for yourself and do some of the things you love, even when your partner has no interest in those things. This will allow you to balance being independent in your relationship with the time spent together.
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Track your spending . Financial independence is an important part of being an independent woman. The first step to successfully manage your money is to figure out how much you are spending each month. Keep track of your spending for at least two months to get a clear idea of your output. [11] X Trustworthy Source US Consumer Financial Protection Bureau U.S. government agency for protecting consumers in the financial sector Go to source
- Keep track of minor expenses as well as major ones. Chart how much you spend on rent, credit card payments, food, and transportation. You'll also want to note how much you spend on entertainment and socializing.
- Try using an app or an online banking system to make tracking your finances easy and accurate.
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Find motivation. Figure out why it is so important to you to become independent. Do you want to own your own home? Be secure as you head into retirement? Write down whatever your financial priorities are. Visualizing your motivation will help you find the enthusiasm to start a steady financial regimen. [12] X Trustworthy Source Edutopia Educational nonprofit organization focused on encouraging and celebrating classroom innovation Go to source
- If you're not sure what motivates you, commit to spending 1 week where you notice everything that makes you feel excited, engaged, or lit up. Write each of those things down, no matter how small. Then, you can go back and look at that list to see the things that really make you feel happy and motivated. [13]
X
Expert Source
Dawn Smith-Camacho
Career & Life Coach Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
- If you're not sure what motivates you, commit to spending 1 week where you notice everything that makes you feel excited, engaged, or lit up. Write each of those things down, no matter how small. Then, you can go back and look at that list to see the things that really make you feel happy and motivated. [13]
X
Expert Source
Dawn Smith-Camacho
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Make a budget. Allocate yourself a certain amount of money to spend in each area of your life. For example, factor it in if you know you like to see a movie once a week. Figure out a comfortable amount of money to both spend and save each week or month. [14] X Trustworthy Source Kansas University Center for Community Health and Development Community-based research center focused on supporting public health development and education Go to source
- Build some flexibility into your budget. This way you won't find yourself completely derailed if gas prices go up or your cat needs to make a trip to the vet.
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Learn about investing. In order to be truly financially independent, you need to do some research and planning. Learn about investment and savings opportunities. If you feel it would help, seek the help of a professional financial planner or advisor. [15] X Trustworthy Source U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission Independent U.S. government agency responsible for regulating the securities industry, which includes stocks and options exchanges Go to source
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Increase your income. Women typically make less money than men for doing the same job. Evaluate your professional value and determine whether it is an appropriate time to ask for a raise. There is a good chance you deserve one. [16] X Research source
- Make a plan. Schedule a meeting with your boss to discuss your career goals and compensation. Be very clear about what you are asking for.
- Be open to negotiations. [17] X Research source
- Remain calm and confident during the meeting.
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[18] X Research source
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Be yourself. A key component in being an independent woman is being confident with who you are. Part of that entails being true to yourself. Don't try to be a mirror image of other women. [19] X Expert Source Rahti Gorfien, PCC
Life Coach Expert Interview. 17 December 2019. Figure out your own strengths and interests and focus on those. [20] X Research source- Don't fall victim to bad fashion trends. Looking your best will help you feel your best. Dress in a style that is flattering and makes you feel comfortable and confident.
- Avoid the pressure to conform to your gender. Many women feel certain pressures to look and act in certain ways simply because they are female, but you don't have to if you don't do or be anything considered "feminine" if you don't want to. You do not have to wear make-up or dress a certain way. Likewise, you do not have to like stereotypical female activities such as shopping or romantic movies. [21] X Research source
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Face your fears. Maybe there is a specific fear that keeps you from being independent. Perhaps you are nervous about living alone or have general anxiety issues. You are not alone, and there are steps you can take to overcome your fears. [22] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Try exposure therapy. Exposing yourself to your fears in small doses has proven very effective. For example, if you suffer anxiety when meeting new people, ask a friend to go with you to a new social event. Gradually work up the nerve to attend by yourself.
- Seek professional help. If your anxieties are keeping you from becoming independent or achieving another goal, try seeing a mental health professional. Counseling can help reduce anxiety.
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Accept help. Being independent means being in control of your choices, but it doesn't mean you can't rely on others. Women form strong bonds with friends and family members. Don't be afraid to ask for and accept help when you need it. [23] X Research source
- Be specific when asking for help. Be honest about what you need, and allow someone give you assistance.
- Reader Poll:
We asked 262 wikiHow readers how they build self-confidence and self-worth, and only 10%
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- Talking to a counselor or therapist might not be the first thing that comes to mind when you're trying to build self-confidence, but sometimes, having an unbiased person help you make a strategy for improving your self-worth makes a big difference.
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Think positively. A positive attitude will help you come across to others as a confident woman. It will also help you feel good about yourself, and give you the strength you need to be independent. Avoid negative thoughts. Instead, take time to compliment yourself each day. [24] X Research source
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Take responsibility for yourself. You are the only one who can truly change your life. Acknowledge that you are responsible for your own choices. Once you realize that you are in control, you will feel more confident. This will lead to increased independence. [25] X Research source
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References
- ↑ https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/10.1146/annurev-psych-010213-115043
- ↑ https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-impact-does-environment-have-us
- ↑ Dawn Smith-Camacho. Career & Life Coach. Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
- ↑ https://www.independentliving.org/toolsforpower/tools11.html
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2726909/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/mikemyatt/2012/03/28/6-tips-for-making-better-decisions/
- ↑ https://nacada.ksu.edu/Resources/Clearinghouse/View-Articles/Values-and-culture-in-ethical-decision-making.aspx
- ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
- ↑ Dawn Smith-Camacho. Career & Life Coach. Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/ways-to-become-more-independent-less-codependent
- ↑ https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/blog/track-your-spending-with-this-easy-tool/
- ↑ https://www.edutopia.org/article/guiding-students-be-independent-learners/
- ↑ Dawn Smith-Camacho. Career & Life Coach. Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
- ↑ https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/finances/managing-finances/annual-budget/main
- ↑ https://www.sec.gov/investor/pubs/tenthingstoconsider.htm
- ↑ https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/articles/thecostoflivingalone/2019-04-04
- ↑ https://www.itsmymove.org/docs/resources/ICDI_A-micropedia-Living-on-Your-Own.pdf
- ↑ https://www.jobstreet.com.ph/career-advice/article/ccp-info-jobstreets-guide-for-a-pay-rise
- ↑ Rahti Gorfien, PCC. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 17 December 2019.
- ↑ https://www.washington.edu/doit/sites/default/files/atoms/files/Chapter-7-Understand-your-abilities-and-disabilities.pdf
- ↑ http://www.newsweek.com/beauty-advantage-what-if-men-had-follow-female-beauty-rules-74321
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6028777/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201106/how-ask-help
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1049732320971603
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-self-confidence-formula-for-women
About This Article
Article Summary
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To be an independent woman, try to be more assertive in your relationships by speaking up if you’re not happy or don’t feel valued, which will show the other person that your feelings and needs are important. You should also spend time by yourself doing things that you enjoy, like going to the cinema or your favorite restaurant, even if your partner doesn’t enjoy them. Otherwise, if you spend most of your time with your partner, you’ll become codependent and lose confidence in your ability to rely on yourself. If you usually find yourself agreeing with others just to please them, try identifying what makes you happy or dissatisfied so you can gradually get to know yourself. This will help you become independent by encouraging you to speak your truth even if others don’t agree. For more advice from our Counseling co-author, including how to be financially independent by budgeting, keep reading!
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