This article was written by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
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Is she into you or just being polite? Sometimes it can be hard to tell, and that's okay! Scientifically speaking, people are pretty bad at picking up on flirtation. [1]
X
Research source
Fortunately, there are surefire psychological signs you can rely on to tell you that a girl really likes you. Many of these are completely involuntary—if she likes you, she won't be able to control giving off these signals when she's around you. Read on to figure out if a girl you're talking to is interested in you romantically.
This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, John Keegan. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- If she makes prolonged eye contact, smiles a lot, uses open body language, and leans in toward you, she probably likes you.
- She's likely attracted to you if you catch her subconsciously mirroring your body language or speech patterns.
- You can tell she likes you if she responds to your texts immediately and is interested in making plans and meeting your family and friends.
Steps
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If she seems happy to see you, it shows she's interested. Women tend to be really happy around people that they're attracted to. If she always smiles at you when she sees you and tends to smile at you more often than she usually does when you're talking, that indicates that she likes you.
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Holding a gaze indicates a desire to deepen the connection with you. Mutual eye contact can make for an incredibly intimate moment—that's why people don't tend to do it except with people they're interested in romantically or sexually. If she's making direct eye contact with you for a second longer than normal, you can tell she's thinking about you as more than just a friend . [2] X Research source
- Prolonged eye contact can also trigger the body's release of oxytocin, known as "the love hormone" for the way it makes you feel. [3] X Research source
- Keep in mind that eye contact is difficult for some people, so don't assume she's not into you just because she doesn't make eye contact very often.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1354 wikiHow readers to tell us what the clearest indicator was that a girl liked them, and 50% said prolonged eye contact. [Take Poll] Every girl is different (and you shouldn’t assume she likes you unless she says so), but this could be a strong sign that she’s interested!
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If she's receptive to lightly flirtatious touch, she's signaling she's interested. When you flirt with her, watch her body language . If she prolongs the touch or makes steady eye contact as it happens, she's telling you that she likes what you're doing and is open to more.
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If she teases you, it shows she likes you and feels comfortable around you. Teasing is a big way to tell if she's interested in you as more than a friend. It strengthens your bond and gives her an excuse to touch you or get closer to you.
- For example, she might gently tease you for tripping when you got up from the table, then casually lay her hand on your arm.
wikiHow Quiz: Does She Like Me?
How do her friends treat you?
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Using open body language means she isn't closing herself off. Crossing your arms is one way to place a barrier between you and the person you're talking to, indicating that you're not interested in getting any closer to them. But if she's keeping her arms open and turned toward you, that tells you she wants to form a stronger connection. [4] X Research source
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Mirroring is a subconscious signal that she likes you. While mirroring can be used consciously to establish rapport, it's usually not a voluntary thing. If she likes you, she'll automatically start mimicking your body language as you're talking and might even pick up some of your speech patterns or verbal tics. [5] X Research source
- For example, if you cross your legs, she might cross her legs as well. If you frequently say, "Right, right," in conversation, you might find that she starts doing the same thing even though she never really said that before.
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If she likes you, she doesn't want anything to get in the way. When you're out getting a drink or having dinner, watch where she places items on the table or bar between you. If she keeps her drink off to the side, rather than in between you, it could mean that she likes you. [6] X Research source
- On the other hand, if she routinely places objects directly between you, that's a sign that she's not open to anything further yet. She's placing a symbolic barrier between the two of you and making it more difficult for you to reach her.
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She may try to get your attention by highlighting her physical assets. Whether she's brushing her hair, touching up her lipstick, or lowering her collar a bit, she wants you to look at her. Because she's attracted to you, she wants to make sure she's looking her best. She'll draw your attention to what she considers to be her best features. [7] X Research source
- If she always seems to be dressed to impress when she's around you, that's also a good indication that she likes you.
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Casual touch is one of the best ways to show interest. She'll go out of her way or make excuses to "accidentally" touch you in light, flirtatious ways. She might rest her hand on your arm as she's talking, or playfully punch your shoulder when you make a joke. These are all signs that she's interested in getting a little closer to you. [8] X Research source
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Leaning in and angling toward you signal that she's focused on you. This is basic body language that's often something she does subconsciously. If she's attracted to you, that attraction pulls her toward you. Even if she's talking to someone else, you might notice that her knees or toes are turned toward you.
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Using your name shows that she recognizes and respects you. Calling you by name is a bit like touching you. She's addressing you directly and intends her words to be for you only, which creates a personal bubble and a sort of intimacy. If she uses your name a lot, she's telling you that she's interested in you and wants to connect with you directly. [9] X Research source
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Compliments show that she's attracted to you specifically. When a girl compliments you, she's letting you know the things that she likes about you. This is especially true if the praise is about something deep, like a compliment about the way you think, rather than something superficial.
- For example, if she really likes you, she might say, "I really liked what you said about living in the moment. That shows self-awareness, and that's really important to me."
- Women with a more traditional flirting style, on the other hand, might not compliment you as much. It's her style that matters! If she's acting a bit shy, she could still be into you even without the compliments. [10] X Research source
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Women laugh and smile more around people they're attracted to. When she's around you, she's happy—and she shows it! She might be looking for an excuse to laugh and let out her joy, so she might laugh even if you make a joke that's not particularly funny. She just wants to share that happiness that she feels when she's with you. [11] X Research source
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Quick responses show that she's eager to see you again. This is especially true when you're in the early stages of getting to know her. If she's excited about building more of a connection with you and wants to keep the relationship progressing, she'll respond to your texts as quickly as possible.
- If she's busy, she might drop you a quick line to let you know that and tell you when she'll be available to talk more.
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If she likes you, she'll have increased attention toward you. She'll be genuinely interested in what you like and what you don't, and she'll make an effort to remember these things. She might surprise you later by mentioning something she knows you like that you forgot you told her because she's more prone to remembering things about you. [12] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
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Infatuated people show more attention to the person they like. If she's really into you, she'll be far more likely to remember everything you tell her. The brain is wired to prioritize this information and see it as important. As a result, she'll remember the slightest off-hand remark you made and mention it later. [13] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
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If she's into you, she wants to be a part of your life. This level of emotional investment is a clear indication that she likes you romantically. She'll introduce you to her family and friends and want them to like you. She'll also be keen on meeting your friends and family so the two of you can more seamlessly integrate your lives. [14] X Research source
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References
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150212154627.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201910/8-key-nonverbal-signals-of-sexual-interest
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/202204/how-men-and-women-flirt-body-language
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201910/8-key-nonverbal-signals-of-sexual-interest
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.doctornerdlove.com/read-her-signs/all/1/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/using_a_persons_name_in_conversation
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150212154627.htm
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150212154627.htm
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4994849/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4994849/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you