How to Deal With Rejection from a Guy You Asked Out

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Romantic rejection can be a painful experience. People who have been rejected actually feel hurt in the same way as someone experiencing physical pain. [1] Despite how much it can hurt for a guy you ask out to say no, you can recover from the pain and come back even stronger than before. Learn how to respond in the heat of the moment, recover from feeling bad about yourself afterward, and focus on other goals in your life.

Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Responding in the Moment

PDF download Download Article
  1. As much as you may want to convince him to change his mind, this will only cause embarrassment. Avoid arguing with him or trying to get him to see what he's missing out on.
    • For example, say "I'm sad that you're not interested, but I understand and respect your decision."
    • Additionally, this will show him that you're mature and self-sufficient.
  2. You may feel dumb for asking him in the first place. You may feel devastated because you really thought he was the one for you. You may be angry at him (maybe he led you on) and need some space. All of these reactions are okay. Give yourself permission to feel whatever pops up in your body after the rejection. Avoid suppressing your emotions for his sake or because you feel like you should feel something else. You can't control how you feel, but the best way to move on from these feelings is to give them space and let them pass.
    • Acknowledging your feelings doesn't mean you have to accept them as true. For example, you can acknowledge that you feel stupid in the moment without thinking that you're actually stupid in reality.
    Advertisement
  3. If you are friends with the guy, you may be worried about things being awkward between you after the rejection. This doesn't have to be the case, especially if you have a close friendship with the guy. [2] You may want to let him know your intentions so he can feel safe rather than pressured in his decision. Here are some things you can say to let him know how you're feeling:
    • "I hope we can still be friends even though you don't want something more."
    • "I need some time, but after that would you like to hang out as friends?"
    • "I don't want it to be awkward between us. I'd still like to be friends. How about you?"
    • Even though a challenging or disappointing situation feels difficult in the moment, it can actually bring two people closer together if they communicate properly about their feelings and needs.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 229 wikiHow readers about what positive outcome of disappointment would make them feel better, and 46% of them agreed on strengthening a relationship through honest communication . [Take Poll]
  4. If you're really sad about the rejection, don't force yourself to stick around. Make an excuse for needing to leave. You can go home and handle your emotions there, or call a girlfriend to talk with. Whatever you do, avoid using him as a shoulder to cry on, because he will be in too awkward a position to comfort you.
    • If you're really nervous, you can even tell a friend to call you at a specific time, so that if you do get rejected they can "save you."
  5. [3] It's okay to tell him that you're disappointed, that it may take some time before you can see him again, and whatever else you're feeling. This isn't the same thing as asking him to support you emotionally. Being honest about your feelings will show him that you're still interested in communication and that you respect him enough to let him in on your own emotional process. [4] Also, since he was honest with you, it's good to match that honesty in your response.
    6. Advertisement
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Recovering Your Self-Esteem

PDF download Download Article
  1. When we want to be in a relationship with someone, it usually means there are things we want from that person, such as care, intimacy, and companionship. Try to figure out what you were wanting, and then see if there are other ways to get the same things.
    • For example, do you have a close friend you can spend more time with? Is there someone else that would actually be a better fit romantically for these needs? Once you've discovered what it is you need, you can address those needs directly.
  2. Just because one guy rejects you doesn't mean everyone else will. Avoid over-generalizing and thinking that you're undesirable just because it didn't work out with one person. It's possible he doesn't even dislike you; sometimes guys are just not ready for a relationship or the timing is off. Avoid making assumptions about your self-worth because of a rejection. [5]
  3. [6] When a guy rejects you, it says nothing about you. All it does is show that you two weren't compatible. There are other guys who will appreciate what you have to offer. Make a list of these things to remind yourself of your worth and desirability. Here are some potential examples:
    • Are you a great cook?
    • Are you confident in yourself?
    • Are you financially independent?
    • Are you pursuing an education? Do you already have one?
    • Can you deal with spiders and insects? Some guys are afraid of them!
  4. Avoid the temptation of trying to figure out "what you did wrong" or how you aren't "good enough." There are guys who will accept you for who you are, so don't think you need to change in order to be appreciated and loved. If a guy rejects you, he wasn't the one for you.
    • A common mental mistake that people make is called "personalization." This involves thinking that everything someone does is a reaction to you personally. Avoid personalizing the guy's reaction by thinking that it reflects directly on you and your self-worth. Him saying no does not mean anything about your self-worth.
  5. It may sound silly, but social rejection activates the same pathways in the brain as physical pain. If you're experiencing a lot of pain over the rejection, take some acetaminophen (Tylenol). It may not completely eliminate the hurt, but studies show that it can help. [7]
    • There's no replacement for engaging your support network of friends and family, though.
    • Avoid trying to cope with intoxicating drugs or alcohol. This won't help in the long-run.
    6. Advertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Focusing on Other Goals

PDF download Download Article
  1. Are you in middle school? High school? College? Focus on what really matters in your life, like completing your education and becoming a more informed, more capable, more mature person. You'll encounter guys all along the way, but you probably won't have endless opportunities to educate yourself.
  2. Have you always wanted to travel to Europe? Would you like to start an exercise routine? You can distract yourself from the pain of rejection by focusing on things in your life that are meaningful and will make you happy.
    • It's also okay to mope for a little while. It's natural to feel bad after rejection. Don't be too hard on yourself if it takes you a few days to get on your feet again.
  3. [8] Where rejection really hits us is in our sense of social belonging. [9] Rekindle your relationships with friends. Find a community you can attend such as church or a reading group. Even joining a chat room can be helpful for your sense of self-worth and belonging. Surrounding yourself with good people and communities will help you feel better about the rejection.
  4. Rejection can cause other painful, destructive emotions such as anger and aggression. There are ways you can deal with these emotions, such as: [10]
    • Expressing yourself in words. A journal can be a good idea, or posting on an online forum, or talking to your best friend.
    • Practicing deep breathing. One way to reduce anger and other powerful emotions is to remember to breathe. If you calm your body, your mind will follow. [11]
    • Seeing a counselor if you need additional help. Psychological counselors can help you learn to handle your emotions and promote your self-esteem so that rejection won't be so hard in the future.
  5. [12] It's normal to have difficulty getting over a guy who rejects you. If you feel like you're obsessing or you just can't get him out of your head, practice these techniques to make a speedy recovery and get on with your life:
    • Write down what attracted you to the guy. Was he smart, funny, cute? Was he a good listener? Acknowledge what made you want to be with him.
    • Let yourself grieve the loss of not going out with him. You probably imagined possible future experiences with him, but those futures are closed off now. It's okay to be sad about that.
    • Ask yourself what isn't closed off now. Are there other guys that you're interested in? If not, maybe you'll have extra time to work on yourself and your other relationships? Maybe you'll have more free time to have fun or take care of responsibilities? Shift your imagination to the future rather than mourning the past and would could have been.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Rejection isn't a personal flaw—it's a normal part of dating. It can be hard to process at first, but it's not the end of the world. Changing your relationship with dating by having more in-person interactions can help you handle the emotions that come with rejection.

    6. Advertisement



Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    What should I do if I get rejected by a boy?
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.
    Lisa Shield
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Surround yourself with your friends and family to help boost your confidence and cheer you up.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 1 Helpful 8
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      What if She Says No? How to Handle Rejection from a Girl
      How to
      Ask Someone Out in Person or over Text
      How to
      Respond to a Date Rejection Text
      How to
      Reject Someone Nicely & Politely
      Do You Feel Like Your Boyfriend Hates You? Signs, Reasons, and Ways to Move Forward When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Like You
      How to
      Get Over Someone You Have to See Every Day
      How to
      Suppress Feelings for Someone Who Doesn't Feel the Same
      How to
      Get Over Someone You Love: 20 Ways to Move On
      How to
      Communicate With a Guy After He Rejected You
      How to
      Accept That He’s Not Into You
      How to
      Deal with Rejection: 9 Expert-Backed Ways to Handle It
      How to
      Get Over a Guy Who Doesn't Care About You
      How to
      Respond to Ghosting
      How to
      Comfort Your Daughter After a Break Up
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx
      2. ↑ http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/9/27/we-can-still-be-friends-six-ways-you-can-stay-friends-after.html
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201402/why-be-honest
      4. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201107/dealing-rejection-part-1-handling-others-rejecting-behavior
      6. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection
      8. ↑ Lisa Shield. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201311/dealing-anger
      2. ↑ http://www.npr.org/2010/12/06/131734718/just-breathe-body-has-a-built-in-stress-reliever
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201412/how-let-go-and-move

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To deal with being rejected by a guy you asked out, try to remember that your feelings are valid, and focus on other aspects of your life to keep yourself busy. You may feel hurt or embarrassed for asking him out in the first place, or you may be angry at him for rejecting you. It’s okay to feel all of these things. Don’t suppress your emotions. Instead, acknowledge them so you can let them pass and move on. In addition to recognizing your feelings, work on yourself by pursuing your own goals. Try out a new exercise routine or focus more on your education. You can also spend more time with your friends and family to surround yourself with people who make you feel good. For tips about how to practice letting go after being rejected, keep reading!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 259,046 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Erika Pipkin

        Jan 27, 2017

        "This was extremely helpful. The guy I liked, who had been a close friend for several years, told me he didn't ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement