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Finding out your friend is moving away is heartbreaking, but it doesn’t mean your friendship is over or that you’re going to feel this sad forever (even though it might feel that way now). Having a close, long-distance friendship is totally possible. By finding healthy ways to cope with your feelings and coming up with a game plan to stay in touch with your friend once they move, dealing with your friend’s move will be easier for both of you.
Steps
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Be supportive of the move. Even if it's difficult, make an effort to be supportive of your friend's move. As hard as the move is on you, the stress is likely worse for your friend. He or she has to cope with the stress of packing and planning, not to mention the stress involved with moving to a new community. You want to make sure you're supportive of your friend right up until he or she moves away. This can help you end things on a good note.
- Listen if your friend needs to talk. He or she may feel stressed, sad, or otherwise upset about the coming move. Be a good friend and offer a listening ear. Allow your friend to vent his or her frustrations to you. While it's okay to tell your friend you're going to miss him or her, avoid stressing your friend out further.
- Even if you're sad your friend is moving, try to express genuine happiness for him or her. Wish your friend good luck on his or her big move. Like anything he or she posts on Facebook regarding the move. Try to help your friend get excited. Look up new things for your friend to do in his or her new home.
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Create memories you can record. Memories are important to help you cope with a friend's move. You may feel less sad about your friend leaving if you have tangible memories on hand. Try to take some pictures, videos, and voice recordings of you and your friend. This can help the two of you say goodbye. You'll feel less sad about your friend's absence if you know you have something to remember him or her by. [1] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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Seek out support from others. As stated, your friend is probably already overwhelmed with his or her move. You do not want to dump your sadness on your friend. Seek out support from other friends and family members. Talk to them about how you're feeling about saying goodbye to your friend.
- Ask someone if you can talk to them first, explaining you need to sort out your feelings about your friend's coming move. Ask them if they can simply listen to you talk for a bit, and then let them know how you're feeling.
- Choose someone who's empathetic, like a kind older relative or close mutual friend. Select someone who's listened to you in the past when you've been going through difficult times.
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Consider hosting a goodbye party. [2] X Expert Source Katie Styzek
School Counselor Expert Interview. 25 November 2020. A goodbye party can be a great way to mark the end of an era. Ask your mutual friends if they'd consider getting together to say goodbye to the friend who's moving. This will give your friend a chance to talk to everyone one last time. [3] X Research source- Make sure you ask your parents before hosting a goodbye party. [4]
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Expert Source
Katie Styzek
School Counselor Expert Interview. 25 November 2020. - Consider planning some party events that help promote closure. For example, you could all give a brief speech saying goodbye. You could also all sign a goodbye card for your friend.
- Do not expect a goodbye party to be all fun and games. You should expect there will be some tears and sadness as well. This is normal. Do not try to force your friend or your guests to only experience feelings of happiness.
- Make sure you ask your parents before hosting a goodbye party. [4]
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Expert Source
Katie Styzek
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Try a goodbye gift. Consider giving your friend a goodbye gift. This can help both of you feel some closure. Your friend will have something to remember you by, and you'll feel like you're getting a chance to say goodbye in an official way.
- You do not have to spend a lot of money on a goodbye gift. It can be something sentimental that reflects your relationship. For example, if you and your friend loved a particular coffee shop, buy him or her a cheap mug from that shop.
- You can also make a creative gift for your friend. Write him or her a poem commemorating your friendship. Make a collage of photos of the two of you.
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Recognize negative feelings are normal. When your friend moves, you should recognize that negative feelings are normal. They show that you built a great relationship with a meaningful person. [5] X Expert Source Katie Styzek
School Counselor Expert Interview. 25 November 2020. You should not expect to bounce back from the transition quickly. It's okay to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, whether it's good or bad. [6] X Research source- It's normal to feel sad when a friend is gone, especially if you were particularly close. While you'll still stay in touch, you can't simply go over to your friend's house at the end of a long day anymore. It's normal to feel disappointed and frustrated with this transition.
- You also may feel some anxiety. Your friend is going to meet new people in his or her new location. You may worry about being replaced or forgotten. Such anxieties are also very normal.
- If your friend moved away for positive reasons, such as a new job or getting into a great college, you may feel guilty for feeling sad. You may feel as if you should be happy for your friend and his or her great new life. However, it's okay to feel sad. Any transition is bound to result in mixed emotions. You can be happy for your friend, but still feel sad as you'll miss him or her.
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Get your feelings out. Bottling up your feelings during a rough transition is a bad idea. You need to be able to express your feelings in order to work through them. As we've already discussed, you can talk to a trusted friend or family member. You can also express your feelings in writing. Journaling about your emotions a few times a week can help you process the transition. [7] X Research source
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Reflect on the friendship. Take some time to reflect after your friend moves. Moving can create a strange feeling. The friendship is not over, but it has changed dramatically. Things will not be the same from here on out. Take some time to reflect on your friendship when you were living in the same place. [8] X Research source
- Try to see both the positive and negatives. You will have some regrets when a friend moves. There's probably a lot the two of you never got a chance to do together, for example. However, you should also be grateful for the time you did have.
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Give yourself time to adjust. Sometimes, adjustment simply takes time. When a close friend moves away, you may feel odd in his or her absence. You may be unsure of what to do with yourself on weekends, for example, or feel lost when you don't know who to drop in on after a stressful day. This is all normal. Do not try to force yourself to feel better quicker than what feels natural. Allow yourself the necessary time to adjust to a friend's absence.
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Keep busy. If may take a while to adjust to the absence of a good friend. Find ways to keep yourself busy in your friend's absence. Spend time with other friends or family members. Seek out new hobbies or activities that will occupy your time.
- If you had a certain day of the week you typically spent with your friend, find ways to fill your time on that day. For example, maybe you always had dinner with your friend on a Friday night. Make regular plans with another friend on that night or join a club that meets on Fridays.
- Reach out to other friends. While you may miss your friend who moved away, you should work on strengthening your relationships with your friends who still live near you. These friends are probably missing the friend who moved away as well, and will appreciate you wanting to reach out.
- Find new hobbies. If you're unsure what to do with yourself in your friend's absence, finding new ways to pass the time can help. Explore your interests. If you've always been interested in cooking, for example, try enrolling in a cooking class.
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See a therapist, if necessary. It's normal to feel sad when a friend moves away. However, certain mental health conditions, like clinical depression, can make adjusting to change more difficult. [9] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source If you have been previously diagnosed with a mental health condition, or if you suspect you may be struggling with a condition like depression, seek the assistance of a therapist.
- You can find a therapist by asking your regular doctor for a referral. You can also find a therapist through your insurance provider. If you are a college student, you may be entitled to free counseling through your college or university.
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E-mail or text your friend frequently. While your friend has moved, be grateful for modern technology. It's easier than ever to stay in touch with e-mail and text, both of which send messages instantaneously. Try to keep up regular correspondence via e-mail. Send your friend an e-mail every couple of weeks, updating him or her on how you're doing. You can also text your friend every day, just making small observations and asking how your friend is doing. [10] X Research source
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Call your friend or try a video call. Random, long conversations do not have to end simply because a friend moved. Even if your friend is thousands of miles away, you can call or video chat regularly. Try to schedule regular Skype, Facetime, or Google hangout sessions. You can also simply call your friend on the phone. Agree, for example, to call or video chat every other Tuesday. [11] X Research source
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Stay in touch on social media. [12] X Expert Source Katie Styzek
School Counselor Expert Interview. 25 November 2020. Social media makes it very easy to stay in touch with friends who have moved. Take advantage of things like Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter. You can get updates about your friends day-to-day activities via social media outlets, making you feel like the distance is not insurmountable. [13] X Research source- You can also play games from a distance via outlets like Facebook and your smart phone. Trivia games, and games like Words With Friends, can make you feel like your friend is right there with you hanging out.
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Accept contact will lessen with time. While it's easy to stay in touch with a long distance friend, you will still probably communicate less than you did when you were living in the same place. At first, you may call or text constantly as you'll be missing each other a lot. However, as you both adjust and meet new people, communication may become more infrequent.
- This is not necessarily a bad thing and it does not have to mean the two of your are growing apart. Many people have long distance friends who they feel very close with, even if they only communicate on occasion. You may find that, when you and your friend do talk, you feel like no time has passed at all, even if it's been months.
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Get together when you can. Even if your friend has moved away, you may still be able to see each other on occasion. Try to get together once a year, or every other year. If your friend still has relatives living in your area, he or she may be around over holidays. While visits may be somewhat infrequent, you may find you value your friend's presence more when you two only see each other once a year.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you deal with leaving friends behind?Dr. Peggy Rios is a Counseling Psychologist based in Florida. With over 24 years of experience, Dr. Rios works with people struggling with psychological symptoms such as anxiety and depression. She specializes in medical psychology, weaving together behavioral health programs informed by empowerment theory and trauma treatment. Dr. Rios uses integrated, evidence-based models to provide support and therapy for people with life-altering medical conditions. She holds an MS and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Maryland. Dr. Rios is a licensed psychologist in the state of Florida.Make time to chat with your old friends after the move. You might have to make the first move by saying something like "I really miss you. I'd love to get together sometime!"
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QuestionHow can I stop being sad about my friend moving?Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.It's completely natural to feel this way when a friend is moving. It shows that they mean a lot to you and you were able to build a great relationship. I suggest you look into ways you can keep in touch with your friend, like social media or writing letters. Just because they're moving doesn't mean you can never talk again!
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QuestionHow do I say goodbye to my friend who's moving?Katie Styzek is a Professional School Counselor for Chicago Public Schools. Katie earned a BS in Elementary Education with a Concentration in Mathematics from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She served as a middle school mathematics, science, and social studies teacher for three years prior to becoming a counselor. She holds a Master of Education (M.Ed.) in School Counseling from DePaul University and an MA in Educational Leadership from Northeastern Illinois University. Katie holds an Illinois School Counselor Endorsement License (Type 73 Service Personnel), an Illinois Principal License (formerly Type 75), and an Illinois Elementary Education Teaching License (Type 03, K – 9). She is also Nationally Board Certified in School Counseling from the National Board for Professional Teaching Standards.One option is to ask your parents if you can throw a goodbye party for your friend. It's normal to feel sad when a good friend is moving, but having one last fun gathering can be a nice way to say goodbye.
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Tips
- Talk to your parents before using social media to connect with your friend. [14] X Expert Source Katie Styzek
School Counselor Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.Thanks - It's okay to be sad. If you need to cry, let your feelings out. Talk to someone who cares about you and is willing to listen to your feelings.Thanks
- If you are really sad about your friend moving away, then work on a project or a long term goal so you can be happy instead of being sad all the time.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Support your friend wholeheartedly in this new life adventure with an upbeat, selfless attitude. Your optimism and encouragement during this transition can strengthen rather than strain your bond.
- Make a photo book, scrapbook, or collection of memories to give your pal as a going-away present. Even though you'll be physically apart, tangible memories can help you stay close emotionally.
- Take time for yourself to process your feelings about your changing friendship. Bottling up emotions can draw out the grieving process. Allow yourself to experience whatever comes up.
- While goodbyes often include tears, aim for more laughter than crying when you spend your last days together. Focus conversations on fond memories rather than the upcoming departure.
- Don't dump all your sadness on your friend who's moving away. They likely already feel overwhelmed with the stress of relocating. Instead, talk to someone else about your feelings.
- Schedule video chat sessions ahead of time to make sure you stay in touch. Put them on your calendar so you don't forget — treat them like any other important appointment.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201005/packing-and-saying-hello-coping-transition?collection=60560
- ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
- ↑ https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/when-friends-move-away/
- ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
- ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201005/packing-and-saying-hello-coping-transition?collection=60560
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201005/packing-and-saying-hello-coping-transition?collection=60560
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201005/packing-and-saying-hello-coping-transition?collection=60560
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/symptoms/con-20032977
- ↑ http://movinginsider.com/2013/04/13/what-to-do-when-your-friend-is-moving-away/
- ↑ http://movinginsider.com/2013/04/13/what-to-do-when-your-friend-is-moving-away/
- ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
- ↑ http://movinginsider.com/2013/04/13/what-to-do-when-your-friend-is-moving-away/
- ↑ Katie Styzek. School Counselor. Expert Interview. 25 November 2020.
About This Article
Article Summary
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If your friend is moving away, make some time to be together before they leave, and tell your friend how important they are to you. For example, you might say: “You are special to me. I’ve always admired your cheerful attitude!”. If you like doing crafts, make a special parting gift for your friend, like a photo album featuring the two of you. Then, before your friend leaves, make plans to stay in touch through social media and phone calls, or perhaps even schedule occasional meetups to see each other for real! Once your friend is gone, it’s normal to feel sad. For more help, including how starting a hobby might help to cheer you up, keep reading.
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Reader Success Stories
- "My friend from kindergarten and I were in the same class from the beginning, and then she was going to move away. We cried for hours. Then I realized that we were never going to be apart, because I had a feeling we were always going to be together. A couple years later some new neighbors moved in, and the new neighbors were my friend and her family! What I am trying to say is that your friend is one of a kind, and you will always be together." ..." more
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"My friend from kindergarten and I were in the same class from the beginning, and then she was going to move away. We cried for hours. Then I realized that we were never going to be apart, because I had a feeling we were always going to be together. A couple years later some new neighbors moved in, and the new neighbors were my friend and her family! What I am trying to say is that your friend is one of a kind, and you will always be together."
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"My best friend for 6 years and still going just moved away. You cannot imagine how depressed I was. I sat in my room all day crying and listening to music. Today, I am still so depressed and I couldn't just stay like this. It hurts me so much. I looked on wikiHow because that's where I go for all my problems. This article helped me a lot. It showed me how to cope with missing her and how to still stay in touch. This showed me that it's okay to feel sad and miserable but how to adjust."
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"This was very helpful my bestie and I have only known each other for 3 years and it has felt like we have known each other for decades. She has not moved yet but it is coming close. This time is really hard because she is the only friend I have at this time and especially in middle school friends are needed. She was also a sister to me even when things were hard. I will never forget her and she will forever be in my heart."
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"I and my friend Kameron are in second grade. And she moved today. I burst into tears in school because she moved and my friend Gracie is moving when we go to 3rd grade but I knew I was going to stay fine with my friend Rory, why they were gone?"
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"My friend is moving away to start a PhD. I felt like missing her was silly or juvenile but reading this article honestly made me feel a little better and like its normal to miss someone who was such a big part of your life for so long."
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