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Is he pining for you during your breakup or long-distance relationship?
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This article was co-authored by Joshua Pompey
and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD
. Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert and Founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking (NEM) based in New York City, NY. With over 15 years in the industry, Joshua helps his clients navigate online dating and has a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.
There are 12 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 32,410 times.
Maybe you've recently split, or maybe you're involved in a long-distance relationship. Whatever the reason, it's totally normal to miss someone who you're emotionally attached to or who was once a very big part of your life. But is he missing you? It can take a guy a few weeks to start missing you, but there are definitely some tell-tale signs that he wishes you were still around. Read on to find out some of the strongest signs that he's missing you, as well as what to do about it—whether you're in a long-distance relationship or coping with a recent breakup.
Things You Should Know
- If he keeps in constant contact with you, still gives you little presents and treats, and talks about the good times you shared in the past, he probably misses you.
- In a long-distance relationship, help him cope with missing you by staying in frequent contact and giving him something of yours to keep close.
- If you've recently broken up, ask yourself why you're wondering if he misses you, then consider seeing him more often or rekindling things.
Steps
Section 1 of 5:
Signs He Misses You
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1He calls or texts you often. If he's blowing up your phone, it's pretty likely that he misses you and still wants to be in your life. This is especially likely if there's no practical reason for the calls and texts. You're on his mind and he wants to make sure that you're thinking of him too. [1] X Research source
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2He checks in on you out of the blue. Does he ask after you every so often or randomly text to make sure you're doing okay? He's probably missing you. He's thinking about you and wondering what you're doing, so it's natural for him to want to check in. [2] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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3He responds immediately when you text or call him. If you happen to call him first, he answers before the first ring ends. Maybe he's sitting by his phone just waiting for you to call—regardless, he definitely wants to talk to you and that's a pretty good indication that he misses you. [3] X Research source
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4He's really active on your social media. If he's suddenly hitting the heart on all of your posts and leaving several comments, he wants to interact with you and probably wants to feel as though he's still relevant to you. This can be a strong sign that he misses you and misses being a part of your life. [4] X Research source
- If you're in a long-distance relationship, he might scroll back down to photos and posts you made before the two of you met. It's likely that he's missing you and is trying to learn everything he can about you.
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5He gives you little surprises. He'll likely try to pass these gifts off as relatively meaningless—he'll mention that he happened to be out and saw that your favorite cookies were on sale at the grocery store, or he'll pick up something small and say he saw it and thought of you. This tells you that you've been on his mind, which likely means he misses you. [5] X Research source
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6He brings up good times from the past. When he reminisces, it shows that he's thinking about you and the times you've spent together. Regardless of whether the two of you broke up or are long-distance, he's probably hoping for more great experiences with you that echo the ones you had in the past. [6] X Research source
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7He wears something you gave him a lot. All of a sudden, that hoodie you got him for his birthday last year has become his favorite article of clothing. That's likely because it reminds him of you and he wants to keep you close. It's a pretty good indication that he's missing you and wearing something you gave him is a way for him to feel like you're still around. [7] X Research source
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8He's curious about your day and your plans. If he's asking about what you're doing, it could be that he wants to "accidentally" happen to show up there. But it could also mean that he's just really interested in what's going on in your life. That typically means that he's missing you and wants to stay a part of your life. [8] X Research source
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9He's not looking to start a new relationship. If the two of you broke up, he'll usually try to stay single if he still misses you. He might hope that the two of you will get back together. He could also simply be sending you a message that he's still available if you do decide you're interested in trying to be with him again. [9] X Research source
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10He keeps in touch with your family and friends. If he misses you, he'll likely want to ask your friends and family about you and find out how you're doing. This is a particularly good sign he misses you if he wasn't really close to them before. It likely also means that he wants to maintain a connection with the people who are close to you so he feels as though he's a bigger part of your life. [10] X Research source
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11He remembers your special occasions and reaches out. If he calls or texts when he knows there's something going on in your life, it's pretty clear that you're on his mind—and he probably misses you too. It's even more likely that by sending his well wishes on special occasions, he wants you to realize that you and your life are still important to him. [11] X Research source
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12He shows up at the same places or events you do. If you still live in the same town and you happen to run into him a lot, that's a pretty good sign that he's intentionally going to the places he knows you frequent—likely in the hopes of running into you. This could be because he misses you and is willing to take any opportunity to see you again, even if it's just for a minute. [12] X Research source
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13He tells you about his day. If he calls or texts to tell you what's been going on in his life, it's likely because he misses you. He wants you to know about the details of his life so that he will feel closer to you. This is particularly likely if he's used to leaning on you for emotional support during difficult times and comes to you for that again. [13] X Research source
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14He makes plans to hang out with you. It stands to reason that if he misses you, he'll want to see you more often. If you broke up, it could be that he's just trying to make an effort to remain friends , but regardless, he really wants to see you and have you be a part of his life. [14] X Research source
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15He drunk-dials you. You get those late-night calls and you can tell he's not completely sober—maybe he's slurring his words or sounds like he's been crying. Alcohol can make people feel more lonely and also lower their inhibitions, so if he's missing you he's more likely to reach out at these times. [15] X Research source
- Research suggests that alcohol use might increase for people who go from being in a relationship to being single. [16] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source If you've recently broken up, this could be the reason for the drunk-dialing.
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16He's always happy to see you. You can see that smile break out on his face from a mile away and you know that he's glad he ran into you. If he misses you, he's going to be excited for any opportunity he has to spend a little time with you. [17] X Research source
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17He tries to help you out in any way he can. Was he always the one you could count on to get your printer back online or fix that leaky faucet? If he's continuing to make himself available to do these kinds of things for you when you need it, it's likely that he misses you and wants to feel like he's important to you. [18] X Research source
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18He tells you that he misses you. If he straight-up tells you he misses you, it's a no-brainer that he does. It often takes a lot for a guy to admit something like this and be this vulnerable. Trust him that he's telling you the truth—it's not likely he'd say this if he didn't mean it. [19] X Research source
- Even if he doesn't tell you directly, he might tell his friends. If one of his friends lets it slip that he misses you, that's a good sign that he probably does!
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Section 2 of 5:
How long before he misses you?
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It typically takes men about 8 weeks to miss a former partner. If the two of you just ended your relationship, it's normal for it to take some time for him to process things—especially if you initiated the breakup. Typically, men spend at least a couple of weeks in denial, so it can take that long before they even recognize the loss. [20] X Research source
- Once he processes the loss, it's also normal for him to start craving your presence and spending time with you. That's when he'll also start to miss having you around as a part of his life.
- In a long-distance relationship, on the other hand, it depends on how frequently you normally communicate and see each other. If you go a couple of days without talking when you normally talk more frequently, he's likely to miss you.
Section 3 of 5:
What to Do If You're Broken Up
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1Ask yourself why you care if he misses you. Are you interested in giving the relationship another chance or are you just feeling a little vindictive? If he ended the relationship, it's totally normal for you to get a little satisfaction from the fact that he misses you. [21] X Research source
- Before you talk to him or say anything about him missing you, make sure your heart is in the right place. If you still truly care about him and don't want to see him hurting, you might want to reach out.
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2Consider the pros and cons of seeing him more often. If he was a big part of your life and you miss him too, it's pretty natural for you to decide that you want to hang out with him more often. But depending on the reasons the two of you split in the first place, it might not be a good idea to get back together. [22] X Research source
- If your relationship became toxic, you don't want to add any more toxicity to your life and you're probably better off not reaching out to him.
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3Talk to him about your relationship. Missing you can often mean that he doesn't feel like he has closure after the two of you split. Having a serious discussion about the reasons your relationship is over can help him find the closure he needs. It doesn't mean he won't still miss you, but it'll make it easier to move on. [23] X Research source
- The next time he reaches out to you, ask him if he wants to sit down and have this conversation. You might even tell him that you feel as though the two of you need to get some closure .
- If it was closure he was looking for, going no-contact is a good way for both of you to move on (if that's what you want to do).
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4Give each other time to grieve the loss of the relationship. The end of a relationship is like a death and both of you need time to grieve. Even if you do get back together, it won't be the same relationship but a new and different one. Take time to grieve the old one before you think about giving it another go—even if you both miss each other. [24] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Remember that missing each other is totally normal if you previously played a big role in each other's lives. You both need time to create new routines that don't revolve around each other.
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Section 4 of 5:
Why He Misses You
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1Emotional attachment takes a while to go away. If you recently broke up, he relied on you for emotional support and became closely attached to you. That kind of attachment doesn't just disappear overnight. Even if he was the one who initiated the split, he's still going to miss you if he hasn't yet found anyone to fulfill the same role in his life. [25] X Research source
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2You're familiar to him. After a split, life often changes significantly for both of you. So many changes at once can be really stressful and leave him craving the comfort of the routines and little daily rituals that the two of you shared. This can make him start missing you because he misses that level of familiarity. [26] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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3Your relationship is or was meaningful to him. If he truly loved you and your relationship meant a lot to him, it stands to reason that he'll miss you when you're gone. Even if he ended the relationship himself, he might have come to realize that he made a mistake and perhaps thinks the two of you should've spent more time trying to work out your differences. [27] X Research source
- If you're involved online or across a long distance, the more emotionally connected to you he is, the more meaningful the relationship will be to him. As your connection grows, he'll miss you more and more because he wants to be by your side.
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4He wants to be with you again. This is especially likely if you were the one who initiated the split, but it could happen even if he left you. The reasons for the split might fade into the background of his mind and he decides that they aren't as important as they seemed at the time. [28] X Research source
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5You shared an identity together as a couple. When you're in a relationship, you think of yourself in relation to your partner. After the relationship ends, that identity as a partner also goes away and it could leave either of you feeling like you've lost a big part of who you are. This loss makes him miss you because he misses who he was to you and in that relationship. [29] X Research source
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Section 5 of 5:
What to Do if You're in a Long-Distance Relationship
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1Focus on him and communicate frequently. If you're in a long-distance or online relationship, he likely misses you because he feels as though you don't talk to him enough. He wants to build that connection, which takes a lot more effort when you can't be in each other's presence every day. Commit to texting him frequently and intentionally.
- Engage in regular, real-time communication so that you can both be present in the same conversation at the same time. Video chatting can also help you feel more connected. [30] X Research source
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2Put in the effort towards progressing the relationship. If you want to build a relationship that's important and meaningful to both of you, pursue him with that intention and enlist a little courtship and romance. Flirt with him and let him know that he's on your mind and is important to you.
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3Give him a piece of your clothing. Something that smells like you and reminds him of you can go a long way toward helping him feel better when he's missing you. Spray it with your perfume or even wear it for a few hours so that it smells like you when he opens it. He'll feel like you're right there with him. [31] X Research source
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4Connect over the mundane details of your day. He'll feel more involved in your life if you're sharing even the boring details. When you don't talk to someone very often, you might feel like you need to prioritize and only tell them the most important information. But often, it's those little trivial things that will make him feel as though he's an intimate part of your life. [32] X Research source
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5Get creative with your time together. Even with distance, there are ways you can interact that will make the two of you feel more connected and more involved in each other's lives. Use technology to your advantage to share as much of your lives with each other as possible. [33] X Research source
- For example, you might both cook the same recipe and then have dinner together while video chatting with each other.
- Another fun thing to do is get on the phone with each other and watch the same movie or TV show together, then talk about it.
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6Carry on with your own life. In a long-distance relationship, it's good if you both miss each other a little—it means that you're important to each other and it can help your love grow. Make sure you're keeping up with what you have to do and not texting him constantly or always needing to know where he is and what he's doing. Give him some space to miss you and that will make your time together that much more special.
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References
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/when-guys-miss-you-after-breakup/
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://relationshiphero.com/blog/will-my-ex-eventually-come-back-signs-your-ex-will-return
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://relationshiphero.com/blog/will-my-ex-eventually-come-back-signs-your-ex-will-return
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://relationshiphero.com/blog/will-my-ex-eventually-come-back-signs-your-ex-will-return
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4108599/
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/when-guys-miss-you-after-breakup/
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/state-of-anxiety/202303/comparatively-speaking-do-men-break-up-badly
- ↑ https://themindsjournal.com/psychological-signs-someone-misses-you/
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/before-you-reach-out-to-that-person-from-your-past-3-things-to-consider/
- ↑ https://relationshiphero.com/blog/will-my-ex-eventually-come-back-signs-your-ex-will-return
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://ncrw.org/when-guys-miss-you-after-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://attracttheone.com/breakups/signs-your-ex-misses-you-even-if-they-pretend-not-to/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202111/missing-ex-could-be-why
- ↑ https://attracttheone.com/breakups/signs-your-ex-misses-you-even-if-they-pretend-not-to/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-lessons-about-love-and-long-distance-relationships/
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Joshua Pompey
and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD
. Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert and Founder of Next Evolution Matchmaking (NEM) based in New York City, NY. With over 15 years in the industry, Joshua helps his clients navigate online dating and has a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world. This article has been viewed 32,410 times.
5 votes - 44%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: November 14, 2023
Views: 32,410
Categories: Social Nuisances
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 32,410 times.
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