How to Get Out of Trouble with Your Parents

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It’s never fun getting in trouble with your parents. Their rules and demands might seem unreasonable and unfair, and sometimes it’s hard to follow the rules to stay out of trouble. But taking responsibility for your actions, talking with your parents honestly and calmly, and making positive changes to stay out of trouble will make your life easier.

Method 1
Method 1 of 4:

Talking With Your Parents

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    Plan a sit-down conversation with one or both of your parents. Schedule a time when they are not busy trying to make dinner or heading out the door for work. Make time to talk seriously and openly with your parents about what’s getting you into trouble.
    • Turn off the TV and your phone so that you can give the conversation your full attention.
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    Knowing what you want to say will help you figure out what is the most important parts to focus on. A plan can also help you say the hard parts that you might be nervous about.
    • A plan will also help you figure out what end result you’re looking for. Do you want to be grounded for less time? Do you want to get a phone? Do you want to attend a concert with your friends? Figure out what it is you want, but be realistic. If you’re already in trouble, don’t expect that your parents will suddenly change their mind after a calm conversation with you.
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    Apologize for whatever got you into trouble. Your parents will appreciate that you acknowledge your wrongdoing. Saying sorry can go a long way.
    • Even if you don’t think you did something wrong, try to understand the problem from your parents’ point of view. How do they view your actions?
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    It’s a good rule of thumb throughout life to tell the truth. Your parents know you well and they are pretty good at detecting lies. If you start by lying, you can get caught in your lies if they don’t match up. Even if the truth is difficult to say, your parents will value your honesty and maturity.
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    Keeping your temper in check will help your cause, because you will demonstrate that you can have a mature, calm discussion without automatically getting defensive or saying something rude.
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    You may not get completely out of trouble by having a conversation with your parents, but you can make conditions better for yourself. Give a little and your parents will probably give a little too.
    • This conversation may also lay the groundwork for keeping yourself out of trouble in the future.
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    Talk with your parents in a respectful tone without sarcasm or anger. Listen to what they have to say, even if you disagree with it. You’d like to have the same courtesy, so listen respectfully when they are talking. [1]
    • Understand that your parents are people too and that they might be stressed out too. Have a positive attitude and recognize that this phase won’t last forever.
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Create the right setting for difficult family conversations. If you need to have a serious conversation with your parents, schedule it for a time and place free of distractions. Even if past talks haven't gone well, treat this as a fresh opportunity for you all to connect respectfully.

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    Your siblings, especially older ones, might be good ambassadors for you when talking with your parents. They understand your parents and know where you’re coming from. They might be able to convince your parents to ease up on you or to see things from your perspective.
    • You will probably need to do something really nice for your sibling if they talk with your parents for you. Make or buy a small gift for them or volunteer to do some of their chores for them.
    • Alternately, ask a trusted adult to talk with your parents. If you don’t have a good relationship with your parents, it can be helpful to start a dialogue with another trusted adult first. This person might be an aunt or uncle, grandparent, teacher or coach.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 4:

Getting Along with your Siblings

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    Your sister or brother might tease you or do annoying things. If you get in a fight, you might get into trouble with your parents. Chances are, your sibling is trying to get your attention or they are bored. If you ignore the behavior, they will probably stop and go onto a different activity. This keeps you from fighting and keeps you out of trouble with your parents. [2]
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    Sometimes, you might be treated unfairly by your parents, and your sibling might get better treatment. They might get to stay up later or they might get to watch a movie that you don’t get to watch. Instead of getting mad and getting into a fight, show your maturity by accepting that you don’t always get what you want and that you can handle it. This will keep you out of fights with your parents.
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    If your sibling is really testing you or getting into your stuff too much, talk calmly with your parents. Explain to them that you’re trying to be patient with your sibling but you also need your own space and privacy. Your parents will value your maturity.
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    Oftentimes, your sibling may be annoying you to get your attention. Find a time when you can do something together, like going for a walk or seeing a movie together. [3]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 4:

Maintaining a Good Relationship With Your Parents

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    If you keep getting into trouble because your phone bill is too high or you get bad grades, strive to change your behavior to demonstrate that you can be trusted. Make a pledge to yourself to keep your phone bill under control, for example, and track your usage for the month. Point out in a humble way that you have changed your behavior. Show them your phone bill when it is well under your limit.
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    Sometimes it’s not worth using energy to fight over something small. When you constantly fight over things, from what to eat to when you have to be home, you and your parents get “battle fatigue.” Choose the most important things to put up a fight over, and let the smaller things go.
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    If your parents don’t understand things you like to do, give them an introduction to these things. Take them to the new skate park, for example, or have them listen to your new music. Tell them what you really like about an activity or hobby. Getting them involved in your life will help them understand you better.
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    You might want to spend more time with your friends, but spending quality time with your parents is a good way to connect. Schedule a few times a week to have short conversations when you can catch up and tell your parents about your day.
    • Plan a special time at least once a month when you do an activity together, such as going for a hike or working on a hobby or project.
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    As with anyone whose relationship you value, be thoughtful and treat your parents kindly. Do special favors for them or leave a nice note for them. [4]
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Method 4
Method 4 of 4:

Staying Out of Trouble

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    Your parents have rules that sometimes might not make sense to you. Mostly, these rules are meant to keep you safe and to teach you good values. Respect these rules and follow them.
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    Helping around the house is a great way to get on your parents’ good side. Housework is an added stress for anyone, and it typically falls on parents’ shoulders to keep the household together. As you get older, take on more responsibility around the house by offering to walk the dog, fold laundry, clean windows or vacuum the car.
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    If you get into trouble because of bad grades, try to make changes in how you are doing in school. Schedule the same time every day to do homework. Set up a study group a couple of days before a test. Hopefully, this will improve your grades, but at the very least, your parents will be able to see how hard you’re trying to improve.
    • Get a tutor who can help you learn school material. Sometimes tutors charge a fee, but you may also be able to get a tutor through your school for free. Talk with your guidance counselor about this option.
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    When you anticipate that you might get in trouble over something, schedule a time to talk with your parents again. Give them a heads up that you’re getting a bad grade in one of your classes, for example. The key here, though, is to also tell them what you’re doing to try to stay out of trouble. Tell them, for example, that you’re taking the initiative to ask the teacher for extra help.
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  • Question
    How do you get yourself out of trouble?
    Chandler Chang, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Chandler Chang is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, the Founder & Owner of Golden Hour Therapy and Therapy Lab, and a Clinical Instructor at the University of Southern California. With nearly 20 years of experience, she specializes in providing evidence-based, science-backed treatments to toddlers, children, teens, families, and adults to target specific mental health problems or cultivate mental wellness. Dr. Chang earned a BA from Princeton University and a PhD in Psychology from The University of Georgia. She completed UCLA's pre-doctoral internship and trained at NYU’s Child Study Center and UGA Regents Center for Learning Disorders.
    Chandler Chang, PhD
    Licensed Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    Apologize! I can't stress enough how important this is. It can really build trust and relationships if you can accept faults in a situation where you've made a mistake. Then, offer to demonstrate how responsible you are by offering to start doing some chores to demonstrate that you're willing to do better.
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      Tips

      • If you think you might get frustrated or angry while talking to your parents, practice taking some deep breaths when you feel yourself getting upset. It can help calm you down in the moment. [5]
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      • If you say sorry for something you did wrong, make sure your apology is genuine: state exactly what you're apologizing for, and take full ownership of your actions.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/kids/talk-parents.html
      2. ↑ https://dorkdiaries.com/2012/12/what-to-do-when-your-sister-gets-you-in-trouble/
      3. ↑ https://dorkdiaries.com/2012/12/what-to-do-when-your-sister-gets-you-in-trouble/
      4. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/parents/parent-teen-relationships
      5. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/breathing-exercises-for-stress/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Getting out of trouble with your parents is all about staying calm and taking responsibility for your actions. It’s important to apologize to your parents to show them you understand whatever you did was wrong. Try to think about how it affected them so you can make a sincere apology. You can also try volunteering to do some extra chores to get on their good side. For example, say something like, “Mom, Dad, I’m really sorry for stealing. Maybe I can do the dishes tonight to make it up to you.” Once you’ve apologized, try to stay polite and behave yourself, even if they’re still mad at you. This will prove that you’re really sorry and you’ve learned your lesson. For more tips, including how to get along with your parents and siblings, read on!

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