How to Get Rid of a Guy Who Is Using You: 8 Ways to Set Boundaries and Get Over Him

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If you’ve been seeing a guy for a little while and he’s throwing out some red flags, you might be catching onto the fact that he’s using you. Whether he’s trying to get money, sex, or simply companionship from you, being used by your partner is never a good feeling. Keep reading to learn how you can get rid of this guy for good and move onto someone who likes you for you, not what you can do for them.

1

Talk to him in person.

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  1. Meet up in a private place where you two can chat, like your home. If he’s hesitant, tell him that it’s important and you really want to see him. [1]
    • If he doesn’t want to meet up with you, you can do it over text.
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2

Ask him what you two are doing.

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  1. A guy who is using you probably won’t be able to answer the question, and he might hem or haw while he makes excuses. Making him say it out loud will help you solidify your decision and make him understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. [2]
    • Say something like, “We’ve been seeing each other for months now. What are we?”
    • He might try to placate you with answers like, “We’re just seeing how it goes,” or, “Well, I don’t like labels.” If he can’t commit to dating you exclusively, that’s a red flag.
3

Tell him what you’re looking for in a relationship.

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  1. If he can’t do that for you, then he’s not the one for you. [3] Spell it out clearly so there’s no uncertainty involved. [4]
    • Say something like, “I’m looking for an exclusive relationship with someone who loves me for me.”
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4

Let him know it’s just not working out.

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  1. Be firm, and don’t back down if he questions your decision or tries to get you to change your mind. If he tries sweet-talking you, tell him that you’ve heard it all before and you aren’t going to fall for it again. Try to use “I” statements so he doesn’t get defensive, like: [5]
    • “Whatever we’re doing just isn’t working out for me. I feel like I need someone more committed, and I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for right now.”
5

Be clear about your reasoning.

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  1. Tell him that he’s just not the one for you, and that you’d probably both be happier in a different situation. You could also tell him that you’re feeling used and that you don’t want to continue feeling that way. [6]
    • Try something like, “Honestly, it kind of feels like you’ve been using me for the past few months. We only meet up to have sex, and I don’t feel like we really know each other on a deeper level.”
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6

Don’t respond to any late night texts.

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  1. If you get the dreaded “You up?” text at 2 AM, just delete the message. If it keeps happening, it might be time to block his number. [7]
    • There’s no need to respond to his text, even to tell him to go away. Your lack of a response will send a message.
7

Unfriend him on social media.

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  1. Remove him from your Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook so you don’t have to see any updates about his life. If he’s really hung up on you, he might post things to make you jealous, and you don’t need to see any of that. [8]
    • If he tries to contact you on social media, it might be best to block him.
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8

Live your own life.

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  1. Make plans to hang out with your BFFs for brunch, or go visit your parents for a little comfort. You can tell them what’s going on with you, or you can simply use them as a distraction from the guy who’s got you down. [9]

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      Tips

      • A guy might be using you if he only sees you to have sex, if you end up paying for everything, or if he won’t commit to dating you exclusively.
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      • Try not to settle for someone who’s using you just because you don’t want to be alone. You’ll be much happier with someone who actually likes you for who you are.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201805/fourteen-ways-break-better
      2. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/advice/a185/is-he-using-me-for-sex-78957/
      3. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      4. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28638581/breakup-texts/
      5. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28638581/breakup-texts/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201805/fourteen-ways-break-better
      7. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/advice/a185/is-he-using-me-for-sex-78957/
      8. ↑ https://www.insider.com/how-to-break-up-with-someone-youre-not-dating-2019-1
      9. ↑ https://www.bolde.com/7-ways-finally-get-rid-guy-broke-heart/
      1. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
      2. ↑ Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.

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