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You’ve met a great guy, but he’s divorced. You’re probably wondering what that means for your relationship. Will he commit? Are there any benefits or challenges you need to know about? Will his kids make it hard for you to date? We’re here to answer all of your questions about dating a divorced man so your mind is at ease. We’ll also cover the benefits and challenges of dating a divorced man.
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Question 1 of 5:
Is It Worth Dating a Divorced Man?
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Yes, dating a divorced man can be worth it. Everyone has baggage, so don’t dismiss a great guy just because he’s been married before. He might want to take things slow, but that doesn’t mean he won’t fall for you. In time, most divorced men eventually remarry. [1] X Trustworthy Source Pew Research Center Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends Go to source
- Be open-minded about his divorce. If he seems like a great match, give him a chance.
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Be cautious if he’s only separated, not divorced. Getting a divorce can take a long time, and some people feel ready to date before their divorce is finalized. There’s nothing wrong with this if everyone is okay with it. However, it may be more risky to date a guy who’s newly separated because there’s a chance he’ll go back to his marriage. If your guy is separated, look for these signs that he might go back: [2] X Research source
- He’s previously returned to his partner after a separation.
- He blames his partner to justify dating you.
- He can’t decide if he wants to be with you.
- He talks about missing his old life with his partner.
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Question 2 of 5:
Will a Divorced Man Commit?
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Yes, most divorced guys eventually commit to someone else. Men are actually more likely to get remarried than women after a divorce. [3] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source At first, he may be hesitant to commit because his first marriage ended. You can help him see that the future's still bright. Remind him what makes your relationship different from his marriage. [4] X Expert Source Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.- Everyone reacts to divorce differently. Some guys may swear off marriage at first, while others actively seek a new long-term relationship.
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Look for signs he won’t commit to you. You don’t want to waste time dating a guy who won’t commit to you, and that’s totally understandable. Fortunately, his behavior can usually tell you a lot about his intentions. If he’s doing the following, he may not be ready to commit to you: [5] X Expert Source Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.- He prioritizes everything else in his life over you.
- He often cancels plans with you at the last minute.
- He refuses to meet your friends and family.
- He won’t introduce you to his friends or family.
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Question 3 of 5:
Benefits of Dating a Divorced Man
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He’s probably more mature than guys who’ve never been married. A guy who’s been divorced has built a life with someone, and may even have a family. Going through these experiences made him a different man. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source He’s got more experience than someone who’s never been married. Because he’s more mature, he’ll likely have a better relationship with his next partner. [7] X Research source
- You may feel let down that your guy planned a whole life with someone else. However, those dreams are in the past. If you fall for each other, the life he plans with you will be the one he wants.
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He knows what it’s like to be in a long-term relationship. [8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source The truth is, maintaining a long-term relationship is a lot of work. [9] X Research source He’s already proven that he’s willing to commit to someone. In some ways, that might be better than dating someone who’s only had short relationships.
- If his marriage was super short, this might not be applicable.
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He likely learned some lessons from his divorce. Instead of thinking of divorce as a bad thing, try to see it as a learning experience. Yes, things went wrong in his prior relationship. Hopefully, that experience will help him be a better partner to you. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Talk to him about why his marriage ended. You could ask, “What do you think led to your divorce?” or “What caused you and your ex to drift apart?” This will give you some idea about what he might want to do differently in the future.
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Question 4 of 5:
Challenges of Dating a Divorced Man
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He may have financial difficulties right now. It costs money to get divorced, and starting over can be expensive. [11] X Research source Fortunately, his finances will likely improve fairly quickly. [12] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source However, keep in mind that he may continue to pay child support and alimony for several years, depending on his divorce settlement.
- He may not have to pay alimony if it’s not required where he lives.
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It may take him time to open up to you. You may feel hurt by your guy’s refusal to share things with you. Try to be patient because it may take time for him to be ready to talk about how he feels. Men often struggle emotionally after a divorce. [13] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Hang in there because what you’re experiencing is normal.
- Let him know that you’re there for him when he’s ready. Say things like, “I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk,” or “I can understand why you don’t want to talk about that. If you change your mind, I’m always happy to listen.”
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His children will come first, especially in the beginning. The hardest part of dating a divorced man is accepting his priorities. If he’s a father, he needs to be there for his kids first. Going through their parents’ divorce was super hard, and they need to spend as much time with both parents as possible. Make sure you’re okay with him prioritizing his kids before you fall for him. [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For example, he may be unavailable during the times he has his children, such as every other weekend. Similarly, he may need to cancel plans with you if something comes up with his children.
- Over time, this may change. If you get married, your relationship may become the priority because it’s the foundation for your new blended family.
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Question 5 of 5:
Tips for Dating a Divorced Man
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Talk about your expectations up front. You might be nervous to ask him what he wants from your relationship, but it’s important to discuss this before you fall for him. Find out if he wants something serious or if he’s just dating around right now. Be honest with him about what you want, so you’re on the same page. Say something like:
- “I’m hoping to find someone to settle down with and start a family. I know you’ve been married before. Is that something you want again in the future?”
- “I know you’ve recently been divorced. That must have been so hard. I wanted to check-in with you to make sure things aren’t moving too fast between us. Are you looking for something casual, or are you open to getting serious down the line?”
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Ask him how he’s feeling and listen. Be there for him when he’s feeling emotional about the changes in his life. [15] X Expert Source Michael Dickerson, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 August 2021. It’s common for guys to feel anger, fear, anxiety, and grief over the loss of a marriage. [16] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source He may not come out and say it, so gently ask him to open up to you. In time, this can bring you closer together.- You might say, “I know it’s been hard to be away from your kids. How are you handling things?” or “I know you were with Alex for 8 years. Do you want to talk about what happened?”
- If he's been divorced for a really long time, you might not need to do this. Chances are, he'll be more open about his feelings if a lot of time has passed.
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Take things slow. If you’re really into him, it’s only natural to want a hot and heavy relationship. After a divorce, however, he may not be ready for a committed relationship right away. To slow things down, spread out your dates and wait a few dates to become intimate. This might feel frustrating at first, but your relationship is actually more likely to last if you take your time. [17] X Research source
- For example, you might schedule a date night once a week during the first couple months of your relationship. Between dates, stay in communication by texting.
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Let his children set the pace for meeting and bonding with them. You might be really eager to meet his kids. After all, they are a big part of his life. However, it’s important to wait until both your partner and his kids are ready for that introduction. Then, give them the time they need to get used to you. [18] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Chances are, your guy will want to make sure things between you are serious before he introduces you to the kids. It may be weeks or months before you meet them.
- Once you do meet the kids, just focus on having fun with them. They may be resistant at first, and that’s totally normal. Invite them on fun outings, like bowling, or play games with them.
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Encourage him to get therapy if he’s still grieving his marriage. [19] X Expert Source Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 30 September 2021. Getting divorced is extremely hard. It’s normal to experience a lot of pain and grief after leaving a marriage. Working with a therapist can help him process his feelings so he’s ready to be in a relationship again. [20] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source- His grief doesn’t necessarily mean that he misses his ex. He had a whole life planned out, and now that’s gone. Things like losing your home or spending less time with your children are also painful losses.
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Tips
- Immediately after his divorce, he may have some instability in his life as he creates new routines and settles down again. [21] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to sourceThanks
- Your relationship is more likely to last if you take the time to get to know him and focus on forming a partnership. [22] X Research source His prior divorce doesn’t have to weigh heavily on your relationship.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/02/13/8-facts-about-love-and-marriage/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201608/dating-man-who-is-separated-not-yet-divorced
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.crispandco.com/site/divorce-statistics/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/six-tips-to-keep-long-term-relationships-exciting/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/little-known-financial-benefits-of-divorce
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/step-parenting-blended-families.htm
- ↑ Michael Dickerson, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 3 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/divorce-child-custody/healthy
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201208/take-it-slow-if-you-want-your-relationship-last
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/step-parenting-blended-families.htm
- ↑ Julia McCurley. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200001/will-your-marriage-last
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