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Shy girls want the same things any other girl wants. They want friends, success, and love. They just won't always put themselves "out there" in order to get it. That means if you like a shy girl, you're going to have to take proactive measures. Look for the signs to see if maybe she's hiding a crush for you just behind the wall of her shyness.
Steps
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Notice eye contact. Eye contact is an important part of human interaction, and it just so happens that when people feel romantically inclined or particularly at ease with someone, a natural physical response is for the pupils to dilate. [1] X Research source If she holds your gaze longer than normal, or if you find her staring your way frequently, this could be a sign that she's interested in you.
- Each case will be different, but shy people tend to favor indirect interaction, so you may never catch her looking your way. If she avoids looking at you entirely, this can also be a strong sign she's interested. Another scenario might be she is looking straight at the clock, whiteboard, or friends to distract herself and will look all directions except at you.
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Watch for jealousy. Some shy girls may become jealous if you flirt with others. She may become irritated with you after you've talked with other girls, or might get hurt when you're not there for her in a more-than-a-friend capacity. [2] X Research source
- Is she bummed out when you miss her volleyball game against the big rivals? She may be hiding a crush for you if this is the case.
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Keep an eye on her wrists and hands. Women often expose their wrists when romantically or physically interested in someone. [3] X Research source But even if she's only touching your arm or holding onto you in a crowd, reaching gestures from her to you may mean she looks to you for support on a deeper level. [4] X Research source
- Often it is common for a shy girl to initiate physical contact accidentally, repeating this later as a way of determining whether the touch was welcome or not. [5] X Research source
- Try brushing your hand against hers to see how she reacts. If she seems comfortable with that, it could be a sign that she's interested in you. [6]
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Expert Source
JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
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Watch out for blushing. She will be more prone to blush around someone she likes. [7] X Research source Keep an eye out for reddened cheeks and face; if she's red-faced around you, she could be hiding deeper feelings.
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Pay heed to distance and orientation. Some claim that one of the strongest clues you have about another person's interest in you is the distance that person stands from you. The closer a person stands, the more likely that person would consider you as a romantic partner. Also, the direction her feet point might point out whether she's digging you or looking to dash out the door.
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Note her wardrobe and preening gestures. If she dresses up in special clothes when you hang out, or if she adds a special touch, like makeup, this could mean that she's dressing up to impress you. [8] X Research source When you catch her looking in the mirror and straightening her bangs, her preening to look good for you is a strong indication she might have a crush on you.
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Watch for tilting and leaning. If you find her frequently leaning in close when you are speaking and tilting her head while you speak, this is a strong indication of engagement and interest. [9] X Research source The more frequently you see this behavior, the more likely she is interested in you as more than a friend.
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Observe small compliments. It might not seem like a big deal to you when she compliments your new sneakers, but her noticing changes in your outfit or appearance and complimenting you could be her way of showing you she's interested enough in you to pay attention. [10] X Research source
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Pay attention to how she talks. Many shy people are worried about saying the wrong thing, which sometimes leads to quietness around a crush. Oppositely, nervousness at being close to a crush might cause a shy girl to be a little more chatty. In either case, research has shown that if she responds to you smoothly and quickly, she likely is interested in some kind of relationship with you. [11] X Research source
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Give the girl you like compliments. Small praise has a profound effect on people, but this effect is more pronounced with potential romantic partners. [12] X Research source Hodges, Lynn. <i>Living with Bipolar Disorder: Strategies for Balance and Resilience</i>. Scotland: Findhorn, 2012. Print. [13] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Does your girl light up when you pay her simple praise? She may be crushing on you.
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Listen for laughter. When she peppers your conversation with pleasant laughter at your wit and charm, it could mean she wants you to like her. Listen for frequency. Laughing more with you than others could be a love letter from her subconscious.
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Take note of volume and pitch. Notes in lower registers are subconscious attempts at showing off, which makes a dreamy or husky quality in her voice a good sign for you! She may be loud around others, but quiet around you. These are often hints she is interested.
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Ask through a mutual friend. Shy people frequently fear direct confrontation, so asking her if she has feelings for you through a note passed on through a friend or in a message that friend relates to her could save you from unnecessary detective work. [14] X Research source Remember, she will find out that you asked, and sometimes people use this information to pick on other. There is nothing wrong with asking someone if they like you.
- Remember that some shy girls are very reserved and may keep their crush a secret, even from their best friends. It's important that you take time to read your situation to see if this kind of inquiry is a good decision.
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Ease her into conversation. Since she's a shy girl, it is important during this stage that you don't force her to talk with you. She might need time to adjust to being around you or to speaking with you, and rushing her into conversation could cause her stress. [15] X Trustworthy Source Recovery.org Resource run by the American Addiction Centers organization providing people with educational resources about substance abuse Go to source When checking to see if she likes you, first talk about low-stakes topics, like the weather, teachers, classmates, or daily life. Be patient and it is likely she will become more comfortable with you.
- It might take time before she's ready to break out of her shell, so be persistent if she is even slightly responsive.
- Try talking about yourself first, to help her feel more comfortable. Then, ask questions that will get her to talk about herself, like where she'd like to travel or what she likes to do for fun. [16]
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Expert Source
JT Tran
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 May 2020. - Reader Poll: We asked 740 wikiHow readers, and 49% of them agreed that the best way to help a shy or introverted girl feel more comfortable is by giving her time and space to open up . [Take Poll]
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Share regular conversation with her. Studies have found that people naturally speak more around those that they like and have romantic interest in. [17] X Research source When you share conversations with her that go on and on, or if you find her more conversant around you, take this as a sign of interest. Also, speaking with her more should put her more at ease around you, which will make asking her out less difficult. Some topics you can use to get her started include:
- Future plans
- Hobbies and sports
- Family
- Favorite class
- Dream job
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Use soft communication styles when asking direct questions. After weeks of wondering, "Does she like me?" you might be ready to ask, but with a shy girl, this might not be the best decision. Try to approach whatever question is on your mind in a way that gives an escape if the question is too uncomfortable. [18] X Research source
- Whatever you do, do not comment on how shy she is, as this could make her even more self-conscious and less willing to talk. [19] X Research source
- Instead of asking, "Want to go to a movie with me?" you might instead mention, "That movie looks really great. I was hoping to see it next week when it comes out, but I don't have anyone to go with."
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Try asking her out. If you see a lot of the signs and signals of romance in your relationship with her, and you believe that she likes you, trust your instincts. And remember, though rejection is rarely enjoyable, if you never try, you'll never have a chance of finding that special someone.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I flirt with a shy girl without embarrassing her?JT Tran is a Dating Coach and a Dating Advice Columnist for LA Weekly and Baller Magazine. JT also runs the ABCs of Attraction, a dating boot camp where he specializes in coaching Asian men and women on how to navigate the cultural and social sensitivities associated with Asian dating culture. With over ten years of dating coaching experience, JT has presented dating and relationship advice as it relates to cultural issues at Harvard University, Yale University, and the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania. His work has been featured in AsianWeek, New York, NU Asian Magazine, the Huffington Post, Channel News Asia, and Voice of America News TV.Try being physically flirtatious, but make sure it's something she's okay with. For instance, you might touch her hand, then see whether she seems both emotionally and physically comfortable before you continue.
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Tips
- Try not to attract a lot of attention to the shy girl. Shy girls don't like that!Thanks
- Some shy girls give mixed signals; they don't always know how to react to situations or conversations and may back off or defer if uncomfortable.Thanks
- Making an honest effort will be appreciated.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Make sure you're bringing up a mutual interest when talking to her. If she likes anime and you like anime, then talk about anime with her! If she likes animals and your an animal-lover, talk about animals with her! She may talk very little at first, but she'll open up in time.
- Some shy girls are loud and talkative around their friends but quiet around others (including you). Don't embarrass or draw attention to her, but look for signs like her blushing when you're around.
- Make the first move. Worst case, she'll probably be very empathetic and let you down easy and try to avoid any awkward confrontation.
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References
- ↑ http://www.spring.org.uk/2011/12/what-the-eyes-reveal-10-messages-my-pupils-are-sending-you.php
- ↑ http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/what-are-the-signs-of-jealousy/
- ↑ http://psychologia.co/flirting-body-language/
- ↑ http://psychologia.co/flirting-body-language/
- ↑ http://psychologia.co/flirting-body-language/
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2044467/Blushing-New-research-shows-sign-youll-great-lover.html
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/romantic_body.htm
- ↑ http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2013/07/body-language-of-attraction/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ http://theweek.com/articles/448643/how-flirt-according-science
- ↑ Hodges, Lynn. Living with Bipolar Disorder: Strategies for Balance and Resilience . Scotland: Findhorn, 2012. Print.
- ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3391598/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201312/painfully-shy
- ↑ http://www.recovery.org/pro/articles/romance-in-recovery-are-you-rushing-your-relationship/
- ↑ JT Tran. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 May 2020.
- ↑ http://www.medicaldaily.com/how-flirt-if-you-want-stay-alone-donts-sexual-attraction-317604
- ↑ https://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/10-ways-to-deal-with-quiet-people/
- ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/shytalk
About This Article
Article Summary
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To know if a shy girl likes you at school, keep an eye out for romantic body language, like eye contact, blushing, or leaning in. Since she’s shy, you’ll want to ease into having conversations with her by bringing up low-stakes topics like school or day-to-day life. Then, as you get to know her, keep an eye out for small compliments as simple as “I like your haircut,” or “Cool shoes,” and see if her normal tone of voice changes when she talks to you, because these are clues that she likes you! Keep reading to learn when and how to ask your shy crush out!
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"Thank you very much, it helped me a lot. Now I know for sure that my crush has a crush on me. Thank you."
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"I am having troubles trying to find out if my best friend likes me and she shows a lot of these signs."
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