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A healthy marriage is a beautiful relationship, but it can be a lot of hard work. Luckily, if you’re a Christian, you have the benefit of God’s word to help guide your marriage. The Bible is full of poignant passages about love, including a number of verses that speak specifically to how someone should treat their wife. [1]
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Expert Source
Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST
Licensed Professional Counselor
Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
To fulfill God’s wishes for your marriage, cherish your wife, treat her with respect, and hold yourself to the highest standard so you can be a leader in your home.
Steps
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Cherish your wife above everyone else. Aside from God, your wife should be the most important person in your life, and your relationship should be based on a deep, personal love for each other. In fact, in Ephesians 5:25, the Bible says that you should love your wife the way Christ loved the church, and in Ephesians 5:28, the Bible says that you should love your wife the way you love your own body. It doesn’t get much more intimate than that. [2] X Research source [3] X Expert Source Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST
Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.- This means that you should know your wife inside and out, so throughout your marriage, pay attention to what she says and does so you can learn as much about her as possible. Embrace everything that makes her unique and special.
- The Bible also says to love your wife “just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." -Ephesians 5:25. [4]
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Expert Source
Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST
Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
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Work with your wife as a team. You and your wife will need to work shoulder-to-shoulder to build a life together, so treat her as your companion and your helpmate. In fact, in Genesis 2:18, the Bible says that God created Eve because Adam needed a "suitable helper." Genesis 2:24 also says: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." [5] X Research source
- In a healthy marriage , you and your partner will enhance each other’s best qualities and help balance out each other’s faults, acting as one solid unit to take on the world.
- For instance, if you tend to be impatient, you might find that your wife is slower to anger, so you might rely on her in situations where you find yourself waiting.
- Ecclesiastes 4:9 supports this as well: "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?”
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Show your wife tenderness, even if she makes a mistake. As much as you love your wife, she may occasionally make an error in judgment, be impatient or unkind toward you, or upset you in some other way. However, Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” Be slow to anger and show your wife forgiveness and love . This will allow her to grow from her mistakes, rather than being haunted by them. [6] X Research source
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 also describes this kind of love: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."
- You will need to be humble and apologize if you make a mistake in the relationship, as well.
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Protect your wife from harm. Although your wife is capable of taking care of herself, the Bible still charges you with caring for her. That might mean helping her avoid situations where she might be in danger, or it might mean standing up for her if someone is being unkind. In some cases, you might even protect your wife by making responsible choices for yourself, since she would be affected if you made bad decisions that cost you your livelihood or physical health. [7] X Research source
- In a healthy, Biblical relationship, your wife will protect you as well. For instance, she may protect your health by reminding you to attend your annual physical, or she may protect your spirituality by encouraging you to spend time with godly friends.
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Encourage your wife to be the best version of herself. When you’re in a happy , healthy marriage, you want to see your spouse live up to their fullest potential. Point out the strengths you see in your wife to help build her up, and always encourage her to follow her dreams. Remember, everyone has unique talents and passions, and the Bible says that we should use these gifts to honor God. [8] X Research source [9] X Expert Source Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST
Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.- Hebrews 10:24 says: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."
- 1 Corinthians 12:5-6 encourages us to find our own ways of serving the Lord: “There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” [10] X Research source
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Show your wife you love her by being trustworthy . While it’s certainly important to tell your wife you love her, the most enduring example of your love will come from your devotion to her over time. Go out of your way to be dependable, faithful, and true. This will help your wife feel secure in your love for her. [11] X Research source
- The Bible says your actions will speak the loudest: "Let us not love in word, neither in tongue, but in deed and in truth." -1 John 3:18
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Prioritize having an intimate sexual relationship. It’s important to connect with your wife on a physical level. Sometimes that might mean spontaneously stealing a few minutes together before work, while other times you might need to deliberately set aside a special night for romance if you both have busy schedules. Not only does this intimate time together fulfill each other's physical needs, but it will also strengthen your emotional and spiritual bond. [12] X Research source
- The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:3: ”The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband."
- In the same passage, the Bible says, "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." -1 Corinthians 7:5
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Devote yourself to your wife for the rest of your life. To truly love your wife in a Biblical way, you have to have the mindset that your marriage is permanent. The Bible specifies that divorce should only occur in the event of infidelity, so be prepared to weather any storms that come your way. As it says in Mark 10:9, "What God has joined together, let no one separate." [13] X Research source [14] X Expert Source Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST
Licensed Professional Counselor Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.- Remember that your marriage is a treasured gift, and honor it as such: ”Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned." -Song of Solomon 8:7
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Make your relationship with God a daily priority. If you want your marriage and your home life to be successful, it’s essential to strive to be your best. As a Christian, part of this means devoting yourself to God through prayer , reading your Bible , and always striving to follow Jesus’ example of righteousness. While every person’s schedule is different, this might mean reading a devotional each morning, attending weekly worship services, and praying throughout the day, with a family prayer in the evening. [15] X Research source
- Proverbs 3:33 says: "The Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the home of the righteous."
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Pray for wisdom in your decision-making. In Ephesians 5:23, the Bible says that a husband should take a leadership role in the family: "The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior." However, you can't expect your wife to follow you if you make decisions that are rash and self-serving. Take your time to think about what is best for you and your wife before you make any decisions that affect your family. [16] X Research source
- Remember to rely on your wife's wisdom, as well. Talk to her to get her perspective on different decisions that might impact both of you.
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Be honest about any mistakes you make. Luckily, you don’t have to be perfect to be a good spouse. However, it’s important to be truthful and humble with your wife, especially if you’ve done something wrong. Whether you fibbed about spending too much money on a new video game or you lost your temper at work and were disciplined for it, you’ll feel better if you come clean to your wife, and she’ll likely respect you more for your honesty.
- In James 5:16, the Bible says: "Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed."
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Find ways to provide for your household. While it often takes two working adults to manage a household these days, it's still important that you do everything you can to try to make sure your family's needs are met. If your family is struggling financially, for instance, you might do odd jobs on your days off to earn extra money. Being a provider might also mean sacrificing something you want for something that your wife wants or needs, as long as you do so with a loving, generous spirit. [17] X Research source
- The Bible calls for you to do everything you can to take care of your family: "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." -1 Timothy 5:8
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Avoid the temptation to be sexually immoral. Unfortunately, in today’s world it’s easy to be exposed to images that are designed to incite you toward impure or lustful thoughts. You might even meet someone who tries to tempt you to be unfaithful to your wife. However, in 1 Corinthians 7:4, the Bible says: "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." That means you owe it to your wife to keep your body pure for her, just as she should remain true to you. [18] X Research source
- ”Proverbs 5:20 says: “And why will you, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?” [19] X Research source
- Hebrews 13:4 has an even stronger message: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” [20] X Research source
- The Bible says that even entertaining lustful thoughts about someone else is a sin: "Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." -Matthew 5:28
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I be a better husband?Josh Spurlock is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and CEO of MyCounselor.Online. With more than 15 years of experience, he specializes in marriage counseling, family counseling, and sex therapy through a Christian counseling lens. Josh holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Biblical Languages, Literatures, and Linguistics and a Master’s in Counseling Psychology from Evangel University.Don't live selfishly or love selfishly with your wife. Instead, consider her needs and reality, and how her decisions impact her. Be committed to finding win/win solutions to the conflicts you have rather than demanding your own way.
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QuestionMy wife is letting old male friends send her I love and miss you messages and sharing her cell number with them and defending her actions and tell me she won't delete this person from her FB pageThis answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerConsider asking your wife to attend counseling with you, as this sounds like it could be symptomatic of a deeper issue.
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QuestionI love my wife an want to do it Gods way..... her eyes have been on others these past 31 years. We have 6 kids that has seen lots of damage in our years.I don’t want my prayers hindered....This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerContinue being faithful to your wife and to God, and His plan for you will be revealed in His time.
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The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Treat her body lovingly, not lustfully. Hold her close and find pleasure in her because you want to feel a special bond, not simply because you're after her private parts. She will feel disrespected if she feels simply sought for her body, not her whole being. Men are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church, so treat her with that love both in and out of the bedroom.
- Think of your wife as the greatest gift you have ever received. In return, your blessings will overflow!
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References
- ↑ Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
- ↑ https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%205%3A28-33&version=NIV
- ↑ Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
- ↑ Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
- ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/bible-verses-about-marriage
- ↑ https://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-husband-in-the-bible.htm
- ↑ https://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-husband-in-the-bible.htm
- ↑ https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews%2010%3A24-25&version=NIV
- ↑ Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
- ↑ https://biblia.com/bible/niv/1%20Cor%2012.5-6
- ↑ https://inspiringtips.com/ways-to-love-your-wife-according-to-the-bible/
- ↑ https://inspiringtips.com/ways-to-love-your-wife-according-to-the-bible/
- ↑ https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/marriage-bible-verses/
- ↑ Josh Spurlock, MA, LPC, CST. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 13 January 2022.
- ↑ https://inspiringtips.com/ways-to-love-your-wife-according-to-the-bible/
- ↑ https://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-husband-in-the-bible.htm
- ↑ https://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-husband-in-the-bible.htm
- ↑ https://inspiringtips.com/ways-to-love-your-wife-according-to-the-bible/
- ↑ https://biblehub.com/proverbs/5-20.htm
- ↑ https://www.openbible.info/topics/sexual_immorality
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to love your wife according to the Bible's teachings, start by cherishing her above everyone else aside from God. Consider your wife your lifelong teammate and work beside her as an equal to build a life together. Also, strive to be patient and tender with your wife, even if she makes a mistake or if you have a fight. Try to be slow to anger and show your wife forgiveness and love. You should also be honest with your wife about any mistakes that you make. Finally, be sure to prioritize having an intimate sexual relationship with your wife to create a healthy physical bond. For tips on making wise decisions as the head of your household, read on!
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- "My word, this article helped me, indeed! I felt so distant from my husband and as though we were miles apart physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Something happened one day when I was feeling ill, and it truly broke my heart. I tried to pretend to be okay about it. I felt so inadequate as a wife, a lover, and a woman. I was totally out of sorts. One morning I was lying on our couch and my husband sat next to me. I told him about the reason I felt this way and how I felt so far away from him. He felt the same way. For about an hour, I just sobbed and spoke and he held me and reassured me of our love together. I committed myself to try and be more and do more to be a better wife, although he said it wasn't necessary. Work, children, home responsibilities, etc., all just became too much to have any time for us. Every word of this article was just so helpful, so real, and so true. I'm going to save it so that it's always close at hand. Thank you!" ..." more
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"My word, this article helped me, indeed! I felt so distant from my husband and as though we were miles apart physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Something happened one day when I was feeling ill, and it truly broke my heart. I tried to pretend to be okay about it. I felt so inadequate as a wife, a lover, and a woman. I was totally out of sorts. One morning I was lying on our couch and my husband sat next to me. I told him about the reason I felt this way and how I felt so far away from him. He felt the same way. For about an hour, I just sobbed and spoke and he held me and reassured me of our love together. I committed myself to try and be more and do more to be a better wife, although he said it wasn't necessary. Work, children, home responsibilities, etc., all just became too much to have any time for us. Every word of this article was just so helpful, so real, and so true. I'm going to save it so that it's always close at hand. Thank you!"
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"It helped me clarify my thinking and I realized that I sinned against God by not loving my wife the way I should. Some of my wife's attitudes and actions have hurt me and my family so much that I wanted to end my marriage, but anytime I read my Bible, God says to me to love unconditionally. We love others because of who we are in Christ. To love the lovable and unlovable. The retribution will come from above. Jesus is my Master and I am committed to follow His example, no middle ground. I am free now."
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"Helped me see the way it should be in God's eyes. When my husband and I argue he ignores me for days sometimes, and it hurts. He doesn't keep eye contact when we talk. I have a temper and sometimes get too angry and ask God to show me better ways to handle my upsets. Thank you for this article, it awakened me."
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"Truth is truth. Read it. It's so easy to slip from God's perfect plan and so wonderful to return to it. Every husband and single guy should read this article. It is a privilege and an honor to be married to a godly woman. Let us not take that for granted. I love you, babe!"
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