Learn how to safely find a new BFF online
The internet is a great way to meet new people and make friends! With so many groups and niches, you’re bound to find someone with similar interests. But how do you start, and how do you make friends online safely? We spoke to therapists Rebecca Tenzer and Ebony Eubanks to bring you the best tips and advice on making online friends. So, keep reading to learn how to turn internet pals into meaningful and long-lasting friendships.
Easy Ways to Make Online Friends
- Follow people you admire with similar interests on social media.
- Join online groups and forums.
- Chat with people online while playing video games.
- Make a profile on a friend-dating app like Bumble or Friender.
- Sign up for a virtual pen pal service like Slowly or Bottled.
Steps
Section 1 of 4:
Where to Find Friends Online
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Follow people who interest you on social media. Look for people who share your interests on Instagram , X , TikTok , and other social media platforms, and follow their accounts. These can be people you find when searching for hashtags or who comment on your posts. [1] X Research source
- For example, if you’re really into fashion, you might follow someone who’s into fashion and frequently post images of their outfits.
- If you like baking, you could follow someone who posts images of cakes or cupcakes.
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Join a niche interest forum or group online. There are many ways to connect with people who share your interests online, which is a great way to meet people who would make good friends. If you already know you have a shared interest, you’ll have something to talk about and bond over right away! [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source As Tenzer advises, find online groups on social media to connect with like-minded people. Platforms like Facebook, Reddit , and Meetup.com are excellent options for finding people.
- For example, if you’re an avid knitter, join a knitting forum on Reddit or Facebook or look for a group that meets locally on Meetup.com. If you love to identify birds while hiking, join a bird enthusiast group.
Tip : If possible, try to find a group meant for people in your area. This will make it easier to meet up if you decide to take your friendship with someone offline.
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Talk to people in video games you play regularly. If you’re a gamer, use a headset to chat with people in the game. Eubanks explains it’s a great way for people to connect and make friends.
- Popular video games where you might meet people include Fortnite , Overwatch , World of Warcraft , and DOTA .
- Similarly, try watching gamers stream on sites like Twitch and YouTube and participating in the chat.
- Make sure to always be respectful and avoid making rude comments, which could get you banned or blocked from the voice chat.
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Make a profile on a friend-dating app or website. Friend-dating is a way of finding people who you connect with. Think of it as dating but for friendships! There are numerous friend-dating apps available that make it easy to find people who share your interests. Here are some of the most popular apps to try: [3] X Research source
- Bumble BFF
- Friender
- ATLETO (for people looking for friends who want to play sports with them)
- Meet My Dog (for people seeking fellow dog owner friends)
- Peanut (for moms seeking other mom friends)
- Hey! VINA (for women seeking other women for friends)
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Connect with someone on a global penpal app. If social media isn’t your thing, try setting yourself up with a pen pal! Rather than sending a letter in the mail the old-fashioned way, these apps help you connect with people from around the world digitally. Send virtual letters and notes without sharing any personal information. Here are some apps you can try:
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Leave positive comments on other people’s posts. Saying nice things is a great way to get a potential friend’s attention and make yourself stand out. If you’re involved with a special interest forum or group, make nice comments on other people’s posts. Compliment them or ask them questions about their post. [4] X Research source
- For example, if someone you follow on Instagram posts a picture of a new book they’ve just started reading, you might comment, “I’ve been wanting to read that! How do you like it so far?”
- If someone posts an image of their new haircut, compliment them by saying, “Omg! You look amazing!”
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Section 2 of 4:
How to Start Talking to Friends Online
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Send a message to a potential friend to see if they’d like to talk more. If you find someone you think you might have things in common with, such as in a friend-finding app or online forum, try sending them a private message to see if they’d like to chat with you. Keep it simple and direct for best results. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- For example, you might write something like, “Hey, I was checking out your profile, and it seems like we have a lot in common. Send me a message if you think so, too!”
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Ask interesting questions to keep the conversation going. If you really like talking to this potential friend, let them know by asking them engaging and fun questions that keep the conversation moving! Ask open-ended questions that require more than a one-word response, and try to focus the questions on your shared interest. [6] X Research source
- For example, some questions you might ask someone who regularly plays the same video game as you include:
- Who’s your favorite character in this video game?
- What was your first reaction to the game when it came out?
- What do you think of the new expansion?
- For example, some questions you might ask someone who regularly plays the same video game as you include:
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Continue chatting outside the platform. If you chat with certain people regularly in a video game or on a forum, consider taking the conversation to a different platform. Maybe you share your other social media handles or exchange contact information to text or email each other later. [7] X Research source
- If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your phone number but still want to chat with them, send a text or phone call through Instagram, Discord , or Facebook Messenger .
- Never share personal information with a stranger online, such as credit card numbers, social security numbers, specific locations, or passwords. [8] X Research source
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Find out if they want to meet in person if you live near each other. After you’ve talked with the person a few times, you might decide that you’d like to spend time with them in person. Now, this is not a requirement—there are plenty of online friends who’ve never seen each other IRL—but it could be fulfilling. [9] X Research source
- Try saying something like, “I’d love to meet for coffee sometime and talk more about movies with you. When are you in town next?”
- If you or your friend aren’t ready to meet in person, that’s okay! Be respectful of each other’s boundaries. Connecting online is just as great!
Tip : Keep in mind that if the person turns you down, that doesn’t mean they never want to meet up. Leave it alone for a few weeks and see if they bring it up. If they don’t or they say “no” again after the next time you ask, they might not be interested in meeting in person.
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Section 3 of 4:
How to Build a Meaningful Friendship Online
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Know what you’re looking for. Keep in mind what you hope to gain from an online friendship. Maybe you want to expand your social circle, find people with common interests, or simply learn new perspectives. No matter what the case may be, knowing what you’re looking for in a friend can help you attract someone who will meet that need.
- For example, say you want to learn new perspectives. You might focus your energy on social platforms with lots of opinions, like Reddit and X.
- If you want to meet people with similar interests, you might focus more on platforms like Discord, Twitch, and Instagram.
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Participate regularly in multiple online communities. Making friends is sometimes a numbers game, much like dating. The more potential ways you have for meeting people, the better your chances are of meeting someone you’d like to spend time with. Comment and post regularly in the groups that you’ve joined to increase your chances of having a positive interaction with someone. [10] X Research source
- People are also much more likely to notice you if you participate in multiple groups.
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Share a little about yourself at a time. Talking too much and too deeply about yourself right away could be overwhelming. So, as your friendship grows, share more details about your life. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, but do this a little at a time. Start with the basics about yourself and save your deepest secrets for once you’ve gotten to know each other better. [11] X Research source
- For example, you might start by sharing about where you grew up, what kind of music you like, and what your hobbies are. Then, once you know each other better, you might talk with them about career choices, relationship issues, and other personal problems.
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Give the other person your full attention when they’re talking. Being a good listener is an essential component of friendship. Listening intently to what they have to say (and responding to it) is a great way to show them that you value them and are interested in what they have to say. Here are some ways you can show you’re listening: [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Look them in the eyes when they talk.
- Put away your phone and other potential distractions.
- Nod to show that you understand what they’re saying.
- Use leading phrases to show that you’re listening, like “Right,” “I see,” and “Go on.”
- Ask questions if something they say is unclear, such as, “What did you mean when you said that you couldn’t play last night?”
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Give the same amount of energy they give to the friendship. The amount of time and energy you spend communicating with someone should be equal to the amount of time and energy they invest. If you’re always the one sending the first message, asking all the questions, doing all the talking, or even writing longer responses than them most of the time, the investment is not equal. [13] X Research source
Tip : A lack of investment on their end might be because they’re not as interested in cultivating a friendship or simply because you’re not a good match. Either way, it’s best to take a step back and take a break from communicating with them for a while.
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Be yourself! As Tenzer explains, “Authenticity is key to forming lasting friendships.” Focus on being your authentic self . If people dig what you have to offer, they’ll let you know it. After all, you want to attract people who like you for you, so don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I make friends online safely?Scott Nelson is a Police Sergeant with the Mountain View Police Department in California. He is also a practicing attorney for Goyette & Associates, Inc. where he represents public employees with a myriad of labor issues throughout the state. He has over 15 years of experience in law enforcement and specializes in digital forensics. Scott has received extensive training through the National Computer Forensics Institute and holds forensic certifications from Cellbrite, Blackbag, Axiom Forensics, and others. He earned a Master of Business Administration from the California State University Stanislaus and a Juris Doctorate from the Laurence Drivon School of Law.Bring a friend along with you to meet the person. Even if they can't stay the whole time or show up later, having another person there with you will keep you safe.
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Tips
- Don’t give up if the first few people you make aren’t good matches for you. Tenzer explains “that making friends is a gradual process, and it's normal to encounter some challenges along the way. Be patient, persistent, and open to new opportunities.”Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- After you know you can trust someone, you can continue chatting on another platform like Discord. Discord specifically allows voice chatting, which could be safer than giving them your phone number.
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References
- ↑ https://socialpronow.com/blog/make-friends-online/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://socialpronow.com/blog/make-friends-online/
- ↑ https://socialpronow.com/blog/make-friends-online/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://socialpronow.com/blog/make-friends-online/
- ↑ https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/how-my-kid-found-friends-on-fortnite
- ↑ https://staysafeonline.org/resources/social-media/
- ↑ https://www.commonsensemedia.org/blog/how-my-kid-found-friends-on-fortnite
- ↑ https://www.futurity.org/friendship-formation-social-networks-1877942-2/
- ↑ https://socialpronow.com/blog/make-friends-online/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://socialpronow.com/blog/make-friends-online/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://staysafeonline.org/resources/social-media/
- ↑ https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/online-mobile-safety/staying-safe-online/
- ↑ https://www.michigan.gov/fyit/social/tips-for-meeting-an-online-connection-in-person
- ↑ https://rainn.org/articles/tips-safer-online-dating-and-dating-app-use
- ↑ https://www.michigan.gov/fyit/social/tips-for-meeting-an-online-connection-in-person
- ↑ https://rainn.org/articles/tips-safer-online-dating-and-dating-app-use
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