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Ever find yourself in a relationship where you're uncertain about how the other person feels about you? One of the things you need to know about happy relationships is that they always have to be moving forward. Winning and maintaining the love of your partner requires a lot of work, but it is possible with the help of much thoughtfulness and effort on your part.
Steps
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Never stop talking. Psychologists have said that effective communication is one of the key factors in successful relationships. [1] X Research source Keep communicating and put effort into talking. This doesn't mean that you can never pause or enjoy a moment of silence, but is instead meant more metaphorically.
- There may be times when you feel like you have nothing more to say, but if you want to have that spark, there are lots of ways to keep the communication channels flowing beyond "pass the salt, please."
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Talk about your future. Talk about your life, the things you want to do, your future goals and aspirations and the like. Do you see college or university in your future? What kind of job do you plan on having? These are potential topics of conversation. [2] X Research source
- Women generally like men who have a vision for their futures and work towards that vision. [3] X Research source
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Talk about her. Discuss her interests, her friends and her family. Ask her about her friends, her family and their lives, and have long conversations about how she likes to spend her days. What are her hobbies? What are her likes and dislikes? [4] X Research source
- Talk about everyday things that interest her, be it shopping, cooking, listening to music, or blogging. Your girlfriend will feel special in that you're willing to stop and listen to her. [5] X Research source Many women find it annoying when men just talk about themselves. [6] X Research source
- Talking about your girlfriend's interests will help her see that you're genuinely interested in knowing everything about her and her life. It also shows her that you're intent on sticking around for a while.
- Be genuine. Don't fake an interest in something; this could backfire and end up hurting her feelings.
- You may find that you share common hobbies, thus bonding you more tightly. And when you do meet her friends or family, you'll already have a bunch of conversation starters with which to impress them!
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Play the questions-and-answers game. Social psychology researchers have found that asking questions to one another almost always make two people feel better about each other and want to see each other again.
- The top 5 questions to ask are: 1) Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want to go out for dinner with? 2) Would you like to be famous? 3) Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why? 4) What would make a perfect day for you? 5) When did you last sing to yourself and/or to someone else?
- You should each take a turn answering each question and do so in order. [7] X Research source .
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Talk about her beliefs. All of us have our own individual views about life but we often keep these to ourselves. By inviting her to open up about the big questions of life, you'll understand more about who she is at her very core and her value system.
- Ask her about whether she attends church or how she was raised. Ask whether she plans to keep up her family's beliefs and traditions.
- Getting into the big stuff will show her that you're committed and also that you're able to be serious as well as playful.
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Talk about your childhoods and your pasts. Childhood memories are always fun to talk about and to listen to, especially if they involve something embarrassing or hilarious. Talk about your first crush or the time you did something silly. Then get her to spill all of her stories.
- Both of you will benefit from learning more about each others' histories. You'll laugh and get a better sense of how the other person came to be who they are today.
- Talking even about painful, embarrassing or hurtful past memories will also show her that you trust her enough to tell her the less savory stories alongside the funny ones. Hopefully she will show her trust in you by disclosing her past experiences too.
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Give her compliments and romance. Compliment your girlfriend on her dress or thank her for something special she did for you.
- Genuine compliments can lead to better romance and more romantic conversations; they let her know that you think she's special and that you feel lucky to be with her.
- Don't just compliment her looks. Her personality is really what you love, so let her know how funny, clever, and smart she is.
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Talk about world events. Show her that you're well informed and are an engaged civic actor. She'll respect you for caring about the world around you.
- You'll also learn a lot about each other and your political views. You can start to check in about your compatibility.
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Talk about your life for the day. Generally, women end up talking more about their days while men just listen. But guys can talk too! [8] X Research source Be open and tell her about all of the little things you did that day, whether it be at school or work or at home. This keeps you two engaged in each other's day-to-day life, which is, let's be honest, not the most exciting, but is highly important. It's the everyday that keeps you connected; this is way long-distance relationships are so challenging.
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Talk about your fears. Girls love a guy who can open up and be frank about his fears. You can tell her your girl about the big things that scare you (e.g., like saying "I love you" or someday getting married) and also about your other, more everyday fears (e.g., like spiders, heights, or your own cooking!)
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Be honest. Tell her how you feel irrespective of whether it's good or bad. You can work wonders if tell her what you're thinking and feeling and then listen with an open mind. [9] X Research source
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Do activities together. Spending time together is one of the best ways to fall in love. Go on dates and do things that you both like to do. Just having fun together will help your girlfriend realize how happy she is with you.Esther Perel, Psychotherapist
Embrace adventure and trying new things. "Breaking routine and stepping out of what feels comfortable connects you to curiosity and discovery. So, ask yourselves, what is something new you can do together?"
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Make future plans. Show her that you see her in your future. Planning for the future is an indicator of your commitment and is also a healthy ingredient for a budding relationship. [10] X Research source
- Start making "we" statements (e.g. "We" should get furniture for your new dorm room. "We" should go see that movie you've been wanting to see next weekend, etc.).
- For example, if you're with someone who loves art, make plans to go to the Getty Museum. If she likes ice hockey, suggest you both go to a game.
- Start planning holidays and special dates. This is always a fun time in a relationship. Decide when you'll see her family and when you'll spend with yours over big holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. She'll love that you're thinking ahead and showing your that she and her family are a priority for you, especially during busy times like the holidays.
- By talking about the future, and even just the short-term future, you're helping her imagine herself with you down the line.
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Show her respect and appreciation. If she asks you to not to use a particular word or requests or asks that you call her father Mr. So-and-So, then agree to accommodate her request. This isn't "giving in" to her "demands," but instead respecting her wishes.
- Respect her individuality first and foremost. A woman who feels that her boyfriend allows her to make her own decisions is more likely to remain in a relationship than a woman who feels that she is being told what to do all the time. Don't compare her to other women. Accept and embrace that she is her own unique individual. [11] X Research source
- Don't intimidate or force her into doing things she doesn't want to do. This is a sure-fire way to an unhealthy relationship.
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Get intimate. This doesn't necessarily mean engaging in sexual activity, but instead creating closeness and sexual chemistry. Physical and emotional intimacy is a key component of healthy, loving relationships. [12] X Research source
- Stay physically connected. Hold hands or put your arm around your girlfriend while you walk to together. Kiss her. Show her with actions how physically close you want to be and how attracted you are to her.
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Introduce her to your friends. This signifies to her that you're in this for the long haul and that you want to make her a part of, and not just an accessory, to your life.
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Clean up your act. Women are generally very pleased when a guy keeps his room, car, clothes and body in good order. Keeping things tidy shows your girlfriend that you are an adult man capable of having a committed, adult-style relationship. You're proving you're worthy of her time and attention. [13] X Research source
- Pay special attention to the refrigerator, sink, and bathroom. She'll notice.
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Be yourself. You want her to fall in love with you, not some version of you that you read on a website. Like Star Wars? Are you a crazy hockey buff? Are you vegetarian? Don't hide aspects of yourself. After all, you deserve to be loved for who you are just as much as she does.
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Surprise her. Show her how much you care by going above and beyond. Exceed her expectations. [14] X Research source
- For example, if she asks you to help with an after-school project, go the extra mile and pick up all the supplies in advance and show up ready to help out. She'll be both surprised and impressed if you do more than she expected.
- Surprise her with things she likes to show her that you've listened. Have flowers delivered to her, bring her lunch during her break at work, or get tickets for a show she wants to see. [15] X Research source
- Don't be shy in being creative and thinking "out of the box." Think of ways you can surprise your girlfriend that are unique to your relationship. [16]
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Expert Source
Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
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QuestionHow do I win my girlfriends heart?Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.If you know how to communicate and the right things to talk about with your girlfriend, your relationship will bloom into a better romance, and your girlfriend will become more enamored of you. In fact, by talking about what scares you, you'll make your girlfriend feel closer to you because you're revealing your vulnerable side.
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QuestionHow can I make my girlfriend feel appreciated?Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.Having a discussion about how each partner would like to express and receive love (also known as “love languages”) can be valuable in not only learning about each other but also in promoting more effective communication (whether it is through words of affirmation, touch, acts of service, etc). After gaining the perspective of each partner’s “love language,” I would capitalize on that knowledge to guide the answer to this question.
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Tips
- Try to familiarize yourself with how your girlfriend would like to give and receive love, also known as her "love language." Recognizing how your girlfriend would like to be loved and cared for can help you get to know her better and fosters healthy communication between the two of you. [17] X Expert Source Jin S. Kim, MA
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://datingtips.match.com/keep-girl-love-13443393.html
- ↑ http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a7896/what-makes-a-man-commit/
- ↑ http://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/advice/a7896/what-makes-a-man-commit/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/serena-piper/what-women-want_2_b_3129625.html
- ↑ http://datingtips.match.com/keep-woman-happy-13443520.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/serena-piper/what-women-want_2_b_3129625.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/serena-piper/what-women-want_2_b_3129625.html
- ↑ http://datingtips.match.com/keep-girl-love-13443393.html
- ↑ http://www.today.com/klgandhoda/signs-your-relationship-going-nowhere-fast-sorry-1D80252010
- ↑ http://datingtips.match.com/keep-girl-love-13443393.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201401/seven-types-physical-affection-in-relationships
- ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/relationship-advice.html
- ↑ http://datingtips.match.com/keep-girl-love-13443393.html
- ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/relationship-advice.html
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
About This Article
Article Summary
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To make your girlfriend love you, put an effort into talking to her since communication is key to a strong relationship. For instance, talk about your future together, discuss her interests, or ask her questions about her childhood. In addition to these deeper conversations, give her specific compliments about the things she does or the ways she makes you feel. For example, tell her that her big heart always makes you feel special and cared for. You should also show her how much you care about her by holding her hand, hugging and kissing her, and putting your arms around her. Another way to show her that you’re serious about her is to introduce her to your friends and family. To learn how to respect your girlfriend’s wishes, keep reading!
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