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If you want to make yourself happy, then you have to know what you want and to be comfortable asserting your needs. You also have to make sure you have a positive mindset, take action to live a happier life, and take good care of yourself even if you’re having a rough week. [1]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
The most important thing is that you know that happiness is within your reach if you’re willing to work for it.
This article is based on an interview with our matchmaker, Michelle Shahbazyan, founder of The LA Life Coach. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
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Be who you want to be. If you really want to make yourself happy, then the best thing you can do is to be who you were meant to be. This means not being the person you think your boyfriend, parents, coworkers, or friends want you to be, but the person who feels the most like you. [2] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. If you feel like you’re always faking it or putting up a front, then you won’t ever be able to enjoy your life or to truly be happy. [3] X Research source- You may not even realize that you’re not being true to the person who you are until you pause and check in with yourself. The next time you step out into the world, ask yourself if you’re really being the person you want to be.
- Sometimes you may just not be the person who you truly want to be yet people find you fun and acceptable which is a sign that you have to change, living up to everyone's expectations of course doesn't seem right, more importantly you should prefer to live up to your own expectations and don't forget to set the right expectations .
- Of course, there are times when you have to act a certain way to conform to socially acceptable behaviour; for example, you probably shouldn’t jump up and down on your desk at school or work to be true to who you are. However, in general, you should seize as many opportunities as you can to be yourself.
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Think positively. Though sometimes you may think that it’s impossible to think positively, being positive is something you can actively pursue, no matter your circumstances. [4] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. If you want to be able to think positively, all you have to do is to focus on the things you’re grateful for and excited about, and learn not to dwell on the negative stuff. If you focus on talking and thinking about the good things in your life, then you’ll be more likely to feel optimistic. [5] X Research source- If you catch yourself making a negative comment, try to counter it with two or three positive ones. [6]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. - Even just making an effort to smile will not only make the people around you feel happier, but it will make you happier too. Convincing yourself to smile occasionally and naturally is a bit tough but once you achieve it the results just won't disappoint you.
- Though complaining can help make you feel better occasionally but complaining in itself is overlooking the positive aspects of life and paying greater attention to the negative ones, if you make a habit of it, then you’ll naturally be more likely to feel pessimistic.
Advertisement - If you catch yourself making a negative comment, try to counter it with two or three positive ones. [6]
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Expert Source
Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
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Live in the present. One way to make yourself happy is to focus on the world right in front of you instead of worrying about the past or the future. Though it’s not always easy to forget past mistakes or to stop being anxious about the future, the more you make a habit of focusing on the present moment, the more likely you’ll be to make yourself happy. You can have a set time each day for worrying about the future or dreading the past, but you should push those thoughts aside if you want to enjoy your daily interactions also while thinking about the future or past one forgets about the present and the present time is the only time when you have some power to act. [7] X Research source
- If you have trouble living in the present, try yoga or meditation. These daily activities can help you feel centered.
- Think about it: so something frustrating happened at work, and now it’s keeping you from enjoying your time at home with your family. Why not compartmentalize instead of letting one event ruin all of the events after it?
- Plus, if you focus more on the present, then you’ll be more attuned to the work you’re doing and will be better at listening to the people in your life. Even if something frustrating happened at work or anywhere no use of bringing it up again and again to the present moment it is just as if you are trying to live the frustrating moment again and again which doesn't seem right or does it?
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Be grateful for what you do have. Another way to make yourself happy is to make gratitude a priority. Sit down with a piece of paper and write down all of the things you’re grateful for; tell yourself you won’t stop writing until you’ve filled a page. Take the time to read these items aloud, and to be truly thankful for all of the joy and happiness in your life; you can be grateful for something as important as your health as well as something more simple, such as the delicious coffee at your favourite cafe down the street. [8] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- Make a habit of cultivating gratitude. If something good happens to you, make a note of how grateful you are for it; if you’re on the lookout for things you should be grateful for, you’ll find that you have much more to be happy about than you thought.
- Take the time to thank people for what they’ve done for you, whether they’ve done something big or small. This shows that you’re paying attention.
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Take a step back from your situation. Another way to make yourself happy is to get some perspective. Take a step back and look at your situation from the outside; sure, you may be having some bumps in your relationship or you may be putting in too many hours at work recently, but on the whole, you have a roof over your head, some love and joy in your life, and many other things to be grateful for. It’s easy to feel miserable when just one or two things in your life are going wrong, but if you want to make a habit of happiness, then you have to practice looking at the big picture. [9] X Research source
- This may be the last thing you want to hear when you feel truly miserable, but it’s important to think about how, from the outside, your life may look pretty rosy, even if you don’t feel that way.
- Even the fact that you have access to the internet and can find help here is a sign that your situation isn’t as dire as you may think.
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Get more comfortable about being selfish. One of the reasons you may feel like you’re unable to make yourself happy is because you’re always putting other people before yourself. Now, this doesn’t mean you should kick everyone else to the curb and only look out for #1, but it does mean that you should spend more time thinking about your own goals, desires, and needs. If you routinely put your friends, significant others, and family members above yourself, then you should find a way to compromise and make yourself happier. [10] X Research source
- If you feel like you’re in a relationship where you’re sacrificing everything for the other person, then have a conversation about it. You can’t keep this up forever if you want to be happy.
- Learn to speak up for yourself. If your friend has picked the movie you’re going to watch together the last five times, it’s your turn to make a call. If you start small with asserting what you want, you’ll soon be able to make bigger decisions.
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Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. One way to change your perspective for the better is to spend more time with people who make you feel like a great person who is capable of great things. If you spend all of your time around people who put you down or make you feel insecure and like you can’t do anything on your own, then it’s unlikely that you’ll be making yourself happy any time soon. [11] X Research source
- Take stock. Look around you and see which people really make you feel good and which make you feel terrible about yourself. If you find that you spend the majority of your time around people who make you feel inadequate, then it’s time to cut those ties.
- It’s nearly impossible to be happy if everyone around you is making you feel worthless. Though it may hurt to cut ties with people who have been in your life for a while, you have to get in the business of looking out for yourself.
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Address your troubles. One way to make yourself happy is to stop brushing all of the things that are troubling you under the rug. Though it’s important to feel like you can be happy through willpower alone, sometimes you won’t be able to get there until you address the factors in your life that are making you less happy. [12] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. Taking action to make your life better is admirable and takes hard work. [13] X Research source- If you know you’re in a relationship that just isn’t working, end it as soon as you can instead of waiting for things to sort themselves out.
- If you’re profoundly unhappy because you hate your job, find the inner motivation to find a better one.
- If you’re insecure or lack confidence about some aspect of yourself, take steps to love the person you are by going to therapy, making small improvements, or by making a game plan for happiness.
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Manage your stress. In order to make yourself happy, you have to be able to deal with the stressful situations that life throws at you. Though you can take some steps to lower the stressful situations in your life, in the end, it’s still important to have coping mechanisms for dealing with stress if you want to be happy. Make an effort to face stressful situations in your life head-on instead of brushing them under the rug and waiting for them to blow up in your face. Here are some ways to manage your stress: [14] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- Have someone to talk to about it. Whether it’s your friend, family member, or a therapist, you shouldn’t have to deal with stress alone.
- Find ways to make your life easier. If you’re constantly stressed because you get stuck in traffic every morning and have to rush to work, leave the house just 15 minutes earlier each day.
- See if you have too much on your plate. If you feel like you’re taking on five responsibilities too many, see what you can cut out of your life to make it more manageable.
- Find a winding down routine for yourself. This can mean reading a captivating novel, taking a long walk, or drinking chamomile tea. Find your routine and stick to it.
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Make time to do what you love. One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make sure you set aside some time to do what you love, whether it’s cooking, writing a novel, or spending time in nature. Even spending just 30 minutes a day doing your favorite thing in the world can have a huge impact on your happiness throughout the rest of your day; look at your schedule and see what you can do to make room for the things you love.
- If you find that the only way you can do what you love is to wake up half an hour earlier, then so be it. As long as you still feel well rested, this will be a great way to kick off your day.
- Make time for what you love even when you’re extremely busy. If you’re absolutely miserable because you hate your job and feel like you’re spending every free second out of work looking for a different job, then ask yourself if spending just half an hour a day writing the poetry you love to write will really have a big impact on your job search. The amount of joy generated by doing what you love will make the rest of your day feel more manageable.
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Set goals and meet them. [15] X Expert Source Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
Life Coach Expert Interview. 18 March 2020. If you want to take action to make yourself happier, then one thing you can do is to set tangible goals for yourself and work to meet them. This will give you a sense of purpose and will increase your drive and will make it easier for you to attain happiness. Making small goals to reach the bigger goals will help you feel happier along the way to your ultimate destination; if you feel like you’ll only be happy if you reach the ultimate goal, then you’ll be miserable along the way. [16] X Research source- Make a list of your goals and cross them off as you achieve them. This will make you feel happier and more fulfilled.
- There’s nothing wrong will setting easier goals for yourself, at first. This can help you feel motivated to continue.
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Write in your diary. One way to make yourself happy is to take the time to write in your diary at least a few times a week. This can help you reflect, take stock of your emotions, spend some time with yourself, and to feel like you can get some perspective on your life. If you never stop to write down your thoughts or slow down long enough to think, then you’ll never be able to get any perspective. [17] X Research source
- Make an appointment with yourself to write in your diary at least once a week. Remind yourself that this is important to your happiness.
- Read over your diary every few weeks to see if you can get a better sense of what makes you happy and unhappy.
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Get out of the house. Another simple yet important thing you should do to make yourself happier is to get out of the house more often. Just being in the sunshine, walking around your neighborhood, and breathing some fresh air can make you feel much happier than if you’re cooped up in your dark home, typing away at your computer until your hands ache. If you work from home or just spend a lot of time there, make sure to get out at least 2-3 times a day so you feel happier. [18] X Research source
- If you get out of the house, even if it’s to do something you were going to do at home, then you’ll feel happier just because you’ll be surrounded by people.
- Make an effort to make plans with your friends just to get out there; don’t let yourself wallow or stay in your bed for too long.
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Make other people happy. It’s been proven that making other people happy will actually make you happy in turn. Whether you’re doing small favors for a friend who needs it, helping your neighbor take care of his dog, or volunteering in your community, just taking the time to help other people will make you feel happier because you’ll feel like you are able to make a difference in another person’s life. If you’re only focused on yourself, then you’re much more likely to get disappointed or to not be able to see the forest for the trees. [19] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- Make it a habit to do something nice for someone you know just because. You don’t need to get someone a gift or do something nice for a person just because it’s his or her birthday; sometimes the most treasured gestures are done spontaneously.
- You may think you have no free time, but making time to volunteer just 1-2 times a month can really cheer you up and give you a sense of purpose.
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Make your space clean and organized. Though it may sound silly, taking the time to make your personal space as clean and organized as possible can actually have a huge impact on your level of happiness. If you take the time to remove the clutter from your space, to take out the trash or throw out worthless items, and to donate items that are in good condition but which you never use, you’ll actually feel happier because you’ll be more able to breathe in your own space. [20] X Research source
- Even if you only take 10 minutes a day to slowly sort through your clutter, you’ll be able to feel a big difference.
- If you live in a space that is messy, disorganized, and even dirty, then you’re much more likely to feel suffocated, lost, and unhappy. If you restore a sense of order to your living space, you’ll feel like there’s more order in your life.
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Get enough sleep. If you want to make yourself happy, then you have to make sure your basic needs are met. One of these needs is being well-rested; if you want to be happy, then you have to make an effort to get 7-9 hours of sleep, or however much sleep it is your body truly needs. You should also go to bed and wake up around the same time every day so it’s easier for you to fall asleep every night and wake up every morning. [21] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- Create a relaxing bedtime routine that makes it easier for you to fall asleep. Turn off all electronics at least an hour before bed.
- Don’t sacrifice sleep for fun. It’ll be hard for you to be happy if you feel exhausted or even just ready to conk out for an hour or two.
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Find at least 30 minutes to relax every day. You should make an effort to relax for at least thirty minutes a day no matter how busy you are. You can’t spend every second of your day doing something productive or your head will explode. You have to be generous with yourself and give yourself at least 30 minutes to unwind and do something completely frivolous, relaxing, and fun. This can mean reading gossip magazines, watching your favorite TV show, or talking to your best friend on the phone. [22] X Research source
- Whatever you do, make sure it’s purposeful and that you know you’re designating the time for relaxation. This can help your mind and body relax as you do something just for yourself.
- Everyone has a different way of relaxing. If you relax by taking a walk or writing some poetry, then go for it.
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Eat healthy meals. Another thing you can do to take care of yourself and to make yourself happier is to make sure to eat three healthy and balanced meals a day. This will help your mind be sharper, will give you energy, and will keep you from feeling slow and sluggish. No matter how busy you are, you should be mindful about what you eat, knowing that it really will have a positive impact on your happiness. [23] X Research source
- Don’t skip breakfast, no matter how busy you are. You need to start your day off on the right foot, and to get the energy you need to feel good about your day.
- Eat a healthy mixture of fruits and veggies, lean proteins, and healthy carbohydrates with each meal. This can help you feel a sense of balance.
- You can have healthy snacks throughout the day, such as almonds, yogurt, carrot sticks, or peanut butter and celery. This will give you an energy boost without making you crash.
- Of course, everyone needs to have something sugary or fatty once in a while; it’s okay to let yourself splurge occasionally. If you never let yourself eat what you want, then you’re much less likely to feel happy.
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Get plenty of exercise. Making time for at least 30 minutes of exercise a day can get your endorphins pumping and can make you feel happier and healthier. Whether you’re taking a walk or going biking, it’s important to make time for exercise so that your mind and body feel healthier and so you feel happier in the process. [24] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- You can consider joining a soccer or basketball team or a road runner’s club; having a social element to your exercise can make you feel happier.
- Make an effort to move around more in general. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Walk instead of driving. These little actions can make a big difference.
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Find joy in your relationships with friends and family. Making time to be social can help you feel happier about yourself and your life. No matter how busy you are, taking the time to check in with a close friend or a family member at least a few times a week can help you feel happier and less alone. Make sure you really listen to the person, share your own feelings, and unwind a bit in the process. [25] X Research source
- If you need a shoulder to cry on, then a friend or family member can be a great asset. However, friends can make you feel happier even if you’re already in a good mood, by reflecting your own positive feelings.
- Plug at least 1-2 social events into your calendar unless you’re having a really busy week. You’d be surprised by how much the energy of other people can lift your spirits.
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Practice good hygiene. You may not think that hygiene has much do with happiness, but you’d be surprised by how big of a difference taking care of yourself will really make in your daily life. Just showering or bathing daily, washing your hair, brushing your teeth, and grooming yourself can make you feel more positive about yourself and can make you happier overall; it’s much more difficult to be happy if you haven’t showered in a few days.
- You don’t need to be the best dressed person in the world to feel happy. However, making an effort with your appearance really can improve your mood.
- If you look and feel sloppy, then you’re more likely to be sloppy with your actions, too.
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Have a home pampering day. If you want to make yourself happy, one thing you can do is to spend some time on pampering yourself right at home. Take a day off work or school and take the time to relax, take a hot bath, put on a hair or face mask, or just to lie down in soft candlelight and listen to music. Be generous with yourself and know when it’s time to just kick back and spoil yourself a little bit. [26] X Research source
- You can also consider getting a massage or giving one to yourself. This can help your mind and body relax and can help you feel happier.
- Remember that you deserve to be taken care of, no matter how busy you are. Taking the time to give your body the attention it needs will make you happier before you know it.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I be happy if I feel stuck in life?Michelle Shahbazyan is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.Sometimes you get stuck in situations that you can't get out of or control. Even within those situations, you can find the time and energy to stay motivated toward your goals if you are internally satisfied with who you are. Ask yourself if you are happy with who you are and how you are. If you're not, find those little things along the way and make changes.
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QuestionHow can I start fresh and be happy?Michelle Shahbazyan is the Founder of The LA Life Coach, a concierge life, family, and career coaching service based in Los Angeles, California. She has over 10 years of experience with life coaching, consulting, motivational speaking, and matchmaking. She has a BA in Applied Psychology and an MS in Building Construction and Technology Management from Georgia Tech University, and a MA in Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate University.Every single person on the planet has something that they can do to start over fresh, whether it's finding a new partner, finding a new career, rekindling with family that was or wasn't working out, or starting out in a new place. Pursue what makes you feel like your most peaceful, happy, and satisfied self.
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References
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/reinvent-yourself/201409/how-do-you-reinvent-yourself-be-who-you-want-be
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/positive_thinking_makes_a_difference
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/04/harvard-researchers-study-how-mindfulness-may-change-the-brain-in-depressed-patients/
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/09/180924102858.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/progress-not-perfection/201106/its-ok-be-selfish
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/5-reasons-studies-say-you-have-choose-your-friends
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-we-worry/201206/10-tips-manage-your-worrying
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/manage-stress.aspx
- ↑ Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 18 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/coaching-and-parenting-young-athletes/201311/keys-effective-goal-setting
- ↑ http://newsroom.ucla.edu/stories/writing-in-a-diary-can-reduce-83950
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-guest-room/200901/top-10-ways-banish-depression-now
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/kindness_makes_you_happy_and_happiness_makes_you_kind
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201607/the-powerful-psychology-behind-cleanliness
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/action/resources/research-in-action/sleep-deprivation.aspx
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201811/ready-set-relax
- ↑ https://www.livescience.com/55407-eating-more-fruits-veggies-linked-with-life-satisfaction.html
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/12/exercise.aspx
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/positive-psychology-in-the-classroom/201210/friendship-the-key-happiness
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/choke/201201/feeling-lonely-take-warm-bath
About This Article
Article Summary
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Sometimes finding happiness can be as simple as changing your perspective. Next time you find yourself worrying about what other people think of you, remember that it’s most important to be the person you want to be. Focus on living up to your own expectations instead of everyone else’s. When you get down on yourself, try to catch your negative thoughts and replace them with more positive or realistic ones. Do your best to focus on the present and be grateful for the good things you have right now rather than worrying about the past or the future. Surround yourself with friends and family who support you and help you feel good about yourself. Avoid spending time with people who constantly criticize you or don’t respect your boundaries. For more advice on how to make yourself happy, including how to look at your situation from a new perspective, read on.
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