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You've found the girl of your dreams but you two have to spend some time apart. Naturally, you may be worried that some of the sparks will fade once you don't see each other day to day. But don't worry -- there are plenty of ways to make a girl miss you when you're not together. You just have to strike that perfect balance between letting her know you care about her and playing hard to get so she always wants you. If you want to know how to make a girl miss you, see Step 1 to get started.
This article is based on an interview with our international dating coach and matchmaker, Laura Bilotta, founder of Single in the City. Check out the full interview here.
How to Make Her Miss You
- Limit time spent together or texting each other.
- Busy yourself with your own life, friends, and hobbies.
- Be mysterious and reveal more over time.
- Send a goodnight text right before she goes to sleep.
- Leave her a gift or something that reminds her of you.
- Treat her like a princess when you’re together.
Steps
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Limit your phone time. If you really want the girl to miss you, then you can't spend all of your time talking to her on the phone, or she'll feel like you're not really away from her at all. [1] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 4 March 2020. If she knows she can talk to you all day long, she will begin to take you for granted and won't miss you nearly as much as she would if she knew she could only talk to you for twenty or so minutes a day because you're so busy. [2] X Research source- Make it clear that you have a set schedule and that you can't just chat for hours whenever she feels like it. But don't be too harsh about it -- sometimes, a long conversation can be the perfect thing to solidify your relationship.
- Try to keep your phone calls and texts brief and to the point. [3]
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Expert Source
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
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Limit the time you spend together. If you want the girl to miss you, then you can't always be around her, can you? Distance really does make the heart grow fonder, and you can't spend all of your time with the girl or she'll never have a chance to wish you were together. [4] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 4 March 2020. Though you shouldn't limit your time together so much that she never sees you and forgets all about you, you should find a balance where you do get that quality time together, but where she doesn't feel like she can hang out with you all the time. [5] X Research source- It's all part of playing hard to get. If you'll show up and hang out with her all day any time she calls, then she'll know she can have you whenever she wants you.
- This also means that you shouldn't always be available to hang out when she feels like it. You've got to plan in advance because you're really busy all the time, remember?
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Have your own life. If you want the girl to miss you, then she's got to respect you as an individual. She has to know that you have your own life, your own stuff going on, your own friends, and your own hobbies, from basketball to playing the guitar. If she thinks that you have nothing going on, then she'll think that she can hang out with you whenever and wherever because you'll never be doing anything so important that you can't drop everything and hang out with her. [6] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.- Staying busy and active will make you a more appealing partner to any self-sufficient girl. Of course, don't be so busy that you have no time for the girl or that it leads you to be stressed out and unhappy with how things are going in your life. Apologize afterward if necessary.
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Keep it a bit mysterious. Don't tell the girl absolutely everything that you're thinking or doing every single day of your life, or she'll feel like the mystery in your relationship is gone. While you don't want to lie to her or sneak off for days at a time, leading her to expect the worst, you shouldn't tell her absolutely everything about yourself and your plans right away. You want her to feel like she's slowly peeling an onion when she hangs out with you, learning a little bit more about you at a time. [7] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 4 March 2020. Being an open book is just not as sexy as making her work for it. [8] X Research source- The more time you spend together, the more you can reveal about yourself. But this takes time. If she feels like she knows everything about you after the first date, then why would she go for a second?
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Don't be too easy to reach. You have your own life, remember? Therefore, you can't pick up the phone every single time she calls, or respond to her text messages after ten seconds. [9] X Expert Source Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 4 March 2020. Sure, sometimes you can pick up the phone, and you can text her right away if she's asking you a pressing question, but in general, give it a little time before responding to her or returning her calls. This can mean an hour or two, half a day, or even a day if you're really busy. Just don't make a habit of ignoring her calls completely or she will get annoyed, bored, and may suspect that you're seeing someone else. [10] X Research source- If she thinks that you'll answer the phone every time she calls, then she'll believe that she has you wrapped around her little finger.
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Beware of trying to make her jealous. You may think that disappearing for a few days, talking about other girls, or not letting the girl know how you really feel will make her miss you even more because she'll get jealous, thinking you're with someone else, which will only make her want to see you. And you'd be right -- up to a point. Sure, you don't want to put it all out on the line, but you don't want to create so much distance or even be seen with other girls just to get the girl you want to think of you; these plans will quickly backfire, and your girl will be hurt or will just lose interest all together. [11] X Research source
- She'll quickly be on to your tricks and will definitely miss you even less.
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Be the last thing she thinks about at night. If you want the girl to miss you, then you have to be the last thing she thinks about before she closes her eyes and drifts off. Subconsciously, this will make her think of you more and miss you even more. So, make a habit of giving her goodnight calls or texting her before you know she's about to go to bed. If she's not into this so much, then don't force it upon her or you'll look too desperate. But if your voice is the last thing she hears before she goes to bed, she is guaranteed to miss you even more.
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Make her wonder if you're thinking of her. After you had a fantastic date, you can call her to check in for a minute, but don't go on and on about how much you like her. Tell her you had a great time, and take a break the next day. Lead her to wonder if you're thinking of her as much as she's thinking of you. Once you do that, you've got her in the palm of her hand. If something happens the next day that really makes you think of her, then you can let her know, of course, but don't make too much of a habit of it. [12] X Research source
- If she tells you she's been thinking of you, you don't have to be too coy. Tell her you've been thinking about her too. Just don't initiate this type of conversation too much.
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Leave a piece of yourself with her. If you want the girl to miss you, then you have to leave something with her that reminds her of you. It can be a cute bear you got her at the carnival, a sweatshirt of yours that smells of you, or a framed photo of the two of you at a concert on your first date. If she has something nearby and always in her sight that reminds her of you, then she is guaranteed to miss you even more. Giving her a gift or an item of yours is the perfect way to make sure you stay in her thoughts. [13] X Research source
- Give her a nice ring or bracelet so she's always looking at it if she wears it.
- Give her a poster or something she can hang up in her room so it's always in her line of sight.
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Charm her even when you're apart. When you talk to the girl when you're not together, you've got to keep her interested so she wants to see you again. Even if you can only talk to her for twenty minutes a day, you've got to make that time count. So, make her laugh, tell her funny stories about something crazy that happened to you that day, ask her about what she's been up to, and make her feel like you think she's special. She should feel like you're worth talking to and talking to you and hearing what you have to say should make her want to see you even more. [14] X Research source
- Okay, so not everyone's a phone person. You don't have to have a million deep phone conversations if it doesn't feel right to you. Just do your best when you do talk.
- If you're nervous about what to say to her, put some thought into it before you talk on the phone. Think of three things that you can talk about, and that should get you going.
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Write her a letter. If you want her to miss you because you live far apart, then one cute and unexpected thing you can do is to write her a letter. No one writes letters anymore, and she'll appreciate the gesture and will find it incredibly romantic that you made the effort and wrote her a letter. She will treasure the letter and will be unfolding it and reading it over and over again, thinking of you all the while. The letter doesn't have too be too long or anything -- just tell her about how your days are going and let her know that you're thinking of her. [15] X Research source
- You don't have to be Shakespeare to write your girl a nice letter. She'll be impressed by the effort, not by your literary skills!
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Treat her like a queen when you're together. Though playing hard to get when you're apart is guaranteed to make the girl miss you more, when you're together, you should give it your all. Make her feel special, tell her how pretty she is, and have an amazing time on your dates so your girl can remember you fondly when you're apart. Talk to her about her interests, compliment her, and take the time to really listen to her. [16] X Research source
- Don't be afraid to tell her that you've missed her. That's not a sign of weakness, but a sign of how much you care for her!
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWill she miss me if I give her space?Laura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.Definitely! If you really want someone to miss you after going on a date, the key thing is not to send text after text or make call after call. Instead, avoid too much contact, and don't hound them all the time and ask them a million questions. Don't start planning another date with them, either—instead, you have to create space to let them miss you.
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Tips
- Try not to be obsessive. Have fun, but know when enough is enough.Thanks
- This takes time. It won't happen overnight or in a week. Be patient. And don't be discouraged either. In the end it will be worth the wait.Thanks
- Be yourself, and if she likes you she does, if not, get her out of your head and move on.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Appreciate her genuinely. Don't just try to make her miss you because you feel jealous or miss the attention. Only take these steps if you really care about her and want her back in your life.
- Women love it when a guy is vulnerable. It shows them that someone can be trusted. Be yourself and be willing to share your feelings honestly with others.
- Treat her like she's the only girl in the world. Do favors for her, tell her how special she is, and give her genuine compliments that will make her melt.
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Warnings
- As mentioned earlier, don't be obsessive or you'll risk losing your chances. It's better to take it slow than to act somewhat desperate.Thanks
- If she does not feel interested, back off. There's nothing worse than to have the girl you like be mad at you. She will come around eventually. If she doesn't, it's better to look for someone else.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201606/how-and-why-play-hard-get
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/why-healthy-relationships-always-have-boundaries
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/effective-ways-to-keep-your-partner-interested
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 4 March 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/does-playing-hard-to-get-work
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201409/3-prime-reasons-why-people-get-jealous
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/thriving101/201102/playing-hard-get-can-help-you-get-the-girl
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-love-sick
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201601/6-surefire-ways-increase-your-charisma
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201902/writing-passionate-love-letters
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-maintain-love-in-healthy-relationships
- http://sibg.com/stick-into-her-mind/
- http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_150/193_dating_advice.html
About This Article
Article Summary
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To make a girl miss you when you’re not around, focus on your own hobbies and interests, so she knows that you have a life outside of your relationship. Don’t text her all the time or pick up the phone every time she calls, so she will crave you even more. However, don't go too long without contacting her, and letting her know that you miss her once in awhile. That way, she won't assume you're not interested in her anymore. You can also give her something to remind her of you when you’re not together, like a piece of jewelry, a plush toy, or a framed photo of you both. For more tips, including how to write a romantic letter to a girl to make her think of you, read on!
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