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Butterflies in your stomach, giddy laughter, jolts of electricity—does it all mean you’re crushing on someone, or are you just really into them as a friend? If you’re feeling pretty confused, don’t worry. We’re here to help you make sense of your feelings and figure out whether the person on your mind is just a friend, or if something else might be going on.
Steps
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Know what a crush is. Urban Dictionary defines a crush as “a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.” [1] X Research source Crushes make you feel crazy emotions--like feeling shy and uncontrollably giddy at the same time. You can’t always choose who you have a crush on, but you can choose how you react once you figure out that you have a crush on someone.
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Realize that there are different kinds of crushes. The term ‘crush’ gets thrown around a lot. It can mean that you simply have a passing infatuation with someone, or that you really like them.
- The Friendly/Platonic Crush (sometimes called a "squish") : It is important to remember that not all strong feelings are romantic, some of them can be platonic as well. Letting yourself trust someone and become really close to someone, without necessarily having romantic feelings for them, is a really special thing. Wanting to be around a person all the time may just mean that you have gone from friends to best friends. It's totally normal to have a friend crush - you should want to hang out with your BFF as much as possible and have a platonic relationship with them.
- The Admiration Crush : When you idolize a person (like a celebrity, teacher, or classmate who has done something really cool) you may realize that you have really intense feelings about that person and what they have done. These feelings might be mistaken for romantic feelings simply because they are so intense. Feeling slightly awed in the presence of someone who has done something amazing or can teach you great things is natural. Often, it's best to let a bit of time pass before really thinking too hard about these feelings. Generally, once you have spent a lot of time with this person, you will have learned a lot from them and may begin to feel like you can stand on equal ground. You may find that your crush-like feelings simmer down once the initial awe of being in their presence wears off.
- The Passing Crush : It is human nature to be attracted to other people. Even if you are in a great relationship, you still might find that you feel attracted to someone other than your romantic partner. This attraction is what we call a passing crush-- this new person may seem new and exciting, and they probably are, but that doesn’t mean you should reconsider the relationship you are in or, if you’re single, drop everything to try to be with them. Oftentimes, passing crushes are spiked by being attracted--most often physically--to someone.
- The Romantic Crush : Sometimes having a crush on someone really does mean you really, really like them--and in a romantic way at that. Having a romantic crush means that you want to be with that person in more than just a friendly way--you want to be their romantic partner. If you fantasize about kissing , holding hands with, or cuddling with that person, you probably have a romantic crush.
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Consider how serious your crush is. By doing this, you can figure out how best to proceed--whether you should keep your feelings to yourself or share how you feel with your crush. Read the next sections to help you figure out just how strong you are crushing on that special someone. [2] X Research source
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Note your behavior around the person you might have a crush on. Pay attention to your physical behavior. Notice how you react instinctively when your crush is around. Different people will react differently, and most of them do it subconsciously. Generally, when you have a crush you will react in one of two ways--either by becoming really shy and tongue-tied or by becoming really outgoing.
- The Shy Reaction : Do you suddenly feel like you might like to curl up into a ball when your crush is around? Do you blush incessantly and can’t seem to raise your eyes up from that suddenly very interesting speck of dirt on the ground? [3] X Research source Do you suddenly feel like you don’t have anything witty or interesting to say? All of these reactions tell that you like the person in question.
- The Outgoing Reaction : Do you feel the urge to tease your potential crush? When they are around, do you get the urge to talk a lot because you want their attention? These are all symptoms of a crush as well. Just make sure that you don’t make your crush uncomfortable if you act this way--try not to tease them too much or they might not want to hang out with you.
- The Flirty Reaction : Do you feel like you want your crush to notice what you are wearing or how your hair is done that day? Do you feel like giggling and joking around? Maybe you suddenly feel the urge to make sure you look as good as possible so that your crush will notice you. Batting your eyes, flipping your hair over your shoulder, and playing with your hair are all signs that you have a crush. [4] X Research source
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Consider how you feel around your potential crush. The most common sign of having a crush is the feeling that you have a million butterflies flying around inside you when that special someone is around. It can also feel like your heart does a leap when you see your crush and you feel warm and giddy. [5] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- Do you suddenly feel nervous but excited at the same time? Maybe you feel like you want to hug that person or be with them all the time. These are all normal reactions to having a crush.
- Do you feel like you would give up anything to be near that person?
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Notice how you act around your friends and your crush. Having a crush can cause you to suddenly want to be the star of the conversation, or not talk at all when your crush is around. If you are talking with a group of friends and the person you think you might have a crush on walks up, what do you do? [6] X Research source
- Do you: suddenly feel like you need to be the center of attention? You might find yourself directing the conversation so that you can talk about something cool you did in an attempt to impress your crush . You may even talk over one of your friends so that your story can be heard. You might also try to make as much contact with your crush as possible, keeping their attention on you.
- Do you: suddenly feel like you’re tongue-tied? Having a crush can sometimes make people feel embarrassed and like they don’t have anything to say. If you are normally talkative but suddenly clam up when that special person is around, you most likely have a crush.
- Do you: feel like your friends sort of disappear when your crush walks up? You may be surrounded by people but suddenly all you can see is your crush. You might smile a lot, even if what your friends are talking about isn’t funny. If your friends asked you something, would you have a hard time paying attention to the question because you’re focused on that special person? These are all signs that you have a crush.
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Decide whether or not you’re putting more effort into your appearance. A major sign of having a crush on someone is wanting to look nice around that person. Do you spend more time getting dressed in the morning? Have you bought new clothes you thought your crush might like? Do you spend an extra amount of time getting your hair or makeup just right, just in case you see your crush that day? If so, you most definitely have a crush.
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Consider whether your crush is all you think about. If you find yourself thinking about that special person more than you think about anything else, you most likely have a crush. [7] X Research source
- Perhaps you are at dinner with your family but you aren’t paying attention to the conversation because you are wondering what your crush is doing.
- Maybe you’re hanging out with your friends but secretly you wish that you were hanging out with your crush.
- When you are going to sleep at night, do you think about what it would be like to kiss your crush goodnight?
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Notice whether you talk about your crush a lot. Do you find yourself bringing that person up in conversation with your friends all the time? A major sign that you have a crush is when your friends tell you that you talk about that specific person all the time. If you feel comfortable doing so, it would be a good idea to talk to your best friends about thinking that you might have a crush on someone. They can help you figure your feelings out and might have some ideas about how to get to know your crush better.
- Be careful who you talk to about having a crush. Don’t just go blabbing to any random friend about your crush. If you do that, someone might tell your crush and then you might get embarrassed. Only tell your best friends--the friends you can trust the most.
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Consider whether or not you’ve changed anything about your life with your crush in mind. Do you have any habits or patterns you have gotten rid of or changed in the hopes of getting your crush’s attention? [8] X Research source
- Do you walk by their locker a million times in the hopes of seeing your crush?
- Have you changed the path you take to class because you know they walk that way?
- You have taken a new and deep interest in a subject that you know your crush is interested in, like photography or rock climbing.
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Pay attention to your internal reaction when someone brings your crush up in conversation. Often, when you have a crush, you will feel excited when your crush gets brought up in conversation. If someone mentions your crush in passing do you:
- Feel excited?
- Suddenly get that feeling like a bunch of butterflies are flying around in your stomach?
- Feel like your heart might leap out of your chest?
- Blush and giggle?
- Become tongue-tied and flustered?
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If any of these things happen, you most likely have a crush on someone.
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Think about your daydreams. There is a difference between thinking about someone and daydreaming about someone. Thinking about someone means you wonder what that person is doing, or how they are feeling. Daydreaming is when you fantasize about things that you want to happen. People who have crushes on other people tend to daydream about their crushes a lot.
- If you daydream about that certain someone and imagine you two going on adventures together, holding hands, kissing, or anything romantic like that, you most likely have a crush on that person.
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Notice if things remind you of your potential crush. Being reminded of that special someone when listing to a song, watching a movie, or reading a book is a definite sign that you have a crush. [9] X Research source
- If you listen to a romantic song and think, ‘Hey, that’s how I feel!’ you have a crush.
- If you watch a movie like Titanic and envision you and your special someone as Jack and Rose, you have a crush.
- If you read Romeo and Juliet and immediately identify with the hopelessly deep love of the main characters, you have a crush.
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Consider your thoughts while reading this article. While reading this, has there been one specific person on your mind while reading this article? If you answer yes, it means you most likely have a crush on that person.
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Examples and Letter to Tell a Person You Have a Crush on Them
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I have a good first date with my crush?Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.Show up on time and be present. Avoid taking out your phone while on the date. You should also remember to always be yourself. It may sound basic, but it's important.
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QuestionHow do you talk to a crush?Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.Let the conversation flow organically as you get to know them. Ask them about their plans for the weekend or how they plan on spending their summer. Consider asking questions about their lifestyle and values as well.
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QuestionI have had a major crush on someone for 3 years, and then my friend said she likes him, too. Everyone says that my friend and my crush belong together, not me and my crush. What do I do? I feel suicidal.Community AnswerYou need to keep yourself safe, first and foremost - feeling suicidal is a warning sign that you may have low self-esteem or a mental health issue. (Please take a look at How to Cope With Suicidal Thoughts to keep yourself safe.) It's understandably painful to think of your crush with someone else, but rejection doesn't determine your worth and just because people are saying your friend would be perfect with your crush doesn't mean you're undesirable or lesser than your friend. Talk to your friend about your feelings for your crush, and make it clear that people saying this makes you feel bad about yourself and you'd like it to stop. If your friend seems dismissive or people are refusing to listen to you, it might be better to spend time with other people. You deserve people who will treat you well, whether they're friends, crushes, or otherwise.
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- When you realize you have a crush on someone, don't freak out. Let yourself get used to your feelings before acting on them.Thanks
- Don't express your feelings to your crush quickly! If you come on too strong or are too fast to tell them you like them, they may be creeped out.Thanks
- Only tell trusted friends, because if you tell too many people, everyone will know.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/202111/why-crushes-are-so-common-and-healthy-all-ages
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201209/adolescence-and-the-teenage-crush
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/shyness.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/myths-desire/201909/without-flirting-it-wouldnt-be-marriage
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_you_click_with_certain_people
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/feeling-stuck-how-to-express-your-feelings
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201209/adolescence-and-the-teenage-crush
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/do-i-like-him-or-the-attention
- ↑ https://www.southuniversity.edu/news-and-blogs/2016/08/the-psychology-behind-love-and-romance-70700
About This Article
Article Summary
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To tell if you have a crush on someone, think about whether you feel giddy and excited when you see or think about them. If you do, it could be because you have a crush on them, and your body is releasing chemicals like dopamine to encourage your crush. Pay attention to how you act when they’re around too. You might go out of your way to get their attention, or you might avoid them because you feel shy and nervous when they’re around. Either way, it could be a sign that you’re crushing on them! Also ask yourself whether you put more effort into your appearance when you know you’re going to see your potential crush. If you do, you might be trying to impress them because deep down you like them. Try to keep track of how often you catch yourself thinking about them. If you think about them a lot when they’re not around, it might mean you have a crush on them and miss them.
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Reader Success Stories
- "When people often use the word 'crush', I thought of another meaning until when I came across this article, which explains it as romantic feelings towards a girl or boy. So this has widened my understanding on what crush means and how one can compose himself and direct his actions if he finds out he has a crush on someone, and vice-versa." ..." more
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"When people often use the word 'crush', I thought of another meaning until when I came across this article, which explains it as romantic feelings towards a girl or boy. So this has widened my understanding on what crush means and how one can compose himself and direct his actions if he finds out he has a crush on someone, and vice-versa."
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"Informative, and all contents are facts. I truly love this article. Well done, great author."
"This was very helpful, certainly, because recently I had a crush on someone, and he liked me back. Then I got afraid, like I never wanted this, although I was dying for it some days ago. Since then, things between us were always a bit awkward. If I only I knew back then. Now I know it was just a friendly crush. Thanks for helping me out."
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"I've had some trouble lately with my huge crush on Inanaki Arata from Twin Star Exorcists. I kinda realized that this would become a problems. I read this to check if I did actually have a proper crush on him, and it turns out I do. I always thought it was weird and all, but now I kinda get that it's not bad."
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"I have this crush on this boy in my school, and it's summer, so I needed to get my feelings sorted out. As I was reading, I realized that I really do like him. So I'm having my finger crossed that 8th grade (I'm going to 8th) is when I get my first boyfriend."
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