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Use these sample responses to rude emails with your boss, colleague, or client
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Receiving a rude email at work can be a difficult situation to navigate. Rude emails can range from passive-aggressive messages that leave out a greeting or overstep your professional boundaries to direct assaults on your character and competency. While it’s tempting to fire off a response when you feel like someone’s being rude to you, keeping a professional attitude is important. Before you respond - either via email or in person - take a moment to breathe, then follow these simple steps to formulate a professional yet assertive response.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Writing Your Response
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1Take some time and space before responding. Take a deep break and walk away from the computer until you’ve had a moment to calm down. Most emails are not time-sensitive, so you can take all day to respond if you need to. [1] X Research source
- Resist the urge to send the email to other people, at least for now.
- We know it’s tempting to shoot a screenshot over to your work bestie, but this will likely only create more drama and get you more fired up.
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2Write your feelings down (but don’t send them). Write a first draft of your “email” in a Word document or on paper. Recognize all of the negative emotions you’re feeling and let them out in this draft. Don’t worry about being professional—write exactly what you would want to say to this person if your job wasn’t on the line. [2] X Research source
- This strategy can help you release and vent all of your negative emotions and initial response to the email before writing a professional reply.
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3Analyze the email carefully. Re-read the email and re-assess your initial emotional response. Try to look at the message objectively and not take this person’s words personally. Look for any room for misinterpretation. [3] X Research source
- Everyone communicates differently, so what your colleague or client may think is a professional, direct, or even lighthearted and sarcastic statement may come off as brash or rude to someone else.
- Clinical psychologist William Gardner recommends your first step by asking yourself if “there’s something in here that’s clearly rude, or is this [your] interpretation.” [4]
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Expert Source
William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 March 2021. - For example, a co-worker may send you a message like “It seems like you’ve been really busy lately—hope you have time to actually get a report done today.”
- While you may read this message as rudely implying that you’re not working hard or meeting your deadlines, this individual could genuinely be expressing sympathy that you’ve been so swamped.
- Try to identify and focus on the actual business issues that the sender is trying to address., rather than on any rude tone or language they may have used to get their message across. [5] X Research source
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4Ask the sender for clarification if needed. Respond by asking for more information, citing specific statements that you’d like clarified. Sometimes rude messages are just poorly worded. For example, your coworker may have sent you a message saying, “I hope you find time to actually get your reports done today."
- You could respond, “All of my reports are complete except the one that's due tomorrow. Do you need a draft copy for a project today?”
- Don’t demand to know what they mean or be curt. For example, don’t ask, “What’s that supposed to mean?” or “What are you trying to say?”
- William Gardner, PsyD, maintains that sometimes the best approach is just to speak to the person directly. “Try to make peace,” advises Gardner, and “figure out what was wrong.” [6]
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Expert Source
William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.
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5Avoid responding if no response is required. If the email does not require a response, not sending one could be the best option. Consider not responding if you receive emails that are off-topic and don’t require your attention. [7] X Research source
- For example, coworkers may sometimes make assumptions about your work habits.
- Don’t respond to an email that says, “It must be nice to get to take extra long lunches,” or “Everyone knows that your meetings don’t last all afternoon.” As long as your manager knows the truth, you're better off staying out of office drama.
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6Open your email by politely greeting and thanking the sender. The best way to respond to a rude email is to maintain your composure and rise above the other person’s behavior. While thanking them may seem like the last thing you want to do, at least acknowledge that the person is trying to communicate something to you, even if they did so disrespectfully. [8] X Research source
- For example:
Hello [name], thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I’m grateful that you gave my team a chance to make things right. I’ve just had a chance to look into the issue and would love to discuss your concerns with you.
- For example:
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7Explain your perspective using neutral language. Without becoming too defensive, describe exactly what happened from your perspective. Stick to the facts and don’t elaborate—focus on specific things like what work has been assigned and completed, due dates, timelines, data, and related topics. [9] X Research source
- Keep your message short and simple. Don’t try to respond to everything, and don’t provide a long personal defense.
- For example, if the rude email asked about the status of a report, say, "Thanks for checking in. I received the new data this morning, so I'm updating my report. The new report will be available this afternoon."
- In another example where part of a client’s order was delayed, say, “I spoke to my shipping department and learned that one of your requested items was on backorder. My team went ahead and sent you the available part of your order instead of waiting for the missing items, which is why you received an incomplete package.”
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8Be empathetic toward the sender’s core concerns. Acknowledge the actual reason this sender took the time to write this email (because it probably wasn't just to ruin your day). They may need to feel that you clearly understand why they’re frustrated and where they’re coming from. [10] X Research source
- For example:
I understand that not having the deck completed yesterday interrupted your work process.
- For example:
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9Apologize and take responsibility for the issue, if necessary. Use active language like “I apologize” rather than a passive statement like “I’m sorry.” Even if your apology is not wholly genuine, it may appease the email’s sender enough to back down. [11] X Research source
- For example:
I apologize for the inconvenience that this event has caused you. I take full responsibility for any role I played in the matter and look forward to resolving this with you.
- For example:
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10Present a solution. Rather than spending more time on this person’s rude and emotional message, focus on how you can move forward and resolve the issue so both of you can move on. A well-thought-out solution will show your colleague or client that you hear their concerns and are willing to correct any errors that may have occurred. [12] X Research source
- For example:
For future instances, I’ll make a point of checking in with you at least 24 hours before any client meetings to make sure you have all the important updates around what the team’s been working on.
- For example:
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11Proofread your email for a professional tone. Read your email out loud before sending it to make sure that it sounds professional rather than rude or emotional. Avoid coming off as too blunt or defensive, and avoid pointing fingers at the sender or other people you work with. [13] X Research source
- Make sure your email sticks to the facts of the situation without devolving into any emotional or passive-aggressive statements.
- Although it may be tempting to respond to the email in the same rude, unprofessional tone, it benefits you to remain professional.
- If your email comes across as emotionally charged, set it aside for an hour before returning to edit it.
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12End with a positive send-off and send your email. After starting your email politely and maintaining a professional tone throughout, end the message in a positive place to further appease the sender. Resist the urge to CC other managers or members of the staff unless this person has repeatedly sent you disrespectful emails. [14] X Research source
- Try one of these sample endings to your email reply:
- Thank you again for bringing this to my attention.
- Thanks for checking in and letting me know about your concerns.
- I appreciate you letting me know about this issue.
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Office Etiquette
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I make my coworker stop being annoying without talking to them about it?William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente.Just talk to them. That's really got to be the first step unless they're acting truly egregiously. Working through the issue with the person directly is always preferable to any other solution that involves other people getting involved.
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QuestionWhy would my coworker start being rude out of nowhere?William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente.It's possible that you're simply misinterpreting what's going on. I don't think very many people wake up every day and go, "I'm going to be rude today." Take a step back and consider the possibility that you're not acting on complete information or you're not aware what's going on there. They could also just have something going on in their personal life that's influencing their behavior.
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QuestionIf a co-worker/office manager is constantly reading e-mails out loud in sarcastic tones to co-workers not on the email or involved in any way with the correspondence, is this a violation of privacy?RevadCommunity AnswerIt certainly could be. At the very least it's unprofessional. Review your employee handbook to see what the privacy policy is. Then report this behavior to the HR department or the manager's boss if necessary.
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Tips
- Depending on your relationship, consider contacting the sender directly for a more personal approach. Give them a call or send them an instant message to try to resolve the issue more quickly.Thanks
- Remember that people send rude emails for all sorts of reasons, and they usually have nothing to do with you. They may lack social skills, have an egotistical personality, or have a different communication style that unintentionally makes them come across as rude.Thanks
- Suggest that your workplace hold an email etiquette session. If nobody knows how to give this seminar, bring in someone who does; that could be a sign that such training is needed.Thanks
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Warnings
- Anything libelous, offensive, harassing, defamatory, racist, or offensive in an email is actionable. Email is discoverable in most jurisdictions and can expose your company to litigation. A person sending such emails can be subject to discipline and even dismissal. If you're concerned that the email contains any such objectionable content, talk to your boss or human resources for further advice, or your legal representative if you don't wish to discuss it with the workplace.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201309/are-your-emails-unintentionally-rude
- ↑ https://cubicletherapy.com/dealing-with-rude-emails/
- ↑ https://cubicletherapy.com/dealing-with-rude-emails/
- ↑ William Gardner, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.
- ↑ https://newoldstamp.com/blog/how-to-reply-professionally-to-a-rude-email-and-cover-your-ass/
- ↑ William Gardner, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.
- ↑ https://newoldstamp.com/blog/how-to-reply-professionally-to-a-rude-email-and-cover-your-ass/
- ↑ https://cubicletherapy.com/dealing-with-rude-emails/
- ↑ https://newoldstamp.com/blog/how-to-reply-professionally-to-a-rude-email-and-cover-your-ass/
- ↑ https://cubicletherapy.com/dealing-with-rude-emails/
- ↑ https://cubicletherapy.com/dealing-with-rude-emails/
- ↑ https://www.careercontessa.com/advice/how-to-write-professional-email/#tone
- ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/email-etiquette-rules-every-professional-should-know-2015-6/#-keep-tabs-on-your-tone-13
- ↑ https://cubicletherapy.com/dealing-with-rude-emails/
- ↑ https://www.betterup.com/blog/importance-of-patience-in-life
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/averyblank/2017/05/16/7-easy-ways-to-instantly-gain-respect-at-work-no-matter-your-position/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you get a rude email at work, take a moment to calm down before you respond. Ask yourself what the sender really meant. It’s hard to read tone when you can’t see someone’s face or hear their voice, so their message might come across harsher than they meant it to. You can always send a polite message asking them to clarify, or even set up a call or an in-person meeting to get a better idea of what they were trying to say. If the email is obviously meant to be rude, sometimes it’s best to avoid responding altogether. But if you do answer, keep it calm and professional. Write a short answer that sticks to the facts and addresses their concerns without making accusations or responding with rude comments of your own. For extremely rude or abusive messages, you might want to reach out to a supervisor or human resources. To learn how to report harmful speech or a personal attack to your manager, keep reading!
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