How to Start a Breakup Conversation

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Mustering up the courage to start a breakup conversation takes guts. We're here to walk you through exactly what to say in a way that's truthful and clear but also kind and respectful. With our guidance, you'll be able to approach the topic with ease—you can do this. Keep reading to learn what you can say to start a breakup conversation and why you should say it.

1

Let your significant other know you want to talk to them.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/58\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/58\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-1.jpg\/v4-728px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Hearing this phrase will immediately tell them "something's wrong" or "something's not working out." A simple and straightforward sentence like this lets them know that what you're about to say is serious and requires their undivided attention. [1] Here are some other phrases you can try:
    • "I want to talk to you about our relationship."
    • "Can we meet up tonight? There's something I need to tell you in person."
    • Use one of these conversation starters in person or via text. Either way, the other party will know that you have something urgent you want to discuss.
    2. Advertisement
2

Tell them gently that things aren’t working.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/64\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/64\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You're breaking up with this person for a reason. Even though you don't necessarily have to tell them everything , it's important to tell the truth. This conversation starter opens the floor for you to gently explain why you want to break up without outwardly blaming them. [2] You can also try these similar phrases:
    • "I don't think this is working out."
    • "I care about you, but I don't think we're a good match."
    • Choose your words carefully and focus on "I" statements. This will help you address your feelings and avoid pointing fingers.
3

Explain what's on your mind.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b1\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b1\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    An open and honest starter can lessen the breakup's toll. When you're breaking up with someone, try to steer clear of cliches like "It's not you, it's me." Statements like this can actually hurt the other party more, as they're left wondering what went wrong. Instead, be truthful about your feelings and let them know what's going on. [3]
    • Another way you could say this could be, "I don't have romantic feelings for you, and I wanted you to know."
    • Try to keep excuses and condescending language out of the conversation.
    • This way, you can both leave the conversation and relationship without any question or lingering resentment.
    2. Advertisement
4

Voice your concerns about the relationship.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/24\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/24\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-4.jpg\/v4-728px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    This "I" statement can help them process the breakup. Starting a conversation with this phrase is a respectful way to get the ball moving while voicing your concerns. By putting your thoughts and feelings out there, there'll be no question as to why you want to break up. [4] Some alternative ways to say this are:
    • "I want to be a bigger priority to someone I'm in a relationship with."
    • "I need to feel secure in a relationship."
    • Being upfront about your concerns without being accusatory is one of the nicest things you can do during a breakup.
5

Be kind but direct.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/91\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/91\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-5.jpg\/v4-728px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Using "I" statements and choosing your words carefully can help you create an easy-going conversation that doesn't put anybody down. [5] You could also say:
    • "I don't see this relationship going any further."
    • "I think we're moving in different directions."
    • Practice what you'd like to say during the breakup in front of a mirror. This can help you find the right words and ease your nerves.
    2. Advertisement
6

State that you’re ending the relationship

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/bc\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/bc\/Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-6.jpg\/v4-728px-Start-a-Breakup-Conversation-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You've made your decision, and it may be best to just go for it. Sometimes saying what you want right away can take all that weight off your shoulders. Just remember to be kind and respectful once you've put your feelings out in the open. It may take them a while to process everything, and that's okay. [6] You should offer positive comments regarding your relationship and ensure the break up doesn't occur during or after a heated argument.
    • You can also try saying something along the lines of, "I think we need to break up."
    • Consider planning something close to when you want to break up. Having a deadline can help you avoid a dragged out conversation where you repeat what you've said over and over again. [7]
    • Ask a friend to text or call you after 30 minutes to aid in your excuse to end the conversation.

Breakup Conversation Starters

End an Engagement Smoothly with this Expert Series

Ending any relationship can be daunting, but it doesn't have to be. Read these expert articles for advice on how to break off an engagement gracefully and peacefully.
1
Break off an Engagement
2
Get Over a Broken Engagement
3
Decide If You Should Get Married
4
End a Long Term Relationship
5
Walk Away from Love
6
Amicably End a Relationship

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    Is it OK to break up over a phone call?
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    If there are safety issues involved or the other person lives far away, you could break up with her via phone or text, but that's not usually the best approach.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 2 Helpful 6
  • Question
    Is it better to break up or ghost?
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    Please, make sure you do not ghost the person as your way of breaking up with them. This is extremely cold-hearted and inconsiderate.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 0 Helpful 9
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Get Your Ex Back
      How to
      Use the No Contact Rule
      How to
      Break Up with Someone Respectfully
      How to
      Get over a Breakup when You Still Love Each Other: 11 Things to Do
      How to
      Know when Your Girlfriend Wants to Break Up
      How to
      Detach from Someone
      How to
      Break Up a Couple
      What Is a “Good Enough” Reason to End Your Relationship?
      How Long Should You Wait to Date After a Breakup? Expert Advice on the Best Time to Move On
      Expert Advice on Using No Contact to Reconnect with Your Ex
      How to
      Make a Leo Man Miss You After a Breakup
      How Long Should I Wait to Text My Ex-Girlfriend?
      How to
      Talk Your Boyfriend out of Breaking up With You
      How to
      Break Up with Someone Who Is Suicidal
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-angry-therapist/202003/how-get-closure
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-break-up-with-someone/
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/finding-closure
      4. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
      5. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-break-up-with-someone/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202211/how-break
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/202211/how-break

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 53,760 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement