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Confess your feelings without losing her
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You're in love with her. You want her to know you love her, but you aren't sure how to tell her. "I love you" is a wonderful thing to say to someone. It’s also made up of three very powerful words that can completely change the dynamic of a relationship. This article covers how to say “I love you” in person and through text. We also spoke with relationship and communication experts to get pointers on how to say "I love you" to a girl for the first time.
How to Tell a Lady that You Love Her
- Choose the right time or plan a romantic moment.
- Be sure you have her full attention.
- Ease into it with compliments.
- Look into her eyes and say, “I love you.”
- Be patient if she’s not ready to say it back.
- Show her you love her through your actions.
Steps
Section 1 of 4:
Telling a Girl You Love Her Face-to-Face
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Wait for a special moment…or plan one out. There’s no “right” time to say “I love you” that works for every relationship. [1] X Research source Once you've decided to tell her, wait for a meaningful moment or plan a romantic date. It might be during a beautiful sunset, when "your song" is playing, or when you're just happy to be together. Or, plan a perfect romantic date by arranging to go to her favorite restaurant or do an activity she loves. Then, wait for your moment, and say “I love you” when you feel truly inspired.
- Don't just blurt out “I love you” the next time you see her. It's normal to feel a sense of urgency to confess your love once you’ve figured out your feelings. Be patient and wait to create a special moment.
- Choose a happy time rather than a sad time. Life Coach Adina Zinn recommends being sensitive and watching her body language to gauge how she’s feeling. Check in and make sure she’s still with you and it’s a conversation she wants to have.
- Consider saying "I love you" after a hug or a kiss in a simple moment.
- The "right moment" might feel powerful and almost cinematic, like the scene when the guy gets the girl, and they tell each other how they feel.
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Make sure you have her full attention. Don't throw out your first "I love you" when she’s distracted, worried about something, or getting ready to leave. Choose a moment when you’re focused on each other. [2] X Research source Sometimes, there isn’t a "right time," though. Get her attention by saying something like, "Do you have a minute to talk?"
- Not all attention is good attention. Don’t say "I love you" to placate her when she's angry or when she's trying to tell you something else that's important.
- Don't say "I love you" for the first time while either of you is tipsy or otherwise intoxicated.
- Avoid saying it directly after sex. In the midst of an endorphin rush, it’s easy to say or agree to things that you don't mean. [3] X Research source
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Pay her compliments to show you care. Feelings are feelings, but you don't have to jump right into an "I love you." Tell her how much you like her and why. Pay her thoughtful compliments by saying you love something about her, not that you love her. [4] X Trustworthy Source Simply Psychology Popular site for evidence-based psychology information Go to source Relationship Coach Kelli Miller recommends complimenting her, mentioning what you have in common, and then tell her you have strong feelings for her.This is a solid way to ease into the conversation.
- For instance, say, "I love the way you smile when you hear your favorite song," or "I love your eyes. They're absolutely captivating."
- Say, "I want you to know that I care really deeply for you. You've brought so much happiness into my life, and I truly value that." [5] X Research source
- Say, "I like you a lot. You make me really happy." She'll know how you feel, but she won't have to worry about the serious implications of "love."
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Look into her eyes and say, “I love you.” When the time feels right, lock eyes with her. Eye contact helps you feel more connected and gives your words more weight. It also helps you gauge how she feels about what you're saying. [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source When you say "I love you," be specific and direct. Licensed Psychologist Sarah Schewitz says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of intimacy, so if you’re feeling something, just say it.” You don't need to say anything else, but wax poetic and qualify your love if you want. Above all, be honest and authentic.
- Say something like, “I adore you,” “You make me believe in true love,” or “My heart is yours forever” to make the moment even more romantic.
- You may experience a moment of absolute stillness – as though time has stopped temporarily, and there is nothing that exists beyond you and her.
- Consider telling her about the moment you realized you love her to make her feel special. Say something true, honest, and sweet like, “I knew I loved you when we were at the park the other day, and you insisted on finding the owner of that lost dog. You’re the kindest person I know.”
- The way you say the words is up to you. Make sure she knows you're serious and sincere.
- If you're feeling really nervous about telling her you love her in person, write her a love letter . It’s less scary to share your feelings when you have time to decide exactly what you want to say. Make it even more special by writing it by hand instead of sending a text or email.
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Give her time to process your words. Miller says, “Sometimes you just have to wait and see if that person does feel the same way or does want to give it a chance.” Once you’ve expressed your feelings, listen to what she has to say. Just because you’re in the right place to say you love her doesn't necessarily mean she's ready to say it back. Be patient and kind. It’s important to let her process her emotions and respond in her own time. [7] X Research source
- However, it’s okay to send her a follow-up text later to tell her how much she means to you. Say something like, “You mean everything to me, and I don’t want to pressure you” or “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m happy to take things slow if that’s what you need.”
- “If you’re really invested in getting the “I love you” back, you might want to wait longer than you think – maybe a couple more months after you start feeling it,” says Schewitz.
- If she doesn't say it back, that's okay. Schewitz says, “It doesn’t mean you’re not worthy or you’re not good enough if somebody rejects you. It just means there wasn’t a good match between the two of you. For somebody else, you are the best person on the planet.”
- If she does say "I love you," celebrate with a kiss ...that may lead to something even more passionate.
- This is a special time. No matter what happens, this is a moment in your life that you will remember for years to come.
- No matter her response, be proud of yourself for telling her how you feel. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you love them and mean it. Whatever happens, now she knows.
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Don't stress too much. If she loves you back, it won't really matter how you say it. If she doesn't love you back, you've learned a valuable lesson about love. Either way, life is too short to bottle up these feelings, to let love lie in hiding when it could soar. Be brave, and be true, and follow your heart. It will be okay.
- If you need to calm your nerves, try taking deep breaths. Inhale slowly, for as long as possible, then gradually exhale in a measured flow. Focus only on the act of breathing: on the in-and-out of your breath. [8] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
EXPERT TIPLicensed PsychologistSarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.Don’t forget to breathe. When you take deep breaths, you're actually sending a signal back to your nervous system saying, “We're good. Everything's fine here.” You wouldn’t be able to breathe calmly and deeply if you were in physical danger. It helps reduce the adrenaline and cortisol -- which are stress hormones -- and get you back to feeling calmer.
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Section 2 of 4:
Telling Her You Love Her by Text or WhatsApp
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1Send a casual text or message to start the conversation. If you’re nervous about telling her how you feel, sending her a text helps dial down your anxiety. But ease into it. While it’s usually a good idea to be direct when telling someone you love them, an emotionally intense message that comes out of nowhere can be a little abrupt. [9] X Research source
- Don’t just say “hey,” though. Send a funny meme with “I thought you’d find this funny.”
- Give them a sweet compliment like, “Your new hairstyle is so cute.”
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2Use their responses to figure out what mood they’re in. Pay attention to her tone and what she says in the messages. Look for positive words like “wonderful” and “exciting” that have an upbeat vibe. If she’s using words that seem happy, that’s probably a good clue that she’s in a good mood. [10] X Research source
- If she says, “I’m having the worst day” or “I hate my car,” it might not be the best time to declare your feelings.
- However, it’s the perfect opportunity to show you care by supporting her and being a good listener.
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3Send a short, direct text saying, “I love you.” Be direct to avoid any misunderstandings when you tell her how you feel. When you communicate through texts, you lose all of the eye contact, body language cues, and facial expressions that help get your meaning across. A simple, straightforward message that says, “I love you so much,” is easier to understand than something like, “I really care about you, and I want to have you in my life.” [11] X Research source
- Try saying something like, “You make my heart skip a beat” or “You’re my dream come true” to say “I love you” in different words.
- However, misunderstandings sometimes happen even when you send a message you think is clear.
- You may need to follow up your text by expressing your feelings in person to be sure she understands.
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4Wait a while before sending a follow-up text. Keep your cool even if she takes a long time to respond. Sending an anxious second or third text might make you look desperate. Stop, take a deep breath, and put down your phone. A long pause doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. She might be busy or need more time to process her emotions. It’s also possible she doesn’t feel comfortable expressing her feelings in a text message. [12] X Research source
- Give it a day. If you don’t hear from her, send a casual text like, “Hey! How are you today?”
- Ask her out on a laid-back date so she knows you’re not upset…even if you are a little nervous.
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Section 3 of 4:
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Show her you love her through your actions. Love is more than just saying the words. Show her your love through how you treat her. If you truly love her, act like it even if she isn’t ready to say “I love you” back yet. Listed below are a few ways to show your love without saying a word. [13] X Research source
- Give her your full attention. Actively listen and think about what she’s saying before you say anything. Always make sure she’s done talking before you start.
- Support her in her interests, hobbies, and career. Be there when she has a big event, like a recital or awards ceremony. But you don’t have to wait for a big event to show your support. Stop by to surprise her with her favorite treat or bring her lunch when you know she doesn’t have time to get it herself.
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2*Show her physical affection. Give her hugs, hold her hand, or put your arm around her in private and in public to show her – and everyone else – how much you care. Plus, physical touch builds trust and intimacy, making it the perfect reason to cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie together.
- Give or make her a unique gift. If she’s a movie buff, plan your own living room movie festival with her favorite movies. Or, try to work special moments from your relationship into your gift, like framing pictures from a vacation you spent together.
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Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Am I In Love?
Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhy do I struggle to talk about my feelings?Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.It is a risk and it feels scary to tell your casual partner that you have stronger feelings now — it's certainly scary. What if they don't feel the same? What if they reject you? While it is a risk, it is healthier to be open rather than hiding your feelings. It is common that people choose to hide their feelings because they want to avoid conflict and rejection at all costs, but doing this sabotages your chances at happiness. Love is worth the risk, as they say.
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Tips
- Plan what you're going to say ahead of time. This is a big moment and something that you'll probably remember for some time to come.Thanks
- Say it confidently. Don't make it sound like a question. If you love her, you love her!Thanks
- Try a cute pickup line like: "If someone's pupils are big unless it's very dark, they are looking at something they love. I love you." It really depends on how the situation is and how you assess it.Thanks
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Warnings
- Only say it if you really love her. Weigh your feelings, but trust your gut. Make sure that you're ready to follow up on the words.Thanks
- Don't say "I love you" unless you're confident that she loves you too. Don't say it if you aren't ready to hear it back!Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.newsweek.com/when-say-i-love-you-1674511
- ↑ https://www.extension.purdue.edu/extmedia/CFS/CFS-743-W.pdf
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/201412/when-should-you-say-i-love-you
- ↑ https://www.simplypsychology.org/five-love-languages.html
- ↑ https://grammar.yourdictionary.com/style-and-usage/love-expression-in-words.html
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/nonverbal-communication .
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/mindfulness-insights/202312/why-its-vital-to-identify-process-and-express-your-emotions
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/06/3-ways-to-stay-calm-when-conversations-get-intense
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/your-online-secrets/201409/why-you-might-want-to-have-difficult-conversations-online
- ↑ https://www.mindful.org/six-tips-reading-emotions-text-messages/
- ↑ https://sites.psu.edu/aspsy/2022/03/13/miscommunication-and-social-media/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201808/why-attachment-styles-and-texting-dont-always-mix
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/19-ways-show-s-o-love-without-saying-word/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-murder-and-the-meaning-life/201106/never-tell-woman-you-love-her-unless
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/201412/when-should-you-say-i-love-you
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/signs-of-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation#tips
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-psychology-of-trust-issues-and-ways-to-overcome-them
- ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/dating/how-to-decide-when-to-say-i-love-you-the-perfect-moment/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/signs-of-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation#tips
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/unhealthy-relationship-behaviors-series-jealousy
About This Article
Article Summary
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To tell a girl that you love her, wait for a moment when you’re alone in a quiet place and you’re both in a good mood to give it the impact it deserves. Try to avoid saying it for the first time when you’re drunk or right after sex, even if it feels easier then, since you want it to come from the heart. When you’re ready to say the words, look into her eyes to make sure you have her attention. Then, simply say the words, “I love you,” or consider leading up to it by telling her what you love about her. Try not be offended if she doesn’t say it back, since it might not feel like the right time for her. For more tips from our Relationship co-author, including how to know when you’re ready to tell a girl you love her, read on!
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