Download Article
Figure out when you and your date are both ready for commitment
Download Article
You’ve been dating someone great and really clicking with them. You feel like it might be time to make things official, but how should you do it? What’s the best way to show your date how you really feel? Don’t worry: every couple goes through this transitional period at some point, and we’re here to help you navigate it. Below you’ll find tips on turning your casual romance into a more serious relationship without it feeling forced. Plus, we've included advice on how to tell if you and your partner are ready to take your relationship to the next level—so read on!
Things You Should Know
- Tell your date that you're ultimately looking for a long-term relationship, not a casual fling, early on while dating so they know where you stand.
- Take your time getting to know your date and show them you care by spending quality time together, being attentive, and opening up to them.
- Ask your date if they feel ready to make your relationship exclusive. Keep the conversation light and avoid putting pressure on them for an answer.
Steps
-
Communicate your intentions and desires to your date. Even if you’re not quite ready to ask your date to be exclusive, let them know that exclusivity and long-term commitment is your ultimate goal. Be sure to let your date know what you’re looking for early on—it’s important to be on the same page as you move forward together and fully understand one another’s expectations. [1] X Research source
- Be honest about what you want so that you can each make informed decisions about whether the relationship is right for you.
- For example, you might say, “The reason I’m interested in dating is ultimately to have a committed relationship with someone, and I feel like there’s a connection between us that I’d like to explore.”
- Be sure to ask what they want from a relationship so you know what to expect going forward.
- If you feel like there’s potential for something more to develop between you and your date, let them know. Again, you don’t have to ask them to commit right away—just tell them that you feel a connection and would like to see where things go.
-
Express how you feel about them. Does your date know how much you like them? Make sure they do! If you haven’t made your feelings clear, they might not know that you feel strongly about them. Be transparent about your feelings ; tell your date how they make you feel and the traits you value most in them, and share all the little things they do that really make you smile. [2] X Research source
- For example, you might say, “I’m blown away by your creativity and talent. I think you’re incredible!” or “Being around you is so much fun. You’re always the best part of my week!”
- Express your feelings through physical affection as well. Lean close to them when you’re talking, hold their hand as you walk around together, or place a hand on their arm.
- If you’re unsure whether your date is okay with physical affection, ask. A simple “Is this okay?” is all you need.
Advertisement -
Spend more quality one-on-one time with your potential partner. Making more time for your date shows them that you’re serious about the relationship. Schedule one-on-one time for each other at least once a week, and take a weekend here and there to focus on one another and get to know each other better. Quality time strengthens relationships, so ask your date to spend a little more time with you! [3] X Research source
- Your time together doesn’t always need to be super elaborate. Rather, simply do everyday things together more often, like making dinner together or watching a movie on your couch.
- Once you get in the swing of spending more quality time together, ask your date if they’re open to a fun weekend getaway or something special.
- Don’t forget to unplug! Put your phones down while you’re together so you can give your date all of your attention.
-
Call your date just to talk to them. When you want to be in a relationship with someone, it’s natural to want to hear from them more often. Since phone calls are more personal than texts, call your significant other up for a chat. While dating, you may only call when you’re trying to set up a date and time to meet—so, as you transition into a relationship, show them that you want to talk more. [4] X Research source
- This doesn’t mean you have to be on the phone all the time—just try giving them a call every so often to show them that you miss them. You might also tell them you miss them over text too!
-
Go on creative and memorable dates together. Doing new and exciting things together is a great way to strengthen your developing relationship. Rather than sticking to the same old date activities every time, plan things the two of you haven’t done together every so often. Use your knowledge about their likes and dislikes to plan date nights you know they’ll love. [5] X Research source
- Look for fun date ideas , like mountain biking or going out dancing in the city. The great thing about changing to a relationship is that you have someone to do exciting things with!
- When you go out to eat, try new restaurants and cuisines to keep things interesting.
- If you and your partner have different interests, compromise on the activities you do. Relationships are a two-way street where your opinions matter equally.
-
Be attentive and supportive to show them you care. When you’re with your date, listen actively to them and pay attention to everything they tell you—being attentive can convey your interest and affection for them. Additionally, look for ways to support them , whether you help them out when they’re in a bind or simply let them vent and offer reassurance after a hard day. Being there for them shows your commitment to the relationship! [6] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Try getting them a thoughtful gift every now and again, like flowers, a book they’ve been meaning to read, or their favorite candy.
- Consider demonstrating your thoughtfulness in other ways, like volunteering for causes you believe in. Seeing that you’re an altruistic person may help your date see you as a serious potential partner,
-
Open up to them emotionally and connect on a deeper level. If you already know that you like your date a lot, then try to get closer to them. Open up and share details about yourself that you don’t normally tell other people—your hopes, dreams, and personal struggles, for example. Then, ask them about themselves; prompt them to open up, share more, and reveal the most important parts of their life. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Try questions like:
- What’s your most treasured childhood memory?
- What makes you feel confident?
- What excites you the most about life?
- What’s your favourite way to relax?
- What would you like to be appreciated for?
- What topics could you spend hours talking about?
-
Invite them to meet your friends and family. If you’re close to your family, consider having them over for dinner and introducing your date to them. This may show your date that you care about them enough to include them in time with your family, and it’ll let your family get to know them better. Invite them to hang out with your friends, as well, so your date can start getting more comfortable as part of the friend ground. [8] X Research source
- Your date may also want to introduce you to their family. Be polite, be yourself, and just try to enjoy yourself—you’ll be fine!
- If you’re not close to your family, don’t worry about introducing them to your date. That only matters if your family is important to you.
-
Start a conversation about exclusivity when you feel ready. Communication is key to any relationship. Before you take the relationship to the next level, talk to your partner about the relationship and whether they also want to be exclusive. Keep things light and low-pressure rather than bombarding them with a “Where are we going?” speech; simply tell them what you want and ask if they feel the same. [9] X Research source
- Set aside a specific time for the two of you to talk to ensure that the talk happens and that you don’t have any interruptions.
- Share what you’ve enjoyed about the relationship so far to show your date that you’ve put thought into this.
- For example, say, “I think we have a lot in common, and I want to spend even more time with you going forward, so I’d love to make our relationship exclusive. Is that something you might want too?”
- Remember to gently ask if they're interested in exclusivity. It might help to reassure your date and say something like, "It's okay if you're not ready yet; I'd just like to know how you feel."
-
Take your time and avoid rushing into the relationship. No matter how much you might want to be in a relationship, try to let things develop at their own pace. The desire to be in a relationship can sometimes cloud the fact that you might not know your date very well yet—so don’t try to force things along. If you feel like there’s potential for a long-term relationship, that’s great! [10] X Research source Just enjoy the ride and see where that potential goes.
- There’s no set amount of time that you need to wait before asking someone to be in a committed relationship, but generally, people wait around 2 or 3 months before asking for exclusivity.
- The amount of time you wait may vary; if you’ve only just met your date, waiting a couple of months is likely a good idea! If you were already good friends before dating, you might not wait very long before asking for exclusivity.
-
Maintain your autonomy and solo interests after becoming a couple. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to like all the same things as your partner. [11] X Research source It’s important for the two of you to have your own interests and do things independently —it’ll help to remind you that you are your own person, even when you’re in a relationship. Foster your solo interests and let your partner do the same!
- Having solo hobbies will make you both happier, and it’ll give you something new to talk about when you’re together.
- For example. if you’d rather go to the gym than watch football with your partner, go! Your partner will be there when you get back.
Advertisement
-
Reflect on your life and what you want out of a relationship. Even if you really want to be in a relationship, it’s important to ensure you’re at a good spot in your life and ready to start one. [12] X Expert Source Cherlyn Chong
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 21 June 2019. Relationships take up a lot more time than casual dating! You’ll likely have to make time for your partner and be available to them when needed—which might be difficult if you have other conflicting priorities.- Decide if you have extra time in your week for your partner. If you work 50 to 60 hours a week and barely have time to go on the dates now, moving into a relationship may not be the right move.
- If you really want to get into a relationship, but you’re too busy, it may be time to decide what you’re going to prioritize and then work on making more time for the relationship if that’s your priority.
-
Pay attention to the way you feel around your date. When you’re considering getting serious with your date, make sure that you feel good about the idea and that they’re someone you want to be around from now on. It’s important that you actually feel happy and comfortable around them! [13] X Research source Ask yourself a few questions to figure this out, including:
- Do I feel better when I’m around my partner?
- Do I enjoy our time together?
- Do I leave our dates feeling better about myself?
- Do I feel respected?
- Remember, many of the best relationships feel as if you’re with your best friend as well as your partner.
- If you find yourself wanting to be alone or away from them for long periods of time, you may not be ready to move forward with them.
-
Consider your feelings about commitment. When you enter into a relationship, your dating life becomes exclusive to that person. You’ll stop seeing other people and only date the person you’re in the relationship with. Before progressing from dating to a relationship, make sure you’re ready for exclusivity —it should be something you’re excited and completely positive about before you commit. [14] X Research source
- So, if you’re still interested in dating people, that means you’re not ready for a committed relationship with one person. You might be more interested in having an open relationship, or you simply might want to keep casually dating,
Advertisement
-
Figure out whether your date is a good fit for you. It’s important to feel confident that your relationship is in the right place before committing and know whether your date’s lifestyle is compatible with yours. Consider the state of your relationship and ask yourself questions to find out if you and your date are ready to move forward into the next phase of your relationship together. [15] X Research source For example:
- Do we hang out on a frequent basis (more than once a week)?
- Do we talk to one another outside of our dates?
- Do we both initiate conversations and dates?
- Do we enjoy being around each other when we are together?
- Have we each met one another’s friends?
-
Look for signs that your date wants to be with you. Want to know if your date is interested in you before you ask them for a commitment? Pay attention to their behavior and try to spot the signals that they’re falling for you . [16] X Research source If you’re really not sure, try asking simple questions like “Are you having a good time?” when spending time with your date, and get a sense of their feelings based on their answer. Signs they’re interested include:
- They smile and laugh around you often.
- Their body language sends signals that they like you; they find excuses to touch you or be close to you.
- They go out of their way to spend more time with you.
- They tell you directly that they like you a lot (or even possibly love you).
- If it’s been a while and you still don’t know how they feel, it might be best to get right to the point and ask, “Are you interested in me?” Even if you don’t get the answer you want, at least that way, you’ll know for sure.
-
Keep an eye out for signs that you’re already in a relationship. Sometimes, relationships sneak up on you before you even realize it! This is common if you’re comfortable with your partner and just haven’t verbalized your feelings yet. If you’re already basically in a relationship, the only thing left to do is tell them that you want to make things official. [17] X Research source Signs that you’re already in a relationship include:
- You’re dating each other exclusively
- You spend every weekend together without having to ask
- Your partner has seen you at your best and worst
- You’ve fought and made it through to the other side
- You’ve talked honestly about your exes
- You’re really good friends with each other’s friends
-
Make sure you want to be in a relationship for the right reasons. There are many reasons to want to be in an official relationship; you might simply feel ready to take dating to the next level, want to be around the other person more, or want to connect with them more deeply. Still, make sure that your reasons for wanting to be in the relationship are healthy—it’s important to be with someone because you truly want to, and not for other reasons. [18] X Research source
- For example, don’t enter a relationship because you’re feeling pressured by your partner, all your friends are doing it, or to save things between you and your partner.
Advertisement
Get More Dates with this Expert Series for Women
Dating is hard. We’ve put together this series of expert articles to help you get more dates, go on better dates, and ultimately find your person.
Expert Q&A
Search
-
QuestionWhen should you go from dating to relationship?Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach. With 6 years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional women who want to get over their exes and find love again. She has experience as an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.There is no concrete answer here, but if you enjoy your time together, there are no red flags, and you're committing to building a relationship with them, there's no reason to sit on your hands. Sit down with your partner and ask them how they feel about the subject. If the two of you are on the same page, go for it!
-
QuestionWhat if I'm in the early stages of a relationship and I want to take that next step?Community AnswerHonestly, if you both are comfortable and want to take the next step, then take it. If you're not sure where you guys are at, try to discuss it with the other person. If you've only been on 1-2 dates, though, it might be best to wait a bit longer.
-
QuestionHow many dates should we go on before meeting each other's parents?Community AnswerThat's up to you!
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Tips
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-matters/201810/are-we-exclusive-yet
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-maintain-love-in-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-maintain-love-in-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://www.berkeley-international.com/blog/men-4-ways-to-show-her-youre-serious-and-interested
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-maintain-love-in-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
- ↑ https://www.berkeley-international.com/blog/men-4-ways-to-show-her-youre-serious-and-interested
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/what-are-we-dating-tips
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-matters/201810/are-we-exclusive-yet
- ↑ https://www.amherst.edu/campuslife/health-safety-wellness/counseling/self_care/healthy_relationships/10_tips_for_health_relationships
- ↑ Cherlyn Chong. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 21 June 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201602/10-questions-help-you-tell-if-youre-ready-commit
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/go-dating-relationship/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201602/10-questions-help-you-tell-if-youre-ready-commit
- ↑ https://thepleasantrelationship.com/signs-you-are-in-a-relationship-and-dont-know-it/
- ↑ https://thepleasantrelationship.com/signs-you-are-in-a-relationship-and-dont-know-it/
- ↑ https://theartofcharm.com/art-of-dating/go-dating-relationship/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you’re ready to transition from dating to being in a relationship, expect to make some subtle shifts in how you treat your partner and how you spend your time together. For example, when you’re dating you typically only call each other to make plans. But when you transition into a relationship, you’ll want to call to talk about your day or catch up with each other when you can’t get together. You’ll also want to focus more of your attention on your partner. When you’re together, put your cell phone down and remove other distractions to let them know that you want to make a strong bond with them. Another shift you can expect to make is spending more time with your partner during the week. Do everyday things together, like making dinner or watching a movie on the couch, so you can learn how to spend downtime together. To learn how to tell if you’re ready for a relationship, keep reading!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 388,031 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "Step #5 is one point that stood out. Its all good and well that you're bonding with someone ,but if you don't fell like introducing them to friends and family, then obviously something is wrong and the relationship isn't going anywhere." ..." more
Advertisement
83%
of readers found this article helpful
.
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
"Step #5 is one point that stood out. Its all good and well that you're bonding with someone ,but if you don't fell like introducing them to friends and family, then obviously something is wrong and the relationship isn't going anywhere."
..."
more
"All of it was good info."
