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Does his bear hug mean he’s into you, or is he just being friendly?
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Hugs can be great sources of comfort, but they can also be super confusing if you don’t know what they mean! When a guy hugs you with both arms, what is he trying to tell you? Does he like you as more than a friend, or is he just being affectionate in a platonic way? How do you figure it out, and how do you respond? Stick around: we’ve got everything you know about hug, from how to interpret them to what to do when you get one.
Things You Should Know
- A guy might hug you with both arms for lots of reasons, such as to say hello, to cheer you up, or to show you he’s interested in you.
- Note the duration and intensity of the hug: a long, tight embrace may indicate deep, sincere care, while a brief, light hug may suggest only casual affection.
- Consider the context of the hug to figure out what it means: where and when did it occur? Does this guy hug people a lot, or does he usually keep his hands to himself?
- Respond by reciprocating the hug if you enjoy it, or gently reject his embrace.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Possible Interpretations
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He’s saying hello or goodbye. Lots of people hug when greeting each other, especially if they’re excited to spend time with the person they’re hugging. And once the hangout is done, he might hug you again to say he’ll miss you. [1] X Research source- Even if you’re not particularly close—say, he’s a friend of a friend or a coworker—some people offer quick hugs as a greeting or goodbye to acquaintances and close pals alike.
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He’s grateful for you. Have you helped him with a tough situation lately, or cheered him on as he worked through a difficult time? Whether you recently did him a favor or he’s just generally thankful for the support and care you’ve shown him throughout your relationship, his hug might be his way of saying he appreciates you.- If he hugs you to show gratitude, he might accompany it with a verbal note of thanks, but not necessarily. [2] X Research source
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He feels protective of you. A big old bear hug is a great way to show someone you care for them and don’t want anything to happen to them. Your guy’s hug could be a way of trying to keep you safe and sound, physically or emotionally (or both). [3] X Research source- He may hug you protectively because he wants to come off as strong and heroic. Embracing you could be his way of showing how strong and powerful he is.
- While many of these interpretations could apply to one-armed hugs as well as two-armed hugs, a guy is more likely to hug you with both arms to protect you.
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He wants to celebrate with you. Whether he just scored the game-winning goal or you got the promotion you’d been gunning for, your guy might wrap you in a two-armed embrace to show you how excited he is. He might be caught up in the moment, or he might be super stoked at the good fortune.- A hug to celebrate will likely be more enthusiastic and might be accompanied by laughter, smiling, or raucous cheering.
- Note how other people are celebrating around you to see if his behavior stands out—for instance, if you’re at your college graduation, there’s probably lots of congratulatory hugging going on. [4] X Research source
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He wants to comfort you. Are you going through a tough time? Maybe you’re just having “one of those days.” Your guy could embrace you to try to lift your spirits and make you feel better about yourself, or simply to remind you that you’re not alone. [5] X Research source- If he hugs you to try to comfort you, it’s probably more likely to be a sustained, close hug rather than a brief, light embrace.
- It’s also possible that he’s the one in need of comfort! If he seems down, he may need reassurance and not know how to ask for it. [6] X Research source
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He’s being affectionate. Whether you’re platonic pals or something more, he could just want to show you he cares about you—nothing more to it! A hug could be his way to show he likes you and wants you to feel special.- Actually, studies indicate that the more hugs we get a day, the happier we are. 4 hugs may help combat depression; 8 hugs may help the recipient achieve mental stability; and 12 hugs a day can help you achieve real psychological growth! [7] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
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He likes you as more than a friend. Have you gotten romantic vibes from this guy before? If so, hugging you could be his way of hinting that he’d like to take your relationship to a romantic level without saying so directly. He might be trying to get a closer look at you, to smell you, or because he wants to be romantically or sexually intimate.- Is his embrace tight and intimate? Does he rub your back? Does he wrap his arms around your lower back? These signs may tell you if his hug is romantic .
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He’s being nefarious. It's possible he's hugging you to try to cop a feel, or he could even be attempting to pick your pocket. Hopefully neither of these are the case, but if you suspect they are, be wary.- Some people use “friendly” physical contact like hugs as an excuse to touch people inappropriately, or to get them accustomed to their touch so that they can escalate it to inappropriate touching. [8] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
- How does he behave with other people? Is he lecherous and touchy-feely? If you notice he seems to flirt with and touch lots of other people, it’s possible he’s just a creep.
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Section 2 of 3:
How to React
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Hug him back and match his intensity. If you enjoyed the hug, reciprocate if you feel up for it. Match the pressure of his hug: if he embraced you gently, embrace him gently; if he held you tight, hold him tight. [9] X Research source- Even if you don’t know what his hug meant , you can return the hug if you feel comfortable. You can ask him directly what his hug meant, or you can wait to see if it becomes clearer over time.
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Tell him how great the hug was. Let him know how much you appreciated the hug. This won’t just inform him that you acknowledged and enjoyed his embrace—it might also let him know you’d be OK being hugged in the future.- Of course, just because you let him hug you once doesn’t mean he has free reign to hug you whenever he wants. You can always turn down a hug.
- Not only does regular hugging improve our mental health, so does expressing gratitude! So if you and your guy embrace to express thankfulness, you’re paving the way for great mental health. [10] X Research source
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Reciprocate—and then some. If you like him and you suspect his hug was romantic in nature, amp things up by pulling him closer , whispering in his ear, or giving him an extra squeeze. If he likes you, he might respond by reciprocating with these same intimate gestures.- If you’re not sure his hug was romantic in nature, be careful about taking things too far, just in case he only meant for his hug to be platonic.
- You might not be able to see his expression while hugging, but pay attention to his body language: if you tighten your embrace and he tenses up or pulls away, it’s a sign he’s not comfortable. [11] X Research source
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Reject his hug kindly. If you don’t want to be hugged, or if you think his hug is romantic in nature and you don’t feel the same, kindly let him know . Try saying, “I’m not up for a hug, but thanks!” Or, if you don’t want to reject him directly, try interrupting the hug by sticking out your hand for a handshake. [12] X Research source- If he grabs you inappropriately, call him out and push him away: try, “Don’t touch me” or “Get away from me!” Report the incident if you feel comfortable, and retreat to a place where you feel safe. [13] X Trustworthy Source Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network Largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US providing support and advocacy for survivors Go to source
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a3329/what-his-hug-body-language-reveals/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8695945/
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/news/grooming-know-warning-signs
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/can-expressing-gratitude-improve-health
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201603/7-basic-rules-hugging
- ↑ https://www.rainn.org/articles/street-harassment
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.2466/02.17.21.CP.1.13
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