How to Stop Accusing My Girlfriend of Cheating

Download Article
Download Article

When you’re dating someone you love, the last thing you want to do is assume they’re cheating on you. But if you feel insecure or scared, you might accuse your GF of cheating, even when you know she’s not. [1] This is nothing to be ashamed about—lots of people go through this, and working through it may be easier than you think. Read through this article to learn why you might be having these feelings and what you can do to stop them.

1

Acknowledge the feelings that you’re having.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a5\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a5\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    The first step in changing these feelings is diving deep to figure out why, exactly, you’re feeling this way. Many people accuse their partners of cheating because they’re afraid or they’re insecure, so sit down with yourself and uncover the real reason why you’re feeling this way. [2] [3]
    • It’s less common, but some people do accuse their partners of cheating because they themselves are cheating or almost cheating. If that’s the case, you may want to examine your own actions to make sure you’re being faithful and not crossing any boundaries.
    2. Advertisement
2

Work through past pain and trauma.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6c\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6c\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you dated someone in the past who cheated on you or betrayed your trust, it’s only natural that you’d be suspicious of your current girlfriend (even if it’s unwarranted). [4] [5] Try to get out and engage with life, and lean on family and friends for support. [6]
3

Talk to your girlfriend about what’s going on.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-3-Version-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-3-Version-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-3-Version-5.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-3-Version-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It’s important to let your girlfriend know that she’s not doing anything wrong, since being accused of cheating all the time can be tough. Sit down and talk to your girlfriend about your emotions, and let her talk, too. [8]
    • You might say something like, “I wanted to let you know that I’m working through some emotions surrounding infidelity. I know that being accused of cheating all the time is hard, and I really am trying my best to stop it.”
    2. Advertisement
4

Address any underlying issues in your relationship.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-4-Version-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-4-Version-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/08\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-4-Version-5.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-4-Version-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Sit down and think about your relationship, and try to bring up any issues that are making you upset. If you can work through the problems in your relationship, you’ll both feel much better. [9]
    • Maybe your girlfriend is doing something that makes you feel insecure, like DMing people on social media or chatting with guys when she’s out. Try talking to her about this and addressing the problem so you don’t keep thinking about it over time.
    • Talk to her using “I feel” statements. For instance, you might say, “I sometimes feel worried that you’re talking to other dudes online.” [10]
5

Assume your partner has good intentions.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Any time you start to think, “I wonder if she’s cheating,” remind yourself that she’s coming from a good place. If you can challenge your negative thoughts with something positive, you might be able to catch them before they fester. [11]
    • For example, you might think to yourself, “My girlfriend loves me, and she shows me that every day. She’d never intentionally hurt me.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Challenge your fear-based thinking.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1b\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1b\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It’s normal to be worried about infidelity sometimes, but it’s important not to let those thoughts affect your life. If you start to have thoughts like, “If my girlfriend goes out tonight, she’s going to cheat on me,” challenge them with something like, “Is it helpful to think this way?” or, “What evidence do I have to support this thought?” [12]
    • It can take some time for these challenges to actually stick. The more you can call attention to your fear-based thoughts, the easier it will be to change them over time.
7

Accept what you can’t control.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/77\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-7-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-7-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/77\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-7-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-7-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Try to let go of that control—if you can, you’ll feel much less anxiety about the whole situation. The only thing you can control is you and your actions, so focus on that instead. [13]
    • You might tell yourself something like, “I can’t change what my girlfriend does. I can, however, change how I react to it and how I feel about it.”
    2. Advertisement
8

Build up your own self-esteem.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/4e\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-8-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-8-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/4e\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-8-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-8-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Work on building up your self-esteem by listing all of the things that you like about yourself. Then, write down everything you bring to the relationship. Remind yourself of these qualities daily to improve your self-image and build up your confidence. [14]
    • Good things to list include: “I am funny,” “I’m a kind friend,” “I’m a loving partner,” “I care for my friends and family.”
9

Maintain your independence.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-9-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-9-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7d\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-9-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-9-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Keep up with your friends, engage in your hobbies, and dive into your career. The more independence you can maintain, the less worried you’ll be about your relationship. [15]
    • When you’re so involved with your relationship, it can feel like your girlfriend cheating would be the end of the world. While it would definitely be tough, if you can maintain your independence, you might feel a little better about your chances of making it on your own (if you had to).
    2. Advertisement
10

Keep communicating with your girlfriend.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/8b\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-10-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-10-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/8b\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-10-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-10-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Ask her how she’s feeling, what she’s noticed with you, and if she’s seen you improve at all. Check in with her often to keep the line of communication open, and don’t be afraid to talk about anything tough you’re going through. [16]
    • You could ask her things like, “Do you feel secure in our relationship?” and, “How do you feel like I’m doing?”
11

Reduce outside stress.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f5\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-11-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-11-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f5\/Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-11-Version-4.jpg\/aid12939598-v4-728px-Stop-Accusing-My-Girlfriend-of-Cheating-Step-11-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Do stress-relieving activities like yoga, meditation, and spa days, and try to keep a good work-life balance. The more you can remain calm for the rest of your life, the better you’ll be able to work through your insecurities. [17]
    • You could also try taking a nature walk, exercising, or listening to soothing music.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      The Best Ways to Catch a Cheater on an iPhone
      How to
      Know if Your Girlfriend Is Cheating on You
      How to
      Handle a Cheating Girlfriend
      How to
      Handle a Cheating Partner
      Is Your Partner Cheating on You? Here’s How to Get Them to Confess
      10 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Hiding Something on His Phone
      How to
      Not Get Caught Cheating
      12 Tips for Saving Your Relationship After You’ve Had an Affair
      Is Your Man Seeing Someone Else? What to Look Out For
      Understanding a Womanizer: Everything You Need to Know
      How to
      Know if My Girlfriend Is Cheating Long Distance
      How to
      Catch Someone Who Is Cheating Online
      The Phases of Guilt after Infidelity and How to Recover
      How to
      Tell if Someone Is Lying About Cheating
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview. 7 April 2022.
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5380380/
      3. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview. 7 April 2022.
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/healing-the-wounds-of-betrayal#1
      5. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview. 7 April 2022.
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201512/the-3-most-common-causes-insecurity-and-how-beat-them
      7. ↑ Vernita Marsh, PhD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Consultant, & Speaker. Expert Interview. 7 April 2022.
      8. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/things-that-crossed-the-line-for-me/
      9. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5380380/
      1. ↑ https://www.bumc.bu.edu/facdev-medicine/files/2011/08/I-messages-handout.pdf
      2. ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-to-do-if-you-dont-trust-each-other/
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/09/how-to-stop-being-so-controlling-and-accept-uncertainty#How-to-stop-being-so-controlling
      4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/09/how-to-stop-being-so-controlling-and-accept-uncertainty#How-to-stop-being-so-controlling
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201609/four-ways-stop-feeling-insecure-in-your-relationships
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201609/four-ways-stop-feeling-insecure-in-your-relationships
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/healthy-ways-to-deal-with-jealousy
      8. ↑ https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/tips-to-reduce-stress/

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 33,879 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement