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Self-harm still carries a stigma, and it can be difficult to know how to handle questions about your scars from well-meaning friends, family, and strangers. Depending on how you feel about your scars, there are a number of ways you can respond. Start by thinking about what you feel comfortable disclosing to people. If you would prefer not to answer questions at all, you can avoid the issue by deflecting the question or concealing your scars.
Steps
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Don’t feel obligated to talk about the scars. Your scars are personal. If you don’t want to tell anyone how they occurred, you don’t have to. If someone asks about them, it’s okay to politely say that you’d rather not talk about it. [1] X Research source
- For instance, you could say something like, “I’d rather not talk about that,” or, “It’s a long story, but now isn’t the time to tell it.”
- If you’re not comfortable discussing your scars, consider covering them up to avoid questions.
- Be aware that refusing to discuss your scars may make people even more curious about them.
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Give a brief, honest answer. Honesty is often the best policy when it comes to explaining self-harm scars, but you don’t have to go into detail. Acknowledge the scars and mention that they were from a tough time in your past, then let the subject go. The person you’re talking to may drop the subject as well.
- Keep in mind that most people are not knowledgeable about self-harming behavior and do not understand it, so they might respond in unhelpful ways. For example, they might try to force you to change, accuse you of doing it for attention, focus only on your injuries and scars, or refuse to acknowledge or discuss it with you. Prepare yourself for these types of reactions before you decide to share with someone.
- You can say something simple and to-the-point like, “I cut myself when I was depressed several years ago, but I’m doing better now.” Then change the subject.
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Explain your feelings, not the action of self-harm. If you decide to tell a friend or family member the truth about your scars, focus on the emotions you were dealing with at the time. Don’t go into detail about the act of self-harm. They might find that information disturbing or hard to deal with. [2] X Research source
- For instance, don’t talk about which tool you used to cut yourself. Instead, say something like, “I felt really isolated and lonely back then, and this is how I dealt with it.”
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Provide an age-appropriate answer to children. Children may be more likely than adults to innocently ask where your scars came from. While you can be honest with them, make sure your answer is age-appropriate. Don’t go into details that might scare or disturb them. Instead, keep your answer short and simple, and then steer the conversation in another direction.
- For instance, it’s generally okay to explain to a six-year-old what scars are. Since young children don’t understand complex issues like self-harm, though, don’t talk about hurting yourself. Instead, say you got the scars when you were sick.
- However, for older adolescents or teens, you might give a bit more detail that like "I was really sad for a while and this is how I dealt with it. It wasn't the right decision, but I'm glad I've moved past it."
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Make an excuse. If you’re faced with a question about your scars but don’t want to tell the truth, a white lie can sometimes take the pressure off. Blame your scars on an accident or mishap that happened long ago. [3] X Research source
- This only works if your scars look like they could have been caused by an accident.
- For instance, if you have rows of scars that were clearly caused by self-harm, people probably won’t believe your story that your cat scratched you.
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Divert the question. You can take the pressure off yourself and build rapport with the person who’s talking to you by turning the question back around to them. Acknowledge your scars, and then say something like, “Do you have any scars?” or “Have you ever gone through a time that caused you a lot of pain?” [4] X Research source
- This approach is especially effective with children and teenagers, since it helps them relate to you.
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Deflect with humor. A light-hearted approach may be a best bet if you feel awkward about discussing your scars with strangers or loose acquaintances. In such situations, you can shake off the question humorously.
- Say something that obviously isn’t true, such as, “I fought a dragon when I was a kid.” Laugh it off and change the subject as soon as possible.
- Of course, self-harm isn't something to make light of, but this may be your only route to take if you'd rather not disclose personal info to a person or group. [5] X Research source
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Cover up with clothes. The simplest way to avoid questions about your scars is to wear clothes that cover them. Long pants and long-sleeved shirts are an easy way to hide most of your skin.
- If you are a woman, you may be able to stay cooler in the summer by wearing long skirts, sheer tights, and light cardigans.
- For one-time events when you cannot cover up with clothes, consider using a professional concealer. You can get this from a dermatologist. Another option is to cover your arm with a light shawl.
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Hide scars with makeup or body art. If covering your scars with clothing isn’t an option, you can use body makeup to minimize their appearance. If you want to permanently cover the scars, consider getting a tattoo. [6] X Research source
- If you choose to use makeup, look for a heavy-duty concealer that’s designed to cover tattoos or scars. Many regular foundations don’t provide adequate coverage.
- Do not put makeup on a scar until it is fully healed.
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Consider medical treatments. Ask your doctor about the best way to reduce the appearance of your scars. An over-the-counter topical treatment may be able to help fade smaller scars. For more severe cases, procedures such as dermabrasion and laser resurfacing can help smooth out the appearance of your skin. [7] X Research source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionCan someone that cuts themselves stop doing it?Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Los Angeles, California. She is the founder and clinical director of Coast Psychological Services. With over 12 years of experience, her mission is to provide clients with effective, well-studied, and established treatments that bring about significant improvements in her patients' lives. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Dr. Georgoulis also provides clinical supervision to post-doctoral fellows and psychological assistants. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles.It can be extremely difficult for someone that's self-harming to stop on their own. For many people, it can become kind of addicting and they need more and more stimulation when they hurt themselves. Unfortunately, this can make it very hard to stop. If someone is self-harming and they can't stop, they need help. There's nothing wrong with them as a person or anything, but sometimes you need help to get back on the right track.
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Warnings
- Remember, this is for self-harm scars, not cuts. If you're currently self-harming, talk to somebody and seek help immediately, especially if you're considering suicide. There are resources available to you when you need help. You can finds these at https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/ For example, in the US, you can call 911 for immediate help if you are suicidal, or you can call or text 988 for crisis counseling 24/7.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.lifesigns.org.uk/showing-our-scars/
- ↑ http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/explaining-self-harm-scars-to-others/
- ↑ http://studybreaks.com/2016/03/03/why-you-shouldnt-ask-people-about-their-scars/
- ↑ http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/wounds-heal-pm-2.pdf
- ↑ https://themighty.com/2016/08/self-harm-scars-arent-something-to-joke-about/
- ↑ https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/summer-is-the-hardest-time-to-hide-self-harm-scars-511
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11747199/Self-harm-scars-Is-there-anything-I-can-do-about-them.html
About This Article
Article Summary
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Self-harm scars aren't a sign of weakness or something you should feel guilty about, but they can be hard to talk about with other people. First off, know that you're not required to talk about your scars if you don't want to. They're personal and it's totally up to you how much you want to share. You can say something like, "I'd rather not talk about it," or you can tell a white lie about how your scars were caused by an accident. If you do want to be more open about your scars, you could say something along the lines of, "I used to cut myself several years ago, but I'm doing better now" or "I was feeling lonely and upset, and this is how I coped." Whichever route you decide to take, remember that you have no reason to feel ashamed of your scars. To learn how to cover up self-harm scars so people don't ask you about them, keep reading.
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- "I was once asked what these marks were on my wrist and thigh. The wrist I could blame on a accident (as this article suggests), but the thigh I could not. The article gave me ideas on how to answer without coming across too disturbing. Thank you for the advice. " ..." more
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"I was once asked what these marks were on my wrist and thigh. The wrist I could blame on a accident (as this article suggests), but the thigh I could not. The article gave me ideas on how to answer without coming across too disturbing. Thank you for the advice. "
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