What Interests a Goth Girl? (12 Ways to Meet One and Talk to Her)

PDF download Download Article
Learn the secrets of the goth scene to steal a goth girl's heart
PDF download Download Article

Do you have your sights set on a certain goth girl? Maybe she slays you with the way she rocks platform boots, or she might make you blush with her cool elegance. Whether you’re part of the goth subculture or not, you’ve got a chance. As long as you approach her with respect and use the right openers, you can get her to notice you. We’ll help boost your luck in the game of attraction by demystifying gothic subculture and the ways to signal your interest to a goth girl. Follow these steps and you may walk away with a mysterious beauty on your arm.

Things You Should Know

  • To better understand what a goth girl may like, read popular goth novels, listen to goth music, and watch goth movies to learn more about the goth subculture.
  • Ask about her interests, hobbies, and passions. Point out when you share any of these in common to build a connection with her.
  • Pay close attention if she opens up to you. You might learn that she enjoys a lot of activities that aren't considered typically "gothic."
  • If she agrees to go out with you, build chemistry and an attraction by being fully invested in your conversations and using open body language.
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Understanding Gothic Subculture

PDF download Download Article
  1. Try to get a better understanding of the gothic community—for example, spend time in the “gothic social scene” where like-minded individuals get together. As you hang out in these settings, see if you can spot any common beliefs that you share with other gothic individuals. In general, there are three basic elements of goth culture: the social scene, the personality, and the music. [1]
    • The gothic social scene offers places where goths can form a community and share ideas. These environments may include coffee shops, thrift stores, clubs, and music stores.
      Common ground : When you hang out at La Note, a gothic coffee parlor, you might find that you enjoy “existential philosophy,” the idea of thinking about the meaning of life.
    • The gothic personality is usually associated with a strong sense of individualism and an appreciation of the darker side of life, the supernatural, mysterious beauty, dark aesthetics, art, emotion, mystery, and drama.
      Common ground : After speaking to someone who’s part of the gothic subculture, you might find yourself really interested in divination and may even want to learn how to read tarot cards .
    • Gothic music is a very important part of goth culture. The goth social scene usually revolves around its haunting or dramatic music, which tends to have an eerie or surreal tone. Gothic bands usually focus on gothic themes, such as the grotesque or the mysterious.
      Common ground : Following a night out at Death Guild, a local gothic dance club, you remember how much you love the gothic industrial band, Nine Inch Nails.
  2. If you’re thinking, “Wow, what a cute goth chick!” —reevaluate your approach. While it’s completely fine to be hypnotized by her alluring presence, try not to just attach the label “goth” to her. Instead, take in everything about her and focus on specific details that stand out. You’ll be able to compliment parts of her appearance and personality that she’s worked hard to cultivate. For example, take note of and praise her: [2]
    • Style . This might include the cut, color, or kind of clothing she is wearing. Look for accessories, especially ones that are prominent. Take special note of unique articles of clothing, like fishnets, capes, studded or spiked clothing, ankhs, chokers, and more.
    • Makeup . Many goths appreciate the sharp contrast of black and white, so they’ll often wear light colored makeup with dark accents on the lips and eyes. Compliment special flourishes, like elaborate cat eyeliner or intriguing colored eye contacts. [3]
    • Musical involvement . Strike up a conversation with her about live music or her favorite bands. You could also show your interest by asking her what she likes most about her favorite goth musicians. [4]
    Advertisement
  3. The gothic fascination with darkness and the supernatural make vampire, fantasy, horror, and sci-fi genres popular among goths. Not only do these novels or comics give you some juicy topics to discuss with a goth girl, but they also give you more intel about what captivates the goth community. Remember not to assume that she reads these books (maybe she enjoys manga or adventure stories) and to just dive into stories that seem interesting to you. [5]
    • Gothic Novels :
      Dracula , by Bram Stoker
      1984 , by George Orwell
      Frankenstein , by Mary Shelley
      The Inferno , by Dante Alighieri
    • Gothic Comics and Graphic Novels :
      The Sandman comics, by Neil Gaiman
      The Crow comics, by James O'Barr
      Johnny the Homicidal Maniac , by Jhonen Vasquez
  4. Follow influential figures who the goth community has a high opinion of. Some directors, like Tim Burton, and record labels, like Cleopatra, Projekt, and Anubis, are iconic. If you immerse yourself in their work, you’ll find a perfect way to appreciate the goth aesthetic and learn about central gothic themes. While the goth girl you like might not be a die-hard fan of all goth media, you can share your enthusiasm for anything you genuinely enjoyed. [6]
    • Popular Goth Movies :
      The Hunger
      The Rocky Horror Picture Show
      Dracula
      The Crow
      Edward Scissorhands
      The Nightmare Before Christmas
      Beetlejuice
      Hellraiser
      Destiny
    • Popular Goth Music Groups :
      Bauhaus
      Christian Death
      The Sisters of Mercy
      Drab Majesty
      The Cure
      Siouxsie and The Banshees
      Cocteau Twins
    5. Advertisement
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Communicating Your Interest

PDF download Download Article
  1. Above all, a goth girl is a person —just like everyone else, she’ll appreciate kindness and courtesy. When you approach her , it’s pretty simple: smile, maintain strong eye contact, and introduce yourself . Try a simple conversation starter , like what you appreciate about her or a common interest you pick up on: [7]
    • "Hey! I'm Xavier. I just wanted to tell you how much I love all your commentary in our Film Lit class. You have a knack for figuring out what makes all the characters tick."
    • "I noticed that you've been reading The Sandman. I've already tore through the whole series and binged the entire show on Netflix! I'm actually planning on going to Neil Gaiman's book signing next month."
  2. Consent and courtesy are important. To make sure you’re respecting her boundaries, read her body language . Pay attention to her facial expressions, her posture, and her behavior. If she has “open” body language—like raised eyebrows, straight posture, and a big smile—she’s probably enjoying herself. [8]
    • On the other hand, if she avoids eye contact, slouches, frowns, and crosses her arms, it’s a sign she’s not in the mood to talk.
    • If she gives you cues that it’s not the best time to chat, give her some space.
    • Don’t take it personally if she’s not immediately receptive. She might’ve had a bad day or takes time to warm up to people.
    • Wait until she engages with you to strike up a conversation again.
  3. Even if her wardrobe is full of black outfits and she likes vampire flicks, she might not even identify as “goth.” In fact, she might have plenty of passions that you’d call “non-goth.” You might even have more in common than you thought. As a temperature check, ask about her favorite: [9]
    • TV shows
      “Yeah! I love It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia , too. I live for cringe comedy.”
    • Classes
      “Oh—your thesis is on Jane Austen? Which of her novels are you focusing on?”
    • Activities
      “You fence and play tennis? That’s wild. Actually…I’m a little jealous. Can you teach me some tricks?”
    • Places
      “I should definitely check out a cat cafe. My landlord won’t let me have pets, so I need to get my feline fix somewhere .”
  4. If you begin to build rapport with her and get her attention , it can be easy to get swept away. You might want to come across as more "goth" than you really are or absorb all her interests. Resist that temptation and show her the real you—she'll probably really admire your courage and enjoy all the unique facets of your personality.
    • For example, she might have a fascination with the macabre, while you're a med student who idealizes healing others. The two of you might have fascinating discussions in which she talks about the fleetingness of life and you celebrate all of its wonders.
  5. While you might still be figuring out the goth subculture, just relax and let her take the lead. Take the time to listen to her and discuss what she says. [10] For example, if she gushes about how romantic isolation is in Victorian novels, respect her views. One of the best ways to show you’re interested in her is finding out what she loves. [11]
    • If you agree with her take, feel free to share that— “Definitely. Solitude can help you get in better touch with yourself and tap into your inner world.”
    • When you have a different perspective, say it in a respectful way— "I empathize, and I can see how the heroine would embrace that. If I were in that situation, though, I think my anxiety would creep in.”
    • It can be tempting to mold yourself into the person she’d like. However, this can put a strain on your dynamic. Avoid presenting yourself as someone you’re not so she can get to know you on a deeper level. [12]
    • As long as you’re thoughtful and engaged in your conversations, she’ll appreciate the effort you’re putting in.
  6. After she’s opened up about herself and all her thoughts, try to summarize what she’s said. Check in and ask if you got it right. This simple gesture can make her feel like you’re really focused on her. When you actively listen to her, you’ll boost the emotional honesty between the two of you and deepen your connection. She might even begin to see you in a romantic light. [13]
    • You’ll also avoid misunderstandings when you regularly touch base and check if you understood her correctly.
    • Make a non-judgmental comment like, “I wanted to make sure I caught all of that. Did you say that you prefer weather that’s always overcast because the atmosphere inspires you?”
  7. Any time she shares her worldviews, ask her follow up questions to show you care. [14] Tease out more details—for example, ask why she thinks a certain way and if she always had a specific outlook. If she ever changes the topic, roll with it. When she wants to learn more about you, be genuine and honest. She’ll notice you put your all into your conversations and that you treat her as a special individual. [15]
    • Turn your phone off and put it away while you hang out. If you give her your full focus, she’s more likely to be impressed.
    • Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and accepted for who they are. When you show a girl that you're genuinely interested in what she loves, it makes her feel like you care. [16]
    • Be spontaneous and fun-loving, too. For example, say, “Okay! We’re going to talk about the horror movies that terrified us as kids? Perfect first date material. I like it.”
    8. Advertisement
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:

Building Chemistry and Attraction

PDF download Download Article
  1. Being well groomed is important no matter who you’re pursuing. When you get ready to see her, do the basics—shower, put on deodorant, brush your teeth, floss, and dab on a nice cologne or fragrance. Pull out all the stops, too. Style your hair , pick out one of your best outfits , and make sure your clothes are wrinkle-free. When she sees you, she may just start swooning. [17]
    • You don't have to try to dress like a “goth” to get her to like you. Sometimes, opposites attract, so she might be looking for someone with a different style who complements her.
  2. When you’re close to her or sitting down to talk, turn your body to face her and lean in—this subtle strategy can build an instant spark. If she breaks the touch barrier, such as putting her hand on your arm, then return the favor. For example, playfully touch her shoulder when you tell a joke. [18]
    • If you want to check if she’s flirting with you , see if she’s playing with her hair or making suggestive remarks like, “You’re winding me up!I like it, though.”
  3. If she’s so stunning that she makes you nervous, try to gaze deeply at her, anyway. When you hold eye contact with her as you speak, she might get lost in your eyes and start to think of you as more than just a friend. If you do snag her romantic interest, your habit of looking into her eyes can help her feel “seen” and satisfied in your relationship. [19]
    • You might also make her melt if you smile with your eyes , which makes you look warm and inviting. A goth girl might just see you as her fairy tale hero (or dashing lover).
  4. Dating is really all about chemistry, attraction, bonding, and letting loose. To plan the perfect outings , chat with each other about what you both like. While she might love museums, you may love arcades. Meet somewhere in the middle and do what each of you enjoy. You'll get a taste of each other's worlds, and if she likes what she sees, then you might just score your happy ending with your beautiful and intriguing goth maiden. [20]
    5. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    How do you impress a goth girl?
    Kate Dreyfus
    Holistic Love Coach
    Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.
    Kate Dreyfus
    Holistic Love Coach
    Expert Answer
    Incorporate some of her interests and passions into a date that you plan. It demonstrates that you're paying attention to what she's shared with you, and that you made a point to prioritize it because you knew it would make her happy. This is a great approach to making a big impact and impression on the girl you want most!
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 11 Helpful 30
  • Question
    Can a man wear black lipstick and or nail varnish even if they are not into the goth scene?
    Luna Rose
    Top Answerer
    Yes, absolutely! It's okay to experiment with your look and try things you enjoy.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 108 Helpful 124
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Video

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      Warnings

      • Remember that just because a girl is goth, it doesn't make her "kinky." This is a misconception and a cliché about people who part of the goth subculture. Being goth has nothing to do with what you like in bed.
        Thanks
        Helpful 43 Not Helpful 14
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Be Goth
      Get a Girlfriend Fast (10+ Ways to Stand Out and Find the Right Girl)
      18 Subtle Signs She’s Waiting for You to Make the First Move
      How to
      Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Impress a Girl
      How to
      Ask a Girl Out Over Text
      How to
      Get a Girl to Like You when She Has a Boyfriend
      How to
      Get a Girl to Fall in Love with You
      How to
      Get a Girl to Like You
      How to
      Get a Girl to Like You in Middle School: A Complete Guide
      How to
      Get a Girlfriend in High School
      13 Easy Ways to Write a Letter Asking a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Attract a Girl Without Worrying about Your Looks
      How to
      Make a Girl at School Like You
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://central.edu/writing-anthology/2021/04/13/six-foot-deep-into-the-gothic-subculture/
      2. ↑ https://www.attitudeclothing.co.uk/blog/gothic-fashion-history-everything-you-need-to-know/
      3. ↑ https://www.attitudeclothing.co.uk/blog/gothic-fashion-history-everything-you-need-to-know/
      4. ↑ https://central.edu/writing-anthology/2021/04/13/six-foot-deep-into-the-gothic-subculture/
      5. ↑ https://penandthepad.com/types-gothic-fiction-8585244.html
      6. ↑ https://www.euppublishing.com/doi/abs/10.7227/GS.0049
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
      8. ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/attraction/is-she-interested-in-you-female-body-language-signs-of-attraction/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201907/how-sharing-rare-interests-sparks-unique-attraction
      1. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 22 November 2021.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202209/3-ways-attract-new-romantic-interest
      3. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201708/deep-listening-in-personal-relationships
      5. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 22 November 2021.
      6. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/body-language/22-examples-of-body-language-attraction/
      7. ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 22 November 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/what-to-do-before-a-date-grooming
      9. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/body-language/22-examples-of-body-language-attraction/
      10. ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a40829/scientifically-proven-ways-to-make-someone-fall-for-you/
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201312/21-first-date-ideas

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To attract a goth girl, try reading popular gothic books and watching gothic movies so you can talk to her about things that she's interested in. When you're around her, avoid judging her for being a goth and try to be as open as possible about her interests and style, which will make her feel comfortable with you. Also, take care of your appearance by grooming yourself and dressing nicely, but don't feel like you need to copy her goth style for her to be attracted to you. To learn how to drop hints that you're interested, scroll down!

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,138,477 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement