Download Article
Download Article
Sometimes parents are annoying and can be downright stress-inducing at times. Whether you’re dealing with your own parents, those of your significant other, or the parents of students in your classroom, it's important to find ways to manage your encounters with them. It’s not easy to deal with irritating parents, and there’s no surefire way to get them to stop aggravating you, but there are steps you can take to manage the annoyance and keep your cool.
This article is based on an interview with our life coach, Seth Hall, founder of Transformational Solutions. Check out the full interview here.
Steps
-
Try talking to your parents. If your parents don't like your friends, you've probably tried talking to them already, but it's important to keep a line of dialogue open about important issues. [1] X Research source
- Don't use sarcasm. Being sarcastic or otherwise mean to your parents will quickly derail the conversation.
- Remain calm, and don't get mad. Not only will this help you have a longer, more in-depth conversation, it will show your parents that you are capable of maturity, which can go a long way in trying to earn more independence.
- Let your parents finish what they have to say, and don't interrupt them. When it's your turn to talk, ask them to be respectful and allow you to speak without being interrupted.
- The best way to improve a relationship with anyone is to try and understand and connect with why they think and feel the way they do. If you don't know, ask!
-
Let your parents meet your friends. If you've tried talking and your parents still don't approve of a friend or group of friends, try letting them all meet. Your parents might have an unrealistic impression of what kind of person your friend is, and letting them all talk and get to know one another can help your parents see why you value that person's friendship. [2] X Research source
- Ask your parents if you can invite your friend over to your house for dinner with the family. Let them know that you're not trying to disrespect them or their wishes, but that you feel like meeting your friend might relieve some of their fears or concerns. [3] X Research source
- Encourage your friend to be on his or her best behavior. Ask your friend to use pleasantries that your parents will appreciate, like asking, "Hello, how are you?" or saying, "You have a beautiful home." [4] X Research source
- Facilitate a conversation between your parents and your friend to help your family see why that friendship is important to you. If your friend is creative/artistic or has some other talents, bring it up during dinner, and ask your friend to tell your parents about any projects or creative endeavors. [5] X Research source
- Offer to let your parents meet your friend's parents. They might be able to talk as one adult to another, and may find some understanding that wouldn't come from a parent/child conversation.
Advertisement -
Try bringing in an outside party. If you haven't had any luck talking with your parents about an issue like your choice in friends, it may be helpful to bring in an outside party. Someone outside your immediate family may be able to help moderate the conversation and facilitate a more open dialogue between you and your parents. [6] X Research source
- Ask a relative outside your immediate family to help you talk to your parents. If no one in your family would be a good fit for this role, consider asking a guidance counselor or social worker at school. [7] X Research source
-
Don't go behind your parents' backs. If your parents simply don't like your friend and forbid you from seeing her, don't sneak around behind your parents' backs. Your parents will eventually find out, and they will likely revoke whatever freedom they had previously been giving you. [8] X Research source
- If your parents forbid you to see a friend, try talking to them about their concerns. You've probably had some kind of conversation about it before, but ask them to address what specifically they are worried about. Try to calm those fears or concerns as best you can. [9] X Research source
- Don't sneak around behind your parents' backs if they've forbidden you from seeing a friend. It's frustrating and it may not seem fair, but going against your parents' demands will further strain your relationship with them, and they may end up revoking certain liberties or independence that they were previously giving you. [10] X Research source
Advertisement
-
Remain calm. It may be difficult to remain calm when a parent tells you they don't like your partner, but it's important not to lose your temper. Getting angry will only make things worse for everyone. [11] X Research source
- Take a deep breath and consider your words before you speak. This will help you remain calm and will prevent you from saying something you don't actually mean (and may regret later).
-
Try to open a dialogue. If your parents disapprove of your partner, you and your parents probably both have a lot to say to one another. It's important that you listen openly to one another, and try to address the specific concerns your parents have with honest and respectful answers. [12] X Research source
- Try to be an active listener. Don't just plan what you're going to say. If your parents are trying to tell you something about your partner, try to listen actively and acknowledge what they are saying. [13] X Research source
- Let your parents speak their minds, and don't interrupt them. When it's your turn to talk, ask them to be respectful and allow you to speak without being interrupted.
- Respond to your parents' concerns with calm, clear, and respectful responses. Ask them to respond to you in the same way. [14] X Research source
- Be assertive about how you would hope to see things change, but try to be as respectful as you can.
-
Let your parents meet your partner. If your parents don't like your partner, perhaps they don't know him or her as well as you do. Ask your parents if you can invite your partner to dinner, and let them get to know one another. [15] X Research source
- Ask your partner to be on his/her best behavior, and encourage your partner to be as polite as possible to your parents. Encourage your parents to be polite to your partner as well. [16] X Research source
- Facilitate a conversation that lets your parents see what you find interesting and likable about your partner. Ask your partner to tell your parents about things he is interested in, and see if they can find some common ground. [17] X Research source
-
Don't keep your relationship secret. If you go behind your parents' backs, they will eventually find out. Keeping big secrets, like hiding a relationship that your parents don't approve of, will only strain your relationship with your parents. [18] X Research source
- Keeping your relationship a secret creates a time bomb between you and your parents.
- Keeping your relationship a secret is also unfair to your partner. Your secrecy might imply to your partner that you are ashamed of your relationship. [19] X Research source
-
Try to work out a compromise. If your parents still don't approve of your partner, it's important that you avoid taking sides. If you side with your parents, you will hurt your partner's feelings. But if you side with your partner, your parents may get upset or angry. The best way to deal with this situation is to try and reach some kind of responsible compromise that will let everyone be happy. [20] X Research source
- Ask your parents what their specific concerns are. Then try to work out some way that would allow you to be with your partner while proving to your parents that they can trust you.
Advertisement
-
Point out prying behavior. Many parents are overly invasive because they fear that not knowing what their children are up to will result in poor decisions that may harm the child. But the reality is that prying behavior only makes children exclude parents even more. [21] X Research source If your parents are overly invasive, you may need to point out how harmful this behavior can be.
- Let a prying parent know that children tend to resent prying parents, and that prying behavior can be highly damaging to a parent/child relationship. [22] X Research source
-
Calm your prying parent's fears. If your parent is invading your privacy, it's most likely because he's concerned about your safety and wellbeing. [23] X Research source The best thing you can do is address this behavior and let your parent know he doesn't need to worry.
- If you have a prying parent, ask him what his fears are.
- Ask your parent whether your behavioral history suggests that you would engage in bad behavior. Let your parent know that you would like him to trust you more.
-
Offer some kind of compromise. Try talking to your parent about your concerns with regards to your privacy, and offer a compromise. If your parent is willing to respect your privacy, offer to be more forthcoming about what's going on in your life. Most children who are given a healthy degree of privacy end up naturally feeling more comfortable talking to their parents and disclosing personal information to parents anyway. [24] X Research source
- Ask him whether he would be more or less willing to share things with you if you violated his privacy.
- Try to keep your parent filled in on what's going on in your life. There is a good chance that your parent will be less intrusive if you let him in to some degree. [25] X Research source
-
Create an open dialogue. The best way to address prying behavior is by asking your parents to respect your privacy, and by letting them into your life. Talk to your parents everyday, and let them feel included in your life. [26] X Research source
- Find little things to talk about everyday. Tell your parents how school is going, and ask them about their day at work. [27] X Research source
- Choose a time to talk when both you and your parents won't be distracted with other things, like watching TV or making dinner. Long drives in the car are a good time to initiate a conversation, or after dinner when you are all relaxing together.
- Be respectful by making eye contact and avoiding sarcastic or rude remarks during the conversation.
Advertisement
-
Be patient with unsolicited advice. Whether you are dealing with your own parents, a spouse's parents, or the parents of one of your students, you may at some point be given unsolicited advice. If this happens, it's important to restrain your frustration and refrain from getting angry.
- If you are getting unwanted advice from a spouse's parents, talk to your spouse. It's best if your spouse addresses his or her own parents, rather than you telling them to stop. [28] X Research source
- Remember that unsolicited advice is, at heart, an effort at showing concern. [29] X Research source
- If your parents are narcissistic and intrusive, it's important to control your expectations, as it is possible that they will never change.
-
Talk calmly with the person giving advice. If you're getting unwanted advice from your parents or from a student's parents, you may need to communicate (calmly) that you feel frustrated by the constant advice.
- Politely tell the parent that you understand he means well, but that constantly giving unsolicited advice makes you feel threatened in some ways. [30] X Research source
- Bring the subject up when you're both calm and when you both have time to sit and talk.
- It's hard to change another person, so you should go into the conversation without an agenda to change them. Though it's hard, try to accept your parents as they are.
- There will always be a risk of hurting other people's feelings when setting boundaries, so try to connect with why you're doing this. You cannot control how the other person will interpret what you say, but you can control the tone with which you set the boundary.
-
Ask for trust and respect. Once you've addressed the unsolicited advice you've been getting, you'll need to make your request for the advice to stop.
- Ask the parent to trust you and respect you enough to make your own decisions. Let him know that you share his concerns and will work toward the same goals, but that you need the freedom to do it in your own way. [31] X Research source
- If that's not possible, try to at least reinforce your boundaries and what you will tolerate.
Advertisement
-
Listen to your parents' fears. Anxiety and fear can make people think in very irrational ways. One of the best ways to approach a pushy or overly-involved parent is by listening to his concerns and trying to assuage them.
- Let your parent feel validated. Listen to his concerns, and let him fully explain himself before you respond.
- Once a person has had the opportunity to vent, he is more likely to be willing to listen and compromise.
-
Calm your parents' anxieties. Once you've listened to your parent's fears or anxieties you will need to address the things he is worried about. Acknowledge each concern or fear that your parent has, and offer ways to address those concerns.
- Offer alternatives to being pushy or overly involved. Some parents behave this way because they feel insecure about their role as parents. Suggest other ways to get involved, like taking an interest in your hobbies, or spending more time together on weekends.
-
Address pushy behavior. Some people call them "helicopter parents," while others simply call them pushy and demanding. It can be difficult to deal with pushy parents, but it's important to remember that your parents are pushy because they care about you, and what you interpret as pushiness is their effort at expressing it. [32] X Research source
- Let your parents know that you understand they have your best interests at heart.
- Gently point out bad behavior. Even the best, most responsible parents may have moments of frustration. Many parents become pushy in the heat of the moment. [33] X Research source In these cases, the parent may not even realize that he is becoming pushy or demanding, and is probably overcome with emotion.
- Try saying something like, "I know you're upset, and I completely understand. But let's find a way to deal with this together, in a respectful manner."
-
Suggest better boundaries. Many children who have pushy parents feel like they can't make their own choices, or can't work on issues in a way that will be most helpful to them. If you're having problems with your parents, try setting up healthy boundaries so that everyone is happy.
- Encourage a pushy parent to let you make independent choices. This boils down to a matter of trust, and you may want to remind your parents that they will need to trust you to make your own decisions at some point in life.
- Remind the parent that judgment and decision-making skills need to be developed throughout life. You may want to say something like, "If you want me to be able to make my own successful decisions later in life, shouldn't you start teaching me how to actually make my own decisions now? I need that freedom in order to learn."
Advertisement
Survive Family Drama with this Expert Series
Sometimes it's hard to avoid family drama, but there is a lot you can do to prevent it from ruining your day. We've put together this expert series with our best tips for preventing, mitigating, and avoiding family drama.
Expert Q&A
Search
-
QuestionWhy am I irritated by my parents?Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.It helps to sit and write down your own thoughts and feelings so you are clear and understand yourself. Then, you can be vulnerable with them and discuss the situation.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
References
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201204/how-stop-arguing-your-teen-spouse-partner
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/friendships/socialworker.html
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/when-your-parents-disapprove-of-your-partner/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201104/get-out-sneaky-kids-and-prying-parents-make-toxic-mix
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201104/get-out-sneaky-kids-and-prying-parents-make-toxic-mix
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201104/get-out-sneaky-kids-and-prying-parents-make-toxic-mix
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201104/get-out-sneaky-kids-and-prying-parents-make-toxic-mix
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-about-kids/201104/get-out-sneaky-kids-and-prying-parents-make-toxic-mix
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html
- ↑ http://www.theravive.com/blog/post/2014/03/25/Trouble-in-Paradise-How-to-Deal-with-Intrusive-In-Laws.aspx
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201012/unsolicited-advice-i-hate-it-you-hate-it-so-do-your-kids
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201012/unsolicited-advice-i-hate-it-you-hate-it-so-do-your-kids
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201012/unsolicited-advice-i-hate-it-you-hate-it-so-do-your-kids
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/once-upon-child/201509/parents-big-appetite-their-children-excel
- ↑ http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2015/sep/12/are-pushy-parents-putting-children-off-sport
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you feel like your parents are annoying and you’re having trouble dealing with them, try to talk to them about what’s bothering you. Don’t use sarcasm and stay calm during the conversation, which may help show them that you’re mature and deserve more independence. When it’s your parents’ turn to talk, listen to them without interrupting them. If you’re still having trouble talking to your parents, ask another relative or a guidance counselor to help moderate the conversation. For tips on getting your parents to like your friends, read on!
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 287,860 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "I like how this had step-by-step instructions for each method."
Advertisement
"I like how this had step-by-step instructions for each method."
"Really helped. I hate my parents."
