How to Deal with Sneaky Coworkers

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Do you have that one coworker (or a few coworkers) who you just can’t relax around? Unfortunately, being sabotaged or backstabbed by a coworker is pretty common, especially in high-stress workplaces. Fortunately, there are strategies you can use to deal with your sneaky coworkers without making a huge scene. Read this article to learn everything you need to know about toxic people in the workplace and how you can make your job a better place to be.

1

Keep your distance from them.

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    Once you notice that your coworker (or a few coworkers) have ulterior motives, that’s your cue to keep them at arm’s length. Keep your conversations brief and professional, and don’t talk to them unless you absolutely have to. [1]
    • Try to be on guard, even in a more casual situation. If you know that your coworker is sneaky or after your job, don’t reveal any more personal information about yourself, since it could be used against you.
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2

Chat with them one-on-one.

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    A private conversation might help clear things up. [2] Ask your coworker to go get coffee or lunch with you, then talk about what’s happened and how it made you feel. Keep it professional, but don’t back down if they try to make excuses. [3] If your coworker knows that they can’t get away with their behavior anymore, they might just back off. [4]
    • “I was wondering if we could talk about that meeting last week. I didn’t really appreciate that you took credit for the project. You know as well as I do that it was a team effort, and we all put a lot of work into getting it done.”
    • “When we chatted last week about our manager, I made it clear that you couldn’t share what I told you with anyone else. Why did you talk about our conversation with other people?”
3

Set clear boundaries for yourself.

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    If you have a coworker who is always asking you for help or wants you to take on their responsibilities, stand up for yourself. [5] You don’t have to take on extra work, especially if it’s just making your other coworker look good. Set firm, clear boundaries, and don’t back down from them in the workplace. [6]
    • “I’ve got a lot on my plate already. I’m afraid I won’t be able to help you finish up that project this weekend.”
    • “I’ve already maxed out my overtime this week. Maybe you could ask someone else?”
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4

Ignore their behavior.

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    [7] You won’t be able to control everything that your coworkers do, and that’s okay. If a sneaky coworker does or says something rude, try to brush it off. The less of a reaction you give them, the better. [8]
    • Things like gossip or taking credit for minor projects of yours might be things you can just let go.
5

Lead by example.

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    As tempting as it may be, you don’t want to stoop down to your coworker’s level. Keep being a great worker and peer, and don’t backstab or sneak around behind anyone’s back. [9]
    • The more you can remain on the up and up, the better. If your sneaky coworkers ever catch you doing anything slightly out of line, you can be sure they’ll use it against you to get ahead.
    • Remember that your coworker’s behavior isn’t a personal attack against you. [10] If they’re being sneaky or manipulative toward you, they’re probably doing it to other people, too.
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6

Keep a paper trail.

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    Call logs, emails, and text messages can all be used to prove your innocence if your coworkers ever try to accuse you of something. A paper trail can also help you prove that you had involvement in a project that your coworkers are trying to take full credit for. [11] Download any screenshots and save them in multiple places (including somewhere not in the office) so you have backups if you need them. [12]
    • Let’s say your coworker tried to accuse you of slacking off and not contributing to the project. If you have emails showing that you sent in your part, you can prove that you did your work.
7

Try not to gossip.

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    Although it might be tempting to bond with your other coworkers about how sneaky and rude some people are, usually, this gossip will get back to the person you’re talking about. Keep your complaints to yourself, and try not to say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t want them to hear. [13]
    • Plus, taking the high road and avoiding gossip makes you look like a better, more competent worker.
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8

Be friendly toward your other coworkers.

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    If you know who the sneaky ones in the office are, avoid them, but be nice to all the other people. You don’t have to become BFFs, but having a friendly chat before or after work can really make it a little less dreadful to come into the office every day. [14] [15]
    • Be friendly, but don’t reveal anything personal or confidential. Even if you’re sure you know who your sneaky coworkers are, there’s always a chance that your new friend is one of them too.
9

Talk to your boss if you need to.

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    If you’re finding your workplace a hostile place to be, it’s time to talk to the person in charge. Schedule a private meeting with your boss or HR, then explain what’s been happening in clear, non-accusatory words. [16] They might just be able to help you work through these issues and talk to your other coworkers. [17]
    • “I wanted to talk with you about the actions of some of my coworkers. While I understand the desire to look good in front of the boss, there are a few people who have been taking credit for other people’s work. I don’t think this is fair to the team as a whole.”
    • “I’ve noticed that the workplace has become more competitive lately, rather than a team effort. I think a little competition is healthy, but right now, a lot of people are feeling stressed because of how much we’re all clashing.”
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10

Focus on your life outside of work.

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    If you find yourself stressing about your workday on the weekends, take some time to relax and enjoy the things you do outside of work. You could exercise, pick up a new hobby, try a new art project, or spend time with your family. That way, you’ll feel refreshed and ready the next time you come into work. [18]
    • Having trouble relaxing? Try something like yoga or meditation to calm you down outside of work.
11

Look for a new job if you need to.

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    While applying for new jobs isn’t anyone’s favorite activity, if your coworkers just won’t stop, it might be your best bet. Look for a place that’s a little less high-stress, and that isn’t focused on moving upward all the time. You’re much more likely to find coworkers who respect you and want to see you thrive. [19]
    • This is probably your best move if you’ve talked to your boss or HR about your coworkers and nothing’s changed.
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      Thanks for reading our article! If you'd like to learn more about socializing at work, check out our in-depth interview with Jeffrey Fermin .

      References

      1. ↑ Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
      2. ↑ Dawn Smith-Camacho. Career & Life Coach. Expert Interview. 13 May 2020.
      3. ↑ Jeffrey Fermin. Employee Relations Expert. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
      4. ↑ https://scholars.fhsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1122&context=alj
      5. ↑ Jeffrey Fermin. Employee Relations Expert. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-yourself/202108/7-ways-deal-passive-aggressive-colleague
      7. ↑ Julia Yacoob, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.today.com/health/asshole-survival-guide-dealing-jerks-work-beyond-t116051
      9. ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/04/4-ways-to-deal-with-a-toxic-coworker
      1. ↑ Meredith Walters, MBA. Certified Career Coach. Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.
      2. ↑ Jeffrey Fermin. Employee Relations Expert. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
      3. ↑ https://www.cbsnews.com/news/spotting-and-handling-office-snakes/
      4. ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/10/stop-complaining-about-your-colleagues-behind-their-backs
      5. ↑ Jeffrey Fermin. Employee Relations Expert. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
      6. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2321940/
      7. ↑ Jeffrey Fermin. Employee Relations Expert. Expert Interview. 5 December 2022.
      8. ↑ https://scholars.fhsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1122&context=alj
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/trust-yourself/202108/7-ways-deal-passive-aggressive-colleague
      10. ↑ https://www.cbsnews.com/news/spotting-and-handling-office-snakes/

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