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Being an “alpha male,” means being a dominant, self-confident, and strong man. It means knowing, and getting, what you want. Alpha men seem to always get what they want, and that is why they’re often admired and emulated. If you respect the alpha male mentality and want to bring it to your personal life, there are a few things you need to do — and avoid — to flirt with a girl “the alpha way.”
Things You Should Know
- If you’ve got your eye on a special someone, don’t be shy and walk straight over to them with good posture and confidence.
- Make eye contact when you talk to her to show her that you’re interested. Be careful not to stare, but hold their gaze a little longer than usual.
- Ask her thoughtful questions to get to know her better, like, “I’m super into comedies. What’s your favorite movie genre?”
Steps
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Walk smoothly and decisively. When you approach the girl you have your eye on, don’t wander around, casually bump into her friend group, and then awkwardly initiate an interaction. An alpha male sees the girl he wants to flirt with and approaches her directly, with confidence and purpose. Walk like you are in control, with slower, determined steps. You know where you are going, and nothing will stop you. [1] X Research source
- As silly as it sounds, don’t be afraid to practice your walk in your home. Try to find a place with mirrors so you can observe yourself. Practice and work on confident, open mannerisms.
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Make eye contact. When you’re talking to a girl that you’re interested in, especially an extremely attractive girl, it can be intimidating to look straight into her eyes. But when you avoid looking at her face, you send the message that you believe she is out of your league. [2] X Research source Most women aren’t going to be interested in flirting with a man who has already unconsciously announced he feels unworthy. When you introduce yourself and start talking, make eye contact.
- This doesn't mean you should stare at her — that can be a little creepy. It's okay to break eye contact occasionally.
- If you're neurodivergent or very shy and find eye contact uncomfortable, it's okay to look at her nose, eyebrows, or mouth instead. This signals your interest while saving some brain power for your words.
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Introduce yourself in a confident, steady voice. If she’s in the middle of a conversation, wait until there is a slight pause before saying something like, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I had to come say hello.” It's okay if she needs a pause. You’ve immediately shown her that you’re confident and you don’t hesitate to pursue what you want. Whether you're shaking her hand or sitting next to her, use open and relaxed body language. Say something sincere, like:
- "You're friends with Juan, right? I think I've seen you around and I wanted to say hello."
- "You're getting the cheesy fries? The fries at this place are phenomenal!"
- "I was admiring your earrings. They're so intricate! Are they store-bought or handmade?"
- "You seem a little lonely. Would you like some company?"
- "I saw how beautiful your smile was and it took me aback. I came over in the hopes I'd see it again."
Tips: Aim for spontaneous sincerity over scripting. Pick-up lines can make it sound like you're parroting a manual instead of noticing her for who she is. Show that you're paying attention to what's unique about her.
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Ask her questions. This will allow you to control the conversation. Controlling a conversation doesn't mean you should talk over her, interrupt her, or act like a know-it-all. It means that you are steering the conversation. Ask her questions about herself, both to show her that you’re interested in learning about her and also to direct the conversation in a positive direction. Don’t ask her anything intense or personal, but typical, introductory topics. [3] X Research source
- If you're at a party, you can ask her how she knows the host. If you're out somewhere ask her simple introductory questions: her name, what she does, where she's from, and the like. Once you find out a little bit about her, you can ask more personalized, in-depth questions.
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Listen more than you talk. Talk about yourself only when it’s appropriate, but don’t launch into long stories or monologues about your life. Let her share more about herself than you do about yourself, only talking about yourself if she asks, or if you want to highlight something you have in common. The more she is able to talk about herself, and the more rapt attention you show her, the better.
- Most people love talking about themselves and the things that matter to them. What they really want is to find someone who's interested.
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Keep things light and positive. You're just getting to know her, so now is not a good time to complain or dump your problems onto her. Instead, be your best self and focus on making her smile. If you have a sense of humor, use it! Making a girl laugh is an extremely effective flirting technique. [4] X Research source You want her to associate you with positivity, laughter, and fun, so don’t complain.
- If she says something negative, support her opinion and offer a positive spin on things. If she says something about the weather being awful, you can say something along the lines of, “It’s not great, but at least we can suffer through it together.”
- If you touch on something negative in your life, don't dwell on it. For example, saying "I was nervous about approaching you. You're pretty while I'm average-looking, not that smart, unsuccessful..." is going to push her away. Saying "I was nervous about approaching you. I'm glad I did" is sincere while returning to a positive frame overall.
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Offer genuine compliments. Don't bombard her with flattery just to make her like you. Comment on the attractive qualities you see in her. Because alpha males are secure in themselves, they don't say things that they don't sincerely mean. [5] X Research source Not only will this show her that you are a genuine person, it will make her appreciate your thoughtful compliments even more.
- If she talks about her job, you can say something like, "It sounds like you're extremely intelligent to manage all of that." If you tell a joke to make her laugh, you can offer her something like, "You have a unique laugh. I like it." You won't look like an alpha male just by telling her she's hot.
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Create banter. Don't be afraid to tease her a little bit (if she's receptive). Alpha males ooze confidence, and they don’t shy away from being genuine. Obviously don't say anything that could actually offend her, but make her laugh by calling her out on silly things.
- A fun way to start a lighthearted back-and-forth with a woman you've just met is to act like you've known her forever. Once she starts talking a bit about herself, you can say something like, "Oh [her name], you've always been so funny/stubborn/clumsy/observant/nerdy." You can create attraction by making her laugh and feel comfortable. [6] X Research source
- Skip the teasing if she seems too shy for it. Instead, help her feel confident opening up to you.
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Let the conversation flow naturally. Don’t approach a girl with the singular goal of securing a date with her. Instead, make it your goal to have a great, flirty conversation. Women can typically tell if you’re “picking them up” rather than flirting, and flirting is much more light-hearted, fun, and noncommittal. Let the conversation be organic and natural, and only ask her out when it feels like it’s going well.
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End the conversation on a high note. Once you’ve chatted for a bit, end the conversation appropriately. If it’s gone well, ask her out on a date or simply get her number. If you know you’ll see her again, tell her that you enjoyed meeting and talking to her. By ending the conversation on your terms, you’ve once again asserted your alpha-ness. Wait for a lull in conversation, and say something like, “It’s been wonderful talking to you, and I will [give you a call/see you later/whatever].” [7] X Research source
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Gracefully accept rejection if she turns you down. There's nothing attractive about pushiness. An alpha is confident in their own worth, outside of external validation. They accept that not every woman will be a match and they don't worry too much about it. If she says no or looks uncomfortable, say, "No worries. Have a nice day" and leave her be.
- If you aren't sure what she wants, be honest. For example, "I feel like I'm getting mixed signals. Do you want to keep talking? If you want me to leave, say the word and I'll go." This is forthright and it shows respect for her wishes.
- There are many reasons she could reject you: she's not single, she's hung up on her ex, she's too busy, she's not attracted to people of your gender, et cetera. It doesn't necessarily mean you did anything wrong.
- Alphas take risks, and not all risks pay off. The key is not to let fear of a few misses to overtake you. Learn from it if possible and keep looking for someone who's happy to see you.
Did You Know? Some women try to let men down gently because they're worried about angry or aggressive behavior. The way you handle a "no" is a test of your character. Aim to put her mind at ease. Then both of you can enjoy yourselves separately.
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Look great. This doesn’t mean you need to suddenly get a six-pack, cut your beloved beard, or drop thousands of dollars on a new wardrobe. Decide what “great” means to you, and be that. If it means exercising regularly and getting more fit, do it. If it just means brushing your hair, do that! Being an alpha, and flirting like an alpha, is all about feeling your best. Polish up anything that you think would make you look better, groom yourself how you like, and know that every time you meet a girl, you’re the best version of yourself, whatever that means to you.
- There are alpha males who look like Zac Efron, with huge muscles and perfect clothes. There are also alpha males like Bill Clinton, who find power in confidence and intellect. Being an alpha male is more about mindset than it is about outward appearance. [8] X Research source
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Maintain good hygiene. While things like hairstyle and wardrobe are personal and up to you, good hygiene is non-negotiable. If you want to have your best shot with girls, you can’t be dirty or unpleasant to be around. Shower regularly, keep your breath smelling fresh, and keep your skin and hair clean. [9] X Research source It might be possible to flirt successfully while maintaining a sloppy hygiene routine, but cleanliness will certainly increase your chances.
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Know the difference between alpha and cocky. Sometimes people confuse a confident, "alpha" attitude with being cocky. An alpha is self-assured, doesn't need to dominate a conversation or always be the center of attention, and are flexible — they recognize that they're human, just like everyone else; they make mistakes and they own up to them. Someone who is cocky, on the other hand, is arrogant (his self-esteem is based more on wealth, privilege, and external factors), will talk over others, be ruthless in trying to get ahead, and will not admit to wrongdoing or apologize.
- A truly confident person can accept criticism, can allow someone else to step into the spotlight, and admit their mistakes (without over-apologizing).
- A confident person doesn't expect great results every time and is willing to keep trying. A cocky person takes even gentle rejection as a threat to their ego.
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Carry yourself confidently. Stand up straight, and don’t be afraid to take up space. You will not see alpha males hunched over and nervously fidgeting with their clothes or hands. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you are the coolest man in the room. Take a wide stance if you’re standing, and keep your arms to your sides. Focus on looking comfortable, self-assured, and dominant, whether or not you feel like that on the inside. [10] X Research source
- Looking like an alpha male is like exercising a new muscle. Every time you do it, it will become easier and easier. Eventually, you’ll start to feel like an alpha male as well.
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References
- ↑ https://get-a-wingman.com/alpha-male-body-language-hacks-that-instantly-boost-your-attractiveness/
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/flirting-everything-you-need-t
- ↑ http://www.alphamalementality.com/7-tips-flirting-with-women
- ↑ http://www.alphamalementality.com/what-is-the-alpha-male-mentality
- ↑ http://womanitely.com/signs-dating-alpha-male/
- ↑ http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/10-playful-teases-that-women-secretly-love/
- ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7
- ↑ http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/alpha-beta-males-comp/
- ↑ http://www.primermagazine.com/2011/learn/15-hygiene-habits-that-you-shouldnt-miss-in-your-daily-routine
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Reader Success Stories
- "I am a girl, but using my sense of humor really helped. He laughed at my jokes, and sometimes I would tell him cheesy pickup lines. He started telling me some back, and now we feel comfortable around each other. I really like him, and I think it is mutual." ..." more
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"I am a girl, but using my sense of humor really helped. He laughed at my jokes, and sometimes I would tell him cheesy pickup lines. He started telling me some back, and now we feel comfortable around each other. I really like him, and I think it is mutual."
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"This helped me so much, now I can be an alpha male. Now, I can show all the bettas at my school who is the boss."
