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Whether you want to have sex with a girl after a cold approach, meeting her at a bar/club or for a date; getting a girl to go home with you can be quite tricky and challenging. So many obstacles and complications can arise like resistance; judgement; logistical problems; social conditioning; her friends, jealous guys and/or white knights interfering, you becoming hasty, try hard, negative, anxious, or running out of things to say etc. So it takes more than just good interaction skills to successfully attract a girl and get her to accompany you home. These are some basic guidelines on how to get a girl home after a cold approach, a date, meeting her at a club or anywhere else. Dynamics can be different during the daytime and nighttime, but the core basics are the same. Also, although this article is written for heterosexual men but most concepts are applicable for gay women as well.
Steps
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Dress well , groom , and smell good . These three things will guarantee an increase in your attractiveness by 20–30%. [1] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 34
- Smell good and be clean.
- Use a deodorant and a scent that you like.
- Take showers regularly and wash your private areas thoroughly. Clean under the foreskin, if you have it.
- Brush, floss your teeth and clean your tongue daily.
- Groom. Get a proper haircut so it is easier to groom. Alternatively, have any hairstyle you like but make sure you groom it well. Also, trim, shave or groom your beard, pubes and redundant hair (like armpits, nose, ear etc.).
- Wear good, stylish clothes that fit well and resonate with your personality. This doesn't mean you have to wear fancy clothes or a suit but it is very important that you wear clothes that you like, are fashionable, and fit you well. Like no low shoulder, little or no breaks, no loose fitting clothes, pants sitting comfortably on shoes without any breaks etc. So alter your pants if they are too long or have a tailor take your measurements and get tailored clothes.
- Smell good and be clean.
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2Exercise and eat healthily. In addition to the above practices, exercising and eating healthy further help increase your attractiveness and confidence. Infact they are non-negotiable [2] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 121 .
- Physical exercise. Any form of good physical workout also helps improve your mental-emotional health and alertness [3] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source .
- Eat and drink healthily. To complement physical exercise, it helps to have a healthy diet like eating cooked meals, whole foods, nuts, fruits, vegetables and drinking lots of water and juices, all while lowering the intake of fast and processed foods, chips, greasy snacks and so on. This not only improves your health but your mental-emotional state as well [4] X Trustworthy Source US Department of Health and Human Services Federal department responsible for improving the health and well-being of Americans Go to source .
- These practices also have psychological benefits because when you groom, dress well, smell good, workout and eat healthily, it helps boost your self-esteem, self-respect and confidence because, indirectly or directly, you are giving yourself value.
- These habits and practices will become naturally easier when you realize the need to keep a balance between relationships, health and wealth .
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Go out with wingmen or supporting friends, if possible. Going out with good wingmen or friends makes things easier and helps a lot to attract girls, especially at night. Also, people seem to be more attractive when they are with their friends and/or having fun. Plus, a good wingman will do everything in his/her power to help you get the girl home or whatever your motive is.
- To get and keep a good wingman, you need to be a good wing as well. It is not just about you but working together as a team. You need to help your wing to improve and succeed too. As this mindset increases your chances of success in the long run because things are interconnected.
- Although, be compassionate with others and yourself, and don't be too judgmental or critical if you or your wingman is not winging as per your "expectations". As your wingman may not have the same learning curve, personality and upbringing as you and vice-versa. Plus, your expectations could be unrealistic.
- If you are having trouble finding good and compatible wingmen, search on online forums or Facebook groups. It may take a few tries to find the right wing-man that resonates the most with your personality.
- Although don't use 'going out with wingmen' as a crutch. It's perfectly fine to go out alone. In fact, in many cases, you learn even more and have better chances of success when you go out solo, as it's more challenging and polarizing. Challenges drive you deeper. Plus, you have no one to fall back on but yourself. So keep a balance.
- If people ask why you are out alone, you can say something like "My friends are wimps and scared to come out.", "My friend is somewhere around here but currently you seem to be more interesting than him", "My friend came with a girl and I feel awkward being the third wheel", “My friend is on his way here.”, “My friend just left but I wanted to stay longer” etc. Whichever story feels natural to you. These stories can also help trick your mind to think that you are not out alone. Which may make you feel more comfortable, psychologically speaking.
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Approach the girls. Read the articles How to Cold Approach a Girl , How to Dance with a Girl to Attract Her (in a Club) and How to Make Out with a Random Girl to get yourself started. Keep in mind that approach anxiety is common and not a personal problem, as most people have it in varying degrees. However, if you made it a personal problem and resisted it, that's ego and will add to your anxiety, keep it in place and may not let you take action.
- "What you resist, persists." Zen saying.
- As a pragmatic measure, to lessen approach anxiety, it helps to amuse yourself when you go out. For example: make jokes or funny and offensive/sexual comments in your head, just to get into a more social and light mood but don't mean them. You can also sing a song as it helps lessen anxiety.
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5Realize that most people don't find cold approaches normal. Hence chances of success via cold approaches are low. So you need to calibrate accordingly. For example: doing indirect and socially attuned approaches, rather than doing your spiel like a socially disconnected guy. This also helps prevent women perceiving you as a player, which usually leads to issues like ghosting, flakes, getting wrong numbers, women not stopping at all, being rude, etc. in the long run. A player persona is generally disliked by women.
- Keeping a balance between meeting girls via cold approaching, dating apps, and social circles can be fruitful. Chances of success would be higher at a social circle event because there's a sense of familiarity. However, cold approaching has other deeper benefits like getting in touch with inner confidence, developing a good sense of humor, amusing yourself, caring less what people think, seeing people and yourself beyond looks (and background and psychological state), public speaking, looking through fears, getting more perspectives on how people think, taking risks, practicing vulnerability , becoming present, getting out of comfort zone, making new friends, connecting deeply with human beings, build empathy, dissolving anxiety, reading social cues, people, subtle signs, facial expressions and body language etc.
- Also, the potential of making a deeper connection with a person you met via cold approach is usually higher as compared to meeting a girl through a social connection or app. It is because when you cold approach a girl, you are already coming out as polarizing i.e girls see your true depth, personality and looks rather than a profile page or word of mouth.
- In addition, even though chances of success via cold approaching are low but if you cold approach enough, you can still date and have regular sex with more compatible women than getting dates and sex through social events or apps. For example: suppose you get rejected by 99 out of 100 girls/women you approach in a month. This means you can still meet one cool girl/woman every month with whom you resonate well. Of course, this is just an example. The actual number can be higher or lower for different people depending on their confidence level, personality, seduction and interaction skills, intelligence, honest communication of intentions, degree of presence , number of approaches, receptiveness of the people around, your looks, status, height, wealth , and so on. Read Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more on this.
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6Embrace or accept or become ok with rejections. Rejections are part of the process, hence unavoidable. So why not accept it or at least become ok with it. In fact, if you learn to have fun with rejections they can be immensely amusing and help you be more non-reactive . Which is not only attractive to most people but is also intelligent and peaceful.
- You may not have heard this a lot but it's fine to get rejected or fail .
- "Failure lies concealed in every success and success in every failure" Eckhart Tolle.
- However, don't make rejections a concept to shield your ego. For example: if you think something like "Let's go get rejected" or "Let's go fail" etc. too much before every approach, this implies there's a negative mindset behind and it will very likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy because world is just a reflection of your inner state.
- Keep a balance. 'I want you, but I don't need you.' or something like 'I am going out and I will have a good time, regardless of the rejections'. This non-needy and fun mindset is quite yielding in the long run. This usually comes with practice and experience. Again, people who are having a good time are quite attractive. More on this later.
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Give some thoughts on logistics. You are, most likely, not going to get laid if you didn't consider the logistics first. This can be even more handy when you are going on a date, as you can decide where to meet the girl, what to do and where to take her afterwards. So try to plan logistics to your place or hers.
- Ask questions like "Where do you live?", "Who are you here with?", "Who do you live with?", "Are you working tomorrow?", etc. These questions can come in handy to plan and figure out logistics that would suit the hook-up best.
- When you are out on a date, try not to be more than 15-20 minutes from your or her place. It can work well if you are at a walking distance to your or her place.
- Make sure you know how to take her to your place or hers. Take advantage of apps like Uber or Lyft, or drive, if you are sober. You can also take public transportation as it gives you enough time to deepen your connection with the woman during the ride to your destination.
- Here's a date idea: take her on a 'train date' to unfamiliar parts of your city. Of course, with common sense.
- The girl may be with her friends or have obligations to them. For example: if she has only one friend with her then you can offer to pay for her taxi or call an Uber/Lyft, so you can get to be alone with the girl. Or ask your wing to indulge the friends, so they don't interfere or feel left out. You can also invite the friend to come to your place for an after party or something or keep them engaged in the conversation.
- Keep in mind that usually logistics will not be in your favor, especially when you meet women through cold approaches.
- If she can't come home with you or you can't go to her place then you can try to pull her to your or her car or the bathroom (or other private places). You can also exchange numbers, social media etc. so you can plan to meet with her another day, which may work best for many people.
- Although, if you feel the connection was not strong enough or she may forget about the interaction with you, which happens especially in the night when women are tipsy as a result they generally feel more social, then with some persistence and physical escalation try to pull the woman the same night or day and don't leave it on the phone and/or social media conversation, in a hope to meet her another day. As you may likely end up getting flaked or ghosted. So it really helps to be a good reader of body language, vibe, facial expressions and tone of their voice.
- Plus, many women don't feel that motivated to meet after texting. Unless the connection from in person interaction was strong and/or she is a Yes girl .
- While it may be helpful to exchange social media handles for Instagram and Snapchat, there's still a chance that the momentum would have died down by the time you reconnect.
- Reader Poll: We asked 731 wikiHow readers and only 9% recommend following and engaging with their social media accounts as a good way to connect with women. [Take Poll]
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8Have Fun . Having fun is one of the most important practices to attract people. So despite the rejections, Have fun or at least accept what-is or else you will take rejections and what other people think too seriously and eventually give up. People who are having fun are not only attractive but also don't take rejections or negativity seriously and personally. So talk about things that are amusing, interesting and resonating to you, make jokes and say things that you find funny and intriguing, be polarizing etc. For example: You can open to a girl with something like "You know coffee by the time it would reach Giraffe's stomach will be cold. Have you thought of that? No. Because you always think about yourself.". Or something like "You know only when the mosquito lands on your face that you realize that there's other ways to solve problems without using violence."
- It may not be possible to have fun all the time, as your state of consciousness varies. For example: there are times when you feel social and times when you want to be left alone, times when it's easy to hold a conversation, times when you feel you are not getting anywhere, times when you are having many good interactions, times when negativity is intense, times when negativity seems manageable, and so on. Of course, your state of consciousness varies between the mentioned extremes and some states may be more predominant than the others.
- However, trust the process and have fun and/or take action to an extent your state of consciousness allows it. For example: If you don't feel comfortable approaching women, then accept it and maybe try approaching people and ask for time or whatever you feel comfortable doing at a given moment. Rather than pushing yourself to do approaches. Which may work in the beginning to help you shift attention from mental-emotional inertia but it depletes you of energy, make you take things too seriously and even give up. Plus, it may become tiresome in the long run. Acting in accordance with your 'state of consciousness' also implies working on things that are in your direct control at this moment. Which naturally and without force gets you in a social mood and present moment.
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Act in alignment with your intentions with common sense. It's important to consciously know what your intentions are. Like making a meaningful connection and/or sex and/or having fun or all of them, and to what degree. Or else, it will come out as in-genuine and cause suffering in the long run. So act in alignment or in accordance with your intentions and don't try to hide or suppress them, which wouldn't work anyway, but express them non-verbally. Read Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more on how to get more in alignment with your intentions.
- Use common sense though. If you want to have sex with a girl, you can't blatantly say that, unless the girl is craving for you. Even though it's polarizing and acting with alignment with your intentions. So common sense and a little bit of intelligence go a long way. Generally speaking, primarily, your intentions should be sub-communicated through your actions, physical communication, tone of your voice, eye contact and body language etc. [5] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 88 . As you will read later.
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Lead and let it play out. Don't try to control things. The more you try to control or push hard, the more it is going to look gamey and unnatural and will have less of an impact. For example: planning too much like 'If she says this, I will do or say this' can be too mechanical and gamey. This may not lead you far because you are trying to control the conversation and not enjoying it.
- 'Lead and let it play out' means you lead the conversation by talking about common things and activities that you both find funny, interesting, passionate or enthusiastic, and then let it take its natural course. For example: You can throw a bunch of topics that you find interesting like traveling, favorite things, spirituality, fears, cultures, sexuality, music, sports, interests, politics, history, psychology, comedy, current affairs, movies, cuisines, true crime, cultures and so on. and see which one sticks. That's why having common interests has great power to spark a connection. Atleast in the beginning. Read section 2 of Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more details on this.
- Bring her into a mutual bubble. Most girls like a guy who can lead . So don't get pulled into her world and supplicate to her or you will, most likely, end up being their gay best friend listening to them complain about other guys, girls and their problems. Plus, it is pretty unattractive because it sub-communicates neediness and insufficiency. So instead pull her into a mutual world and talk about things which you 'both' are passionate about, find fun and interesting .
- Don't have this high expectation that whatever you say should be funny or interesting. It's OK to have a normal conversation in between, but if the whole conversation is normal and simple, it may not hook the woman enough. Unless the girl is a 'yes girl' .
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Have an interesting, genuine and fun conversation, congruent to your personality. Here are few practices to keep the conversation fun:
- Be polarizing and vulnerable. It means communicating your true personality and intentions with honest communication and not playing roles or games [6]
X
Research source
Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 40
. This is what helps make genuine connection. For example: Use humor that is in alignment with your personality and not caring if the other person would like it or not. This filters out the people who may not resonate well with you. This is applicable when interacting with all people with whom you’d like to make a deep connection and not just women, as it's all interconnected. This applies to you as well i.e you need to be open towards other people’s views, humor and perspectives. Of course, with common sense.
- Note: Although it’s a good idea to not talk deeply right away about sensitive topics like religion, politics, race, gender etc. until you feel the person. So it helps to polarize subtly to know where the person stands and their state of consciousness. Again, cold approach pickup helps one read people more easily and feel their vibes.
- Also, when you are having fun then the person in your company will, most likely, have fun too because they will feel your vibes. It is highly recommended to read Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more depth
- Listen. Be completely present while interacting someone, that's when creative, intelligent, interesting, right action and fun things come spontaneously and naturally. It means don't plan too much in your head what you are going to say or do next. Just be in the moment completely and truly listen to her. Listen with your whole body , as the spiritual expression goes. True listening is a rare art and a great gift you can give to someone. It also sub-communicates that you don't want anything from the girl and are not treating the interaction as a means to an end or to get her home, but simply allowing "this" moment to be as it is. Which is a powerful practice. Plus, true listening and observation help you deeply read body language, pick up subtle hints and details about women or people in general, which you can use to make inside jokes, recall personal details, make educated guesses, take right action at the right time. Thus helping you to strengthen connection by making them feel important. That's why sex is usually a by-product of making a good connection with a human being.
- Use 'Us' mentality and roleplay. It can be effective if you do it right. Read section 2 of the article Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more on this.
- Keep it playful and sexual. You need to make it sexual if you want to lead things to the bedroom. For example: talking about what kind of cereal she eats in the morning is not going to get you far unless you can make it interesting and/or sexual and/or flirtatious. For instance, you can say something like "Maybe I will make breakfast for you someday, or tomorrow morning". If you feel that the girl/woman is cool or would like to know the limits for yourself, you can also be direct and say something like "I just cannot keep my eyes off your nice breasts." or something like "You have a nice butt. God bless America". Subtle and/or explicitly funny/sexual compliments and conversation, with common sense, courage or after detecting the level of reciprocity, can arouse girls/women quickly, as it helps them quickly know your personality and visualize how intimacy with you is going to be like. It is also polarizing. This also sub-communicates that you are not shy about talking sexually. This can help women open up more.
- You can also be subtle and slowly polarize the girls to know if they are compatible with your sense of humor. This is quite yielding in the long run as quickly you will know which women would be compatible with you without triggering them too much. For example: You can make a light joke which you find funny like "You know Gandhi said 'Love is trash, people need cash?" or "Have you noticed when you lose the remote you lose trust in everyone?" and see if the female finds it funny.
- You can also physically escalate (more on this later) like touch her elbow or shoulder, hold her hand etc. and see if she's receptive. If she is, then up your polarization and physical escalation steadily. If she isn't, even after a few tries, then there's a possibility that you may not be compatible with her. It can also be the case that she's a No girl , not interested, socially anxious or just shy.
- Learn to be a good story teller. Telling interesting stories can be a great way to hook and engage a woman or people in general. This is also connected with talking about things that you find interesting and funny. So tell stories that you find genuinely intriguing. Try not to be too technical but keep it towards general stuff. Have you noticed that good standup comedians are great story tellers?
- Also, when you tell stories, try to bring mystery, comedy and suspense into them. For example: “So when I met the guy, there was something off about him. I could not pinpoint at that time. Or may be I didn’t dwell on it too deeply because I was enjoying the nature. ***Continue with the story***. While we were at the end of the hike, he kept getting bumping and touching me. That’s when it hit me what that initial look was about.”
- Be polarizing and vulnerable. It means communicating your true personality and intentions with honest communication and not playing roles or games [6]
X
Research source
Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 40
. This is what helps make genuine connection. For example: Use humor that is in alignment with your personality and not caring if the other person would like it or not. This filters out the people who may not resonate well with you. This is applicable when interacting with all people with whom you’d like to make a deep connection and not just women, as it's all interconnected. This applies to you as well i.e you need to be open towards other people’s views, humor and perspectives. Of course, with common sense.
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Keep a gentle but focused eye contact. It's very important to make good eye contact with women, as it not only makes you look confident and sparks attraction but also helps you subconsciously convey your true intentions, which are communicated far more than your words [7] X Research source . For example: Your eye contact with a girl you want to exclusively date would not be the same with the girl with whom you just want to have sex. Plus, it's polarizing because if your gaze conveys your intentions well, it can help you recognize and filter out the girls who are not compatible with you and/or have the same intention as you.
- Also, trustworthy and honest people generally maintain a gentle and/or friendly eye contact. Exception to this is psychopaths, extremely competitive people, etc. [8] X Research source .
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Escalate physically with a little dominance and persistence. It is gold if you know how to escalate physically, especially during the night. As it is not only highly polarizing but also can turn a girl on pretty quickly. It’s because when you physically escalate, it sub-communicates to women that they are desired, which is a strong turn on for women. [9] X Research source Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 121 . As, generally speaking, sexual triggers for women are more psychological than visual.
- In the beginning, you can practice progressive escalation with common sense. Like gently touching her elbow or grab her hand or hug her to detect the level of receptivity from the girl/woman. If she's fine with it or doesn't pull away or says a firm No, you can smooth your way to her shoulders and maybe give her a little back and neck massage. Of course, while having a normal, fun and/or sexual conversation. Although, don't think she's not aware of your escalation. Usually, women are aware and allow the physical escalation to happen because they find it attractive, arousing and assertive.
- Then you can wrap your arm around her shoulders and start massaging them. You can also slide your hand down to her waist and then with calm assertiveness pull her body or bring your body closer to yours. In case she questions or pulls away, you can say something like "your body is so smooth and soft that I can't keep my hands off of you" or "The cloth of your top is so soft and silky.". With a friendly romantic smile on your face. However, if she's receptive, then go for the kiss and kiss her cheek, if she turns her head.
- Being persistent with common sense helps a lot, as females, even though they like it, may deny you reluctantly because they feel that you and/or friends/other people are judging them. So being persistent in a non-reactive way is important, as it can help you maneuver through resistance the woman is offering. Be alert to see how she is resisting. If it is aggressive or firm or clear and quick, then it is a sign to not escalate further and the woman could be a 'No' girl .
- Keep a balance: Don't physically escalate too much or too quickly (unless you know what are doing), else she will most likely feel repelled and sexual attraction may diminish. This balance usually comes with experience and after few or many failed attempts. Depending upon your personality, learning curve , body language reading, intelligence etc. Meditation helps to lot stay calm.
- You can also be sneaky like "Hey, let me read your palm", when she gives you her hand, you can say something like "I just wanted to hold your hand" or continue to fake read the palm.
- Few more ideas to keep them engaged: Play games like thumb war, rock-paper-scissor etc.
- If you want to be bolder, you can just go straight for the kiss, if you feel she is receptive or just want to know the boundaries for yourself. It works best in the nighttime. This is 'high-risk high gain' action and requires courage. Most women, who are not interested, will just deny you. Read Make Out with a Random Girl for more on this.
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Shuffle (or walk) with her to different locations. When you shuffle or bounce her to different places, you will feel you have been to many places together. Which psychologically would make both of you feel more comfortable with each other in less time. This is classic, as usually during business meetings, businessmen shuffle their clients to different places like restaurants, ice cream parlors, showing them around, dinners etc. This is to make their clients feel more comfortable and build a rapport. So try to shuffle her from one place (bar, club, restaurant, event etc.) to another, instead of just sitting or staying at one place. You can also use excuses like "Lets go to that side of the bar as it is quieter", "We can go to the 'XYZ' bar/park as it has a great view of the city", "I am a little hungry. Let’s go eat at someplace" etc. Also, shuffling helps you come up with various conversation topics due to the changing environment around you. Plus, walking can help ease anxiety.
- Also, again, for the most part, lead
during the interaction and/or when you are shuffling (unless its necessary such as walking through a congested place), and don’t let her lead you, which is unattractive and sub-communicates neediness and inadequacy. For example: If she says "Let me go get a drink." then you can grab her hand and say something like "Let's go get you a drink", lead her to the bar and then order it for her (You don't necessarily have to pay).
- Exception to this is Dom females. Which is a minute fraction of women.
- Also, again, for the most part, lead
during the interaction and/or when you are shuffling (unless its necessary such as walking through a congested place), and don’t let her lead you, which is unattractive and sub-communicates neediness and inadequacy. For example: If she says "Let me go get a drink." then you can grab her hand and say something like "Let's go get you a drink", lead her to the bar and then order it for her (You don't necessarily have to pay).
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Be persistent in showing your interest. It's necessary, not just important, that you are persistent. Even though girls want to have sex with you and/or date you, many have the same collective societal conditioning which may make them feel immoral (unconsciously or subconsciously), if they go home with you or show interest in you. So you may have to wade through the puddle of societal and personal conditioning by being persistent, non-reactive , keeping it fun and subconsciously conveying that you are a non-judgmental person who sees her the same as yourself i.e. a human being.
- This comes naturally when you are in touch with your inner space .
- Channeling your attraction and desire (sexual and/or romantic) for women in a healthy and more constructive way naturally helps you be more persistent and sub-communicate to women that they are wanted or desired. Which is a strong turn on for women. As mentioned earlier.
- Use common sense. When she says 'No', listen to her tone and watch her behavior. If she means it, back off. There are plenty of other women . Move on. Learn to handle rejections .
- It helps a lot to sub-communicate, from the beginning itself, that you are a friendly, non-judgmental person. Like talking normally after kissing, giving her warm hugs in between, touching her, holding her hand, sliding her hair behind her ear, making fun of the situation, playful banter or teasing, having a genuine and interesting conversation etc. This helps a lot in the long run as it can help prevent things like excuses, flakes, ghosting, last minutes resistance, pushing you away, etc. To be truly non-judgmental, you need to dissolve the ego .
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Keep her on her toes. If you sense that the conversation is going dull, do or say something to keep her on her toes. For example: spin her around, find another common interest or conversation topic that you find interesting, skip the small talk and go straight to the deep conversations which you find resonating and interesting, lock your hands with her (physical escalation), step just a little into her personal space (to create sexual tension) and see if she allows it, shuffle with her, play games (rock paper scissor, thumb war, trivia, arm wrestling etc.), use sexual humor, take her to dance or a place that you find fun etc. Read Get Good at Picking Up Girls
- This is important, especially during evening or nighttime or in high energy environments such as bars, clubs, concerts, events etc., as there is so much going on. So you would have to take the lead and make it interesting and fun, or you will be most likely to get blown off. At the same time, it doesn't mean to force it. Make sure You find it fun or intriguing first. So polarize.
- That's why it's so important to have fun and talk about things that you find amusing and interesting. How can you expect to keep her engaged when You are not having fun? You should be the first person you need to entertain and if they feel entertained too, that's what builds a connection.
- Also, it's extremely helpful to be funny. Yes, it takes practice to come up with interesting, witty and funny things to say or do. So it helps to watch stand-ups, funny TV shows, have interesting hobbies, travel, view memes or funny videos etc. Read section 2 of Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more on this.
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Dance . Guys who can dance are usually more attractive to girls than guys who can’t. Search online to learn some moves or simply copy the moves of the people around you. There are many women who are out for the night just to dance, so having the same mindset, to an extent, also helps. Also, dancing with girls provides a great opportunity to escalate physically like grinding, touching, gentle grabbing, hugging, kissing etc. which can turn girls on pretty quickly without you having to say a lot of words. This is the power of physical escalation. Be honest though - you're not out for the night just to dance if your actual intention is to pull a girl home.
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Give her an excuse to come/go home or to the next location with you. Set up the scene; don't make it forced. In most cases, you cannot just say 'Let's go to your/my place and have sex', unless she is openly comfortable with the idea of having sex. So you may have to give her excuses or go to buffer places to eventually pull her home. For example, You can say something like 'Let's go to that diner (or lounge). They offer delicious fried rice (or drinks)', or 'You want to checkout that concert?' or 'Let's go to your place; I will give you the best oil/lotion massage you have ever had in your entire life', Let's go to my place and I will show you the aquarium (or whatever it is) that we were talking about', 'Let's go to my place for the after party. I will make you a cocktail which tastes like “elixir”(exaggerate) etc. Even if you don't have anything interesting to show or cook, you can still find a good reason to bring her back. In most cases, she won't even ask about it after getting to your place.
- Taking the women to buffer places like some restaurant or lounge can help simmer down the energy and help you get to know them better, especially in the night. Which helps deepen the connection that helps prevent issues like last minute resistance, uncertainty, hesitation etc. However, it can also mess up your chances to have sex, as tipsy women are easier to have sex with. So be discrete and pragmatic.
- If the girl still display resistance like, "What if you turned out to be a killer or a rapist?", then make it fun and/or don’t react. For example: try to flip the script with something like, "Hold on! what if you killed me and tossed my body in the alley... Now I am scared". Remain non-reactive . Again the mindset "I want you but I don't need you" helps a lot.
- Although you need to make a good connection with a girl to get to this point. Again, keep in mind that pulling a girl home is not straightforward. It's a 'dirty' business and can be quite challenging. However, if you embrace or accept the challenges and roadblocks rather than resisting them, it can be quite amusing and rewarding in the long run. Challenges drive you deeper [10] X Research source Tolle, Eckhart. <i>Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment.</i> Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 43. .
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Take it easy. Many guys get too excited, become too anxious, defensive and start playing it safe during this phase. Remember, it's a journey and not a means to an end. Remain patient and use the momentum you built before, during the conversation with her.
- For example: When you are in a car or walking to your or her place, touch her playfully or sexually, talk dirty (if that's your thing), gently bite or kiss her neck, or simply continue to have normal fun and/or sexual conversation, to maintain sexual tension and connection.
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2Keep a balance 'If we had sex, that's good. If we didn't, that's fine too.'. This mindset helps a lot to keep you non-needy and attract things and people in your life. This is also keeping in alignment with the universal law that says "Abundance comes to those who already have it.". It is because when you are feeling non-needy and/or content and/or having fun, you are sending a message to the Universe that you are abundant already at this moment; which you are in the core of your being . You become like a sea to where all things flow. That's when favorable occurrences, things and people you thought you needed for your happiness almost certainly come to you.
- “All things flow to the sea because it’s lower than they are. Humility gives it its power.” Tao Te Ching.
- Traditionally speaking, it takes practice, experience and evidence to develop this kind of mindset. Here are few practices that can help:
- Approach, genuinely interact and go on dates with “less attractive” women from time to time. Along with developing a non-needy mindset, this practice can help with things like gaining reference experience, interacting with people without any expectations, seeing people beyond their looks, lowering your expectations, holding a conversation, gaining new point of views or conversation topics, getting into a social mood etc. This doesn't mean forcing yourself to talk and go on dates with less attractive females. If you don't find them attractive, it's possible that you may not have a good conversation with them because your motivation level will not be high and your mind will offer resistance and disinterest. Considering that most guys are visually stimulated or looks oriented. [11] X Research source . Which is shallow but that’s how it is for many men.
- However, just be aware and open towards this idea. As awareness will eventually take you beyond the disproportionate and unnaturally strong attraction or pull towards transient physical looks. Which helps you make a deeper and authentic connection with a human being.
- Be grateful for what you have. Acknowledge the good in your life.
- Go out often to give your mind evidence that there are atleast a few attractive females out there who are interested in you.
- However, the best way to become truly non-needy is to deeply realize that no experience, sexual pleasure, relationship, thrill or possession can satisfy you, except temporarily. That's when things, experiences, pleasures of this world lose their significance and importance that they don't have. Their transient and ultimately unsatisfactory nature is recognized more clearly. That's when true peace and joy arise from the core of your Being . Of course, it doesn’t mean to not value, honor and appreciate things and people.
- Also, it helps immensely to inhabit your inner body to be truly non-needy and composed. Through your inner body you are One with the infinite spaciousness of Universe . Infinitely more joyful and peaceful than any pleasure and happiness this world has to offer.
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Keep the same flirtatious vibe going. Don't play it safe. The moment you started playing it safe, it will start diminishing attraction. She agreed to come home with a guy who was polarizing, fun and confident when you met, not some impatient and "play-safe" person. Again, be patient and don't make the Now as a means to an end.
- Talk to her the same way when you met her, or at least become aware to detect yourself playing roles, making it as a means to an end and playing safe. As awareness helps to dissolve the role-playing mental patterns and snap you out of it. Read section 5 of Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more.
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Keep your place ready. The environment of your place plays a great role in setting the tone. It is essential to prepare your place before a pull. You do not want to show her an untidy, unclean, and smelly place. So clean and tidy up your place thoroughly and regularly. For example: vacuum/broom and mop the floors, clean the sink and toilet, wipe and/or clean dust-off furniture, wash your clothes and bedding regularly, no hair scattered around, no miscellaneous stuff or clothes lying around, use air freshener etc.
- Make sure you have alcohol at your place, especially when you are coming home from a club or bar, as you may want to keep the mood going. Fix her a drink, if she wants one. Also, some board/card games, something interesting to play or show or do, etc. helps.
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Keep the playlist ready. Create a playlist with music congruent to your personality but less energy and BPM. It's like you are slowing down a car gradually not abruptly. Play the playlist when you get home. You can also use your phone to play music, if you are at her place. Take advantage of apps like Pandora or Spotify or YouTube. It’s ok if she wants to play some of her favorite songs. In fact encourage her, as this can help her feel more comfortable.
- Dance with her. If that's your thing, then dance with her slowly.
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Make her feel comfortable. Keep the same flirtatious vibe going. It helps to keep a few other things at your place to make the women feel more comfortable, such as an extra toothbrush, candles, baby wipes, extra towel and pillows, fluffy bed sheets, chap-stick, water near the bed, etc.
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4Sit next to her and continue with the physical escalation. At this stage girls usually reciprocate.
- Offer her a massage. It’s better to start with feet and then move up to the rest of the body. This massively reduces the 'last minute resistance' because it turns on females, helps them relax and loosen up quickly.
- Take off your clothes first, as you are kissing, but be aware that she's is comfortable with it. Read Hook Up with a Girl for more on this.
- However "when in doubt whip it out". This is a low-risk high-gain action.
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Stop making excuses to avoid approaching women. A lot of guys have these excuses like 'She is not hot enough', 'She is with her friends', 'I don't feel like approaching', 'She's not my type', 'Let me get a drink and then I will do it' and other similar excuses. Most of these excuses are nonsense. For instance: if she can turn you on while she is naked in bed, she is attractive . In fact, approaching and talking to “less attractive” and/or “older” women (generally speaking, as looks and age are subjective) not only helps lessen your approach anxiety but also gets you in a social mood a lot faster, as chances of holding a conversation with them are usually higher. In addition, it helps you to lower your expectations, maintain social mood and see the "sameness of bearing before all human beings", as Eckhart Tolle puts it.
- Lower your expectation. Expanding on to the last step. It helps a lot to lower your expectations. Many guys have these high and sometimes irrational expectations that they need to score or go home with 10s or 9s or 8s regularly. Which leads to increase in their anxiety level, mental-emotional inertia (which doesn't let them take action), being lonely for long periods of time, judging less attractive women and themselves (because what you do to others, you do to yourself), feeling hypocritically righteous and indignant when they get rejected (and not seeing that they are doing the same i.e judging/rejecting others because of their “personality”, “physical looks”, “biases” and other traits), blaming women for their unhappiness etc. These unrealistic expectations, false interpretations and Egoic patterns are partly due to watching porn, deep seated mental and cultural conditioning, glamorized TV shows/movies, bad advice from influencers, friends and people close to them, shallow or non-factual thinking, viewing photo-shopped pictures or doctored videos, etc.
- Here's a practical way to see it: When you start playing a new game, it’s recommended to set difficulty level to easy and then steadily increase the difficulty. Similarly, try not to miss out on opportunities to go on dates and/or have sex and/or just interact with “less attractive” women . This also gives you a lot of reference experience. We spoke about this earlier. This is just a guideline, as some people can quickly pickup the game and others not as quickly. Since everyone's different .
- Lower your expectation. Expanding on to the last step. It helps a lot to lower your expectations. Many guys have these high and sometimes irrational expectations that they need to score or go home with 10s or 9s or 8s regularly. Which leads to increase in their anxiety level, mental-emotional inertia (which doesn't let them take action), being lonely for long periods of time, judging less attractive women and themselves (because what you do to others, you do to yourself), feeling hypocritically righteous and indignant when they get rejected (and not seeing that they are doing the same i.e judging/rejecting others because of their “personality”, “physical looks”, “biases” and other traits), blaming women for their unhappiness etc. These unrealistic expectations, false interpretations and Egoic patterns are partly due to watching porn, deep seated mental and cultural conditioning, glamorized TV shows/movies, bad advice from influencers, friends and people close to them, shallow or non-factual thinking, viewing photo-shopped pictures or doctored videos, etc.
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Give yourself value . How can you expect girls to enjoy your company when you can't enjoy your own company? When you give yourself value, you naturally give other people value too and hence become more attractive. Here are a few practices to give yourself value.
- Be comfortable in your own skin . Embrace or accept what you have, good or bad. As when you truly accept what-is, you naturally become less gamey, more real, honest and vulnerable. It is because you are not "protecting" yourself by constructing a psychological shield made of concepts and beliefs, which doesn't work anyway in the long run, and adds to the pain. Thus, you naturally come across as more attractive and real to people who have some depth in them. It’s because acceptance of 'what-is' gives way for your true power to shine through.
- Take good care of yourself. Meditation , following your passions, physical workout , healthy diet, etc. help a lot. How can you expect to perform well in life, when you are not physically and mentally sound?
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Believe in your core that you deserve a partner or get intimacy, if that's what you want.
- Dissolve the mental-emotional patterns of inadequacy and lack of Entitlement. Detect, watch or allow the thoughts or self-limiting beliefs that say 'you/I are/am not good enough', 'she is so out of my league', 'I am not attractive enough', 'She will reject me' etc. Acknowledge and let them be. This 'lack of entitlement', inadequacy and negativity will dissolve naturally if you just allow these conditioned or mind created thoughts, patterns and emotions to be without resistance, reacting and deeply realizing that you are not your conditioned mind
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- If allowing the self-limiting beliefs is not easy, as they may have years of momentum behind them, then replace these self-pity and demotivating thoughts with affirmations and/or constructive action. For example: when negative thoughts and emotions like "She's so out of my league" or "I am not feeling it" arise then immediately replace them with affirmations or actions like "You deserve it" or "I am worthy", "Lets talk to her", "Let's see if its really true.", approach women etc. This practice helps replace these negative thoughts with more truthful and helpful thoughts. It can also help you become more present, which brings you in alignment with the power of “presence” within. Which is reflected in your reality and people are naturally drawn towards you. As the world is just a reflection of your inner state.
- Another practical pointer is to approach and talk to women often, to collect evidence that women, even a few, are friendly, nice and are actually attracted to you. Be very truthful and don’t end up in a trap of confirmation bias . In fact, men are lucky that a good number of women are not into looks as much as them [12] X Research source . For example: It is a common sight in cities to see less attractive guys going out with hot girls. Plus, generally speaking, women are nicer than men. Be practical though and use this evidence as long as it motivates you and drop it when it starts causing psychological (mental and emotional) pain. Read the last step of article Become Mentally Flexible for more on this.
- It certainly helps to keep a balance between relationship, health and wealth to counter lack of entitlement. Read step 2 of section 6 of the article Get Good at Picking Up Girls for more.
- Although, the best practice to dissolve self-limiting beliefs and to be non-needy is deeply realize that [Know Your True Self|in your essence]] you are already perfect and complete Now. And the best way to know that is to realize that you are not your mind . This helps bring an inner shift. [13] X Research source Tolle, Eckhart. <i>Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment.</i> Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 150. This truth is also realized when you practice feeling your inner-body as much as you can.
- Dissolve the mental-emotional patterns of inadequacy and lack of Entitlement. Detect, watch or allow the thoughts or self-limiting beliefs that say 'you/I are/am not good enough', 'she is so out of my league', 'I am not attractive enough', 'She will reject me' etc. Acknowledge and let them be. This 'lack of entitlement', inadequacy and negativity will dissolve naturally if you just allow these conditioned or mind created thoughts, patterns and emotions to be without resistance, reacting and deeply realizing that you are not your conditioned mind
.
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4Be in touch with your inner self as much as you can. There is something within you that never changes regardless of the transient mental-emotional states and circumstances of your life. That's your true self. It is very effective to keep part of your attention within your inner body or sense perceptions or breath while doing anything. This will rapidly transform and deepen your life. Read Stay Rooted in Being for more depth.
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Embrace the moment. Be open to whatever arises in the moment, i.e thoughts and emotions of awkwardness, joy, intensity, overwhelm, fear, anxiety, frustration, exhilaration, etc. Embrace or accept it completely without any judgments. In more direct words, accept whatever arises at "this" moment as if you have chosen it. If acceptance is not possible then accept that you cannot accept .
- Emotions and circumstances are just ripples on the surface, but you are the ocean. Read Stay Rooted in Being for more depth on this.
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Adjust your energy level. It may help to adjust your energy level in accordance with the environment and the girl you are talking to. For example: For some people, it may help to ramp up their energy at night, since there is so much going on. If you don't, you may end up standing on the sidelines feeling like a creep. Which is fine, as long as you are aware of your feelings.
- However, if you are a chill and laidback guy then the same attitude can work for you too. So you don't have to force yourself to ramp up your energy. Simply take one step at a time, as long as it feels natural. This helps conserve energy, helps you game longer, is polarizing and more effective in the long run. Low energy game.
- Experiment to find which approach works best for you at a given time and to find a balance.
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Tips
- Smiling and amusing yourself with common sense helps a lot as it makes it easier to channel energy from negative emotions and inertia to the present moment [14] X Research source . It also sub-communicates to people that you are a friendly person.Thanks
- Few females who consider themselves "girls" are old enough to consent to sex. Try getting women to go home with you if you are over 18.Thanks
- Just because a girl agrees to come home with you does not mean that she is agreeing to have sex with you. If you respect that, then she is likely to respect you more and it won't kill the relationship or have you up in court for rape.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 34
- ↑ Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 121
- ↑ https://www.cdc.gov/physical-activity-basics/benefits/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/basics/pa-health/index.htm
- ↑ https://www.hhs.gov/fitness/eat-healthy/importance-of-good-nutrition/index.html
- ↑ Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 88
- ↑ Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 40
- ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/attraction/how-eye-contact-and-attraction-are-linked/
- ↑ https://theconversation.com/think-direct-eye-contact-makes-someone-trustworthy-it-can-be-a-sign-of-something-much-darker-113787
- ↑ Manson, Mark. Models:Attracting women through honesty, Pg 121
- ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 43.
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/sex-lies-men-myths-0217137#:~:text=While%20most%20research%20does%20show,role%20in%20men's%20visual%20stimulation
- ↑ https://www.quora.com/Do-women-care-less-about-looks-than-men
- ↑ Tolle, Eckhart. Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Vancouver, BC: Namaste Publishing, 1999. Page 150.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prefrontal-nudity/201208/smile-powerful-tool
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