How to Ignore Your Enemy

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At various times in our lives, we all face enemies. Those people who do not wish us well or are otherwise critical, skeptical, and generally keep us from reaching our goals. These people may feel threatened by our accomplishments or skills or be fearful of others. There may be no logical or clear reason at all. Having some strategies in your pocket for ignoring such individuals can help you manage them and not let them hold you back.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Avoiding Your Enemy

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  1. You may not always feel like it, but you are actually in control of the situation. Adversaries are good at making us feel bad. Approaching them with the right attitude will help you keep them from affecting you.
    • Focus your thoughts on positive things and people in your life. [1]
    • Make the decision not to allow your enemy to get to you with his negative words and actions.
    • Remember that your time and energy are better spent on positive and productive things, not responding to negative adversaries.
    • Decide where you want to be in life and pursue that path with confidence.
  2. [2] Staying calm and collected is your best strategy for managing difficult situations and people.
    • Ignore any comments or behavior enemies use to taunt you or provoke a reaction from you.
    • Come up with some go-to thoughts for the times when your enemy gets to you: “When they bring me down, I will start thinking about last year's trip to Hawaii…”
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  3. Your enemy may continuously try to bring you down with negative comments. Your job is to keep those comments from affecting you. [3]
    • Don't take his/her comments to heart.
    • Think of positive thoughts, places, experiences, or people.
    • Be the master of your own happiness. You decide who to avoid and who to listen to.
  4. It may be impossible to avoid your enemy completely, but it's worth investing some effort to avoid meeting him/her if you can. [4]
    • Avoid places where you commonly meet or cross paths of an enemy who's a coworker or classmate.
    • Delete social media connections to him/her, if you have any.
    • Don't engage in conversation if you cannot avoid him/her completely. Acknowledge his presence, but ignore any attempt at engagement.
  5. If you cannot avoid your enemy, you can at least make the decision not to engage with him, or minimize that engagement.
    • Don't listen to what he/she says to you.
    • Try not to react to his taunts and negative words, even when it's difficult.
    • Do not, under any circumstances, get pulled into an argument or fight with him/her. [5]
    • Walk away if you must. Being cornered by your enemy can lead to engagement.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Being the Best Person You Can Be

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  1. It goes without saying, this is always a good strategy in life, but when you have an enemy who's trying to bring you down, it's especially important. This is because you can't change your enemies. You can only change how to react to them. [6]
    • Avoid the temptation to get revenge or otherwise hurt them.
    • Don't react to provocations.
  2. Your enemy has a harder time being mean when you are being friendly. It may be hard to be nice, fake it if you must. But taking the wind out of his sails by doing what he doesn’t expect can be a good way to cool down any conflict.
    • Smile and make eye contact.
    • Acknowledge his presence, but don't engage in conversation.
  3. Even if your enemy is trying to derail you from doing what you need to do, it's key to not let him/her influence your decisions or obstruct your progress.
    • Pursue whatever goals you have that your enemy is trying to sabotage.
    • Consider your goal achievement as a kind of reward for tolerating your enemy. [7]
    • Don't act like he or she does. You will always be glad you stuck to your principles.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Gathering Your Support Network

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  1. [8] It's easy to spend energy on your enemy and how to deal with him, but you will feel better and stronger if you remember all of the positive and helpful people in your life instead. [9]
    • Think about your army of supporters even if they're not physically present.
    • Imagine your support network cheering you on in difficult situations.
    • Strive to find new allies at work, school or other places you spend time.
  2. Keeping a positive attitude will help you avoid spending too much energy and time thinking about your enemy's behavior. This also means you can focus on the helpful people in your life such as your supporters.
    • Think about your support network every time a negative thought comes to mind.
    • Never lose track of your goals and how you will reach them.
  3. Think of what you admire most in yourself and focus on your own accomplishments. Friends and family are valuable supporters, but it's also important to take care of yourself.
    • Make a list of the accomplishments that make you proud.
    • Think of a recent compliment by a loved one or coworker.
    • Come up with a daily mantra (or two or three): “I am the strongest person I know!” or “I can handle anything that comes my way.”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I be the bigger person?
    Sabrina Grover, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Sabrina Grover, LMSW is a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW) who earned her degree in Advanced Clinical Practice from New York University. Sabrina has experience working in substance abuse recovery centers and schools where she gained experience providing evidence-based treatment to children, adolescents, adults, and families. Sabrina specializes in Dialectical, Narrative, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. She has particular expertise in treating clients struggling with grief, complex trauma, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, and depression. She commits to providing a supportive environment for everyone who commits to growth and offering a warm, non-judgmental atmosphere.
    Sabrina Grover, LMSW
    Licensed Master Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    It really comes down to empathy for yourself and for that other person. At the end of the day, this person has their own issues to work out. What you can focus on are your own strengths, your own positive attributes, and your own way of navigating the world. The more energy you put into yourself, the less energy will be put into that enemy.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 20
  • Question
    How do I avoid enemies who live near me?
    Community Answer
    Use alternate routes. Spend most of your time outside with friends, shopping or working out. When home, close curtains and listen to music and make to-do list of future plans. When every way to ignore them seems to be failed and they might somehow threaten you or your future, then you have to make an immediate decision to move and let nobody know.
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  • Question
    How do I ignore my enemy's insults?
    Community Answer
    Realise that what they are saying is only to wind you up. You could roll your eyes, state that you don't care, go back to what you were doing, or just walk away. If things do go out of hand, have something to say back to them, but know that anything mean will probably backfire.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • Give it time. Just wait for the conflict to fizzle out, which it eventually will.
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      • Never assume you did something to cause this person's poor treatment of you.
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      • Another way to avoid enemies is to is to find a quiet corner and put headphones or earbuds and tune your self out that way you don't hear them talking to you and sit there and just ignore them.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Sometimes, it helps to say your comeback in your mind and then imagine the after effect. You will gradually stop doing this. And the puzzled look on your enemy's face at your smile will be priceless!
      • Don't change your life or appearance or anything major just to get your enemy to like you more. It's your enemy's problem if he/she has a problem with you for who you are.
      • Just completely shut them out, because they aren't worth your time. If they are a violent enemy, tell an adult who you trust right away!
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      Warnings

      • If the person continues to harass you and it becomes bullying, you should seek help from someone.
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      • Never engage in any physical aggression with the person, no matter how bad they treat you.
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      • Ignoring your enemy may make them angry. Continue to avoid contact with them if this happens.
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      • Do not hurt yourself physically as a result of your enemy's behavior. Seek help if you are considering self harm.
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      References

      1. ↑ Sabrina Grover, LMSW. Licensed Master Social Worker. Expert Interview. 3 December 2021.
      2. ↑ Sabrina Grover, LMSW. Licensed Master Social Worker. Expert Interview. 3 December 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/archive/ca/entry/dealing-with-enemies-in-the-workplace_b_12200748?ir=Canada
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201207/the-best-ways-deal-people-who-hurt-you
      5. ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/archive/ca/entry/dealing-with-enemies-in-the-workplace_b_12200748?ir=Canada
      6. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/signs-you-have-a-workplace-nemesis-2016-6#-8
      7. ↑ https://www.learning-mind.com/8-best-ways-to-deal-with-your-enemies/
      8. ↑ Sabrina Grover, LMSW. Licensed Master Social Worker. Expert Interview. 3 December 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platform-success/201303/how-manage-your-enemies

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      While having an enemy can be distressing, there are ways to ignore them so you can escape their negativity. Whenever possible, avoid seeing your enemy by blocking them on social media and avoiding places where you’d commonly see each other. If you have to see them, don’t give them your mental energy. Instead, stay calm around them and ignore their behavior. For example, if they try to provoke a reaction from you, have some go-to thoughts that make you happy, like a recent vacation. You can also simply walk away from them so you aren’t tempted to engage with them or react negatively to their taunts. To learn how to gather a support network to help you stay positive even when you have an enemy, keep reading!

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