Download Article
Strengthen and enjoy your bond with your long-distance partner
Explore this Article
IN THIS ARTICLE
Other Sections
Download Article
X
This article was written by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 9,081,249 times.
Long-distance relationships can certainly be challenging in some ways, but they can also help create a strong emotional connection between you and your partner. We’ve consulted dating experts to create a list of the best tips for maintaining a healthy and strong long-distance relationship, including advice on maintaining communication, spending quality time together, and navigating common challenges. Even though your partner may be miles away, there are plenty of things you can do to make sure your connection stays strong.
This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, John Keegan. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Maintain consistent communication with your partner through text, phone calls, or video calls and update them about your life.
- Make room for spending quality time together, such as having a video call dinner date, watching a movie together, or having a deep conversation.
- Visit each other as often as your schedule allows and talk about where you see your relationship going in the future.
Steps
-
Stay connected via texting, calling, or video chatting. One of the biggest challenges of long-distance relationships is the absence of physical contact with your partner. However, just because you’re not side-by-side doesn’t mean you can’t form a real connection and keep the spark alive. Be sure to text, call, and video call each other as often as you need to help you feel connected to each other.
- This doesn’t mean that you have to text or call them 24/7. In fact, avoid spamming them with messages since that may make them feel a bit suffocated. Just reach out to them when you feel like talking and let the conversation flow from there.
- Come up with a schedule to make sure you’re contacting each other regularly. For example, save Friday evenings for FaceTiming each other.
Advertisement
-
Help them get a better picture of your everyday life. Talking about the little, mundane happenings in your life can bring you and your partner closer, even if there are hundreds of miles between you. Tell them what you plan on eating for dinner, what you did during the day, or how you’re planning to redecorate your home. [1] X Research source
- Telling your partner these “boring” details can actually give them a lot of insight into your life. Since they can’t be there with you everyday, these little snapshots give them a better picture of who you are as a person.
-
Dive into topics that will help you really understand your partner. Having a deep conversation is the perfect way to get to know the ins and outs of how your partner thinks and what they believe. These kinds of talks can also be an opportunity for you to express your honest thoughts and opinions on certain topics. You might discover plenty of things you have in common, or it could be an eye-opening experience that highlights your differences. Some topics to talk about include:
- Your goals and dreams
- Your faith
- Your political views
- Your fears and worries
- Your favorite memories
Advertisement
-
Ask for their advice or opinions to include them in your world. To help strengthen your bond, do little things to make your partner feel like their presence is truly valued and appreciated in your life. Ask for their opinion when you’re making a decision, go to them for advice about a problem, or even ask them for help on a project you’re working on. Long-distance relationships work when you both truly feel involved in each other’s lives.
- For example, even if they can’t be there to help, involve them in the conversation about what color you should paint your room.
- Or, ask them for honest advice if you’re having trouble at work or school.
- Also be sure to introduce them to your friends and family since this can help them feel even closer to you and the important people in your life.
-
Quality time helps to strengthen your emotional bond. Unfortunately, unlike in a regular relationship, you can’t just hang out together or go to visit each other whenever you feel like it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t carve out some special time to reconnect. When you spend quality time together , make sure all of your attention is on your partner and do some fun or relaxing things. For example:
- Have a dinner date over a video call.
- Put on the same movie at the same time and talk about it while you watch.
- Bake something together while video chatting.
EXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Be honest with yourself about what's taking up your time outside of the relationship. Then, consider how you can adjust your schedule to make time for your partner. For instance, think of ways to adjust certain hobbies and activities to do things together.
Advertisement
-
Connect over things you have in common to feel like you're together. Doing things together and sharing experiences, even while you’re apart, can make you feel a lot closer to your partner. It’ll give you something fun to talk about and can help create special memories. For example, read the same book and hop on a call to talk about it when you’re done. Or, attempt to cook the same recipe and have a dinner date. It might help in making it feel like they’re really there beside you. Some other ideas include:
- Starting a new hobby together, like exercising, crafting, or painting.
- Learning a foreign language together.
- Going to restaurants with similar cuisines and giving reviews to each other.
-
Shake things up with spicy texts, phone calls, or video calls. Even though you’re pretty limited in your ability to get physical together, there are still plenty of ways you and your partner can be more intimate with each other. If you’re feeling in the mood, send some dirty texts to your partner or give a go at having phone sex . Intimacy can help bring couples even closer together, and there’s no reason you should miss out just because you’re long-distance.
- Some other intimate things to do include taking a bath together over a video call and doing role-play with your partner.
Advertisement
-
Plan times to physically be together to reaffirm your commitment. Being in a long-distance relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you have to stay long-distance for the entire time. Make time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits. Once you meet up, go ahead and do all the things you might’ve been missing out on while communicating long-distance, such as going on dates or introducing each other to the place you live.
- Plan ahead for your next meetup so that you have something to look forward to.
- Meet away from home sometimes, too. Visit a place together that’s new to both of you, or choose a place that’s halfway between you and make a vacation out of it.
EXPERT TIPDr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical PsychologistLong-distance relationships depend on really communicating and connecting. Prioritize hearing each other and plan regular in-person visits. Though virtual contact helps, make the most of physical time together. Focus on building intimacy, avoiding just defaulting to technology. Shared experiences and quality moments keep bonds alive.
-
Always be ready to give heartening words. Just because you’re not right by each other’s sides doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t cheer each other on. Send them encouraging messages throughout the day, support them when they try new things, and offer them reassurance when they have doubts. Even though you’re not together, you’re still a team, and it’s important to remind them of that whenever you can.
- For example, if you know they have a big presentation at work coming up, send them a good luck message that day and let them know you want to hear all about how it went.
- Give them your full attention and listen attentively when they call you with a problem to show that you really care and want to help.
Advertisement
-
Offer them words of affirmation every now and then. Complimenting your partner and expressing your gratitude to them can help remind them just how precious of a person they are to you. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s natural for you and your partner to have a few doubts about if things will work out at first. However, if you continuously remind them just how much they mean to you (and they do the same for you), your bond will definitely strengthen despite the distance.
- For example, make sure to tell your partner “I love you” often.
- Be direct and sincere with your compliments. For example, say something like, “I really love how safe you make me feel” or “I love how in touch you are with your emotions.”
-
Surprise your love with small presents to show you're thinking of them. Just like how you’d probably give gifts to your partner is a close-distance relationship, don’t hesitate to shower your special someone with things they like during special occasions or just because. Fortunately, no amount of distance can stop you from sending a thoughtful gift through the mail. For example: [2] X Research source
- Send them chocolates on Valentine’s Day.
- Mail them a care package with all of their favorite snacks and treats.
- Gift them an item they’ve always wanted for their birthday.
- Send them some flowers on a random day to let them know you’re thinking of them.
Advertisement
-
Swap out technology for romantic snail mail every now and then. Switch things up and write a hand-written love letter for your partner to send through the post. Technology makes communication almost instantaneous, but if you’re looking to add a bit of excitement to your relationship, why not opt for a more traditional means of communicating? Not to mention, waiting for a reply will give you something to look forward to. [3] X Research source
- To make things more intimate, spritz your letter with your signature cologne or perfume so that your partner instantly thinks of you when they get it.
- Other things to send via the post include postcards, drawings, or even a calendar they can use to count down the days until you can meet up again.
-
Make your relationship wants and needs clear to avoid conflict. Setting boundaries is a way to maintain a healthy balance between you and your partner and lays out your expectations for one another. These ground rules can act as a blueprint for your relationship and can be something you refer to if things get complicated. Discuss things you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with regarding your relationship and set boundaries accordingly. For example:
- Let your partner know how often you want to call and text each other.
- Tell them if you feel uncomfortable sharing any personal details about your life.
- Set expectations that you’ll listen to each other without being judgmental.
- Specify how you want to approach your sexual needs. Do you want to stay monogamous, or open things up while you're apart?
Advertisement
-
Being honest builds trust between you and your partner. All successful and healthy relationships, including long-distance ones, are rooted in good communication and honesty. If you and your partner both feel like you can be open and honest without the other person being too judgmental, the quality of your relationship is sure to improve. [4] X Research source
- For example, if something’s bothering you in your personal life, don’t be afraid to open up to your partner and share what’s going on.
- Or, if there’s something that’s been on your mind about your relationship, share your honest thoughts.
- Listen to your partner and avoid being too critical to show that they can trust you.
-
Make your partner a priority, even during difficult patches. Long-distance relationships thrive and flourish when both people know for sure that their partner is fully on board. Show your partner that you’re 100% committed to your relationship by scheduling time to be together, being there when they need you, and addressing any issues rather than giving up on the relationship right away. [5] X Research source
- Commitment is also about not putting yourself in situations that could jeopardize your relationship. For example, if you know you’re going out to a club, be sure to not flirt with other people.
- It’s also important that you and your partner trust each other and have faith that neither of you will do anything to threaten your relationship.
Advertisement
-
Decide on an end date for your long-distance relationship. This end goal refers to when you and your partner will finally be able to be physically near each other and continue your relationship in person. Talk to your partner about where they see your relationship going and come up with a general timeline of when you can take your relationship to the next phase.
- For example, you might agree to move to where they are within the next 2 years provided that your career allows for such a move.
- If you don’t see your relationship working out in the future, be honest with your partner and tell them you think it might be best to end things after a while.
-
Tackle problems together as they happen to bolster your relationship. Since you may not see your partner every day, it can be easy to simply ignore problems for a while. However, when these issues remain unsolved, frustration and resentment can easily begin to build up. That’s why it’s incredibly important to have a serious conversation about your relationship whenever you feel unhappy or dissatisfied with something. [6] X Research source
- When talking to your partner, use “I” language to keep the focus on your feelings and perspective and avoid sounding like you’re blaming your partner.
- For example, instead of saying, “You never call me first and it’s annoying,” say, “I’ve been feeling a bit lonely recently and would like if we could talk more.”
Advertisement
-
Live your own life and pursue your passions outside of the relationship. Healthy relationships, whether long-distance or not, all require partners to maintain a sense of independence and personal freedom. This allows each person to grow and bring new energy to the relationship. Instead of constantly thinking about your partner and how far away they are, get out and do things that make you happy, then go back to your partner and tell them all about what you did. [7] X Research source
- For example, set aside time to pursue your hobbies during the week.
- Or, just spend some time relaxing on your own by reading a book, going for a walk, or even meditating to clear your mind.
-
Stay connected with the other important people in your life. While having your partner be so far away may not be the ideal situation, don’t forget that you have plenty of other people near you who you can turn to for support and comfort. Avoid letting yourself get wrapped up in your romantic relationship and be sure to spend time with friends and family to nurture those relationships as well. [8] X Research source
- For example, hang out with friends on the weekend, get together for a meal with your family, or take a trip with your closest pals.
- Don’t hesitate to turn to friends and family for relationship advice.
Advertisement
-
Remind yourself that long-distance can be hard, and that's OK. While there are plenty of things you can do to make your long-distance relationship work, it’s important to stay realistic and acknowledge that challenges that you wouldn’t experience in a close-distance relationship might come up. This will help you better prepare to tackle these challenges head-on rather than give up as soon as something goes wrong.
- Remember that all relationships take some amount of work. Just because you might hit a rough patch every now and then doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t worth it.
-
Think about the advantages of a long-distance relationship. If you find yourself having doubts about your long-distance relationship, remind yourself of all of the good things that can come from it. For example, studies have shown that long-distance couples actually experience more intimacy and stronger emotional connections. Also, tell yourself daily about what you love about your partner to remind yourself why it’s all worth it.
- If anything, the distance between you and your partner will allow you to be more creative in expressing affection toward each other.
- The success of your relationship partly depends on your attitude. If you tell yourself that things will work out, you’ll be more motivated to make sure that that comes true.
Advertisement
Conversation Help
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Reader Videos
Tips
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Surprise bae by having little gifts sent their way, like a cute teddy bear or their fave snacks from that bakery near them they love. These are small reminders you're thinking of them even when apart.
- Like any relationship, LDRs take work, but focus on strengthening your bond through honestly sharing your feelings. Approach struggles creatively together as a team.
- Book future trips to fun new places neither of you have been — having adventures to look forward to together makes the distance less bleak.
- Send each other silly selfies and random pics from your day. Including your partner in the little moments makes them feel not so far away.
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
You Might Also Like
How to
Tell a Guy He's Handsome over Text
How to
Know if Your Long Distance Partner Is Serious
How to
Flirt with a Guy over Text Long Distance
20+ Romantic & Cute Ways To Show Love in a Long Distance Relationship
How to
Make Your Long Distance Boyfriend Miss You
How to
Make Your Long Distance Boyfriend Feel Special
14 Fun Long-Distance Activities to Do with Your Girlfriend Online
How to
Talk to Your Girlfriend on the Phone
How to
End a Long Distance Relationship
Missing Your Girlfriend? 12 Ways to Feel Better Instantly and Connect with Her
How to
Ask a Girl Out over Text for a Long Distance Relationship (10+ Tips to Shoot Your Shot)
Making a Long Distance Relationship Work: 9 Ways to Bring Back Love
How to
Express Emotions Over Text
The Best Apps for Long-Distance Relationships
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
- ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
- ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
- ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-effectively-approach-your-partner-about-relationship-issues-0613135
- ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
- ↑ https://www.cabrini.edu/about/departments/counseling/counseling-resources/long-distance-relationships
About This Article
This article was written by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 9,081,249 times.
30 votes - 97%
Co-authors: 297
Updated: August 30, 2024
Views: 9,081,249
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 9,081,249 times.
Reader Success Stories
-
Josh Flores
Sep 6, 2017
"The fact that the article discussed doing things together, such as cooking, studying, etc., really inspired me to get more personal with my girlfriend who is 2,000 miles away from me in Nashville. Now we can work our way toward marriage! Thanks, wikiHow." ..." more
Did this article help you?
Advertisement
Co-authors: 297
Updated: August 30, 2024
Views: 9,081,249
97%
of readers found this article helpful
.
30 votes - 97%
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
Josh Flores
Sep 6, 2017
"The fact that the article discussed doing things together, such as cooking, studying, etc., really inspired me to get more personal with my girlfriend who is 2,000 miles away from me in Nashville. Now we can work our way toward marriage! Thanks, wikiHow."
..."
more
Gina Parson
Mar 7, 2017
"This article helped me know that my feelings about the long distance relationship are normal. I was having a hard time connecting and I didn't know why, but it was explained here, and now I feel so much better. Thank you from the bottom of my heart."
..."
more
Angelina Itol
May 4, 2016
"Was looking for new ideas. We have been doing a lot of what was suggested but this gave me even more things to try. Learned new ideas like doing projects together, creating a blog together, and cooking the same thing at the same time."
..."
more
Anonymous
Nov 3, 2017
"All written here is good, is nice and is wonderful. I'm single, reading this article gives me more knowledge on how to handle my relationship when I'm in to any. I'm really short of words. I'd love to read more. Thanks."
..."
more
Reabetsoe David
Nov 5, 2018
"It has made me realize that there are things I can do to keep our relationship healthy and exciting, even though we are distant from each other. I thought distance meant an end to a relationship. Thanks a lot."
..."
more
Quizzes
Do I Have a Dirty Mind Quiz
Take Quiz
Am I a Good Kisser Quiz
Take Quiz
Rizz Game: Test Your Rizz
Take Quiz
What's Your Red Flag Quiz
Take Quiz
Am I Smart Quiz
Take Quiz
How Insecure Am I Quiz
Take Quiz
You Might Also Like
How to
Tell a Guy He's Handsome over Text
How to
Know if Your Long Distance Partner Is Serious
How to
Flirt with a Guy over Text Long Distance
20+ Romantic & Cute Ways To Show Love in a Long Distance Relationship
Featured Articles
How to
Make Your Android Screen Black and White or Grayscale
How to
Study a Week Before an Exam
How to
Stop Taking Things Personally
13 Signs Your Friends with Benefits Is Falling For You
How to
Love an Overthinker
Do I Have Rizz Quiz
Trending Articles
How to
Work on Yourself: 11 Essential Tips for Self-Improvement
How to
Keep Your Dog Happy
400+ Cute, Cool, & Unique Name Ideas for Cows & Bulls
Can Enemies Become Friends? How to Mend Your Relationship
How to
Make Soft Drinks
Which Emojis Represent Taylor Swift? A Guide for Swifties
Featured Articles
How to
Improve Your Personality
How to
Force Yourself to Seriously Study
11 Ways to Confuse and Disarm a Narcissist
"Hot to Go!" by Chappell Roan: The Flirtatious Lyrics & Their Meaning
How to
Dress for Fall
What Human Emotion Am I Quiz
Featured Articles
How Strong Is Your Intuition Quiz
People with Big Eyes: What Are They Like, and Are They More Attractive?
50 First Date Conversation Starters to Spark a Connection
118 Cute, Flirty, and Romantic Good Night Texts to Copy and Paste
How to
Achieve the Messy Fringe Look
21 Common Hand Signs & Gestures (& What They Mean)
Watch Articles
How to
Remove a Toothpaste Stain
How to
Make Couscous
How to
Properly Take Off a Face Mask
How to
Know when Oat Milk Is Bad
How to
Blow Dry Bangs
How to
Prepare a Pop Tart
Trending Articles
13 Striking, Masculine Flowers That Men Will Love
How to
Overcome Your Fear of Roller Coasters
How to
Find Scholarships, Plus When & How to Apply
Ticketmaster Thinks I'm a Bot: 6 Reasons & Fast Fixes
How to
Stop Being Sad
How to
Permanently Delete an X (Formerly Twitter) Account
Quizzes
What Disney Princess Am I Quiz
Take Quiz
Do I Have a Phobia Quiz
Take Quiz
Guess My Age Quiz
Take Quiz
Am I a Genius Quiz
Take Quiz
Depression Test
Take Quiz
What Human Emotion Am I Quiz
Take Quiz
