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Whether you're trying to out-think someone during an argument, or trying to convince your parent to get you a new phone, there are certain things you can do to make it more likely to outsmart someone. While there's no surefire way to outsmart everyone (as each individual is different) making sure your argument is sound, and knowing how to act and what to say, can make a big difference!
Steps
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Prepare ahead of time. Make sure to gather your facts or know your audience. For example, if you know that Grandpa Joe always likes to get on your case about "kids these days" make sure that you attend the family reunion with a pocketful of facts about the good your generation is doing, the hardships your generation faces compared to his, and so on. [1] X Research source
- You can't always count on being fully prepared for an argument ahead of time, but there are some things you can do to make it more likely that you come out on top in an on-the-spot argument.
- If there are certain subjects that are important to you make sure you know as much about them as possible. This way, even if you're not prepared for a specific argument, should one arise, you'll have the facts to back up your side of things.
- Make sure that you understand how to set up a compelling argument (see the section about making your case). You want to avoid falling into certain argument fallacies.
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Know your audience. Your argument is going to be different based on the people who are participating in the argument and the people who are listening to it. The fewer people to deal with, the easier you'll have it, because you won't have to try to figure in so many different argument types.
- For example: to go back to your Grandpa Joe, you wouldn't want to engage in a loud and angry argument with him in front of all your relatives. This will make him less likely to back down no matter how asinine his side of the argument is. Instead, you might talk to him in a more private setting without all the family members around watching you.
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Remain calm. The person who loses their temper or their hold on their emotions first is the person who loses the argument. It doesn't matter how good your facts are, because you're out of control and more likely to make a mistake. [2] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- Take deep breaths when you feel your temper or emotions rising.
- This is also why it's important to listen carefully when the other person is talking. If you can focus on what they're saying and take a moment to consider your rebuttal, you're less likely to respond with an immediate knee-jerk emotional reaction.
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Ask questions. This was a favorite tactic of philosophers like Socrates. Asking questions does a number of sneaky things in an argument: it allows you to remain in control of an argument (because you're directing where it goes and keeping the pressure on the other person's argument), and it exposes any discrepancies or weaknesses in your opponent's argument. [3] X Research source
- Ask for proof, or for sources to support the claims that they make. For example: if you're in an argument with someone about the debacle in Gaza, and they make all sorts of wild claims, ask them to back up those claims with proof and sources.
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Mirror the other person. You want to create a sort of camaraderie between yourself and the other person, or persons. This will help them lower their guard, because they will feel more comfortable and less attacked, but it will make them more open to listening to you. [4] X Research source
- Try to subtly mimic their speech patterns. You're not doing this because you want to make fun of them for how they talk, but because you want to connect with them on the same level. So, for example, when you're talking with Grandpa Joe it's better to fall into the "good-ole-boy" speech patterns than your super academic, "lots of big obnoxious words" speech pattern.
- You should also try to subtly mirror their body language. Make sure that you are a slower, imperfect mirror. Follow too closely and your opponent will catch on. For example, if Grandpa Joe puts on leg over the other and leans forward, wait a couple seconds, and then do the same.
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Don’t assume you know what the other person’s arguments are. Assuming you know what your opponent is going to argue is a surefire way to be caught without an effective counter-argument. Prepare as much as you can based on what you think your opponent might argue, but leave room for surprises.
- Make sure that you're listening closely to what the other person is saying. If you miss something or are distracted ask them to repeat what they said.
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Distract your opponent from their position. If you can off-balance your opponent, then it almost doesn't matter whether their argument makes more sense than yours. Always act with confidence in your argument.
- Throw in a punchy one-liner: "You're being defensive" or "That is beside the point" or "What are your parameters?" These types of phrases are sure to irritate people and can have the added benefit of actually making them defensive, even if they weren't previously.
- You want to be careful with this step, because you don't want this to turn into attacks on the other person's character (which is called an ad hominem attack and should be avoided).
- Focus on only a few of their arguments, especially ones that you know you can defeat. Confidently assume that you've won once you've defeated those ones.
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Use logos in your argument. This is the type of argument that appeals to and rests on logic and reason. It tends to have facts and sources to back it up and tends also to be made up of inductive and deductive reasoning. [5] X Research source
- Inductive means that it takes a specific representation of a case or facts and then draws conclusions based on those facts. You have to base this type of reasoning on a fair amount of reliable and supported evidence.
- Deductive reasoning tends to begin with a generalization or conclusion and then applies it to a specific case. You have to base your generalization on a lot of reliable evidence, however. Twisting facts to support a hasty claim is not going to help you.
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Employ ethos. This is the ethical appeal that tends to be based on character, credibility, or reliability of the source or the person. Ways to establish credibility or to check for the credibility of your sources include:
- Double-check and triple-check the sources with other sources to make sure that the argument is supported by multiple claims.
- Make sure that the author or yourself are using actual, factually-backed claims, rather than information that is backed only by non-authorities, and so on.
- Make sure that you understand your position and the position of your sources. These should be clear and obvious from the start.
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Have at least some emotional appeal. This is called "pathos" and it tends to appeal to an audience or opponent's needs, values, and emotional sensibilities. There is a place for emotion in an argument as long as that isn't what you're basing your argument on.
- It's particularly useful to use emotional appeals to make a persuasive argument. For example: if you're arguing about the situation in Gaza you might pair facts about the Palestinian death toll with an emotional description of an individual's story.
- Don't base your argument on emotional appeal and only use if it really supports the claim you're making. You don't want to use emotional appeal to distract from the actual issue of the argument or debate.
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Stick to only a few, strong points. If you have too many points it will be difficult for you to keep track of them all. You want to have a few points that you feel are incredibly strong and that you have sources to back them up.
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Avoid ad hominem attacks in your arguments. An ad hominem attack is when you attack someone based on their appearance or their character, rather than on their opinion. While this can anger someone to the point that they lose track of their argument, it's going to make you look bad. [6] X Trustworthy Source University of North Carolina Writing Center UNC's on-campus and online instructional service that provides assistance to students, faculty, and others during the writing process Go to source
- These types of attacks are also more likely to make your opponent less likely to hear your side of the argument.
- If the other person attacks you in this way, call their attention to what they're doing and let them know that your appearance or character has nothing to do with the argument at hand. If they have to resort to these types of attacks, then their argument must not be very good.
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Avoid making hasty generalizations. This is when you draw a conclusion that is based on very little, faulty, or biased information. This is what happens when you rush to a conclusion, or into an argument, without gathering all your facts and considering all sides beforehand.
- If someone does this to you, probe them on it. Ask questions. Have them cite their sources, where they got their information and so on.
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Pick the right time. There is no way, unfortunately, to outsmart an authority figure like a parent or a teacher every single time. There are, however, times when they'll be more susceptible to persuasion.
- If you're trying to wheedle something out of a parent when they've just gotten home from a difficult day at the office you are not going to have luck getting them to agree to something. In fact, you may make it so that you'll never actually get that thing.
- Likewise, asking your teacher for an extension on that project you didn't complete in front of the rest of your classmates is going to make them less likely to give it to you than if you discussed it with them privately.
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Soften them up. There are very few people who aren't susceptible to a little bit of flattery or appreciation. It's important that you don't only do this when you want something, however, otherwise they'll be able to see through your machinations.
- Thank them for something. For example: if you're trying to convince your mom to buy you a new phone, say something like "Mom, I really appreciate how hard you work at your job."
- Compliment them in a way that isn't terribly obvious, or directly related to what you're trying to get them to do. Say something like "Ms. Harding, you're my favorite teacher, because you're always willing to go the extra mile and help me out."
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Give them a reason why something benefits them. People are so much more likely to help you do something or give you something if it also benefits them. Authority figures are just as likely to fall for that as anyone else.
- For example: if you're trying to get a new phone, you might say something like "mom, I really want to make sure that you can reach me anytime you need to."
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Meet them halfway. If you demonstrate that you're mature enough to meet your authority figure halfway on something, you're much more likely to get something from them. It's good to prepare ahead of time so that you know exactly what you're going to offer them in return.
- For example, you might tell your mom that you have saved up half of what it would cost to get a new phone, and that you were wondering if you could split the cost with her.
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Tell an obvious lie to hide a non-obvious lie. This is slightly different than the steps above, but if you need to lie about something, then a fantastic way to cover up a misdeed is to tell a really obvious lie at the same time as a less-obvious lie. People will focus on the obvious lie and the non-obvious lie will be more likely to go unnoticed.
- Make yourself seem like a really bad liar. Tell some really obvious lies with all the signs of a liar (not meeting anyone's gaze, giggling nervously, acting really nervous, etc.).
- It's also better if the lie you're hiding is less a total lie than a half-truth. It's easier to lie by omission or with a lie that has it's basis in truth.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionHow can you know what someone else is thinking?Community AnswerReally, you cannot. Half the time you can't be sure of the entirety of your own thoughts. You can just guess what the person is thinking at that moment based on the context, their actions and the things happening to them. Balance this with the chances of being right as to how much you know the person. Sometimes telling a person you know what they're thinking is actually about persuading them to realize that your guess at their thoughts is actually their top concern!
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QuestionHow do I make people like me?Community AnswerBe yourself around them, and if they do not like that then you should consider hanging out with other people.
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QuestionHow do I deal with smart bullies?Community AnswerIgnore them. By not showing any emotion toward them, you will make them think all their effort is wasted. This will make them disgruntled and they will eventually stop.
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Tips
- You will need to practice the things outlined in the article. They aren't something you can just be good at without a little bit of effort.Thanks
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Warnings
- These tactics won't work every time. Someone people are more susceptible than others, so you'll need to judge your opponent or parent on a case-by-case basis.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about human behavior, check out our in-depth interview with Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS .
References
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/goal-setting/
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_to_calm_your_mind_in_stressful_times
- ↑ https://er.educause.edu/blogs/2017/2/why-asking-good-questions-can-help-you-be-a-better-leader
- ↑ https://lesley.edu/article/perception-is-reality-the-looking-glass-self
- ↑ https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/588/04/
- ↑ https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/fallacies/
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