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Arguing with someone who thinks they are always right can be frustrating. It's best to think about what you want out of the argument before you jump into the conversation. Also, find ways to help them see your side by redirecting the conversation, and take steps to keep the situation as calm as possible.
Steps
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Figure out the underlying cause. Know-it-alls generally fall in one of two categories (or a combination of the two). Some know-it-alls have a deep sense of insecurity, and they try to cover it up by knowing as much as they can. Others actually do think they know it all, so they feel compelled to offer their knowledge to others. Knowing where the person's argumentativeness stems from can help you better deal with the situation. [1] X Research source
- When an insecure know-it-all is told they are wrong about something, it plays into their insecurity, and their defences go up. Try leading questions instead, which work well with this type of person.
- With the second type of know-it-alls, it's often best to let them have their say, and then try to offer up another opinion.
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Determine how much you want to risk in the relationship. Before diving into an argument with a know-it-all, it's important to think about what you're willing to lose. That is, think about how important the relationship is to you and how important the argument is to you. No matter how careful you are, engaging in an argument can damage a relationship. [2] X Research source
- For instance, if your boss is a know-it-all, it may be best just to let them think what they're going to think most of the time, so you don't put your job in jeopardy.
- If the person is someone you're close to, such as a partner or close friend, decide if the argument is really worth the potential hurt.
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Decide what you want from the argument. In any argument, you should have an ultimate goal. Maybe you just want them to see your side, or maybe you want them to acknowledge your hurt feelings. Whatever it is, you need to know what it is before you jump into the argument. [3] X Research source
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Check your facts before jumping into the argument. If the argument is about something that is fact-based, always check your facts first. If you can, bring evidence to the conversation to back up your side. However, when researching, make sure to stick to unbiased sources, instead of ones that just tell you what you want to hear. [4] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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Listen to what they have to say. Even if the person always thinks they're right, they still deserve to be heard, just like you deserve to be heard. Listen to their point of view first, taking the time to really hear what they're saying [5] X Research source Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist. [6] X Research source
- To show you're listening, you can nod along to the conversation, and provide short summaries, such as "So what I hear you saying is... "
- When you take time to listen, the other person will believe that you care about what they think. [7]
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Expert Source
Maureen Taylor
Communications Coach Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
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Ask questions to get a better understanding. The person may not be particularly forthcoming about what's going underneath the surface. Plus, asking questions can help you understand exactly what they're talking about when it comes to the subject and how they feel on the topic. [8] X Research source
- Even simple questions, such as "Why do you say that?" can help you figure out what's under the surface. [9]
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Expert Source
Maureen Taylor
Communications Coach Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
- Even simple questions, such as "Why do you say that?" can help you figure out what's under the surface. [9]
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Expert Source
Maureen Taylor
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Agree, and then provide your counterpoint of view. One way to argue with someone who thinks they know everything is to first side with them, or at least admit you understand their side. [10] X Research source After you agree, you can present a counterargument.
- For instance, you might say, "I understand what you're saying. It's an interesting point, but here's what I think..."
- You could also say something like, "Thanks for helping me understand your side. I can see where you're coming from. My point of view is a bit different..."
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Make your argument non-threatening. If you say your points in a threatening way, the other person will likely shut down. However, if you present your side by couching it in less threatening language, the other person is more likely to listen.
- For example, instead of saying, "I am definitely right," you could say, "Well, what I've read is this... "
- Instead of saying, "Here's the right point of view...," you might say, "Maybe there's another side to the story..."
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Move the conversation away from direct confrontations. Sometimes, when you confront a person with direct advice in an argument, they just shut down and don't listen, just like when you make an argument in a threatening way. In this case, you may be offering advice or a solution, only the person can't hear what you're saying. [11] X Research source
- You may find that asking a person leading questions is a better way to get them thinking in a different direction than a direct confrontation.
- For instance, you might say, "Oh, what makes you think that?" instead of "That sounds wrong to me."
- Instead of "That's not right at all," you could say, "Have you ever thought about...?"
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Don't escalate. It can be tempting in any argument to escalate. Emotions get in the way, and you both get angry. You let your tempers get the best of you, and the argument devolves into throwing insults back and forth or yelling at each other. Escalation is a particular problem when arguing with a know-it-all because it's likely to get on your last nerve. However, if you're going to get anywhere, you have to keep your head. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- If you feel yourself getting heated, take a moment to take a deep breath. It's even a good idea to ask to come back to the discussion later, so you can continue when you're both calm and collected. [13]
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Research source
Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist.
[14]
X
Expert Source
Maureen Taylor
Communications Coach Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
- If you feel yourself getting heated, take a moment to take a deep breath. It's even a good idea to ask to come back to the discussion later, so you can continue when you're both calm and collected. [13]
X
Research source
Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist.
[14]
X
Expert Source
Maureen Taylor
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Uncross your arms. Your body language says as much about what you're feeling as what you're saying. If your body language says you're closed off to discussion, the person you're talking with isn't going to feel as comfortable engaging with you. [15] X Research source
- Uncross your arms and legs, and face the person with your body. Also, be sure to make eye contact, so the person knows you're listening.
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Open your mind to their side. That is, even know-it-alls have to be right sometimes. When you're engaging in an argument, you have to be willing to admit you're wrong sometimes. Otherwise, the argument won't get anywhere. [16] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
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Know when--and how! --to walk away. Sometimes, you'll realize that no one is going to "win" the argument. At that point, it's best to just end it. However, you still want to appear non-threatening, or else the other person will still want to keep arguing.
- You could end with, "Well, I can see we're not getting anywhere. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree."
- You could also say, "I'm sorry to see we're not getting any closer to agreeing on this subject. Maybe we can try again some other time."
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Conversation Help
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you win an argument with someone who is never wrong?Maureen Taylor is the CEO and Founder of SNP Communications, a leadership communications company based in the San Francisco Bay Area. She has been helping leaders, founders, and innovators in all sectors hone their messaging and delivery for almost 30 years, and has worked with leaders and teams at Google, Facebook, Airbnb, SAP, Salesforce, and Spotify.It depends on the situation. If you're the one making the decision, then it's a benevolent dictatorship—you're the one who breaks the tie. You might say, "Listen, I hear you, but I really think it's going to be this, and that is the decision." If you're working with an equal, go back to the argument and try to understand the other person. Sometimes, it's not a win or lose situation, and you have to come up with some sort of agreement.
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QuestionWhy do people intimidate others in conversation?Community AnswerSome people intimidate others because deep down they feel inferior, and intimidating others is their only way of making themselves feel superior.
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QuestionWhat do I do if the person always brings up my past behavior to validate their argument?Community AnswerAlthough any previous mistakes we have made can influence how a person thinks of us, it shouldn't invalidate our right to have an opinion or idea. It's important to stay calm and not be reactive when a person uses such tactics to argue their point.
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Tips
- Be able to call them out on untruths or lies. If they cite unreliable "facts" or biased statistics, counter with credible sources.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
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- If someone is pretending to be a genius because they are insecure, offer them your support. Insulting a friend because of their "ego" doesn't help at all if they are struggling with low self-esteem. Try recommending counseling or help them find a hobby.
- Place high value on seeking the truth in each conversation. This way, you can be more mindful of each argument placed before you.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201312/what-s-the-best-way-handle-know-it-all
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/shift-mind/201103/why-is-it-so-important-be-right
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201509/7-ways-make-your-most-difficult-conversations-easier
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
- ↑ Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist.
- ↑ https://www.jhunewsletter.com/article/2020/03/why-we-need-to-listen-to-other-peoples-opinions
- ↑ Maureen Taylor. Communications Coach. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
- ↑ https://hr.utexas.edu/current/services/problem-solving
- ↑ Maureen Taylor. Communications Coach. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
- ↑ https://hr.utexas.edu/current/services/problem-solving
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-couch/201312/what-s-the-best-way-handle-know-it-all
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
- ↑ Jacqueline Hellyer. Licensed Psychosexual Therapist.
- ↑ Maureen Taylor. Communications Coach. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201509/7-ways-make-your-most-difficult-conversations-easier
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/11/a-new-way-to-become-more-open-minded
About This Article
Article Summary
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To argue with someone who thinks they're always right, try to listen to what they have to say and acknowledge their point of view, even though it's not always easy. During the conversation, ask them questions about why they think they're right, and frame the conversation in terms of “I understand what you’re saying, but my point of view is different.” Also, try to use non-threatening language to present your arguments, like, “What I’ve read is...” or “Have you ever thought about..." To learn how to avoid escalating an argument, scroll down!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I have a know-it-all boyfriend, the second one, who thinks he is always right and we generally end up arguing. Ultimately I feel that he doesn't understand me. The basic problem I have now realized reading this article is that I generally say he is wrong first then asking him the reason why he is saying it. The article has given me lot of ideas to make my voice come out and make our relationship better." ..." more
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"I have a know-it-all boyfriend, the second one, who thinks he is always right and we generally end up arguing. Ultimately I feel that he doesn't understand me. The basic problem I have now realized reading this article is that I generally say he is wrong first then asking him the reason why he is saying it. The article has given me lot of ideas to make my voice come out and make our relationship better."
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"This article, as well as all the articles around how to remain calm in an argument, is extremely well put together. Clear, concise and has given me lots of things to think about before next discussing things with those I'm struggling to do so with."
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"You made me realize that in this case I can't change the person in question and I, not he, was damaging my health. I am minimizing conversations and contact. You made me step back and put it all in perspective."
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"It helps to know who you are dealing with, what kind of person. The word narcissist in this article stood out. You can't argue with these people, they are always "right." Sad but true."
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"It showed me illustrations of the people and how they went through the experience. It was super awesome and taught me better than my teacher did."
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