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Q&A for How to Save a Marriage
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QuestionHow can using "I" statements be helpful?Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over twelve years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling."I" statements help you communicate your feelings in a healthy, effective way without making the other person feel defensive.
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QuestionHow do I fix poor communication in my marriage?Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over twelve years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.Learn about "The Four Horsemen" of communication and apply them to your relationship. The Four Horsemen are criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt, with contempt being the number 1 indicator of divorce. We all use horsemen, but we tend to use 1 or 2 more than others. So, take some time to figure out which horsemen apply to both you and your partner. Then, try to figure out you and your partner's conflict style. From there, focus on expressing your thoughts and feelings with "I" statements.
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QuestionCan I save my marriage alone if I'm the only one trying?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Ultimately, no. You can do more, but you cannot do it all. At some point, there has to be some reciprocity and joint attempts at communication.
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QuestionHow do you save a dying marriage?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Only with lots of joint effort--communication, understanding, and fairness. If it is in that much disrepair, you might consider consulting a trained therapist.
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QuestionHow do you know if your marriage is worth saving?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).This is a very individual decision. Do you have any trust left in your spouse? Is your spouse putting in any effort at all to also saving the marriage?
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QuestionHow do you overcome relationship problems?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Work on individual issues first, then come together to fix bigger problems. Think about areas in a relationship where you think you have problems. Do you have trouble communicating? Do you want to be more present for your partner? Once you have worked on issues you can control, you and your partner can come together and more readily work on bigger marital problems.
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