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Learn to recognize the hints that he wants you all to himself
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This article was co-authored by Sabrina Grover, LMSW
and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA
. Sabrina Grover, LMSW is a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW) who earned her degree in Advanced Clinical Practice from New York University. Sabrina has experience working in substance abuse recovery centers and schools where she gained experience providing evidence-based treatment to children, adolescents, adults, and families. Sabrina specializes in Dialectical, Narrative, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. She has particular expertise in treating clients struggling with grief, complex trauma, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, and depression. She commits to providing a supportive environment for everyone who commits to growth and offering a warm, non-judgmental atmosphere.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 14,255 times.
In those first few months of dating someone new, everything is exciting and romantic and fun…and confusing ! You think this guy might be the one —but how do you know if he feels the same way unless he comes right out and says it? Luckily, there are a number of ways to tell if he’s ready to commit…or if he’s not quite ready to delete Hinge from his phone. Check out our list of telltale signs he doesn’t want anyone else to have you.
Things You Should Know
- If he doesn’t want anyone else to have you, he may be a little insecure about you spending time with other guys. (If he’s too possessive, that’s a red flag!)
- He’ll make it clear he wants you in his life by carving out time for you, introducing you to his friends, and getting involved in your life.
- Ultimately, if he wants to be with you, he’ll let you know. If you’re having trouble reading his signs, ask him directly where the relationship is headed.
Steps
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If he’s always there when you need him, he's serious about you. He’s at your birthday party and he's picking you up on the side of the road when your car breaks down. He helps you clean up after you’ve made dinner together. If he wants to commit to you, he’ll show it by being there when you need him, in the good times and bad.
- Ask yourself: does he only show up to have a fun night out or to hook up? Or is he there for you when you’ve had a bad day and need to vent? As the saying goes, if he can’t handle you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best.
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Checking in on you and remembering details are major green flags. When we talk about love, we’re usually really talking about attention. Does he remember details about you? Your food allergies, your favorite band, what you wanted to be when you were 10? Does he check in on you after you have a fight with your mom, or ask you how that big job interview went? Basically, do you feel like he’s trying to learn you? This is a sign he’s in it for the long haul.
- Pay attention to his body language when you’re talking. Does he text or watch TV while you’re speaking, or does he sit close to you, maintain eye contact, and nod to indicate engagement?
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His reaction to your bond with your guy pals can tell you a lot. If he's insecure about your male friends and acquaintances, it might be a sign he's wondering how you feel about him . Even the chillest people can get a little insecure at the idea that the person they like might be interested in someone else.
- Let’s get one thing clear: there’s good jealousy and there’s bad jealousy. If your boyfriend is controlling about who you spend your time with, there's an issue there. Everyone gets insecure from time to time, but mature people don’t make their jealousy someone else’s fault.
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If he doesn’t want to be exclusive, he’ll avoid calling you his girlfriend. A guy who wants you will make it clear to everyone else that you're involved. This means hand-holding, maybe light PDA (if you’re both comfy with that), and making it clear that you’re dating exclusively —especially to other dudes. [1] X Research source
- Sure, if you've only been dating a couple weeks or even months, he might not know what he wants just yet and be reluctant to land on a label.
- But if he’s adamantly against terms like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” especially if you’ve been together for longer than a few months, you should assume he’s not gonna commit .
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If he’s thinking of committing, he’ll want the DL on your romantic history. Sure, if he’s really into you, he might not be eager to know too much about your last boyfriend and how hot he was or whatever. But he’ll probably be curious about how many serious relationships you’ve had, how long it’s been since your last relationship, whether you’re still friendly with any of your exes—the whole shebang. [2] X Research source
- And he won’t just be interested in your romantic past, either: if he’s into you, he’ll ask you what you’re looking for in a future partner as well.
- If he wants to date, he’ll want to know something about your romantic past, but if he’s too cavalier hearing you talk about the great sex you had with your last boyfriend, it’s probably a sign he’s not too invested in you.
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You know he’s serious if he fills you in on his relationship history. A guy who’s into you will want to know about your past, but if he doesn’t share anything about himself, that could be a sign he’s not willing or able to open up to you—which is probably a red flag. But if your man is up front about his past and what he wants out of a relationship, it’s a sign that’s where things are headed with you. [3] X Research source
- Pay attention to what he says about his past relationships as well. Odds are, if every single ex-girlfriend was “crazy,” they’re sane: he’s the problem there. [4] X Research source
- Of course, there’s such a thing as oversharing! If your guy seems too hung up on a past relationship or compares you to previous girlfriends, it may be a sign he's not over an ex . Back away slowly.
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Showing emotional vulnerability is a sign that he's attached to you. Does he tell you when he has a bad day? Does he share his dreams and fears and goals with you? It means he trusts you, babe, and sees you as someone he can depend on—a big green flag!
- If he shares too much or too quickly, it could be a sign he’s emotionally over-attached—this could be a red flag.
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Romance is the difference between a casual fling and the real deal. Are you just hooking up or going out on dates? Does he do little things for you? Give you random gifts? Generally act…thoughtful? These are signs you’re on his mind and he wants to let you know he cares about you.
- Romance doesn’t have to mean rose petals or grand gestures or any of that bologna. It might be as simple as remembering you love Snickers and grabbing one for you at the checkout.
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Sharing your life with one another is a step towards commitment. Has he met your friends? Are y’all going on grocery runs together? Have you filled him in on the latest drama with your weird Aunt Caroline’s new boyfriend whom no one in your family can stand? If he’s getting involved in your life, from the minutia to the big events, it’s a sign he’s becoming attached to you. [5] X Research source
- If he’s not interested in sticking around or being exclusive, he’ll probably try to avoid meeting your friends or getting in any way attached.
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If he's pulling you into his life, it's because he wants you there. Does he invite you to hang with his friends or family? Does he tell you about his day? Does he fill you in on how his tomato garden is coming along or how much his beanie baby collection is worth or whatever else he cares about and does in his spare time? If he’s not only getting enmeshed in your life but actively involving you in his goings-on, it’s a sign he likes having you around and wants you by his side. [6] X Research source
- A guy who’s not invested won’t care if you meet his friends or family—in fact, he’ll probably try to make sure you don’t!
- However, while being involved in his life is a good sign, make sure he's showing you his commitment in other ways as well (e.g., making time for and prioritizing you).
- Reader Poll: We asked 487 wikiHow readers and only 13% thought that the strongest sign of a guy liking you is him inviting you into his plans . [Take Poll]
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Carving out regular time for you is a big sign he’s into you. Do you see each other a lot? When you schedule time together, are you both making the dates, or are you the one pushing to spend time with him? Does he seem sad or even jealous when you make plans with other people (especially guys)? If he seems to crave spending time with you and goes out of his way to do so, it’s a huge green flag, babe. If he tends to flake, or if he insists on making plans last-minute and can’t commit to something weeks in advance, it’s not a good sign.
- That being said, quality is more important than quantity. If you’re spending loads of time together but you’re just hooking up or zoning out watching TV, it might not be a love match.
- On the other hand, if he’s got a demanding job but makes sure to spend what little free time he has hanging out with you and getting to know you better, it’s a sign he prioritizes you.
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If he tries to resolve disagreements smoothly, he cares about you. It’s easy to feel like the point of an argument is to “win” or to get defensive if someone disagrees with you, especially if what you’re arguing about is something they feel you’ve done wrong. But if your man remains calm, thoughtful, and respectful when confronted, it’s a sign he cares about your feelings and wants to try to resolve any issues fairly—all a big, big green flag.
- Arguments may sound like a red flag, but they can lead to great discussions and yield growth.
- Pay attention to how things go after an argument as well: does he follow through on resolutions you made in the argument? Or does he just pretend to resolve arguments to stop fighting?
- Obviously, if you’re fighting constantly after only a few weeks or months, that should make you pause before committing to this guy. You might not be compatible!
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A guy who wants to date will try his darnedest in bed. Note that “good in bed” means more than just “knows his way around a gal’s body,” and that just because y’all are sexually compatible, it doesn’t mean a committed relationship is on the horizon. But if he doesn’t seem super concerned with whether you get off or not or how you feel about your, uh, sack time , it’s a good sign he’s not interested in getting serious. A guy who wants to be with you will pay attention to what you like in bed—and, more importantly, what you don’t like!
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File controlling behavior under “red flags.” It’s natural to experience pangs of insecurity or jealousy when we think the person we’ve fallen for might not feel the same, but if he’s clingy, insisting on checking your phone or knowing your whereabouts all the time, or interrogating you on the men in your life, then it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want anyone else to have you…in a very “red flag” kind of way. Run. Run fast.
- In a healthy relationship, both parties should be able to maintain independent lives without being overly clingy or insecure.
- While you’re both figuring out where you stand with one another, you might feel the fluttering of anxiety (romantically known as “butterflies”), but this should be minimal and should fade as you establish your commitment to each other and learn to trust one another.
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Giving you mixed signals means he wants to have his cake and eat it too. This guy may not know if he wants you—but he wants you to want him , and you deserve better, babe. Rom-coms can make this push-and-pull behavior seem very romantic and passionate, but we in the biz call this “game-playing.” Ask yourself how long you’re willing to put up with his commitment-phobia before you decide to move on to someone more available .
- His intentions might not be bad, and he might not even realize he’s playing games : giving you mixed signals could be a sign he doesn’t understand his own feelings. But that doesn’t mean you have to put up with the confusion!
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If he sees a future with you, he’ll factor you in when he makes plans. A guy who’s not interested in dating you or who doesn’t care much about your feelings won’t be asking you to go to a concert with him 6 months from now or to join him on a Caribbean cruise next year. If he’s building his future with you in mind, it’s a sign you might be in it. [7] X Research source
- There’s such a thing as getting too obsessive or intense. If you’re on date number 6 and he’s already figured out how many kids you’ll have and where you’re going to retire to, that’s probably a red flag on its own.
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If he wants you, he won't be afraid to come out and say it. It seems obvious, maybe, but we go around looking for subtle signs that a guy loves us deeply but is too shy or afraid or whatever to say it when we could save a lot of time by just…asking directly. It can be scary to ask him how he’s really feeling, but remember, being vulnerable and sharing your insecurities is what a healthy relationship is all about.
- You don’t need to be confrontational, but if you’ve been together for a few months or even years and you aren’t sure where you stand in the relationship (or if there’s a relationship to stand in at all), let him know where you’re at, and ask him where he’s at .
- “Hey Carlo, I really like you, and I’d love to talk about where you see this relationship going. Maybe we could grab a coffee and chat?”
- “Sam, I’ve been having such a blast with you. You’re the coolest, sweetest guy, and I was wondering if you’d like to make things exclusive between us.”
- “I don’t know where you see things headed, but I wanted to let you know I’m not interested in seeing anyone else, and I was wondering if you’d like to make things official?”
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/202011/should-couples-really-share-their-sexual-histories
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/202011/should-couples-really-share-their-sexual-histories
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201503/10-signs-your-lover-is-commitment-phobic
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201707/3-signs-partner-is-truly-committed
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Sabrina Grover, LMSW
and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA
. Sabrina Grover, LMSW is a Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW) who earned her degree in Advanced Clinical Practice from New York University. Sabrina has experience working in substance abuse recovery centers and schools where she gained experience providing evidence-based treatment to children, adolescents, adults, and families. Sabrina specializes in Dialectical, Narrative, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapies. She has particular expertise in treating clients struggling with grief, complex trauma, interpersonal difficulty, family conflict, anxiety, and depression. She commits to providing a supportive environment for everyone who commits to growth and offering a warm, non-judgmental atmosphere. This article has been viewed 14,255 times.
2 votes - 60%
Co-authors: 5
Updated: August 19, 2024
Views: 14,255
Categories: Dating
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 14,255 times.
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Co-authors: 5
Updated: August 19, 2024
Views: 14,255
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