How to Sleep when You're Angry

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You might have heard the saying, “Never go to bed angry.” And while that’s a good rule of thumb, it’s just not always possible. In a perfect world, you’d feel calm and peaceful each night before you fall asleep. Unfortunately, life gets in the way and you might sometimes feel angry, upset, or stressed at night. Breathe deeply and try to calm down. It will take a little effort, but hopefully, you can relax enough to sleep. Try not to get frustrated with yourself if it takes a little time. You're doing your best in a tough situation.

Method 1
Method 1 of 2:

Relaxation Techniques

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  1. Getting outside for a few minutes is great for calming both the mind and the body. If you can safely walk outside at night, take a leisurely stroll around the block. The change of scenery will help you relax and hopefully draw your focus away from whatever is making you angry. You don’t have to go far. Even just strolling around the block might feel good! [1]
    • If you don’t live somewhere where it’s easy to head out for a short walk, you can just step outside for a minute or two to get some fresh air.
  2. You might just be feeling irritable or cranky in general. Or maybe you’re arguing with someone but you’re not exactly sure what started it. Take a minute to think about exactly why you are mad and write it down. This will help you figure out how to process your anger and move on. [2]
    • For example, maybe you’re arguing with your partner about who forgot to take out the trash. Ask yourself if you’re really angry about that or if you’re still mad about something else that happened earlier in the day.
    • Identifying the actual cause of your anger makes it easier to handle and can help you feel calmer.
    • If you can, get in the habit of doing this earlier in the day so you have time to process these emotions. But if you get angry right before bed, it's good to do it then, too.
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  3. When you are angry or stressed, your mind tends to race. That's not ideal for trying to sleep! Experts recommend listening to something that will hold your attention but is not so interesting that it will keep you awake. Try a calming book or podcast to put you to sleep. [3]
    • Try tuning into NPR. There's always something playing and the people speaking tend to have calm, soothing voices.
  4. One of the best ways to calm down is to focus on something else. Experts recommend taking 20 minutes to do something else before trying to get some sleep. [4] That should give your brain enough time to shift from anger into resting mode. Try doing one of the following: [5]
    • Reading a chapter of a book
    • Doing yoga or light stretching
    • Playing with a pet
    • Having a cup of tea
  5. This is a simple relaxation technique that you can do anywhere, at any time. Inhale slowly. When you feel your stomach rise, hold your breath for a few seconds. Exhale slowly, repeating the process until you feel relaxed. [6]
    • Try doing this after you’ve climbed into bed. Focusing on your breath can clear your mind so you can fall asleep more easily.
  6. This exercise focuses on relaxing each muscle group in your body for 45 minutes. This not only relieves tension in your body, but it gives your mind something to focus on other than anger. Say each body group to yourself as you focus on relaxing that set of muscles. The muscles groups are: [7]
    • Hands, wrists, and forearms
    • Bicep, shoulders
    • Forehead, around the eyes and nose
    • Cheeks and jaw, around the mouth
    • Back of the neck, front of the neck
    • Chest
    • Back
    • Stomach
    • Hips and buttocks
    • Thighs and lower legs
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Method 2
Method 2 of 2:

Sleep Hygiene

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  1. If you’re having trouble going to sleep, that can lead to feeling even more irritated. If you don’t fall asleep within 30 minutes, don’t just lie there twisting and turning. Get out of bed and do something that relaxes you. [8] That might mean reading a book or doing some gentle stretches. This will hopefully relax you enough to go to sleep. [9]
  2. Adding this to your nighttime routine is a great way to wind down. It will also relax your muscles, so try taking a soak before bedtime. Try adding some scented oils or bubble bath to add to the experience. [10]
    • You could also light a candle or play some soothing music to make it even more relaxing.
  3. All of these things can disrupt your sleep, so make sure to cut them out late in the evening. If you have trouble remembering not to snack or have a drink past a certain time, try setting an alarm on your phone as a reminder. If you go to bed at 11, try not to eat or have caffeine or alcohol past 9. [11]
    • Try drinking a cup of sleepytime tea instead.
  4. If you practice healthy sleep habits regularly, it will be easier to fall asleep during those times that you are angry. One thing that you can do is make sure to get some physical exercise most days of the week. Just make sure not to do it within a couple of hours of your bedtime. You don’t want your heartbeat racing when you are trying to relax and sleep. [12]
    • Choose a form of exercise that you like so that it doesn’t feel like a chore. You could go for a long walk, ride your bike, or take a group class like kickboxing or barre.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Is it bad to go to sleep angry?
    Alex Dimitriu, MD
    Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional
    Alex Dimitriu, MD is the Owner of Menlo Park Psychiatry and Sleep Medicine, a clinic based in the San Francisco Bay Area with expertise in psychiatry, sleep, and transformational therapy. Alex earned his Doctor of Medicine from Stony Brook University in 2005 and graduated from the Stanford University School of Medicine's Sleep Medicine Residency Program in 2010. Professionally, Alex has dual board certification in psychiatry and sleep medicine.
    Alex Dimitriu, MD
    Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional
    Expert Answer
    Not necessarily. I mean, it might not be a productive thing to do from an emotional standpoint, but you'll still get a good night's rest. Your dreams may be a little unpleasant, though!
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 7 Helpful 0
  • Question
    How do you fall asleep when you're upset?
    Alex Dimitriu, MD
    Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional
    Alex Dimitriu, MD is the Owner of Menlo Park Psychiatry and Sleep Medicine, a clinic based in the San Francisco Bay Area with expertise in psychiatry, sleep, and transformational therapy. Alex earned his Doctor of Medicine from Stony Brook University in 2005 and graduated from the Stanford University School of Medicine's Sleep Medicine Residency Program in 2010. Professionally, Alex has dual board certification in psychiatry and sleep medicine.
    Alex Dimitriu, MD
    Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional
    Expert Answer
    It's going to be key to find a way to relax before bed. Do something to calm your body and mind down before you even attempt to go to sleep. If you lie down and you aren't able to fall asleep after 20 minutes, get up and do something relaxing. Don't push it. Then, just try to go to sleep again.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 6 Helpful 0
  • Question
    Why is it really hard to get up in the morning after going to bed angry?
    Alex Dimitriu, MD
    Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional
    Alex Dimitriu, MD is the Owner of Menlo Park Psychiatry and Sleep Medicine, a clinic based in the San Francisco Bay Area with expertise in psychiatry, sleep, and transformational therapy. Alex earned his Doctor of Medicine from Stony Brook University in 2005 and graduated from the Stanford University School of Medicine's Sleep Medicine Residency Program in 2010. Professionally, Alex has dual board certification in psychiatry and sleep medicine.
    Alex Dimitriu, MD
    Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional
    Expert Answer
    Well, it shouldn't be that hard if you're getting 8 hours of sleep or so. The odds are high that your anger is keeping you up and you simply aren't getting enough sleep.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • You can try a combination of things to see what works for you.
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      • Don’t beat yourself up for not being able to sleep. It can be really tough when you’re going through something hard!
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/relaxation/relaxation-tips/
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/12-ways-to-shut-off-your-brain-before-bedtime#4
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-savvy-psychologist/201912/5-tips-calm-restless-mind-going-sleep
      4. ↑ Alex Dimitriu, MD. Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional. Expert Interview. 16 October 2019.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-you-and-me/201806/sleep-it-when-go-bed-angry
      6. ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/relaxation-exercises-to-help-fall-asleep
      7. ↑ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/sleep-hygiene/relaxation-exercises-to-help-fall-asleep
      8. ↑ Alex Dimitriu, MD. Sleep Medicine & Psychiatry Professional. Expert Interview. 16 October 2019.
      9. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/HealthyLiving/Mood-and-sleep
      1. ↑ https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/HealthyLiving/Mood-and-sleep
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3805807/
      3. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-exercise-affects-your-sleep/

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