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To a certain extent, happiness is a choice. While it's impossible to control everything that happens to you, you can control your internal thought processes and the actions you take. Ultimately, being happy with what you have is a matter of focusing on the good things in your life, letting go of unrealistic burdens and expectations, and doing your best to make yourself feel good in the here and now.
Steps
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Take a moment to think about your many gifts. In other words, think about all of the great things that you do have, not the things you don't. When you're feeling down, this can be tough to do, so start with things you may have taken for granted. Ask yourself the questions below. If you can answer "yes" to any single one , you have reason to celebrate — not everyone can.
- Do you have a place to live?
- Do you have a job?
- Have you had an education?
- Do you have a significant other who loves you?
- Do you have a family member you have a good relationship with?
- Do you sometimes have free time to do what you want?
- Are you reasonably healthy?
- Do you have a pet?
- Do you have a nice area of wilderness near where you live?
- What else do you need? And is it necessary?
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Think of the ways things could be much worse. Next, try thinking of everything that could be wrong right now. Reflect on why these things have not happened. Consider each bad thing that hasn't happened to you as gift in itself. Below are just a few questions to get you started — this time, if you can answer "no," to any single one, you have reason to be happy!
- Are you dead?
- Are you in prison?
- Are you in poor health?
- Are you completely alone in the world without any chance to meet new people?
- Are you completely broke?
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Let go of the past. There's no way to change the past, so worrying about it does nothing for you. Don't spend a single second focusing on the many things that could have been — these things don't exist in the present, so they're not real. Focus instead on the things that do exist and that you can change. Below are just a few examples of things that you should waste absolutely no time feeling regret over: [1] X Research source
- Romantic interests that didn't pan out
- Mistakes you made in your career path
- Adventures you didn't take
- Embarrassing situations you were involved in
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Stop comparing yourself to others. Envy is like poison for happiness. It's very hard to keep your happiness alive when you're focused on how other people are better than you. When someone has something that you like (like a job, a car, a significant other, a fun vacation, etc.), don't be upset that you don't have that thing. Instead, be happy for the other person and focus on making yourself happier. [2] X Research source
- Remember: people tend to only share the parts of their lives that they're proud about. You usually won't know about most of the things that are going poorly for your friends and coworkers.
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Release yourself from desires for material things. Possessions can't make you happy in the long term. The "glow" from purchasing fancy new things quickly wears off. Soon, your new possessions are mundane and you're no happier than when you started. Money, houses, and shiny cars are nice things to have, but they're not the source of happiness, so by allowing yourself to desire these things you're only setting yourself up for more unhappiness. [3] X Research source
- Keep in mind that material things are nice if the rest of your life is okay, but on their own, material things will disappoint you every time.
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Focus on your happiest memories. While you shouldn't worry about the past because there's nothing you can do to change it, you can and should savor the good aspects of your past. The fact that you have been happy in the past is something to be thankful for. No one else in the world has your happy memories, so you are uniquely privileged in this way. Below are a just a few things you may want to think about: [4] X Research source
- Happy memories from your childhood
- Achievements or milestones that you have reached
- Family gatherings you enjoyed
- Fun outings with your friends
- Professional goals you have met
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Spend time with the people you truly value. To a certain extent, you are the people you surround yourself with. Over time, their opinions, actions, and emotions rub off on you, working their way into your life. To be as happy as possible, be sure to spend time with the people who are most important to you — the people who make you happiest. These can be friends, family members, coworkers, significant others, or even casual acquaintances. Only you know who makes you the happiest, so make this choice for yourself.
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Thank others for the effect they have on your life. Always go out of your way to thank the people who bring happiness to your life. When you make a habit of thanking people, it makes you realize how much happiness you have in your life. Thanking the people who mean the most to you also allows you to share your happiness. Being happy on your own is great, but being happy with someone you're close to is even better.
- This doesn't have to be a flowery, gushing speech. Your thanks can be something as simple as, "Hey, thanks for helping me out the other day. It meant a lot to me." What's important is that you're sincere in your thanks — not the specific words you use.
- Get into the habit of practicing gratitude.
EXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).Practicing gratitude in general is a very healthy habit to adopt. Besides thanking the people in your life, consider keeping a gratitude journal or taking time each day to reflect on what you're thankful for. This can help improve your mood, see things in a more positive way, and be happier in general!
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Set exciting new goals. The happiness you get from achievements and successes is fleeting. Like with new purchases, it quickly fades, leaving you feeling the same as before. However, the state of working toward a goal can be a source of joy all on its own. Having a goal gives you a reason to live your best and makes you feel purposeful and active. In a way, having a goal is like giving your life "fuel" that you can burn over time for longer-term happiness. [5] X Research source
- Each milestone you surpass on the way to your goal should feel great when you accomplish it. When you do complete your goal, savor the happiness, but remember that it's only temporary to avoid disappointment. To get the same happiness again, you'll need to set a new goal for yourself.
- Keep in mind that people are often at their happiest when they are pursuing their goals, whether they achieve the goal or not.
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Surround yourself with things that make you happy. Even something as simple as your physical environment can have an effect on your happiness. Love flowers? Place them all around your house or workplace. Are you a car aficionado? Leave time in your schedule to do a little work on your car every week. Spending time — even just a little — around the things that make you feel good can have a major effect on your mood. It will also remind you how much you have to be thankful for.
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Live an active, open lifestyle. Don't hesitate to get outdoors. You'll always be better off discovering something new than staying at home. Try taking a walk. Head to the park. Have a friendly conversation with someone you meet. Take a bike ride. Visit a museum. Whatever you like to do outside of the house, do it. You'll notice your mood improve and your outlook change. [6] X Trustworthy Source PLOS ONE Online peer-reviewed, open access scientific research journal Go to source
- Staying inside watching TV or surfing the web is a great way to relax, but it shouldn't be all you do in your free time. Moderation is key here — balance your urges to veg out with the knowledge that life is temporary and that you won't get back the time you spend inside.
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Have fun! With all the stresses of daily life, it's easy to forget to simply have a good time every once in a while. There are many ways to do this — only you know what your idea of a good time is. Some people will like going to parties or clubs. Others will prefer reading on the beach. Some will enjoy a good movie. Whatever you enjoy, always make time to do it regularly. Remember: there are no rewards for avoiding fun.
- Companionship can make fun activities even funner, so don't hesitate to invite your friend, family, and/or significant other along with you. On the other hand, don't skip out on something fun just because you can't get anyone to go with you. Have confidence in yourself and go on your own — you may meet someone new, but even if you don't, you've still had fun.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can you be satisfied?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).You can be satisfied by accepting things around you. Decide what matters to you and what does not. Don't fret over the things that you really don't care about or value.
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QuestionHow can you be a happier person?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).You can be a happier person by noticing and focusing on the things in your life that you value and appreciate. Try to notice things others say and do instead of what they don't say. Try to see the positive side of things rather than the negative. For example, if it rained today, be glad that you spent some time with your friend instead of that you didn't get to go to the beach.
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QuestionWhat does contentment feel like?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Contentment is being good with what is. It is not always measuring things by how much more of it you could or should have. It is also noticing and appreciating what you have, and also savoring it.
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Tips
- Try to mentally stay in the present. Don't dwell on the past. Stop thinking about painful "what ifs." You can only change the present, so that's what counts.Thanks
- Remember that no one has a perfect life. Things will occasionally go wrong. Work to fix these things, but don't let life's imperfections drag you down. Mistakes and unhappiness are occasionally unavoidable.Thanks
- Making lists of what you like and don't like, your goals, and so on can be a great way to organize your thoughts. In addition, it's very satisfying to check things off.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201411/let-it-go
- ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others-with-these-5-tips/
- ↑ https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760.2011.626791
- ↑ https://www.livehappy.com/self/reflect-happy-memories-jumpstart-your-mood?nopaging=1
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/notes-self/201308/how-set-goals
- ↑ https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0160589
About This Article
Article Summary
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To be happy with what you have, start by taking a moment to think about all the great things in your life, like your health, a roof over your head, an education, and so on. Not everyone has those things! It's also important not to compare yourself to others so you can stay focused on yourself and your life. If something from your past is preventing you from being happy in the present, do your best to let whatever it is go. There's no way to change the past and worrying about it does nothing good for you. Finally, try to surround yourself with people and things that make you happy. That way, you're constantly reminded of the good things in your life! For tips on setting goals that can help you be happier with your current situation, read on!
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